Alice enjoyed her granola bowl and hot tea as she thought over her walk with JC. The realization that this man who once was overflowing with passion now felt so blasé about life was stunning and kind of upsetting. The JC she “knew” could be shy but that never deterred from his enthusiasm about something. Alice realized even her favorite singer wasn’t immune to the weight that the world slowly piled on as the years continued.

She met back up with JC in the garden and joined the rest of the group for a morning salutation and stretch, followed by some light yoga and Tai Chi until it was time for her Barre class. Alice was realizing that when the brochure said “with a focus on the mind and body”, they didn’t just mean those daily massages.

Alice nearly crawled as she joined everyone in the lounge for a snack of bone broth and on property grown vegetables. “I was wrong, this is a gulag,” she collapsed next to JC on a love seat.

JC chuckled and passed her his plate to share. “The 5:30am wake up call really should have been your first clue. What medieval torture device were you subjected to?”

“The worst ballet class of my life. I mean, I took classes as a kid but they were NOT like what I just went through. I knew my legs would be sore but my triceps and my core are killing me. I had no idea I was this out of shape.”

“Well, we aren’t kids anymore. Trust me, I used to sing and dance on treadmills and trying to keep a consistent jog almost wiped me out twice.” JC slowly got up with a groan and ambled over to get Alice a cup of broth and another plate of food.

“Thanks,” Alice replied graciously as she let the hot liquid soothe her muscles from the inside. “Crap, I want to hate this on principle but it’s delicious.”

“Sorry the good food made you angry,” JC smiled.

“You know what I mean. A scoop of ice cream would be heaven right about now.”

“I’m sure it’s some kind of detox for the body thing. At least it’s not a juice cleanse, those are terrible and just make you irritable for the whole time.”

“You’ve done a juice cleanse?” Alice looked at JC in surprise.

“I live in L.A. That’s on the low end of weird things I’ve done,” he laughed. “What’s next on your agenda?”

“Therapy time. I think part of their diabolical plan is to wear us down physically that we’re so tired that we just spill our guts.”

“I guarantee this was not outlined in your pamphlet,” JC joked as he bit into a bell pepper strip.

“Hi Alice, I’m Lesli. It’s lovely to meet you,” an enthusiastic slim auburn haired woman addressed Alice a short time later. “I’ll be your counselor for the week. Now, I’ve read over your case file but I’d really just like to spend this time getting to know you.”

Alice didn’t know if she prophesied it or not but in short order, she gave Lesli the cliff notes version of her life up until that point. Unlike her regular therapist, Lesli wasn’t writing notes as she spoke but simply listened to what Alice felt like sharing. “So, yeah, dead husband, traumatized kid, trying to restart my life again…I think that about sums everything up.”

Lesli sat back in her chair and reflected on Alice’s last statement. “Well,” she finally said, “sounds like we have a busy week ahead of us.”

Alice was beyond grateful her massage was scheduled after her session with Lesli. While Lesli didn’t go in depth with her questions, she left Alice to ponder one vague but important topic she needed to answer: Where do you want to go? Much like her walk with JC that morning, the thought of what direction she wanted her life to take seemed to be the topic of the day. She wasn’t sure but she knew the path she chose all those years ago was the wrong one; now she just had to figure out which steps to take next.

A small gasp left Alice’s mouth when she entered her room to find an exceptionally handsome man laying a sheet on the massage table now set up by the window. “Hi, I’m Michael. I’m your masseuse for this week.” Michael walked over with a friendly smile and extended his hand.

Alice stared at it for a moment then pulled herself together to return the gesture. “Hi, Alice, sorry,” she said. “I, uh, I wasn’t expecting a male masseuse…not that there’s a problem with that, just, uh, surprised.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, we can certainly have a female staff member take over. It won’t be any trouble,” Michael offered.

“No no, it’s fine, I promise,” Alice told him even though she could hear how flustered her voice sounded. The issue wasn’t really that he was a man but more that he’d be touching her…intimately. Well, intimately for her. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had touched her in a way to make her feel good. “So, do I just hop on or…?”

“Get yourself comfortable then you can lay down on your stomach to start,” Michael instructed her as he returned to finish prepping the table.

