Valentine’s Day

“Ok, wait, I’m confused,” Alice sat up on the couch. “Why exactly is Anakin so worried about Padmé?”

Joey paused the movie and turned to face Alice from the other side of the sofa. “Cuz he keeps dreaming that she’s gonna die while giving birth.”

“And the dark side is supposed to prevent that how exactly?”

“Right!” Joey stated excitedly. “It’s not but Palpatine sees how desperate Anakin is to save Padmé, that he manipulates him to join the dark side with false promises.”

“But she’s not even in trouble!” Alice points at the screen. “He’s made it all up in his head.”

Joey laughed as he watched Alice dissect the plot and stood up, grabbing his now empty drink. “Refill?” he asked, pointing at Alice’s cup.

“Just water would be great, thanks,” she smiled, handing it to him. “I’ll probably have to go in…shit,” she checked her phone for the time. “How did it get so late?”

“You keep asking questions so the movies take longer to watch,” Joey teased as he returned with the water for her and one for himself. “I thought you said Patrick was staying at your brother’s after the dance tonight?”

“He is but still don’t want to be driving back at like 2am.”

“You could stay here, if you wanted,” Joey offered. “Take off early in the morning.”

The offer was innocent enough but Alice didn’t want Joey to get the wrong idea. It was already insane enough that he had invited her over and she had to try with all her being not to stare at the bits of *NSYNC memories that adorned his walls. “Thank you, but no, I should get going after we get done the movie.”

“Then please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and hold all your questions til the end,” Joey teased as he sat back down and hit play on the remote.

Alice laughed and turned back to the screen. He’d asked for her number after the Disney World trip and Alice had no issue providing it but it had surprised her when he actually reached out, offering this movie night to start getting her up to speed on the Star Wars universe. When the best date they could come up with happened to be Valentine’s Day, she tried not to read into it but it made her heart race with concern.

The significance of the day was never spoken between the two and Alice was honestly relieved by it. She only knew Joey by his reputation in the band; a constant flirt. She didn’t doubt that was at least part of his personality but in the past two times she’d spent with him, he’d been nothing but a gentleman. A bit crass, for sure, but she enjoyed his humor. He reminded her of Donny in that way.

“Shit,” she inwardly cursed at herself. Why had she thought of that? Cuz it was partially true, she had to admit. The few good parts of Donny, that was. That need to get a rise out of people, but Joey was good natured in his ribbing, looking for a laugh. Donny was malicious.

Alice blinked as the tv suddenly paused again. “What’s wrong?” she turned to Joey.

“Nothing’s wrong but you clearly stopped watching the movie a few minutes ago,” Joey called her out. “Figured I’d give you a minute to catch back up.”

“Sorry,” she blushed. “My brain tends to wander a lot, or rather just start overanalyzing things.”

“This is why you’re friends with JC,” Joey teased. “It’s ok, you made it through two movies. Pretty impressive.”

“Thanks, I mean, we don’t have to…sorry,” Alice began to stammer.

“Alice, we’ve been watching for hours. It’s cool if you need a break, plus you gotta drive home. I’m not offended,” Joey reassured her.

“Sorry, yeah, this has been…so incredibly kind of you,” Alice quickly retreated to the kitchen to return her glass and admonish herself. She’d been good all evening, just enjoying Joey’s knowledge of the films and delicious snacks he’d cooked up. She’d staved of a panic attack on the ride over, trying hard not to build up the evening too much in her head, but Joey’s casual and friendly demeanor had put her at ease…until now, when her intrusive thoughts came at her once again.

Alice turned once she felt she was at least semi composed to find Joey in the kitchen next to her. Right next to her. He was suddenly there and far too close. Alice let out a short scream, jumping back. The sudden outburst made Joey jump as well, instantly backing up.

“Hey, oh, ok,” Joey held his hands out, trying to give Alice some space. “No sudden surprises for you, got it.”

Alice’s breathing was quickly ragged as she tried to process a million feelings at once. She felt trapped, embarrassed; she knew Joey meant no harm but just his presence unannounced compounded with her harmful memories of Donny were too much. This was why she didn’t interact with people, she knew her issues were just too exhausting for others to handle. She’d thought she was handling it better, was ready to try again but suddenly a nice night with a nice guy was spiraling out of control all because she had so many problems. “I…I’m so sorry. I should go,” she finally managed to say, eyes darting frantically for her purse.

