“Mom, I do not want you to go,” Patrick stood firmly in the doorway, trying with all his might to be stoic but the small quiver of his lower lip gave him away.
“I know,” Alice lamented, leaning down to meet the eleven year old boy face to face. He spoke too much like a grown up for Alice’s liking and she knew that was her fault…like so many other things. “It’s only a week and I think it’ll be good, for both of us.”
“We got all kinds of fun things planned, right Champ?” Alice’s brother Lewis put his hands on his nephew’s shoulders. Patrick did not share his Uncle’s enthusiasm. “He’ll be fine, Alice,” Lewis reassured her. “Janey and I took the week off and the rug rats are thrilled to have their older cousin for an extended sleep over.”
Alice was thankful her younger brother was always so welcoming to her son. There had been too many times she’d had to entrust his care to him and his family over the years and she hoped this would be the last time. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, trying not to cry.
“Don’t even mention it,” Lewis smiled and gave his sister a tight hug.
“Mom…” Patrick spoke up again.
“Patty,” she started.
“Don’t call me that,” Patrick scowled.
“Sorry,” Alice apologized, still trying to get used to his now distain of the nickname. He was growing up too fast. “Patrick, I need to do this. For me and for you as well.”
“About damn time you did something for us,” Patrick scoffed.
“Hey,” Lewis lightly chastised him, “that’s enough of that. I think you know exactly what your mother has…”
“Lew, it’s ok,” Alice stopped him. “It’s been a rough couple months.”
“Try years,” Patrick corrected her.
“Fair enough,” Alice sadly agreed. “So please, understand why I need to go and do this.”
Patrick looked at the ground. He did understand but he didn’t have to like it. “Fine,” he muttered.
Alice pulled her son into a tight embrace, which he allowed but didn’t reciprocate. “I love you so much. I’ll have my cell if you need anything, anything at all, ok?” Patrick silently nodded.
“Text when you land and when you get there,” Lewis requested.
“Will do. Just remember he has therapy at 4pm on Thursday but everything else is open,” she reminded her brother then turned back to her son. “Please just allow yourself to be open to some fun?”
“You’re gonna come back with even more stupid self help terms, aren’t you?” Patrick gave the barest of smiles.
“I’m actively listening to what you are saying and…” Alice stopped herself as she saw the smile breakthrough on her son’s face. “Ah, that’s all I wanted,” she pulled him into another hug and kissed the top of his head. “I love you and I’ll see you in a week.” Another round of goodbyes and Alice was off to the airport.
Alice was able to nap on her five hour flight to Salt Lake City but the two hour drive to the resort had her wide eyed and looking at her surroundings. She’d only left Florida a handful of times and at forty two years old, this had been only her second flight. West of the Mississippi was completely foreign to her and mountains were only things she’d seen on film. Now she was in them! Alice hoped her winter attire would be warm enough for the early fall temperatures she’d be experiencing.
The driver crossed the border from Utah to Idaho as Alice did her best to relax. The opportunity still seemed unreal for her to be going to such a renowned wellness retreat for the week. “Opportunity,” Alice muttered under her breath. Everyone kept telling her that she earned this experience and while they were well meaning with their sentiments, what she had done to “earn” the respite wasn’t exactly something she ever wished to have truly happened.
Soon enough, signs for the town of Hot Lava Springs came into view as the car drove on and through a beautiful ornate gate, a stone engraving at the entrance letting her know she had finally arrived at the Silver Lake Tranquility Retreat House & Wellness Resort. Alice gasped at the tree lined driveway and it’s autumn foliage of gorgeous colors that finally opened to an estate with a heavy Japanese inspired architectural design. Alice was instantly transported to another place and exhaled, feeling already like she would be able to relax and work out some of her issues in this oasis.
The driver stopped at the top of a circular driveway where a wooden bridge with a few paper lanterns hung overtop stretched over a sizable koi pond and met the entrance to the compound. Alice got out and breathed in the mountain air and smiled. She really did need this. A resort employee came across the bridge and grabbed her bag from the trunk of the car and escorted her to the lobby.
“Namaste,” Alice was greeted by a smiling woman. “We are honored to have you with us for the week, Mrs. McCann.”
“Ms. McCann,” Alice gently corrected her.
“Of course,” the woman acknowledged, her smile never faltering. “My name is Jordyn and I am the head of our housing staff. Please allow me to get you checked in and settled into your room.”
