Chapter 19

He immediately wished he had taken it back.

She was laughing, hard.

It was a stupid idea, anyway. Give her a bath? A girl like Kristen didn’t want to be pampered. She wanted everything upfront and raw: nothing frilly. He was nervous and embarrassed and could feel all the blood rush to his face. He put a hand on his forehead and it was hot, very hot.

But then her arms surrounded him and she squeezed him tightly, sighing. “You’re so silly Justin.”

He brushed past her and went back to sit on the bed. Just great, he had tried to be romantic and it blew up in his face and he didn’t know how he was going to save the night now. He needed to do something to make her see that he cared about everything that had happened to her that night. And he felt he owed her something because it was her birthday. “Y-yeah. Sorry I didn’t mean to be cheesy.”

She pulled away and through half closed eyes and a drunken voice she slurred, “You’re serious?”

“Well not anymore. I just thought it might relax you.”

But then she didn’t seem so drunk. He was amazed how it faded back and forth. She stepped back and lost all contact with him, staring at him hard, her eyes wide. “W- what? Y- you want to give me a bath?” She seemed like she was in disbelief.

“If you want one. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t care. Just never mind.” His sentences were short and fast and he rubbed his hands over his face. He was starting to get a headache and was about ready to ask her to take some Advil and get in bed so they could go to sleep and just forget it all.

“Y- you, you wanna see me nekked.”

He looked at her. She looked utterly shocked standing, leaning against the wall. He chuckled, finding it amusing she was shocked by this. He was a man. He did have a penis, which worked very well, and for the past few weeks he had touched and sucked her breasts and grinded his crotch into hers and made her cum with his fingers. Hell yes he wanted to see her naked! “Um…yeah.”

“S- seriously?”

He laughed quietly and stared at her. “You are my girlfriend Kristen.”

It was quiet for a while and he had laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how he was going to get himself out of this mess. Then he heard her clear her throat and whisper something. He turned his head to her and mumbled, “huh?”

She nodded slightly and said just a tad bit lighter. “So, b- bath?”

She was biting her lip and her eyes were as wide as a doe’s, and he couldn’t tell if she was anxious, excited, scared, nervous or a combination of everything. It was making him nervous just looking at her. “Just say yes or no. I’m getting antsy.”

After what seemed like an hour she cleared again her throat and timidly whispered, “Y- yes.”

He wanted to jump up and root and yell, but instead, he contained himself as best as possible and put on a huge smile, quickly saying, “Ok…I’ll get one started.”

“I’ll um, get naked.”

She was still biting her lip and had huge eyes when he thrusted a cotton robe at her, with that huge smile still on his face. “Here’s a robe.”

“T- thanks.” He didn’t notice that she looked paler than usual as she slipped out of the bathroom. He was too excited. He turned on the bath water and found a complementary bubble bath the hotel had put in his “Vip basket.” He used the whole bottle and 5 minutes later a warm, bubbly bath was lightly rocking in the tub, the bubbles making a slight hissing noise.

And then as he was sitting there on the toilet seat, waiting for her to come back, it dawned on him: He was going to see her naked.

He started to smile again. But it was interrupted with a knock and her standing there in the doorway surrounded by cottony white.

“Hey.” He smiled at her as he stood up and let his arms dangle numbly by his sides as he stared at her.

“Hi-hi.” She looked lost, her eyes huge and her arms over her chest protectively. She seemed curled into herself and he didn’t know if it was because of what happened with her dad, or what was about to happen with him. He wasn’t going to try anything, just talk to her a little and relax her.

“It’s all set.”

Her eyes rolled a little uncomfortably. “Great.”

He stared at her, staring at the lanolin floor. Her eyes shot up quickly at him and then back down and he asked, “You ok?”

Her teeth started to nibble on her bottom lip. “I’m a little nervous. And my head is starting to hurt.”

“You want some Advil?”

She nodded and said in a quiet voice, “Kay.”

She stayed in the doorway as he went closer to her and opened up his shave kit that was sitting on the counter beside the sink. After digging for a second, he found a small bottle and handed her 2 capsules and then filled a glass that was also beside the sink with tap water. “Here you are.”

“Thanks.”

He watched her take the pills and drink all of the water. Then she just stood there, gently placing the glass back on the sink, eyes not looking at him at all.

“You wanna get in.”