“You are in no condition to drive right now,” Joey firmly but calmly told her. “I’m gonna go upstairs and give you some space. Just sit and take some deep breaths until you feel better, okay? Please, for me?” Joey asked, not waiting for an answer as he slowly retreated from the room. He had no idea what had caused it but he certainly knew what was happening with Alice. He’d worked through years of problem solving and parent coaching when Kloey was younger and would completely break down. The best thing to do was give some space and let the person work through whatever they were dealing with.

Alice watched Joey like a hawk as he left, too scared of his reaction for her to even move. Her intent was to grab her things and run as soon as she heard him ascend the stairs but her body had other ideas as the intense fear gave way to relief and she collapsed on the floor in a heap of sobs. Everything hurt and she hated it. She couldn’t even have one nice night out. Was this her own doing or Donny’s ghost still torturing her from beyond the grave? Did it even matter? She’d ruined the night, she’d ruined the burgeoning friendship. She was sure Joey would tell JC what happened and he’d be pissed she was so embarrassing in front of his friend. Why was she purposely bringing people she had only dreamed of meeting into her fucked up world?

“I’m coming down the stairs,” she finally heard a voice shout as her tears started to subside. Had it been two minutes or twenty? She had no idea but it was clear Joey had been listening. Add another item to her list of embarrassing moments.

Joey came around the corner, arms raised like he was being held at gunpoint. He hesitated when he saw Alice on the floor, unsure the best way to approach her. He let his instincts take over as he inched forward and crouched down to be at her level. “Hey, would you let me help you to the couch? I can make you some hot tea. It’s like a hug from the inside.”

Alice wasn’t ready for the humor and laughed despite herself as she hid her tear streaked face. She nodded in acceptance and Joey smiled, helping her to her feet. He led her back to the couch, not making direct eye contact with her yet, letting her pull herself together in her own time. Once she was settled, he found a throw blanket to cover her with and a box of tissues he put on the coffee table before starting the tea.

“I’m sorry,” Alice finally squeaked out when she felt she could speak.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Joey said nonchalantly, like grown women sobbing on his kitchen floor was a regular occurrence.

“Pretty sure I have a lot to be sorry for,” she said quietly, wanting to crawl out of the room and forget the whole thing had happened.

“Hey,” Joey said softly but direct enough to get her attention. “If it makes you feel better to apologize, then apology accepted. I just wanna make sure you’re doing ok.”

“There isn’t enough time in the world to ensure that,” Alice laughed defeatedly.

“Well then let’s start with making sure you are ok to get home,” Joey gave her a gentle smile.

“So you can get the fuck out of my house and never return again, you freak,” Alice answered for him in her brain but stayed silent on the outside. Her demons had quickly taken her out for the night and she wasn’t in the mood to fight them.

Several minutes later, Joey came over with a mug of hot chamomile tea he set down in front of Alice as he sat back into his side of the couch with his own mug. He didn’t say anything, just sipping silently as he watched Alice take the drink and ever so slowly begin to relax.

“This is good, thank you,” she gave him a weak smile after a few moments.

“Feeling better?” Joey cautiously asked.

“Getting there.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Joey offered. “No pressure, just, open ears, if you want them.”

“Don’t want you to think even worse of me,” Alice shook her head.

“Alice,” Joey leaned in slightly. “I don’t think bad of you, not at all.” Joey bit his lip, mulling over what exactly to say but once again, acting on instinct. “You wanna know what I do think?”

Alice turned to face Joey, her breath caught in her throat. “What?”

“I think you looked at me the exact same way your son did at Disney, meaning you both have been through some shit. Given your reactions, your husband’s passing and the little bit you mentioned at the park, it sounds like you two are coming to grips with a lot of stuff. I’m sorry if I triggered something with that to upset you.”

“Joey, no, you…” Alice reached her hand out to Joey before quickly pulling it back. “You are fine. You are more than fine, you are amazing. I’m sorry you keep getting caught in the crosshairs of our trauma.”

