Chapter 21

She was incredibly nervous and the only reason was because in less than 30 minutes she would meet him. She had hoped and prayed the night before that his plane would get delayed and he wouldn’t be able to make the trip. It was funny that part of her wanted to meet her boyfriend’s best friend and the other part never wanted to see his face. And having Justin tell her to be as normal as possible that morning in a frantic voice didn’t help at all. That only meant that he was embarrassed to have Trace meet her and that made her feel as small as an ant.

The day was hella busy. Being in New York meant a shit load of press and a shit load of press meant little time for playing around. She was supposed to go with Mike to pick Trace up at the airport, but she conveniently felt “sick” and called up Justin with a pitiful voice and even faked to Rick so that there would be no holes in her story. Justin had panicked for a moment and then collected himself and managed some plan.

Now it was midnight and she was supposed to meet up with them at some club. She thought about faking sick again, but Marie would be back soon and would figure out she wasn’t sick, and she couldn’t hide in Justin’s room because he would figure it out. So she was forced to leave her hotel room for the first time in about eight hours.

She had dolled herself up and tried her best to look as normal and pretty as possible. After pulling her hair back in a perfectly slick pony tail, slipping into some too tight black pants she had scrimmaged from somewhere and borrowing one of Marie’s tops, she looked like she might fit in. She was uncomfortable as hell, but she acknowledged that she looked pretty sexy so that was all that mattered.

But riding by herself in a cab was unnerving and so was standing in line without a jacket to get to the doors of the club. She cursed herself for telling Justin that she could manage on her own and get there without any help. He could have had a limo there for her and quick access to the inside of the club but no. She had to be stubborn.

The funny thing was that now her stomach really hurt for the first time all day. It was totally nerves but still, she was almost ready to lean over the curb and let her insides fly.

She kept thinking up these horrible mental images of the bouncer not having her name on the list, asking for her id, which she didn’t have on her, and it wouldn’t matter because it was probably a 21 and up club and then he would tell her to leave the premise before she was arrested. Then she imagined her temper being spawned, her punching the guy and then being in court for assault charges. The press would find out she was dating Justin, his image would be tarnished, and he’d publicly break up with her and she’d become a drug addict.

Her creative imagination died when she meekly said, “Kristen Topsell.”

“Speak up.”

She managed a smile for the normal sized man standing there with a clipboard and sitting on a stool. “Kristen Topsell.”

“You with someone?”

She looked behind the guy and there were four enormously large men in nice suits standing there, ready for action. “Uh…” She didn’t know what to say. Justin? Nsync? She didn’t know. The tour company? She was lost and her imagination started working again.

The big guys’s eyes were narrowing in on her. She was sure they had some sort of robotic night vision that could cut a person in half with laser beams. She was about to be sliced like a tomato.

But the guy on the stool waved his hand about and did some motion and one of the big guys unclipped the red velvet rope for her to proceed. “Never mind, I found ya. Kristen ‘KT’ Topsell, right here. Go on in.”

She was soon immersed in noise that was way too loud, people dressed way too nice, or not dressed enough in some of the women’s cases, and way too many fancy decorations for her taste. Drinks were everywhere and the place was so big she didn’t know how in the hell she was going to find them in this loud, drunken chaos of people and music and dancing and drinking.

15 minutes later she was lost and about to start crying. Now that she was there all she wanted was to be with him.

Who cares about his damn best friend and trying to impress him?

She hated the feeling she had. She felt totally out of place and 10 years younger than she really was. She started to panic. She thought maybe she could go to the bathroom, call him and then he could meet her somewhere, but then she remembered she didn’t have a cell phone, didn’t have any money so in case there WAS a pay phone, which she doubted, she couldn’t call him and tell him to come find her.

She felt like people were closing in on her. The music was too loud and too obnoxious and she felt dizzy and light headed.

She closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears. She didn’t want her mascara to run and as girly as that seemed she really didn’t want to look like a crazed raccoon in the middle of this ritzy place. She looked around, to her left and then her right and finally set her eyes on the floor, praying maybe someone who knew her would notice her standing there.

And they did.

Familiar shoes filled the floor in front of her, and when she looked up he was standing there admiring her.

He licked his lips, smiled and reached his hand out for hers.

She went from panicking and feeling like her life was going to end to floating on air.

He looked so good too. He was in his nice pair of jeans, his favorite pair to wear out and a cool light blue shirt. His hand squeezed hers when the crowd got tight as if he didn’t want to loose her, and she didn’t want him to, ever.

It was times like these when she knew she was already there, already fallen, already so far gone in love that nothing could rescue her.

Moments later she was smushed in between Justin and Trace with them calling each other vulgar names and both of them trying to out-embarrass each other with different stories. She just looked back and forth with a smile, happy to be pressed up against Justin so close that she could smell him.

The night proceeded uneventfully but perfectly. She danced with Justin, drank with him, talked with Trace and tried her best to get some dirt out of him, but he didn’t seem to want to spill too much without Justin present. He only told funny childhood stories and that was when Justin was around.

But it was about an hour later, when Justin had gone to the bathroom, when it all happened. She was sitting there with Trace listening to some hilarious story about a prank they did in grade school when she heard a voice. Normally a voice like that wouldn’t scare her, but something about it made her heart beat a little faster and her palms sweat.

And when she heard Trace’s response, and the sound of HIS voice, she knew her worries were legit.

“Trace Ayala?”

“Wow, uh, hey Bryan.”

“How ya doing? It’s been a while. Last summer, I think that’s the last time I saw ya.”

She watched the exchange take place and watched them shake hands.

“Ya know how it goes.”

“Sure do. You in town with the guys?”

“Yeah. Justin’s floating around here somewhere.”

“Cool, cool. B’s actually in town right now.”

She saw Trace’s expression, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t know who this guy was or who “B” was but if her intuition was right….she didn’t want to think about it. “Really? That’s…interesting.”

“Yeah. This you’re new girlfriend?”

Trace scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. “Uh, not exactly.”

The guy stretched out his hand and her fears were confirmed. “Hey, I’m Bryan Spears. Nice to meet you.”

“Kristen,” she squeaked out.

“So how do you guys know each other?”

She rubbed her hand against her forehead and tried to wave off the migraine that was starting to form. She understood he wasn’t over her. She understood part of him would always be in love with her. But the last thing she wanted was for them to be in the same town with each other.

--------------

He saw her sitting there, looking a little distressed, so he slid in beside her and put his arm around her in a half hug. “Hey baby you wanna go dance?” He kissed her cheek, trying to relax her.

When her face turned to look at his, he didn’t like the look in her eyes at all. “Not uh, really.”

He was about to look over at Trace and ask what the hell he had said to make her stressed out, but he soon found out it wasn’t Trace’s fault. “Justin.”

He knew instantly whose voice it was and when he looked up and he saw who it was, the wind was kicked out of him. “H-hey.”

“How you doin’ man?”

He forced a smile. “Alright, how are you?”

He watched Bryan stare at him, and he didn’t even think about his actions when he pulled his arm from around her and scooted a good few inches away. Bryan nodded and motioned over his shoulder. “Pretty good. I gotta go though. It was good seeing you guys. Nice meeting you Kristen.”

“You too.” He knew by her tone, she was not happy.

A minute or so after Bryan had left and it had been eerily silent between them, Trace turned to them and spoke up. “Ok, I have this idea. I think I should make a TV show called “Totally Awkward TV.” It’d be like Real TV, but with awkward moments. That would definitely be on the show.”

He was glad his friend was there to make light of the situation, but he was in no mood for jokes. “Shit.”

“Shit is right. I told you she was in town.”

He looked over Kristen to Trace. This couldn’t be happening to him. “WHAT?!”