She nodded and walked past him; the terry cloth of her sleeve brushed against his bare chest. She stared at the water and he stared at her back.

He watched so closely that his eyes started to get dry because he didn’t blink for a good minute. He watched her arms move as she undid the tie in the belt. Then he watched the robe loosen around her. She looked over her shoulder. “C- close your eyes.”

He thought it was a little silly. He had seen her half naked before and touched almost all of her, so he didn’t really see the big deal. Plus he really wanted to see her and even though it was probably a horrible thing to do, to pressure her, especially after she had been drinking so much that night, it was a natural reaction and his voice came out a little perturbed. “Kristen…”

She turned back away from him and bowed her head. “P- please.”

“Ok.” He did as she asked and then found it hard to do, so he slung his arm over his eyes to help block his view. That didn’t work, so he just turned his back to her.

A couple minutes later, he heard her meekly say, “I’m ready.”

He turned quickly and was met with the sight of her completely covered in bubbles, except for her knees that were slightly bent and peeking out of the water and everything from her shoulders up was exposed. She was leaning back against the tub and she was blanketed in thick bubbles. She looked beautiful and scared, but mostly beautiful. “G- god.”

“What?”

He smiled and shook his head. He was really starting to fall for this girl. She had pulled up her hair in a high ponytail and her face was staring at her him so hard, like she was asking him for something but didn’t know what it was. There was so much going on with her and yet she was so simple at times and easy. She was complicated as women could be, but as far as wanting stuff from him, all she wanted was his companionship, or at least that’s what it seemed. There were no ulterior motives and that made him want to run to her and thank her everyday. “Nothing. Feel good?”

“Yes thanks.”

He sat down on the outside of the tub, his body in opposite direction of hers so he could face her. Her eyes were half closed and she looked more tired now than drunk. “You doing ok now? You better?”

She sighed. “Yeah, sorry I went off.”

“I would have too. That’s kind of a shitty thing to do, ya know? Does he know you don’t want him in your life?”

Her arms came out of the water and she wiped them off to get rid of the bubbles before pressing her palms into her eyes. He tried to keep his eyes off the fact that the bubbles were quickly starting to die and he could almost see her breasts. “Y- yes. I’ve written him a few letters.”

“So you know his address?”

She sat up and he saw boobs, but he was more concerned with the tired look on her face, believe it or not. He stole a quick glance and then made sure his eyes didn’t go any more south than her neck. He could tell she was tired of this, tired of her life and just wanted a break from it all. She hugged her knees and put her cheek on them. “I use to get anonymous letters every year for my birthday with a 5 dollar bill in it. I always knew it was him. Somewhere in New Mexico. But I wrote him and told him I was over him and wanted him out of my life. And then he calls. He said he wanted to build something back up. What the hell Justin? You don’t just give up someone when they are a burden and grab them back when you want them.”

He sat up and ran his hand over her back, scooping up some water and letting it wash away the bubbles that were stuck to her. “You aren’t a burden.”

“I was to him.”

She closed her eyes tightly and he saw a tear slip out. He reached over and brushed it off her cheek. “Kristen…”

“What?” Her eyes opened and stared at him, wanting him to tell her something.

He wanted to say everything in that moment but couldn’t find his breath if he tried. He wanted to let her know how she made him feel, what he saw when he saw her, and he didn’t really know how to do that. So he just started, “I just. You’re incredible. And you don’t know it. And you need to know it. You’re beautiful and sweet, even though you don’t want anyone to know. You make me feel amazing, girl. Like when you walk in a room, I only see you, you’re the only one around or something. It’s like just me and you, ya know? Just us. The two of us. I mean, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

She shook her hear and he was certain he saw tears. “Just stop then ok?”

He stared at her, she shivered. He touched her damp back with his hand and started to rub it. “What’s wrong?”

“I…”

He whispered her name trying to get her to look at him. “Kristen.”

She took a deep, shakily breath and let it go. A tear slipped from her eye and she half laughed/ half cried. “I do really love you Justin.”

He believed her, sober or not. He really believed her. But he wouldn’t let himself admit it. Not yet. “R- really?”

Her gray eyes stared at him hard. “Y- you don’t believe me.”

“No I just. God, I don’t know Kristen. This is just, wow.”

