Alice felt a gentle nudge as JC’s voice broke through to her brain. “Good Morning Beautiful,” she heard him say softly. Alice turned and carefully opened her eyes, her vision blurry, making JC’s face look like he was literally appearing from a dream.

“Hi,” Alice smiled, wishing she could look at his face all day. 

“You sleep better this time around?”

“Mmmmhmmm.”

JC smiled down at Alice’s sleepy happy expression, grateful they had both been able to rest more. The extra sleep had definitely helped him and he was really hoping this was going to be the start of a good day for both of them. “Your breakfast is ready whenever you are.”

“Breakfast in bed?!” Alice’s eyes widened with excitement.

“Yes,” JC couldn’t contain his laugh. “Have you never had breakfast in bed before?”

“Hell no,” Alice began to sit up, stretching and letting her eyes adjust. JC watched her for a moment. He was beginning to realize how many small moments of tenderness Alice had yet to experience and he suddenly felt the need to pack as many into the next two days as possible.

“You’ll be happy to know I was able to rustle up some bacon,” he slid the tray onto her lap. Alice immediately reached for a piece and got in a few chews before looking at JC accusingly. “Ok fine, it’s turkey bacon but it was the best I could do.”

Alice laughed as she dug in and JC got up to grab a cup of hot tea before sitting back next to her. This was when Alice finally noticed that he was fully dressed. “How long have you been up?”

“About an hour. I knew Eric would have the papers here by 8am so I wanted to be ready to get them back to him as soon as possible.”

“Wait, what time is it?” Alice questioned.

“Just before 9am,” JC stated calmly.

“9am?!” Alice exclaimed. “Jesus Christ, we’re late!”

“Late for what?”

“Late for, you know, things! We didn’t do our walk and now the stretching and the Tai Chi and the…”

“Alice,” JC put his hand on her arm. “You needed to sleep. I had Jordyn move some things around on your schedule while I was waiting for the courier so you don’t have anything until ten. Relax and enjoy breakfast.”

Alice wasn’t used to being looked after; she was always the one keeping everyone else on schedule. The difference was odd but not unenjoyable. “How’d everything go with the paperwork?” she changed the subject.

“Fine, standard stuff. I talked to Eric and they’re still trying to pinpoint where it started from or how far out it spread.”

“Shit, I mean, are you guys gonna be able to find it all?”

“I don’t know,” JC sighed. “If we get the majority of it, YouTube and streaming and shit like that, that might be the best we can do. They’ll get the download links squashed as well but if people already have the tracks, they can easily just upload them again or share them. It makes me fucking sick to my stomach.”

“I didn’t mean to get you all worked up again,” Alice said softly.

“You didn’t do anything. Whoever did this…that’s who’s got me upset, not you.”

Alice watched as JC’s eyes grew darker, the grip on his mug just a little bit tighter as he worked to keep his anger at bay. “What’s on your schedule for today?”

“Nothing until the afternoon. I thought about what you said and I put in a text to Justin to call me when he could. I think I need to talk about all this.”

“That’s really awesome,” Alice smiled, “just try not to dwell on it all day. Eric’s got it handled.”

Alice turned her head away to hide a tiny laugh but JC caught it. “What?”

“It’s silly, it’s just that, there’s this thing you said, during one of the interviews at the pop up, where you said you don’t dwell on the negative. It’s like a whole thing now with fans.”

“Well, guess you know the truth now that that’s a crock of shit,” JC gave a wry smile. “I can still turn on the charm for the cameras when I need to.”

“I don’t think it’s a crock of shit. I think maybe you didn’t even realize you were dwelling on it, you just internalized it. Your mind wasn’t actively thinking about it but your body was. Trust me, the body remembers trauma even if the mind suppresses it.”

“That’s really where you think this whole vishuddha blockage thing came from?” JC questioned.

“I don’t know, but it’s as good a place to start,” Alice shrugged as she finished up her plate.