Alice very happily accepted as she was handed her key card, a map of the resort and an itinerary. The main property consisted of numerous acres but the walking and hiking trails expanded the explorable land to around twenty five square miles. There was no way Alice would be able to see everything even with the full week ahead of her.
Once everything was verified and signed off on, Jordyn led Alice to her room. “All guests reside in the same area but each room is private and sectioned off from the others,” Jordyn explained as they walked. “Consider your room your personal escape to recharge from the work you’ll be doing this week.”
Alice nearly forgot this week wouldn’t be all fun. Group sessions, individual intensive therapy, meditation, behavioral counseling, wellness coaching; her therapist had encouraged her to take this “opportunity” when it had been presented and Alice was still reluctant even as the atmosphere was already putting her at ease.
Jordyn opened the door to the room as Alice’s eyes grew wide. The sizable room had a king size bed at the center and the scent of jasmine in the air. Her bag was waiting for her on the luggage stand next to a full dresser set. The windows ran the length of the outside wall and gave way to a private patio that overlooked a peaceful garden tableau.
“Dinner will be served at 7pm this evening to allow for all guests to arrive. Since you are traveling from the East Coast, I arranged for a small snack to be delivered shortly to tide you over,” Jordyn explained. “An assortment of athleisure wear is already stocked for you that you are free to change into now or you can wear what you have on to dinner. Please do not hesitate to let us know if you need anything in a different size. Robes are in the closet and also acceptable to wear outside of your room. We want you to be as comfortable as possible during your stay.”
Alice had been surprised when she was informed she only needed to bring underclothes, shoes and a bathing suit with her. She still packed an extra set of yoga pants, some comfy tees and a nice casual dress just in case…and every sweatshirt and sweater she owned to keep her warm. Alice opened the closet to find the aforementioned robes and a folded up massage table. “I really get a massage every day?” Alice asked in wonderment.
“Yes, we can vary the time based on your schedule for the day but that is included in your stay. As I said, your room is your added escape from the work you’ll be doing while you are with us so we want to ensure you can fully unwind and decompress to get the most out of your trip.”
“I don’t…ummm,” Alice started to choke up. “I don’t deserve any of this.”
“Yes, you do, Ms. McCann. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here,” Jordyn stated matter of factly and smiled again. “You have general toiletries for tonight but tomorrow you’ll meet with our esthetician and have a detailed skin analysis and we will have the proper products stocked for your use.”
“How is this place real?” Alice asked Jordyn in bewilderment.
Jordyn maintained her smile. “Please enjoy your stay with us, Ms. McCann and let us know if you need anything at all. Feel free to explore the grounds until dinner time.” With that, Jordyn left, leaving Alice to take everything in. Places like this existed only in fantasy to people like her. She tried her best to shake the feeling of guilt that the only reason she was getting to partake of this amazing experience is because of the personal hell she’d been through. It felt like a reward for a terrible deed and she didn’t know how to process that feeling.
Alice opted to stay in her room, taking a quick shower and changing into a provided pair of dark blue leggings and a plain white t shirt, accompanied with her own long white, gray and orange chunky striped sweater. She sat out on her patio, enjoying a cup of hot mint green tea and her yogurt parfait snack as she reviewed the itinerary she’d received at check in. While the days weren’t completely jam packed, there was little time left unscheduled. Some blocks were mandatory while others were open to a few selections of an activity. She wasn’t really sure how archery was going to assist with her mental wellness but nonetheless she appreciated the option.
About quarter of seven, Alice made her way to the communal dining hall. She noticed in her itinerary that only lunch and dinner were required events so she assumed breakfast was optional. Alice was relieved to know she could enjoy her first meal of the day by herself if she wanted.
The room was cozy but not cramped as two large circular tables filled the area and a smaller rectangular one was placed forward of the two. Alice silently counted and realized there were only going to be about twenty some odd people with her this week. She knew the sessions were limited but had no idea it would be so intimate a group.
Alice picked a random spot near a gentleman who appeared in his fifties and a young woman who couldn’t have been more than thirty. “Hi, I’m Jeff,” the man instantly introduced himself as Alice went to sit. “Whatcha in for?”
“Oh, um, hi,” Alice fumbled. “I’m Alice, uh, I guess the same reason we’re all here. Just, you know, needed some time away.”
“I hear that,” Jeff stated boisterously.