Trace narrowed his eyes in thought and then nodded. “Oh yeah, you weren’t back yet. He said Brit was in town.”

His head and mouth dropped. “You’re shitting me.”

“Nah, surprised you haven’t gotten a call yet.”

He felt his head start to throb and rubbed his temples. “I don’t need this right now.”

“Chill bro. No biggie. I’ll fight her off.”

He was tired of Trace’s voice, tired of the music, tired of being there. He didn’t need this. He didn’t need her coming back. Not now. “Shit…Shit!”

“Chill man. Hey, where you going?”

He thought he heard Kristen’s voice say, “To get a drink.”

It was quiet between them again and when he looked up he saw his best friend giving him a serious look. Coming from Trace, that usually wasn’t good news. “You need to get your act together before you make your girlfriend feel like shit.”

“What?”

“She didn’t look too happy. You basically sat here and acted like she was nothing while you stressed that your ex is in town. Chill out.”

He looked straight ahead, afraid that if he looked at him his anger might boil over. He didn’t really know why this was making him so on edge and mad, but he was. He felt like he needed another beer. “Don’t start another fight with me on this.”

“Look, I’m not trying to. I’m trying to save your ass here bro. Forget Britney. I like Kristen. She’s cool as fuck and she keeps you in your place and she’s grounded. That’s what you need. You need someone like her to keep you grounded. Britney’s a nutcase, you know her. Hot one minute, cold the next. I don’t want to see you drug around like that again. You deserve better, you deserve Kristen.”

He sighed, feeling a little better. He hung his head and looked down and then over to this side, with a smile at his best friend. “She’s cool ain’t she?”

Trace smiled back. “Cute too.”

He started thinking about how damn good she had looked that night, and everything that had just happen was forgotten. “Damn, when I saw her tonight man, standing over there by herself. I about…”

He was cut off. “I really would prefer not to hear about your uncontrollable ejaculations.”

“MAN!”

“What?”

He winked and pulled a beer that was in front of him, not sure whose it was, and took a sip. “I’m just glad you got your own damn room.”

“Goin’ to be hittin’ that tonight?”

He made a clicking noise through his teeth. “We’ll see.”

“Well do remember that hotel walls are thin.”

He was startled by her voice, “Don’t worry. He’s horrible anyway. The best he can get is a sigh out of me, and usually that’s because I get tired and frustrated.”

His mouth dropped and he was shocked to see her there with a smile, looking fine, three beer bottles in her hand. “What?!”

Trace was laughing when he said, “Told ya, cool as shit.”

---------

Exactly 2 hours later

He was so beautiful in the moonlight.

His skin looked like some precious mineral that hadn’t been discovered and was incredibly rare. She couldn’t believe that someone could look that undeniably sexy by just laying in a pair of boxers, turned on their side, with their head in their propped up hand and their other hand sliding gently up and down her side.

She was naked except for the thong she was wearing and lately it had been a recurring theme for them to just go to bed with underwear on. While she wasn’t completely comfortable being entirely naked with him just yet, being topless was something she could deal with and felt kind of liberated to not have to worry so much about being covered up with him.

He was still pretty drunk and even though she had stopped drinking a lot sooner than he and Trace had, she could still feel a buzz in her system. It made her feel like she was walking on air and seemed to heighten the sensation of his fingers on her bare skin.

He licked his lips and lowered his head.

His body fell into hers. His mouth moved gently but purposely over hers. Her leg instinctively curved over his hip until his body settled in between her legs and she could squeeze him to her with her legs. He thrusted against her in their normal position of him pretending to do things to her. She knew if she had heard from anyone else the same things that her and Justin did together when they were alone, she’d probably laugh at them. It was a little stupid looking, she figured, but it felt good, damn did it good. And since they weren’t ready to have sex and she wasn’t ready to push the oral boundary, they did what they could.