JC sat there contemplating what Alice had said when his phone began to ring. Surprised the call was by FaceTime, JC automatically answered. “Hey J, thanks for giving me a call back.”

“Yeah man, sorry, would’ve been earlier but we had a massive 2am diaper blow out to work through so we slept in a little late,” Justin wiped his eyes, clearly still trying to wake up.

“All good, man,” JC reassured him.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Alice whispered as she began to sneak out of the bed.

“Oh yeah, no problem,” JC remembered her presence. “One second, J,” he put the phone down but Justin could observe the scene. “Your schedule’s on top of the dresser. I’ll see you at lunch, ok?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Alice said, keeping one eye on Justin, seeing the confusion and scrutiny on his face as JC leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Have a good chat. Say what you need to say,” she told JC then turned to the phone. “Uh, hi…Justin,” she waved awkwardly then backed out of view, covering her face and muttering a not silent enough “Jesus Christ” as she left.

JC shook his head and chuckled as he picked back up the phone. “Sorry, she’s…she’s getting a lot thrown at her this week.”

“Seems like it,” Justin raised an eyebrow. “You gonna explain or I have to drag it out of you?”

“Nothing to explain. She’s just a friend.”

“A friend that was in your bed that I’m gonna take a wild guess and say Jen doesn’t know about.”

“Are you really one to talk here?” JC grew a bit agitated. He didn’t want to have a fight, especially when he really needed Justin’s advice at the moment, but he didn’t appreciate Justin throwing stones from his own glass house when he knew nothing about the situation.

Justin looked on in stunned silence for a moment. JC was never one to start an argument, at least not in recent memory. In fact, all JC ever did was shut down the moment conflict arose the past couple years. Something had changed, Justin realized, and he wasn’t sure if he was proud or pissed off about it as of yet.

“So, that’s not why you wanted to talk?” Justin managed a half smile, trying to dial down the tension.

“No, it’s not,” JC sighed, half relieved they weren’t going down that path and half steadying himself for the real conversation. “I need your help.”

“Anything, man. You name it,” Justin said without hesitation. Another change: he’d been asking JC for years how he could help him and he always refused. This was serious.

“My album got released without my consent and I just…I don’t know what to do. I really need some advice.”

“Your album? What album? You’ve been working on an album?!” Justin questioned in shock. This conversation was rapidly becoming one surprise after another.

“No Justin, Kate. Somebody released Kate.”

Justin literally had to sit down at the news. “JC…fuck…how?”

“Eric’s looking into it but it’s…you have to be looking for it but it’s easy to find if you were.”

“Absolutely no offense but is anyone even looking for it?”

“The YouTube videos are all over a thousand views already and the fake me on Apple Music has like a hundred subscribers so, yeah, some people are looking apparently,” JC shook his head. “Fifteen years, J. Fifteen years and it never came out but it just took one asshole to ruin it all. The thought that it’s out there and I can’t…I can’t fix it; all I can do is mitigate the damage? It’s fucked up and it hurts and I just don’t understand why someone would do this to me?”

Justin put a hand over his face, trying to take everything in. After a few moments, he looked back at the screen. “Ok, what can I do?”

“I don’t know. I just, I need somebody who understands this situation to brain storm with. I want to go back to LA with a game plan.”

“You’re not taking this lying down, are you?”

“No, why would I?”

“Cuz that’s what you’ve been doing the past couple years,” Justin told him honestly. “Truth be told, I didn’t know if you had any more fight left in ya.”

Now it was JC’s turn to be rendered speechless. He knew it had been bad but he didn’t know one of his best friends had all but given up on him. JC choked back a sob as he replied, “Yeah, well, you know how important my music is to me.”

“I do,” Justin said solemnly. “What the hell is happening to you over there?”

“If I even attempted to explain, I don’t think you’d believe me,” JC chuckled.

