Alice looked at the website and at first just blew it off as the tabloid trash it was until she started reading the actual post. She didn’t dare click on the url to download but the hyperlink to YouTube seemed safe enough. She clicked and gasped as a familiar channel loaded on JC’s phone. “Oh fuck,” she breathed.

“Fuck indeed,” JC responded, not turning his head.

Scrolling through the most recent uploads, Alice was shocked to find songs she’d only ever heard about in passing. The singles from his album were there too but they’d been out for nearly fifteen years at this point. These other tracks Alice figured she’d never hear and by the distress emanating from JC’s body, she safely assumed she wasn’t supposed to. “How?” she looked at him.

“I have no idea,” JC continued to stare. “I’m supposed to have the only copy.”

“Did you get hacked?”

“No. I have the masters. The hard copies. They were digital at one point though so…I don’t know.”

“JC, this doesn’t make sense. It’s been so long. Why now?”

“I don’t know, Alice,” he breathed deeply and put his hands over his face. “I know some stuff got out before the label released me. I know a couple demos have leaked over the years. I don’t like it but I’ve learned that’s how the business can be sometimes. This though…I feel…I feel violated.”

Alice didn’t even know how to respond to that. She went back to the original post and scrolled down to find a cover and track listing. There was a link to a website that provided credits for the first three songs, which happened to be the singles, but scant details for the new tracks. Images on that site showed photographs Alice was familiar with and rumored to be the photoshoot for the album. There were liner notes as well, making the whole thing look legitimate on the surface.

“Either someone got ahold of more than just your songs or they went through a scary amount of effort,” Alice remarked.

“I don’t know yet. Eric’s still looking into it.”

“Not to be a dick but couldn’t this have waited until you got home? You’re here to work on stuff, not be given another thing to worry about.”

JC darted his eyes in Alice’s direction but they mellowed as he could see the concern plainly on her face. “Maybe but Eric is just doing his job…and being a good friend. He’s FedExing over some paperwork for me to sign in the morning to get it taken down for copyright infringement so the sooner the better. Part of my deal with the artist’s I sold some of these songs to was that I didn’t release my original version. Technically I could get sued because whoever did this put it under my name.”

“Kate’s not even on here,” Alice remarked, to which JC gave her a questioning look. “You wrote that song “If U C Kate” that you sold to McFly and I know their version. It’s not on the track listing.”

JC grabbed his phone back. “Thank God for small miracles, I suppose,” he said and finally read through the tracks. “This definitely isn’t the order or even some of the right tracks; a couple of these aren’t even the right title. Jesus Christ…” he ran a hand through his hair. “What if these aren’t even the finished product?”

“Isn’t that a good thing then?”

“Depends on how many places it’s been posted and shared. According to Eric, whoever did this, they knew what they were doing and it’s all very…calculated. They didn’t just get this and post it, they had a plan.”

“God, JC…” Alice breathed. She would be the first to say she didn’t know a lick of how the music business worked but putting his songs out without his knowledge seemed especially heinous. She knew the stories of how his own record label had done it to him with his first album and could only imagine this was ripping open that wound.

“Alice…do you…know anything about this?” JC asked wearily.

“Wha…what?!” Alice asked, stunned.

“No, shit, I don’t mean…” JC sat up quickly, realizing he’d framed his question badly. “You’re a fan. Have you maybe heard anything about this or…maybe know who might have done it?”

Alice let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “No, I, uh, don’t really keep up on the gossip. Just appearances and the occasional fan fic.”

“Fan fic?” JC raised an eyebrow.

“Now is not the time,” Alice held her hand up then prepared herself for her confession. “I do know this channel though. Came up maybe a little less than a year ago. Just kind of collected all your songs that were spread out across the internet into one place. Nothing was new, you know?”

“So there was a plan,” JC's eyes turned a few shades darker as his anger began to rise again.

“I have no idea. Like I said, I just used it to listen to your rarer stuff.”