She sat up and her hands clutched the edge of the tub. He didn’t even realize she was naked now. He was too concerned with what she just said. That didn’t mean that they were IN love, but he was pretty sure he cared a lot for her, loved her, wanted her more than anything he could imagine right then. He had only really had 3 other women in his life tell them that they loved him and he believed them: his mom, his grandma and Britney, and now Kristen. “What is so weird? Girls tell you they love you all the time.”

He was at lost for words. He didn’t know what to say and if he did, he didn’t think his mouth would have worked right to form the words. He was supposedly to be a suave, cool, non-chalant kind of guy. And here he was feeling that every nerve was on end, his mouth…dry, palms….sweaty, brain…in a frenzy. “I- I guess…but, I..”

“What?” She sounded fed up and tired, pulled away and ready to give up.

He looked at her dead on and whispered, “I think…I love you too.”

She stared back without any emotion on her face. Finally, she leaned back against the back of the tub and crossed her arms over her bubbly chest. “Don’t say it unless you mean it

He didn’t know what to do or say, all he knew was that he wanted to be closer to her, wanted to feel her against him. It wasn’t anything sexual, he just needed to be closer. And it came out before he thought it through. “Can I get in with you?”

Her eyes narrowed. “So you wanna have sex now?”

He rubbed his face in his hands. He was making this amazing moment turn into shit. “I..no. I…shit this isn’t...”

“This isn’t what? Isn’t what you planned? It’s not what I planned either. I came here to get away from Detroit and get a few bucks to live on. In the process I’ve…I met you. God, I cant - I don’t know what to do. You’re this huge celebrity guy, I’m nobody. I’m just, nothing and I don’t know why you even want to give me the time-“

But he couldn’t let her keep doing that. The reason he got in this relationship was because she made him feel normal, and now she was putting him on that DAMN pedestal. “God Kristen! Get it through that head of yours that I’m with you because I love- like you, whatever! I love spending time with you. Y- you make me feel something I’ve never felt before. Not even with Britney and I’m not on the rebound either. You might think that but I’m over her. Really over her. I haven’t told you this but she’s called me several times trying to get back up with me, even before me and you started doing anything. I turned her down. I’m over her. And I’m into you. I don’t care that you’re a just a broke tour girl. You’re- You’re it for me.”

He took a deep breath and looked at her. He had been so riled up by what he was saying that he didn’t really get to see her. Now she was crying, hard. He had fucked up once again.

She whispered something through her tears and he didn’t hear her correctly. He thought she had said…

“Get in…”

“What?”

She smiled a small smile and her eyes softened at him. “Get in with me.” He couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She was beautiful and amazing and everything he had never thought he wanted in a girl. And that’s what made him want her more.

Before he knew it he had stood up, slipped off his boxers and eased in behind her. He felt her, for the first time, completely against him, naked, natural, and all his.

And it made his own eyes start to water with tears.

--------

the next morning

She woke up and didn’t know where she was. Her body was numb and all she knew was the room was dark, but not pitch black.

Slowly her body regained its senses. She was warm, really warm. She yawned and sighed, and she felt weight on her side. Her legs fidgeted a little, and she felt…naked.

The realization of what happened the night before hit her. It was a pretty damn big moment in her life and she couldn’t believe that it had really, truly happened.

And now, the conclusion to a perfect night ended with the beginning of probably a perfect day.

She pushed with her shoulders and rolled over, hitting the warm hard body behind her. The body groaned and sighed and then slowly his head turned over to her and a slow smile spread on his face.

“Hi.” He said with eyes closed and that permanent smile.

She knew why he was smiling so big and she immediately felt bashful. Her head tucked into her chest and she curled against him, making a small, girly whiney noise.

She held his arm to her and then felt it slip away. She was going to ask him what was wrong but when she looked up he was stretching and yawning and looked like he was fully enjoying himself when he rested back in his regular position. He looked at her with a half drunk/ half sleepy look and pulled her against him. “Mmm, we’re nekked.”

Her tired eyes fully woke when she felt his completely naked, and ready, body pushing against her. She would have made a comment about morning wood but she didn’t want to degrade the moment. But she was ready to go back to sleep and he seemed ready to go…period. “Sleep.” She mumbled trying to push into him and pin his little friend down so he’d stop tickling her.

He stretched with his arms straight above his head and his heels touching the end of the bed. He yawned and then curled up on his side to look at her. “Nah, I’m awake now.”