Alice sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off her sneakers and socks and was instantly reminded that while she’d grabbed a quick shower during her breakfast break, there had been no time since her sweat drenched workout earlier. “Uh, I’m gonna just quickly freshen up,” Alice stated as she headed towards the bathroom.

“If you need to use the facilities, go right ahead, but otherwise you’re fine,” Michael reassured her. Alice imagined he was probably used to the look of concern on her face after working at the facility for enough time. Alice scurried into the bathroom to empty her bladder and gazed upon her reflection as she washed her hands. 

“Comfortable”, she realized, was going to mean getting naked, which she was very much not comfortable with. She didn’t like this underlying feeling that her past experiences were going to keep her from enjoying something meant to bring her a tiny bit of peace so she forced herself to take her top off. Removing her leggings was a no go so clad in them and a sports bra, Alice emerged, arms crossed tightly across her bare stomach.

“You ready, Alice?” Michael asked her warmly. 

“Yeah, sure,” she heard her voice say as she shuffled forward. She’d been looking forward to a massage since the moment she found out it was an option but now it was damn near intimidating. 

Michael held up the top sheet as Alice slid onto the table and covered her immediately. That did make Alice feel a tad better, not being so exposed. “Do you have any areas I should be careful of?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, uh, my left hip has some, uh, scarring. It’s healed but sometimes the nerves can get a little jumpy,” she informed him.

“I’ll be gentle but be sure to let me know if something starts to hurt,” Michael stated as he guided Alice’s arms down to her sides. She could hear Michael rubbing his hands together yet the moment the warm oil he’d put on them touched her shoulders, her entire body tensed.

“Sorry, I’m…I’m really not used to this,” she apologized.

“Completely fine, I’ll go slow and I promise that by the end of the week, your body will feel like putty,” Michael gave a soft laugh. He walked away just a moment and grabbed the diffuser that resided on the dresser top and placed it on the floor below Alice’s face. The soft smell of lavender instantly filled her nostrils. “Breathe and just relax,” he told her as he grabbed more oil and slowly started once again.

Alice shut her eyes and breathed as instructed, letting Michael’s hands gently rub all her cares away for the time being. She focused her mind on how good it felt and was proud to mostly be succeeding. Her therapist encouraged her a lot to “get out of her own head” and, while continuously a struggle, she was actively working on it. Soon enough, she was feeling more relaxed as Michael’s hands worked to help physically uncoil some of Alice’s stress.

JC grinned as he saw Alice enter the dining room for lunch in a much better state than she had been only two hours earlier. “Did your therapist give you qualudes?” he asked her with a laugh as she sat down.

“Just got done my massage,” she smiled lazily before digging into her burger. She chewed a few times as she slowly made a face. “That…is not meat,” she swallowed.

“No, it’s black beans and lentils,” JC informed her with a small smile. 

Alice didn’t hate the taste, just was surprised by it and took a smaller portion on her next bite. “How was the rest of your morning?”

“Ummm, ok,” JC scratched the back of his neck. “Looking forward to that massage. Therapy was, uh, well, therapy. Feeling pretty drained.”

Alice nodded, not knowing really what to say. She still wasn’t sure how to talk to JC. Their walk reminded her that while she did know things about him, they were still strangers and she shouldn’t assume things. Yet the thought that something happened at the star ceremony still needled her brain.

“Do you at least get a relaxing afternoon?” she asked him.

“Yeah, I think so. I have this like haiku class thing then pretty easy after that. No more exercise today, that’s for damn sure.”

“Lucky you. Haiku class? Like, the poems?”

“Yeah, thought it might get some creative juices flowing. Couldn’t hurt right?”

“Couldn’t hurt at all,” she smiled back at him. JC writing anything was a positive sign in Alice’s book. 

The duo parted ways yet again as Alice headed to yet another exercise class. This one at least was low impact and promised to “combat chronic pain and the effects of aging.” Alice didn’t know about all that, especially since her chronic pain was more mental in fashion, but she actually liked some of the techniques and got a free book with all the exercises to take home so she wasn’t complaining. 

Alice grabbed some fresh squeezed orange juice in the lounge and slowly made her way towards the spa, hoping to spot JC. “Alice!” a female voice shouted. Alice turned to see Millie jogging towards her. “How’s your first day going?”