“You mean my unreleased stuff.”

“Not all of it. Until Yesterday was released but it’s not on streaming. Or the one you did for Opening Night. I didn’t…I didn’t see anything wrong with it.”

“I get you, it’s just,” JC let out a large sigh. “It’s my music. If it’s unreleased, there’s a reason. That album…my whole solo career…it’s still a bitter pill to swallow and maybe it shouldn’t be after all these years but it’s hard for me to look fondly back at it all.”

“It’s hard for fans too, you know. Not in the same way obviously but…people know how hard you worked, how insanely talented you are. You deserved a better shot.

“I know that, I do but it is what it is. I’ve come to terms with it. Everyone else should too.”

Alice let the statement hang for a moment. “Have you though?” she asked gently.

JC stared at her, his blue eyes intense and reading a little cold but resolute. “The whole experience is very bittersweet but I learned the hard way I don’t like being the solo guy. I told you before, I like collaborating. I like working with a partner or in a group. I feel like people don’t believe me when I say that, like I’m traumatized and scarred by what happened to me.”

“You never really talk about it though.”

“That’s cuz it's a hard thing to talk about,” JC lamented, “and, what am I supposed to do? Give some in depth interview about a failed career from years ago? It’s in the past and this…this is dredging it all back up again.”

“When you did the interview with Lance, he even said you’ve never talked about it with him. Have you at least talked about it with someone?”

“Justin. I had a lot of talks with Justin when it was all happening,” JC’s eyes grew distance as he began to remember all the late night conversations and numbing intoxicants consumed as his career unraveled.

“Do you think he could help? Maybe just to talk to but maybe have some advice on what to do. He’s sadly gotta have similar experience in the arena.”

“Maybe,” JC stated though not making a move to do so. Alice was right and Justin probably was the best bet but he wasn’t in the mood to strategize just yet. One thing this retreat was teaching him was he needed to sit with his feelings but not wallow in them. “Can I ask you something?” he refocused on Alice.

“Of course.”

“What would you have done? I mean, if you were just at home and these tracks had popped up. If we hadn’t met and I was only this musician you liked.”

“Oh, JC, I don’t know,” she tried to wave him off.

“Alice, please, be honest with me,” he turned his whole body towards her. “You’re a fan and I just…I need to hear how a normal fan would have reacted.”

He looked like he was about to cry again and it broke Alice’s heart to see him this vulnerable. She took back the phone and pulled back up the YouTube channel. “I probably would have listened, JC,” she heavily admitted then leaned down next to him so he could see the screen. “See, these first two were posted separately. The first one wouldn’t have set off any alarms and I’d…I probably would have been excited to finally hear these tracks. Once they posted the whole album though, I would have known something was up. An entire album doesn’t just magically leak.”

JC nodded, processing what Alice was saying. He’d asked for honesty and he got it, even if he didn’t like the answer. He hated feeling so helpless but knew there was nothing he could do that Eric wasn’t already doing. All he could do was sit and worry. “I just don’t get it, Alice. Why would somebody do this?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head, wishing there was something more she could say or do. 

“I put so much of my soul in it and I didn’t…I didn’t get it all back. This is just a reminder of how much I lost, mentally and financially,” JC laid his head in Alice’s lap.

“I don’t think average people realize how much goes into making an album. I sure as hell don’t.”

“I lost a lot of money doing that album. The label was giving me the opportunity but not the resources. Justin helped more than he likes to take credit; he had the better connections. It all cost money though. The studio time, the engineers, the travel, hell, I had to feed everyone out of my own pocket. Now someone leaks it and I won’t even see a dime.”

“And it’s not about the money,” JC quickly stood up and started pacing the room as he continued. “It’s the effort, the time, the sweat, all the days in the studio that went into making those songs…it was all for nothing. Those songs are so personal to me and I wanted fans to hear it all together, the way I wanted it arranged. Not…not like this.”

