Alice had no idea how she was even keeping up with the steps in her Zumba class as she was barely paying attention. Her thoughts, as always, remained on JC. She wondered how his talk with Justin was going, she remembered his tired sad eyes the night before and the warmth of his body wrapped around her this morning…

“Honey, go get a drink. You are a huffing and a puffing,” a voice broke Alice out of her daydream.

“Huh? Oh yeah, good point,” she turned to see Millie doing small side to side jumps as Whitney Houston’s voice blared through the studio. Alice deftly made her way to the side and grabbed a bottle of water.

Alice shut her eyes as she let the cool water refresh her and felt her heart begin to slow to a steady pace. She soon felt someone join her and knew without looking it was Millie. “Sorry, you looked super into it out there but I thought you were gonna pass out at any moment.”

“No, thanks for looking out,” Alice found a towel and wiped her face, suddenly realizing how sweaty she was. “Guess I kind of zoned out.”

“Uh huh,” Millie gave a knowing nod. “Still feeling the aftershocks of last night?”

“What? No, that’s not…wait, were you spying on me again?” Alice asked in surprise.

“Not spying exactly, more like right place at the right time.”

“Was that right place the bush?” Alice raised an eyebrow.

Millie let out her signature high pitched laugh. “Not after Jeff ruined it. No, my hike went long this morning so I had a late breakfast and saw you in your jammies leaving JC’s room as I left this morning. One can only assume…”

“Nothing happened, Millie,” Alice huffed, getting tired of this topic continually being brought up. “JC had some outside personal shit come up that had him really upset last night and he asked me to stay. It was completely innocent.”

“Girl, you ain’t had a man in your bed in months. Couldn’t have been that innocent.”

Alice let out a large sigh, trying not to snap at this woman. “Sorry to disappoint you, Millie. Besides, not like I’d even know what to do if he did make a move,” Alice took another sip of water.

“Oh, of course!” Millie had a realization. “Alice, when is the last time you got laid?”

Alice fought not to spit the water half way across the room. “I mean, obviously a while,” Alice tried to deflect.

“Don’t play cute with me. You’ve told me enough to know it wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows with Donny before he passed,” Millie continued. “So how long?”

“Long enough that I don’t remember how long,” Alice conceded.

“Was he cheating on you too?”

“I don’t know. I thought so but I never found any evidence. Even after he died, nothing. So either he wasn’t or he took that secret to the grave, which honestly might be for the best,” Alice stated. 

That question had plagued Alice for years and she still didn’t have an answer. She could never tell if it was simply Donny’s anger at her that kept him away or he had someone else to take care of that need. Either way, it was still another form of neglect from him that she had suffered through and her psyche couldn’t take another blow to dig deeper into it.

“Honey, if not him, get your rocks off with somebody at least,” Millie chittered.

“As I said before, JC has a girlfriend, I’m not his type and I’m not ready for that yet,” Alice stated matter of factly as she finished her bottle and headed back into the class.

“Hogwash,” Millie said to herself as she watched her go.

Twenty minutes later, the class finished up as Alice leapt for another bottle of water. She was doing everything too intensely and she knew this was how she coped with stress but what was the stress? Was she really this worried about JC and his album? No, she quickly deduced, she was worried about him going back to LA to deal with the whole mess. She was worried about not being there for him.

Alice made her way down the hall to the Pilates studio as she prepared to put her body through the wringer once more. She was surprised how much she was actually enjoying the exercise now that her body was getting used to it and really wanted to make sure she found some time for herself when she got back home to take some sort of cheap class at the YMCA to keep her motivated.

Millie sidled up at the machine next to Alice. “Look, I’m sorry if you feel like I keep harping on this but you seem like a really nice lady who deserves a good time every once in a while.”