“Good, uh, you know, still kind of learning the lay of the land.”

“This place is gorgeous, and so indulgent. I’ve been to tons of wellness retreats before but none this opulent. Just makes me feel like, I don’t know, free, I guess.”

“I guess,” Alice replied slightly warily. For someone of Millie’s background to state this place was fancy, it made Alice ponder yet again how it was even possible for her to be here.

“So, who’s the tall drink of water I’ve seen you with?” Millie started walking with Alice. “Tortured artist type? You can tell by the hat.”

Alice couldn’t help but laugh. “Definitely that. His name is, uh, JC.” Alice paused and was at once relieved and offended that Millie didn’t react to his name. “From LA, just, you know, I think trying to find his muse again or something.”

“Aren’t we all in our own way?” Millie gave a laugh. “Is he single?”

“Uh, no, he has a girlfriend.”

“Drat!” Millie skewed her lips. “Thought you two might get to have your own tantric meditation session, if you know what I mean.” Millie clicked her tongue and wriggled her eyebrows at Alice.

“What?! No! I…he…I am very much not his type,” Alice started to turn red.

“Is he your type?”

“I mean, that’s kind of beside the point since he’s in a relationship. Plus, I feel like that’s probably not the goal of the retreat,” Alice gave a nervous laugh.

“Oh dear, have you never been on a retreat before?” Millie stopped and looked at Alice.

“Uh, no?” Alice confessed.

Millie shook her head and patted Alice’s back. “Oh girl, I have a lot to catch you up on.” 

The ladies continued on to the spa where Millie was partaking in an aromatherapy session while Alice went for her skin care analysis. Alice had planned to go back to her room to take a proper shower afterwards as her quick rinse after her massage hadn’t cut it but Millie arranged for them to get manicures so they could chat. According to Millie, there were two types of people at these retreats: ones who worked their asses off and collapsed at the end of each day and ones that took it as an escape from their real lives…and real relationships. Millie was firmly in the second camp.

“So this is basically Fantasy Island,” Alice stated, trying to mask her disgust. Money really could buy you anything.

“Within reason, of course,” Millie prattled on. “It’s all about finding like minded people. Besides, those artist types are normally all into their “no strings attached” lifestyles. What is he, a painter?”

“A musician,” Alice chuckled at Millie’s unintended pun. “He seems to be pretty settled down though.”

“Well, don’t force the issue then, of course, but if he offers, you should take him up on it.”

“Thanks for the advice but highly doubtful. As I said, I’m not his type.”

“Alice,” Millie leaned over and stared Alice right in the eyes. “You strike me as a woman who doesn’t often go after what she wants. Always putting others ahead of her own needs, am I right?”

“I mean, yeah. I can’t be selfish and not think about how my decisions will affect other people.”

“There’s a fine line between the two. It’s ok to put yourself first every once in a while. Taking care of yourself means you’ll be in better shape to take care of those around you.”

Millie did have a point but…”and your suggestion is for me to sleep with a guy in a relationship?”

“My suggestion is for you to not let an opportunity pass you by,” Millie corrected her. “These retreats bring out a lot of emotions. People connect fast on some really deep levels. It’s easy to catch feelings, if you know what I mean.”

“You want me to take advantage of his vulnerability?” Alice asked in surprise.

“No! Nothing that devious just…” Millie gestured her head towards Alice’s left hand. “Your ring mark is still there. Either you're recently divorced or widowed and sorry either way but you got a stallion at the barn door who looks like he could give you a hell of a ride.”

Alice wanted to laugh at Millie’s statement but couldn’t as she stared at her bare ring finger. She left her ring at home, the first time it had come off since her husband’s death. She was trying to heal, trying to move on… “It’s a little too soon for me,” Alice said softly.

“I get that, sweetie, I do,” Millie sympathized. “Just don’t miss out on your future because you're busy living in the past.”

Alice looked at Millie wide eyed, shocked at how her statement struck her dead on. Like everything, it was much easier said than done but Alice felt a weight temporarily lift off of her at the revelation. “I think you’re getting more out of these retreats than you realize,” Alice quipped with a smile.