“Millie, nice to meet you,” the woman on the opposite side of Jeff reached across him and extended her hand with a smile. Alice shook it and was momentarily blinded by the massive emerald and diamond ring Millie had on her finger. A further look clearly told Alice this was a well put together woman; more than Alice ever hoped to be even at probably ten years her senior.
Dinner and small talk commenced as the attendees began to unwind. Jeff was a broker from Chicago who was on the verge of burn out while Millie was every bit the rich housewife married to the grandson of an oil tycoon from Texas that she appeared to be. Alice knew the cost of this trip for either of them was barely a drop in the bucket and slowly came to realize that would be the case with all the other guests…except for her. She already felt like a fraud before she came but now doubly felt the pressure to fit in with these high society folks. So much for relaxing.
As dinner neared conclusion, everyone’s attention was drawn to the front with the ringing of a glass. Before them stood a raven haired woman in all white with a peaceful smile on her face. “Namaste and welcome to you all. We are honored by your presence and your journey to be with us this week. My name is Vivienne and I am the founder of this establishment. On my left is my son, Ivan, a trained therapist in reiki and Doctor of holistic medicine.” Millie’s eyes lit up while Alice fought not to roll hers. She knew there would be a lot of this new age speak and hoped that wouldn’t be the complete focus of the retreat. Patrick had been right about the choice of vocabulary she’d be subjected to.
“Once you have finished your meal, we ask you all to join us in the garden as we set our intentions for the week,” Vivienne simply stated and left, Ivan following right behind. Mother and son team, little weird, Alice thought but shrugged off as she ate her last few bites and made her way outside. There, she was greeted by massive luminaries that created a warm and inviting circle, which Vivienne stood in the middle of.
As the last of the guests joined the circle, Vivienne continued her introduction. “All of you are here for a purpose, whether you are conscious of it or not. This week is about you and what you need to fuel your soul. Please write down what you seek to discover this week.” Ivan began to hand out slips of paper and pencils to all the guests.
Alice looked down at the blank sheet and sighed. How was she supposed to encapsulate everything she was hoping to achieve, to deal with, to heal from, in one sentence? Alice bit her lip and went with the first thing that came to mind: “I want to be the kind of woman I was meant to be instead of the kind I thought I should be.”
When everyone was finished, Vivienne spoke once more. “You all will have a partner throughout this journey. We’ve selected these pairings based off of the information you provided on your intake forms regarding your lives, preferences, and reasons for your stay. Some choices may seem odd at first but we ask you to trust in this process and allow your partner’s experiences and insight to help you with your own.”
Alice had read about this in the informational packet and still wasn’t sure what to make of the idea of unloading all of her problems on a total stranger who obviously had their own shit to deal with. However, Alice was at the point of trying just about anything to help her get her life back after so long away from it.
“Please shut your eyes and hold your intention between your palms as you are guided to join with your partner,” Vivienne instructed. Alice did so and began to hear the shuffling of feet before she felt hands on her forearms gently moving her into place. Next, a back touched her own and all she could tell was the person was similar in height.
When all the pairs were settled, Vivienne intoned once more. “This is your partner, your confidant, for the next week. Feel them at your back and trust in them to provide you with a safe and nurturing space for you to express your true self.” Alice tried her best but going instantly from stranger to best friend seemed like too far a leap.
“Using your right hand, please pass your intention to your partner,” Vivienne explained. “They are now the guardian of this intention and will work with you to help you achieve this goal. Once received, please read the intention silently to yourself with your back still to your partner.”
Nimble fingers coaxed a piece of paper into Alice’s left hand as her right transferred her own. She wasn’t comfortable sharing something so intimate, albeit vague, with someone right off the bat, let alone knowing one of their own secrets. Alice sucked it up, however, and unfolded the paper to read its contents.
I’m hoping to find myself again.
“Well, guess that makes two of us,” Alice thought, starting to feel slightly better about this whole partner business since they were basically there for the same reasons but she was sure under different circumstances.
“Tonight will be informal as you get to know your partner and their story. Tomorrow, the real work will begin. Please turn and greet your partner and let your journey commence,” Vivienne declared as a gong sounded.
Alice breathed deep and slowly turned to meet the person who some algorithm or whim of a possibly crazy woman was apparently supposed to help her finally be the woman she dreamed she could be. She was met face to face with a pair of rose tinted glasses that hid the details of the eyes behind them and a small, gentle but unconfident smile.
“Hi, I’m Josh.”