Alice sighed as she looked at Millie’s sad expression. “Thank you for the, uh, concern but I’m not one of those people who can just throw all my morality out the window to fuck the guy I’ve always wanted. We’re older; there are consequences for our actions. I can’t act on my impulses and be selfish when I know it’ll end up hurting someone else.”

Millie looked at Alice hard, taking in all that Alice had just said. “What do you mean by “fuck the guy you always wanted”?”

“Fuck!” Alice’s brain screamed. “I mean, he’s a good looking guy and good looking guys don’t find me attractive, is all,” Alice stumbled.

Millie’s eyes never left Alice’s face as she reached in her pocket for her cell phone. “What’s JC’s last name?” Alice reached for the phone but Millie pulled it back quickly, her eyes going wide as a smile started emerging. “Oh my God, he’s famous, isn’t he?!”

“Let it go, Millie,” Alice threatened but Millie sprinted from the room, furiously googling to see what she could dig up on the handsome older man. Alice was quick on her heels, hoping in vain to stop her.

Millie was half way down the hall when she stopped abruptly and turned back to face Alice, her arm outstretched to show her phone. “There is no way this is the same man.” 

Alice couldn’t help but smile a bit at the picture on Millie’s phone. The exact event was gone from her memory but JC was on some red carpet in a suit when the fashion was shades of the same color on top of one another. His hair was dark and short, the tiniest hint of a fauxhawk in the styling but she couldn’t tell if it was at the start or end of that trend for him. His clean shaven face had the barest of smiles but it reached his dark blue eyes fully, long before he switched his contacts for glasses.

“A younger version but yes, same guy,” Alice admitted.

“Jesus, what happened?” Millie pulled back her phone and began scrolling through the gallery of pictures that had populated.

“What do you mean what happened?” Alice was nearly offended. “That picture is like ten to fifteen years old. A lot changes in that time.”

“Wait, I do know who he is!” Millie shoved her phone back into Alice’s face. A still of him and Ariana Grande performing at Coachella filled the screen. “He’s JC from *NSYNC!”

“He is but Millie, DON’T make this a big deal. Seriously,” Alice warned.

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize it. This is only like two years ago but with the gray and the beard and the everything…wow,” Millie looked at the picture again, starting to see the connection but still too shocked to believe it. “He desperately needs to hire a stylist.”

“Well, he’s not exactly hitting up clubs and events nowadays so I don’t think it’s really a need anymore,” Alice tried to rationalize.

Suddenly, Millie looked up, her eyes almost scanning Alice. “Oh, now you have to fuck him.”

“For fucks sake,” Alice threw up her hands and turned away.

“No no no no no,” Millie quickly ran around her and blocked her retreat. “This is such a bigger deal now.”

“Nothing changes,” Alice reminded her. “He still has a girlfriend that I’m pretty much the polar opposite of in the looks department and I still have a recently dead husband.”

“How long?”

“How long what? Since Donny died?”

“No, how long have you had a crush on JC? Since at least *NSYNC was big, right?”

“Since before then actually. He was on a kids show…”

“The one with Justin Timberlake, right?”

“Yeah…thought you’d be too young to remember that.”

“I’ve seen some clips. I’m…kind of a big fan of his. Justin’s, I mean,” Millie blushed.

Alice smiled at the normally outspoken woman getting bashful. She debated confessing she had actually seen Justin just this morning talking to JC but realized she’d probably have a million questions about it and decided to leave it alone.

“Then you can understand the issue. Justin is married; you wouldn’t try to sleep with him if you met him.”

“The hell I wouldn’t!” Millie nearly shouted. “Let that man pound me like I’m cement and he’s the jackhammer.”

Alice had to laugh at the analogy. “That’s all well and good in theory but you wouldn’t actually tell him that.”

“Not in so many words but if you don’t think I’d flirt with him and see if he took the bait, you’d be dead wrong.”

“Then what?”

“Then we fuck until I’m cross eyed. I mean, depends on what he’s into, I can…”

“You’re really serious, aren’t you?” Alice interrupted. “It doesn’t matter to you that he’s married; that you are?!”