“We all have shit, Alice. The shit doesn’t define us but how we deal with it sure does.”

“Well I’m a very bad example of how to deal with it then,” Alice scoffed.

“Nooooo,” Joey elongated the word for emphasis, “you’re actually a great example. You went on that retreat, for starters. Dealing with your feelings doesn’t mean burying them. You have no idea what JC has been like the past few years. He wasn’t dealing with his shit and ended up with that anal blockage or whatever it was.”

Alice burst out in a laugh again. “It was his vishuddha. Basically, yeah, he wasn’t expressing himself.”

“And you are. Don’t pretend to be ok when you aren’t. I’m not Mr. Happy Go Lucky all the time either.”

“You sure about that? You seem to always put me in a good mood.”

“That’s cuz I like seeing people smile,” he explained simply. “Doesn’t mean don’t be sad or upset but not gonna lie, gives me a little satisfaction to see a laugh come through those tears.”

“Thanks Joey,” Alice replied, calmness finally starting to settle back in. “You are being incredibly understanding.”

“That’s what friends do,” he said confidently.

“Is…is that what we are? Friends?” Alice asked in mild disbelief.

“I mean, did I need to present you with a bracelet I made at sleep away camp? Of course we are, silly! I wouldn’t invite you over if we weren’t.”

“I, well, I mean, I just thought you were being polite, cuz of JC.”

Joey gave a bit of a laugh. “Polite was agreeing to show you around Disney. JC rarely calls in a favor so if he was asking, I knew you were special. And it was really nice talking to you and you seemed to want to know about Star Wars so, yeah, I just thought it would be nice to get to know you better.”

He said it so easily that Alice almost felt foolish for thinking anything different. “It’s hard for me to imagine anyone would actually want to spend time with me,” Alice sheepishly admitted.

“Well it’s hard for me to feel like people want to spend time with me that aren’t trying to use me for my fame or connections,” Joey answered honestly. “You said you’re a big fan of the band and you haven’t mentioned them once tonight. Type of thing I notice, and appreciate.”

“I know how JC can be about it,” Alice blushed. “You’re more than just the guy from *NSYNC, Joey. You inviting me over meant a lot, I, “Alice paused to laugh, “I didn’t want to blow it.”

“Nothing’s been blown yet,” Joey smiled then skewed his face. “Wait, that came out wrong.”

“Well it is Valentine’s Day,” Alice couldn’t help but comment with a shrug.

“That it is and that is why, if you’re up for it, I made dessert,” Joey offered. “Nothing fancy. I’m more a cook than a baker but, you know, something a little chocolatey and indulgent for the holiday.”

“Joey, that’s really sweet of you,” Alice gave a genuine smile.

“I know. I’m a sweet guy,” he smiled back before putting his mug down and heading into the kitchen. After a few moments, he returned with a tray full of chocolate cream dip, strawberries, sprinkles, crushed nuts and mini chocolate chips. “I warned you, nothing fancy.”

“This is lovely, Joey. Thank you,” Alice looked down at the platter, the gesture becoming a bittersweet lump in her throat. “Fourteen years with the same guy and nothing even close to…” Alice quickly covered her mouth. 

“Shit, did I do something again? You’re already on the couch so just lay down if you need to,” Joey started to take the tray away.

“No, no Joey, stop, I’m…” Alice brushed away a tear. “My husband wasn’t a nice man so nice gestures are really foreign to me. I need to be better with them but I’m just not there yet.” Alice let out a deep sigh, knowing the inevitable was about to happen if she wanted to salvage any of this friendship. “I think I need to be honest with you about what Patrick and I have gone through.”

Joey carefully put the tray back down and sat back on the couch. Alice then began to explain to Joey what had happened with Donny; not as detailed as she had provided JC but still enough to give the full uncomfortable story. She snacked on the desert throughout the retelling but Joey didn’t move an inch, listening in quiet horror of what this woman and her son had been through. He’d figured out they’d been abused in some fashion but he never would have guessed how they escaped it.

“So, yeah, that’s why I’m a fucked up mess,” Alice tried to non chalantly joke. “Like I said, I still have a lot I’m learning to deal with so I get if it’s…too much. This has been a lovely evening and I do appreciate that very much.”