They’re kissing had graduated to much more heavy and deep. His mouth moved from hers to let him breath a little and he said something to her that sounded like “god you feel good.”

He rubbed his body against hers and she reciprocated the action, but suddenly his body moved off hers completely and when she looked up he had pulled back a little so he was resting back on his knees more. They stared at each other for a while in the darkness. He was out of breath and she could see how much he was ready for her by the tent in his boxers.

Before she could think he had lunged forward, growling “I want you so bad.” His hands had clasped tightly around her wrists, pinning her to the bed. His mouth covered one of her breasts and suckled her until she couldn’t hold back the moan in her throat.

He continued and continued to torture her with his mouth and tongue all over her torso. Her stomach sunk in and she felt oddly cold when his tongue started to lick underneath the top rim of her panties.

She literally shook her head to get her mind back into sanity. “W- what are you doing?”

He started at the part of her in between her legs, covered by light green material. “I want this.”

She started to sit up. “Justin, you know-“

He just gripped his hands around her wrists tighter. “I’m not going to make love to you Kristen. Well, not in the way you’re thinking.”

She gulped, scared of what was going through his mind. At least she thought it was fear, maybe it was excitement. She wasn’t really sure. “What way are you thinking?”

He answered her, but not by talking. It lasted two seconds but it told her everything she needed to know. He briefly and simply kissed her on top of her panties.

She couldn’t catch her breath. She was panting. She didn’t know why. It was supposed to be amazing. He was already a great kisser and great at everything. She was sure he’d be wonderful at this as well. Still, she was sweating.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve fantasized about you laying there, whimpering and moaning, and my head down here tasting you.”

His eyes were dark and heavy and she looked away. He was turning her on and she didn’t know if that’s what she wanted to happen. Was she ready for this? “D- don’t talk like that.”

He shrugged. “Just being honest. Apparently you like when I’m honest.” She looked down and he looked at her. Her mouth dropped open in shock and pleasure when he firmly pressed his tongue on her and licked. “Mmm you taste good.”

She tried to move her hips away from him but somehow he had put his weight on her so that she couldn’t move. “M- maybe we should talk about this.”

“What’s there to talk about?”

She looked down and he was kissing on her thighs, staring at her panties like he was a cheetah stalking antelope. “We’re drunk.”

“Buzzin, maybe.”

“But…”

He took his gaze from her underwear to her face and he sighed like he was frustrated with her. “Stop thinking so much. Let yourself go Kristen. It’s just me.”

So she obeyed him. And seconds later she was naked and a little ashamed. He was studying her, and even though he had done things with her body no one else had, she had never had someone that up close to her, studying her, getting a better look at what made her female than anyone else, even herself, ever had.

But soon she wasn’t thinking about that, soon she wasn’t thinking at all. She couldn’t think if she tried.

But it was all tainted afterwards. She had had this magical, heavenly moment and then he had laid beside her, happy as a dog being fed table scraps, and pushed himself into her. He was naked. He was hard as a rock. And when she caught her breath he wiggled his eyebrows and said, “Return the favor?”

She was a little shocked that he would ask her to do that. Before he hadn’t really pressured her or asked her to do anything to him that was past her boundaries. “But…”

“I did it for you.”

He was pouting and she didn’t know if he was joking or not. It was hard to tell and she was starting to wonder if she was still drunk or just light headed from the previous events. Either way she was confused. “Justin I don’t know.”

“Oh. Ok.”

The way he said it ticked her off- more than ticked her off. She was furious. He acted all pathetic and sad, like she had mistreated him. It was as if he expected her to put her head down there and suck him off JUST because he pleased her that way. It was stupid and immature and definitely not something that made her happy. If it were any other guy, she probably would have broken up with him on the spot or at least done some physical injury. “Did you just do that so- you’re an asshole.”

“What?!”

She stormed out of the bed and blindly searched on the dark floor for her discarded clothes. “Where the fuck is my underwear?”