Millie gave a small smile, amused by how naïve Alice seemed to be. “Honey, my husband and I have an…understanding. I have my fun, he has his, you catch my drift?” Alice gave a small nod, getting what Millie was saying but not seeing how it was possible. “I’m respectful. If I see a man I’m interested in, I go for it. He’s not, that’s ok. He is, more fun for me.”

“Ok, fine, if the guy is single, sure, I guess. Married though? Like, knowing he’s married…”

“As I said to you the other night, that’s his problem. I’m not trying to be heartless and I certainly don’t pressure anyone but I like to let men know the invitation is there. It’s on them whether to accept it or not.”

Alice bit her lip, trying hard to put herself in Millie’s shoes. “I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m being judgmental, I’m really not trying to be but I just don’t see how you can knowingly wreck a relationship.”

“I’m not wrecking anything,” Millie firmly explained. “If a man is supposed to be monogamous with his partner and he isn’t, he fucked up, not me. I’m still being faithful to what my husband and I have agreed upon. I can’t assume what someone else’s relationships do’s or don’ts are.”

Alice thought hard about that one. Millie wasn’t wrong but she wasn’t exactly right either in Alice’s eyes. Perhaps it was “old fashioned” thinking but even with the years of satisfying her own needs as Donny lost interest, Alice never even entertained the idea of cheating on Donny…except with JC. JC was always the exception.

Millie could see the wheels turning in Alice’s brain. “Is that really the only issue?” she asked. “That he’s in a relationship?”

“It’s a pretty big issue, Millie.”

“I getcha but if he wasn’t…” Alice shot her a look but Millie pressed on. “Humor me, if he was single, would you at least give it a shot?”

“You seem to think he’d be interested. I know his eyesight is worse than it used to be but he isn’t completely blind to what I look like.”

“Well you obviously are,” Millie put her hands on her hips. “Alice, I can’t pretend to know all you’ve been through and I don’t have the magic words to make you believe me but I know men and I tell you with full conviction that man has feelings for you.”

“We’re friends. I’m…I’m lucky it even got that far. It’s not like he has romantic feelings or something like that.” Millie continued to stare firmly at Alice. “He doesn’t. You’re crazy. He has a girlfriend!”

“Being in a relationship doesn’t stop feelings from developing but you’re right, he does, so maybe he’s never act on them. But I’m also right that they’re there. He looks at you with this…curiosity, like he’s trying to decide what to do with you.”

“That doesn’t necessarily sound like a good thing.”

Millie walked towards Alice and reached up, grabbing the taller woman by the shoulders. “The world isn’t like Donny. You got dealt a bad hand, time to reshuffle. It’s not easy to undo all the damage but do NOT let his views keep dictating your life. He’s literally rotting in hell right now, let him stay there.”

“Millie, I…”

“Listen to me,” Millie gripped her tighter. “You’ve been crushing on JC for forever and now that you’ve finally met, he’s crushing back. ENJOY IT! Stop trying to dismiss it or figure out why and just go with it.”

“That is so much easier said than done,” Alice protested.

“Remember, this place has drugs and I’ll use them if I have to to calm you down,” Millie threatened before both women let out a laugh. “Seriously Alice, just enjoy the time you have with JC that’s left, whatever that looks like.”

“I will do my best,” Alice took a deep breath and promised.

“Good,” Millie finally let go. “Now, if you fuck him and don’t get me tickets to Justin’s next tour, we’re going to have a problem,” she smirked before heading back into the studio. 

Alice followed with a laugh, wishing she could have Millie’s confidence and easy going attitude, like she knew every man wanted her and could care less if they didn’t. Alice couldn’t understand how any man would want her, let alone the one she wanted back most of all. It was impossible and yet the evidence was gradually mounting. 

She’d never be able to live with herself if she tried anything. She also wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t.