“Probably not,” Justin smiled and stared at his friend. “It’s good to have you back, C.”

“Working on it,” JC confessed. “One issue at a time.”

“Well then, let’s see what we can do about this one,” Justin settled into his chair. “Tell me what’s going on.”

JC told Justin about his conversation with Eric and what all he knew and about the copyright papers he’d signed that morning. Justin agreed it was a good first step and started googling the album as they spoke, jotting down all the places he found it to help JC and Eric hopefully find a common thread.

Justin advised JC to get a lawyer, even if it didn’t go anywhere and sent him some recommendations. They discussed how JC wanted to handle the situation and while Justin could once again hear the passion in his voice, JC was pretty adamant he didn’t want this to be any more public than it already was.

“JC, some of it is my material too. I got no problem suing somebody if it clears this up faster for you,” Justin offered.

“If you breathe wrong you end up on TMZ,” JC countered. “I appreciate it but it will definitely become headlines if you do anything.”

“I’m used to being the scapegoat. I’ll happily do it again,” Justin told him.

“Yeah, but that’s about reunion plans.”

“Or lack of reunion plans.”

“Yeah, not today, ok?” JC bristled.

“I’m not, I’m just saying we agreed to let me be the public fall guy so it could take the heat off of you. If it’ll help, I got no issue.”

“No, the four of you agreed. I never agreed.”

“You didn’t disagree either,” Justin pointed out. 

JC bit his lip and stared at the screen. “I’m not really sure what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I got you, JC. Always.”

“Yeah, well,” JC scratched his head, “maybe it’s time I got you for a little bit.”

“I know if I need you, you’ll be there. You’re taking care of yourself, that’s really all I can ask of you at the moment.” Justin paused for a moment. “Ok, maybe just one little thing…”

“Her name is Alice and she’s a friend,” JC huffed, knowing exactly where Justin was headed. “Don’t turn it into something that it’s not.”

“Oh, so that’s Alice,” Justin grinned.

“What? How do you know about…?” JC’s brain answered his question before he even got it all out of his mouth. “Fucking Fatone.”

“Apparently I was whiny back in the day?” Justin teased.

“Damn right you were,” JC chuckled. “You were a teenager, comes with the territory.”

“If I had known it was her, I would have looked harder. Joey was trying to figure out if she was hot.”

“Of course he was,” JC shook his head.

“Joey also said she’s got a crush on you?”

“Yeah, well, lots of women have had crushes on me over the years. I don’t understand it but we talked it through and…you know how it is. The image and the real person rarely match. It’s not a big deal.”

“I think that may be the first time I’ve ever heard you acknowledge that women are attracted to you,” Justin smiled.

“Told you, lots of weird shit has been going on over here. I’ll tell you all about it sometime but not today.”

“Fair enough but uh, I just…I’m so glad you’re doing all this. I’m so glad you called but…just be careful. You gotta come back to reality in a few days.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that whatever this friendship is with Alice isn’t gonna be the same soon enough. Don’t fuck up a good thing cuz of some short term emotions but don’t leave there regretting not doing everything you want together cuz you’ll never have another chance.”

“Are you telling me to cheat on my girlfriend or not?” JC gave a laugh at Justin’s completely contradictory statements.

“I’m telling you to do what’s in your heart but use your brain as well. If the connection is there, it’s there but make sure it’s real and not just cuz you miss Jen.”

“That how you rationalize it to yourself?” JC raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, it is,” Justin stated matter of factly. “We’re getting older, C. Connection is precious and far too rare in this world. If you find it, embrace it.”

“No matter who you hurt in the process,” JC glared.

“If you’re doing anything with the intention of hurting someone, that’s a problem,” Justin reasoned. “That is absolutely never my intention.”

JC sighed, not prepared for this particular conversation. While he never flaunted it, Justin’s infidelity was a pretty open secret with the band. JC didn’t have a great history of being a loyal boyfriend himself which was specifically why he never crossed over to husband. But Jen was the closest he’d ever found to a lifelong companion and this conversation was making him come to a realization.