“Kristen, baby...”

His pleading voice wasn’t going to work. Not this time. She turned, naked, clothes in hand, her fists clenched and ready to swing if he made one more comment. “Don’t.”

“But-“

She threw her clothes on the bed and angrily pulled them over her body while he stared at her dumbfounded. She knew he wasn’t that dumb. She knew what this was about. She knew now that omens were true. The magazine the other day and the thoughts she couldn’t get out of her mind. She knew Britney was going to be the start, and probably end of whatever this was that was going on. Whether it was a test or the end of their relationship, it was going to happen. She was just thankful there were only six more dates on the damn tour. So if something did happen, she’d never have to look at his inconsiderate face again. “You’re such an asshole. All you wanted was me to suck you off. You were probably thinking about Britney this whole fuckin’ time weren’t you. I knew when her damn brother or whoever the hell that was came by that it was all downhill. Thanks for getting me off one last time.”

He shot out of bed faster than she could have guessed, ripped his boxers back over his hips and forced her to back step with his speed and loud voice. “Wait a FUCKING minute here. What the hell does Britney have to do with anything?”

She pulled Marie’s shirt back over her head, ripping one of the straps but not caring. Then she pushed him away by thrusting her palms into his chest. “She’s everything to do with it. You’re still in love with her and I’m the rebound chick. Well, she’s back in town, back ready for you to go fuck her crazy. Go on, I won’t hold you back.”

His arms spread wide and he looked to the ceiling for a moment and then rolled his eyes back down. “God Kristen! I DON’T! I don’t WANT her anymore. I want YOU. I love YOU. Why can’t you understand that? GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!” He screamed the last line.

It scared her and she curled into herself and backed away from him and towards the door. Her voice was quieter this time. “Because I know you. At least, I think. And tonight you totally freaked out that she was in town. You’re afraid you’re going to see her and want to be with her. You know it, I know it. I’m just something to tide you over.”

It was quiet for a moment. She held her arms around her, scared that he was realizing how right she was.

So it made her think she was hearing things when he sighed out the words, “Get out.”

“What?”

His cold eyes met hers and he nodded to the door. “Get out of my room.”

She knew he was just being dramatic so she didn’t move, she watched him. He walked over to the door with his shoulders slumped and opened the door wide, and held it open.

She was shocked. Her mouth literally dropped and she asked in flabbergasted tone. “You’re kicking me out?!”

His voice was so cold and so even and his body language wasn’t giving off much of anything that she thought he was a robot. His eyes seemed to look through her and his voice was rather monotone. “This is my bedroom. I want you out of it. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

She stared at him and grabbed up the rest of her stuff, barefoot, pants on, shirt on, and everything else bundled in her arms. “Fine.”

She knew once she stalked past him he’d swing her back around and kiss her or hold her or at least say “wait, no don’t leave.” She knew he would. It was the way he worked. They were both over dramatic at times, and this seemed to definitely be a time like that.

But soon she was out in the hallway, by herself, listening to the echo of the door slam from behind her. She turned and leaned against the wall across from his room, staring at the room number posted on the door, waiting for him to open it.

917. She kept staring.

She knew he would open it. It was how they worked; how he worked.

But after five minutes there hadn’t been any movement. She looked at the doorknob; stared at the bottom of the doorway to see if she could see any flicker of light. But there was nothing. Just the stupid numbers 917

Finally, she walked down the hallway and pressed the down button for the elevator. Her body ached and suddenly she felt horrible.

She couldn’t stop the tears from falling and by the time the elevator got there, she was holding her bra to her face and crying into it.

She couldn’t hear and couldn’t think and couldn’t see. She just cried more than she had in a long long time. She couldn’t stop herself and couldn’t control her body from shaking.

She stepped onto the elevator, pressed her floor number and watched through blurry eyes as the doors closed.

She was too late. She never got to see the door of 917 open.