She turned on her side away from him and he scooted up to spoon her. She rolled her eyes and tried to push him away. “I can tell.”

He whined and rolled away from her. She looked over her shoulder and he was pouting at her. He looked so adorable and she wanted to crawl over and give him a kiss, but her pride wouldn’t let her, not just yet. “He cant help it!”

“Sure…”

A couple seconds later he was spooning her back, one of his arms snaking under her neck and his other around her side, pulling her tightly against him. She felt him everywhere and started to get goose bumps over her skin. “I got to take a bath with you, we…ya know…and then I get to lay all night with your sexy naked body against mine. Do not get MAD at him for being hard. It’s not his fault God made him that way.”

She ignored his goofy voice that was still gravely with the night’s deep rest. She started thinking about the night before. How beautiful it was. She really had never described an event in her life as beautiful before, but it was the first thing that came into her mind when he slipped into the bath with her and held her. He let her cry and he kissed her cheek and whispered words of comfort to her. His hands massaged her shoulders and back. And when his hands went further south she couldn’t think straight. The only thing that ran through her head was how incredible his hands felt and how deeply she had fallen in love with him.

They didn’t rush to get each other off, and for some reason it wasn’t even about that. She felt connected to him unlike she had been with anyone else, ever. She laid awake a long time that night, after they had slipped into bed. She thought about how much she had changed and was still changing. She thought about her actions and her tone of voice. She was tired of being a bitch to everyone and tired of being sarcastic and acting like she didn’t give a fuck.

She cared, about him, about herself, about the other people on tour, and all sorts of things. She had almost found herself crying when she saw a news report on some suicide bombing that had happened in the Middle East. And the worst part was, the change wasn’t that bad. She had always laughed at softies before, people that loved too much and were too sensitive. But that was probably because deep down that’s what she was, and her tough outside was just a façade to make sure that that overly sensitive side of hers didn’t get hurt.

Justin had pulled that side out of her. He had uncovered that part of her that was buried so long ago. “Thank you.”

His voice was quiet, again battling for substance since he had just woken up. “For what?”

She turned and flipped over on her other side, so that they were facing. Her hand had a mind of its own and it reached up and lightly held his face. “Last night, it was perfect.”

He smiled and leaned down to press their foreheads together. His eyes looked tired, but his face looked amazingly rested. “You were perfect.”

The way he was smiling made her blush. She felt comfortable around him but that didn’t mean she was totally comfortable with herself, and hearing such complements made her heart pump faster. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You told me…”

She cut him off and finished for him. “I love you.”

A smile slowly spread on his face and he laid back on his back. “Mmmm that sounds nice. Come here.”

She curled up to him with her leg over his, and his arms wrapped around her. “Thank you for not taking advantage of me last night.”

“Huh?”

She waited a few seconds and then whispered, “Cause you could have…really easily.”

He didn’t say anything and she wondered what was going through his mind. She thought about how drunk she was and how much she wanted him and how completely out of it she was, and yet oddly enough with it too. It was a lot like her graduation night. But instead of spending it with some highschoolish jerk, she had spent it with Justin. And even though they hadn’t had sex that night, she knew that she wanted to, and if he had asked her, she would have.

“Um, how you feel?” His voice seemed uncomfortable, and she knew he was avoiding the subject.

“Surprisingly ok. A little headache.”

It was quiet for a few minutes and for a little bit she thought he had dozed back to sleep. But then, right as she was about to drift off, he spoke, quietly, but meaningfully. “Kristen, I…I might be a horney bastard but im not an asshole.”

She sighed and held on to him a little tighter. “I know, I just wanted to say thanks.”

She felt his hand running up and down her arm and it made her feel good and warm, even though chill bumps were coating her. “Well, I just want to say, I think we should go back to sleep. I don’t have to be at the stadium until this afternoon.”

She could hear the smile and joy in his voice, and sleeping with him for a couple more hours seemed like heaven to her. “Mmmm, perfect.”

So she closed her eyes and relaxed beside him and tried to fall asleep. She didn’t dream, though, and it took her a while to get to sleep. She felt she was living a dream. And then she did a little bit of mental bashing for being so damn corny. Of course, her new sensitive side didn’t mind the bashing, but just because Justin brought out the sensitive side of her, didn’t mean she was ready to expose it to the whole world.