“I’m gonna have to tell Jen about Alice when I get home,” JC said out loud.

“Do you?” Justin questioned.

“Yes, Justin, I do,” JC doubled down. “I…I kind of hate to admit I get what you’re saying but I’m also getting too old to lie.”

“So something did happen,” Justin’s lips turned into a devilish grin.

“No, nothing has happened,” JC stated. “It…it’s gotten close. A couple times actually but nothing has happened. She spent the night, just with everything with the album I asked her to and it was fine. She was a little wigged out but nothing happened.”

“Why was she wigged out?”

“Told you, long time crush. I don’t understand it being me but I can get how crazy it must be for the poster on the wall to come to life.”

“The first time Janet kissed me, I came,” Justin confessed.

“File that under things I never needed to know,” JC made a face. 

“JC, what do you want? Her feelings aside just for the moment, what’s going through your mind about her?”

“I just want to kiss her,” JC finally admitted out loud. “Like, literally, that’s it. I don’t want to have sex with her but I just want to kiss her and touch her and hold her and…like you said, connection. I miss having that so much. I was even telling her this morning how we used to be so much closer, like that time you came over after you and Brit split, you remember?”

“Yeah, I do,” Justin said softly, that stretch of time still a soft spot in his armor. JC had really pulled him through so much of it.

“I miss that,” JC started to well up, “and I have that with Alice. I know I do, I feel it and I just feel like I can’t do anything about it.”

“Maybe Jen would understand, I mean, if all it is is kissing,” Justin offered.

“Your wife magically got pregnant after you were caught just holding hands with another woman and you wanna talk about understanding?”

“Jess and Jen aren’t the same but also…wow!” Justin’s eyes went wide. “Where is that coming from?”

“It’s coming from…” JC pushed his lips together and shook his head. That unblocked voice really was roaring out of him like fire but logic told him letting it all out at once truly would create an inferno. “Look, in a very weird way, I think I’m agreeing with you. They aren’t the same. Our relationships aren’t the same so what works for you might not work for me. Either way, I know I have to tell her.”

“Ok. You’re right, you know what’s best for your relationship. I just want you to be happy, JC. No matter what that looks like.”

“Thank you,” JC gave a soft smile. “I want that for you too and I…I worry about you, J. I worry that you’re not, you know, happy.”

The words took Justin’s breath away. This was the closest to real conversation the two had had in years and he had no clue JC felt that way. In that moment, he realized how much he missed the deep connection they both once shared as well yet knew it was still strong underneath the surface. “I think that’s another conversation for another time,” Justin tried to brush off.

“Let’s have it though sometime, Justin. I mean it,” JC pressed. 

The earnestness in JC’s voice was nearly too much for Justin to take as he blinked away some tears. Of course JC would be the one to see through his bullshit. “Jesus, seriously, what are they doing to you over there? I’m beginning to think you’re a pod person or something.”

“Oh man, not you too,” JC laughed loudly. “Alice is convinced there’s some kind of alien witchcraft mind control sacrificial whatever going on here.”

“I like her better already,” Justin chuckled. “Look, right now, you need to focus on you, on this record situation and whatever the deal is with Alice. That’s what’s important. I’m…I’ll be ok til we can talk but, yeah, I’d like that, if we could. Maybe I’ll even let you spoon me again.”

“Now how do we explain that to our significant others?” JC laughed.

“Oh I’m not worried about them. How do we explain that to Lance? If he finds out I got you in bed before he did, he’ll literally chop my head off.”

JC rolled over with laughter at the thought. “If he cuts off the bottom one, that’ll solve a lot of your problems,” JC managed to get out.

“Oh, you got jokes now, huh?” Justin eyed him but in truth he couldn’t remember the last time JC had busted his chops. It instantly felt like old times and Justin knew without a doubt he was so proud of the progress JC was making. God, he had missed hearing JC laugh.

