Against their better judgement, the duo eventually made their way carefully back down the trail. Their hike had taken over two hours and both were thankful for the hearty serving of Eggs Benedict that awaited them back in their rooms. JC’s mind was racing with some of the subjects he and Alice had touched on, trying to dissect them quickly and make sense of the jumbled mess best he could. She wasn’t wrong; he did miss his friends. The star ceremony had been an overwhelming amazing few days of rekindling the magic best they could at their age. A time to celebrate the past and all the good times that were behind them. 

JC sighed as he pushed his plate away, suddenly no longer hungry. Getting old sucked, he frowned. Alice had been right; there was a time when he was so optimistic about whatever faced him. Even if he knew it would be hard, he still wanted to try. Now, even trying seemed like too much effort. He and his brothers actually had conquered the world but it eventually came and swallowed him back up. JC grunted in frustration as he headed to take a shower before starting his first official workout of the day. 

Alice, on the other hand, had her therapy session with Lesli as soon as breakfast was over and was able to unpack her feelings from their hike while they were still fresh and unfiltered. She tried to carefully remember exactly what was said to relay to Lesli so she was accurate in her retelling.

“Ok,” Lesli smiled as Alice finished up, “let’s start with how you are feeling right now.”

“Ummmm, I’m thankful to have someone to talk about all this stuff with. Everyone back home either knew me or Donny so they can’t be unbiased. JC doesn’t have a backstory to reference to feel one way or the other.”

“Are you being honest with him about what happened?”

“What I’m telling him is the truth but I’m not telling him the full story, not yet.”

“Do you think you will?”

Alice sighed. “I know I should. That’s the point of all this, lay your soul bare and all that but I don’t want him to think negatively of me.”

“Would it be easier if he wasn’t famous?”

“No, it would be easier if he wasn’t the guy I’ve been wishing I was actually married to for over a decade. If it was like, Chris Martin, I wouldn’t give a fuck. I have feelings for him and now he knows that so, I just…it’s already weird, I don’t want to make it weirder.”

“Alice, let’s pretend just for a moment that JC felt the same way…”

“He doesn’t,” Alice cut Lesli off quickly. “I’m not so delusional that I don’t know the difference between the real him and the one I’ve come up with.”

“I never said you were,” Lesli smiled reassuringly. “What I’m getting at is IF he did, you’d need to tell him all the stuff you’ve been through. He’d need to tell you the things he’s endured. You’d need to have these conversations anyway.”

“I get what you’re saying but we’re going to complete our week and never see each other again. I don’t want his lasting impression of me to be some sad insecure woman. He likes confident women.”

“Do you consider yourself a confident woman?”

“Depends on the topic,” Alice tried to answer honestly. “Talk about my job, my work ethic, I can speak confidently about that. As far as relationships though…mostly no. I have my moments but I’m never secure in where I stand with people. I don’t like to rock the boat.”

“So then let's look at this from a more practical angle. You think you’ll both leave here and never be in contact again. That may be the case but more than likely you’ll still check in on each other, especially the first few weeks after you get home. Most partners form everlasting bonds from this experience.”

Alice’s mouth fell open at Lesli’s suggestion. “Are you saying we could be like, friends or something, after this?” Friends…with JC Chasez. Like they could casually text each other to see how their day was going and share stupid memes and have inside jokes. It seemed completely unfathomable.

“I’m saying don’t rule the possibility out,” Lesli explained. “That is even more reason to be forthright about all your struggles. It’ll actually be a lot easier to explain everything exactly as you need to face to face.”

Alice left her session nearly in disbelief. She’d spent the past two days trying to wrap her brain around JC even being in her life that she never dreamed it could continue past this week. Lesli made some valid points and Alice considered them all as she floated through her yoga and Pilates classes, going through all the motions but her mind focused on JC, as it so often was.

“You seem lost in thought,” JC said as he approached her during their morning break, handing her a mug of the bone broth she liked so much.

Alice blinked as the real JC once again interrupted her vision of him; something she still wasn’t used to yet. “Yeah, sorry. Therapy left me with lots of things to consider today.”

“I get ya. Definitely been doing my share of thinking since our hike this morning,” he sat next to her.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah…” JC said with no real conviction behind it. “Just trying to sort some things out.”

“I can absolutely understand that,” Alice gave a small smile as she sipped her broth. The two sat in silence for a moment before Alice spoke up again. “JC? What do you think happens after we leave here?”

“In theory I’m sure the answer is to apply what we learned to our everyday life but in reality, I’m not sure. I just don’t want to go back to the way things were, that’s all I know.”