“You let JC in,” Joey finally blurted out, catching Alice off guard. “I mean, I’m just saying, you had a crush on him and you opened up to him and he’d probably be like the hardest to do that with  cuz you wouldn’t want him to think anything bad about you, right?”

“I kind of had to do that but yeah,” Alice hesitantly agreed.

“I’m just saying,” Joey suddenly became more animated, “if you could open yourself up to the guy you’d probably be the most guarded around, you can absolutely do that with others. Of course it’ll take time but you did the hardest one first.”

Alice bit into a strawberry and considered it. Even her wildest fantasies couldn’t have imagined JC would be on that retreat. “Can I be honest?” Alice asked and Joey nodded for her to continue. “I’d been through so much and JC, or, well, this version of JC I’d made up, was the best coping mechanism I had. So while it still was scary at times to be that vulnerable in front of him, other times it was just like talking to a close friend. He wasn’t a stranger to me; I was the stranger to him and I’m very lucky he’s such a nice guy to have taken all that in.”

“I think he needed it,” Joey replied. “He doesn’t interact with fans a lot. Not that he hates it or anything, it’s just not his thing to post on social media and shit like that. He doesn’t actually know how people feel about him unless someone else tells him. He needed that direct interaction, especially with the putzes who leaked his shit. I think that would have been a lot worse if you weren’t there.”

“I didn’t really do much,” Alice told him.

“You showed him that he does have fans who actually care about him, not just the music he creates. He’s already a pain in the ass and this probably would have driven him into his hidey hole even further if you hadn’t been there to give him some perspective.”

“Thanks Joey,” Alice blushed. While JC and Alice had certainly bonded on their retreat, she knew Joey knew him far better than she did. For Joey to pay her such a compliment was extremely meaningful.

“And about your husband,” Joey turned the conversation more serious. “I know you’ve probably heard every version of “I’m so sorry that happened to you” and “Let me know what I can do” that possibly exist, and believe me, I extend those too. I just want you to know that if I ever make you or Patrick uncomfortable, don’t be shy about letting me know. I totally respect boundaries but I’m not always the best at identifying them.”

Alice paused mid bite and really looked at Joey. She’d known him for years as the fun loving flirt of the group, the one who made sure everyone felt included and was having a good time. Sure, she was getting to know him as JC’s friend but he was still Joey Fatone, a goofy lovable ham. This level of care and sincerity was something she wasn’t prepared for and she felt like she was truly seeing him for the first time.

“Thank you, Joey. That actually means a lot cuz, yeah, no one’s really said that yet.”

“It’s an uncomfortable topic so it’s always a crap shoot the best way to respond but I appreciate you sharing the story with me and I want you to know that.”

The two shared a look, a soft smile, a moment of silent understanding that made Alice feel at ease and on pins and needles at the same time. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt on the same wavelength with someone like this. “Joey, I really appreciate you listening and not judging me and for being such a gracious host, even when I sprawled myself on your floor.”

“Well next time we’ll make a little pillow and blanket fort on the floor so just in case something happens, you’ll already be secure and comfortable,” he smiled. Alice tried not to spit out her strawberry as she laughed. “Think you can do a bit more movie before you head out?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Alice recovered and finally settled back into the couch. “Hey Joey?” she asked as he grabbed the remote. “You sure you want a next time? I wouldn’t be offended if…”

Joey animatedly clicked the remote at Alice to get her to stop talking. “We still have six full movies plus all the spin off material on Disney Plus. I’m afraid you're stuck with me for at least a few more months. A Jedi Master never abandons their Padawan,” he winked and hit the remote again, signaling to Alice he was done before actually turning back on the movie.

Alice couldn’t keep the smile off her face as the movie began again. She’d been through a rollercoaster of emotions in the past hour and was honestly shocked to be in this good a mood this quickly. Alice knew it was in no small part to Joey though and was kind of kicking herself for focusing all her energy on JC over the years and having missed a lot of wonderful qualities in Joey. Then again, while Joey certainly wasn’t pretending to be someone he wasn’t for the public, there was a softness there behind the scenes she didn’t know if most people were familiar with. Whatever it was, she realized Joey was a good influence on her and she certainly didn’t think she’d mind being stuck with him by any means.