“I’m sorry, it was too easy,” JC tried to compose himself.

Justin smiled back at his friend. “Seems like this retreat has really done you some good.”

“It has,” JC told him. “I don’t know what I would have done if all this shit happened while I was home. It fucking hurts, man, and I…maybe you were right, that I lost a lot of the fight that was in me but I’m finding it again.”

“Good for you,” Justin beamed. “Let me get this list organized and I’ll email it over. Don’t even look at it, just forward it to Eric and make him do the leg work. Seriously, promise me you’ll let him handle it until you get back to LA.”

“I won’t read it but as far as looking things up on my end, I’ll try not to but I can’t promise I won’t.”

“I appreciate the honesty,” Justin said solemnly. “Two more days, C. Make the most of them. I’ll check in when you’re home but feel free to call if you need anything.”

“Thanks Justin, I can’t tell you how much this has meant to me.”

“That’s what friends are for,” Justin told him before the briefest of twinkle appeared in his eye as he loudly broke out into song. “In good times, in bad times, I’LL BE BY YOUR SIDE FOREVER MORE!!!”

“Dad! Stop!!” Silas could be heard yelling from somewhere in the background.

“Hey! This voice puts food on the table. Do you think your fruit snacks just fall from the fruit snack tree?” Justin yelled off camera.

“I mean, they are fruit, so…” JC started.

“You aren’t helping,” Justin turned back to him.

“Fruit snack tree though…”

“Yes, I’ve gone full Dad at this point. I talk and my father comes out. It’s honestly frightening. I swear, I’ve aged ten years in the past two.”

“Getting old sucks, huh?”

“No. It’s weird, it’s different, but I don’t think it sucks. There’s days I wish I was still twenty two, could still drink and hang and move my body like I used to but I take care of myself and just finally learned to do everything in moderation. Being over forty isn’t a death sentence, it’s just learning to adapt.”

“You think that’s what I need to do?”

“I think you need to be selfish and start putting yourself first a little more. This retreat is part of that so don’t lose that when you get home and as I said, enjoy the time you have left there. Don’t leave regretting a missed opportunity.”

“You know, I said basically the same thing to Alice only a few hours ago,” JC chuckled and shook his head.

“Why’s that?”

“I, uh, I was trying to convince her to get back into bed with me. I didn’t want her fear overruling her enjoyment of doing something she’s always wanted,” JC blushed. “Wow, that sounds weird when I say it out loud.”

“Maybe you should take your own advice,” Justin offered.

“I don’t have fear, Justin. I have guilt. Big difference.”

“Think it over, JC. Really think it over.” Justin took a breath. “Think it over better than I do most times.”

“Justin…” JC shook his head.

“Lecture me later,” Justin deflected. “Just do what’s best for you for once.”

“I’ll think it over, ok?”

“All I can ask,” Justin gave a small smile. “Take care of yourself, brother. Keep me updated about the album and we’ll catch up properly soon. I promise.”

“I’d like that,” JC smiled softly back. “Love you, Justin. Thank you.”

“Love you too and anytime,” Justin blew him a kiss and with a laugh, the call was disconnected.

JC laid back on the bed and let a million thoughts run through him. The album leak was still plaguing him and he needed to think about his next course of action. He didn’t know how he was going to talk to Jen about this week but at least he was resolute that he would. He was confident that she would be understanding as things stood but if he acted on his growing feelings for Alice, he wasn’t so sure.

He let out a heavy sigh as his thoughts turned to Justin. Things were in worse shape than he realized and JC wondered if he had purposely ignored it previously or Justin had kept the details hidden from him. Either way, the distance between the two was apparent but their talk felt like closing the gap just a little. What was going on with his other friends he had no clue about? JC realized his band mates had been nothing but supportive and understanding these past few years and JC was determined to finally return the favor.