Alice leapt up to her feet and sprinted over to JC, pulling him into a tight hug as he let flow a new set of tears. She couldn’t imagine the feeling of having your work taken from you without permission. She was also struggling with the notion she would have been complicit in hearing something she wasn’t meant to, even though she knew she wouldn’t have known any better.

“Why am I even attempting to write a musical if this is what’s going to happen?” JC cried into her shoulder.

“Because you’re passionate about it, JC,” Alice told him. “This is old material. I don’t know how it happened but if Eric confirmed you didn’t get hacked, then someone got these tracks before you took sole possession of them.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. Why sit on them for so long?”

“I don’t have an answer to that but maybe Eric will find one,” Alice tried to be optimistic. “What I do know is that it’s not like you stopped writing since then. You’ve probably got hundreds of songs the world will never hear and while I consider that an absolute travesty, they are yours to do with as you please.”

“The world doesn’t want to hear them.”

“I do,” Alice told him earnestly, causing JC to look up at her. “I’m certainly not the world but I would listen to you sing your grocery order. Only if you wanted me to, that is.”

A smile slowly emerged from the tears in JC’s face as he pulled Alice tight into his chest. “I’m very lucky to have you; as a fan and now as a friend.”

“I’m nothing special, JC,” Alice protested. “I’m sure loads of people feel the same way. It’s a weird thing, when you cross from being a fan of someone’s talent to being a fan of the person themselves. People just want you to be happy, JC, no matter what that looks like. If never releasing another song is what makes you happy, then I fully support you, though I’d be remiss if I didn’t state that the world will be worse without it.”

JC gave a small laugh. “No more solo work. It’s not gonna happen. I know it’s not an answer people like but it’s the hard truth.”

“You do what’s best for you, honey,” Alice rubbed his back.

“What’s best for me is a long hot shower,” JC said, gently pulling away. He stood back and finally surveyed the state of the room. “Oh shit, I really…fuck.”

Alice took a renewed look as well. “Go get a shower, I’ll take care of this.”

“No no, you shouldn’t have to clean up after my mess.”

“It’s ok, I’m used to it,” Alice shrugged nonchalantly before moving to pick up the broken lamp. JC deflated onto the edge of the bed at Alice’s statement, burying his face into his hands yet again. It took a moment before Alice noticed then made her way back to JC’s side. “What? What‘s wrong?”

“This isn’t normal, Alice,” JC gestured at the chaos of the room.

“Oh please, this is nothing to me,” she tried to brush off and get back to work but JC put his hands on her forearms to keep her still.

“No, Alice. This…this isn’t ok. More importantly, it’s not ok that you think it is,” JC told her pointedly.

“I know that,” she said quietly, forcing herself to yet again be the calm one in the situation. This time, however, she allowed herself to talk about how she was feeling. “I’ve been guilty of breaking a thing or two in my day. Like this though, you know, not around or at people. Anger comes out in a lot of forms and this…isn’t great but I know first hand it could be worse.”

“I never wanted you to see this side of me,” JC dropped his shoulders in defeat. “I haven’t had this kind of reaction for so long but when it comes to my music…”

“JC, you came here feeling numb to the world and now you’re throwing furniture. Perhaps a bit extreme of a reaction but you didn’t just shrug it off and say “whatever” and not care. That unblocked voice is coming out like the lion that it is.”

“Meerkat no more,” JC grinned then kissed Alice’s forehead. “I need to go cool off. Don’t clean up, I’ll do it when I get out but if you could, um, stay, that would be really great.”

“How about I order us a late night snack?” Alice asked him.

“That would be wonderful,” JC smiled at her. He took a moment, staring at the woman who only a few short days ago had been a stranger that now occupied so much space in his heart. He didn’t understand how she just got him and didn’t want to spend too much time dissecting it either. Besides, now there were more pressing issues to deal with. “Thank you,” he said before grabbing a change of clothes and heading to the bathroom.