“That’s fair,” was all that Alice could say. She didn’t want to force anything but now secretly hoped that JC would want to keep in touch after all this was over.

Alice tried to shut out the crazy thoughts of her and JC being bff’s at the end of this and focus on the real reason she was here: to salvage what was left of herself after Hurricane Donny and rebuild her life. Yet, the relaxing scent of warm vanilla that greeted her as she returned to her room coaxed her to indulge her fantasies for at least an hour longer.

“You’re looking better today,” Michael smiled as he finished prepping the massage table.

“That’s cuz the intense workout was first thing this morning so I’m not in immediate pain today,” Alice joked as she kicked her sneakers off. “My calves, however, are still burning so tomorrow will be fun.”

“That’s what I’m here to help with,” Michael didn’t miss a beat. “I’ll make sure they’re loosened up so you sleep well tonight and won’t have too much discomfort when you awake.”

“Whatever they pay you, it’s not enough,” Alice told him as she grabbed a robe and headed to the bathroom. She once again removed her shirt and pulled the robe over herself for better comfort than yesterday. She was ready to head out when she realized that it would be a lot easier for Michael to work her calf muscles better if there wasn’t fabric in the way.

Alice was feeling easier today about the situation but still not so much as to be naked in front of a stranger. She came back out into the room and held up her finger to Michael while she found a pair of shorts in the clothes Silver Lake provided. Back in the bathroom, Alice made the switch out of her leggings, gave herself a pep talk that Michael had seen much worse and re-entered the bedroom.

A happy sigh escaped Alice as Michael touched her today, relaxing even more knowing she was less scared than just twenty four hours previously. Alice let Michael move her legs this way and that as he worked out the growing tension in them. Once she and Patrick’s lives were more stable, she would definitely need to set aside some money to get a massage every few months.

The hour flew by as Alice reluctantly peeled herself off the table. If she was feeling this good after only massage number two, she knew Michael’s promise of her being putty by the end of the week would most certainly be coming true. Alice threw back on her top and a pair of flip flops as she leisurely made her way to lunch. She plopped down next to JC, who stared at her loose smile and hazy eyes for a few moments before addressing her.

“I get liking a massage but you take it to the next level,” JC grinned.

“Huh?” Alice pulled herself away from her thoughts yet again and blushed. “Oh, yeah, well, not really an activity I get to indulge in back home. Kind of enjoying milking the situation today.”

“There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself.”

“I know someone who would vehemently disagree with that statement,” Alice cocked an eyebrow, thinking of her ex, before attending to her dish. “I’m just…I don’t know, feeling carefree today. It’s nice.”

JC’s face slowly began to light up as he watched Alice. He couldn’t say the same but considering everything they had talked about this morning; for her to see the benefits of being here made her outlook a bit contagious. “So, a rare “high on life” moment or the bone broth is their version of the Kool-Aid; either way, I’m glad you're feeling relaxed.”

Alice knew her brain was getting carried away but she couldn’t help it…she didn’t want to help it. It was so incredibly rare for her to enjoy the moment she was in instead of worrying what was to come. She knew the reality of what awaited her back home but this idea that JC might be able to help her navigate it took root fast and strong within her and until she was proven otherwise, she was determined to believe it was possible.

“How are you doing?” she reigned herself back in a bit.

“Eh, same,” JC shrugged. “You were right, this morning, that I miss the guys. I don’t really know how to go about fixing that. Like I said, getting us all to even schedule a call is hard work.”

“You said if you really wanted to talk, you call one of them. Why don’t you give one of the guys a call after dinner?”

“Well that’s just it, I don’t have anything to talk about really, I just wanna chat, shoot the shit, like old times.”

“You think that can’t happen?”

“Not that it can’t but…” JC sighed, trying to figure out how to explain what he was feeling. “I never felt like I was bothering them before. So what if I interrupted their video game, you know? Bigger issue if I call during story time.”

“If they are busy, they will call you back. I’m sure back in the day you’d call when they were on dates or with their families or simply sleeping. You can’t telepathically know when a good time is but you can let them know you want to catch up. They’ll make the time.”

JC smiled weakly, knowing Alice was actually right but somehow still not believing her. “I’ll think about it. Right now, you need to turn back to your ahi tuna before it gets too cold.”

Alice stared at her plate. “I knew this steak tasted funny. Is nothing here actually meat?”

JC swallowed hard to keep from spitting out the sip of water he had just taken. “That’s some pretty rare steak if it is,” he said through his laughter.

“Sorry I don’t know all your rich people food,” she smiled. “I guess you’re just gonna have to teach me.”

“With pleasure,” JC scooted closer and pointed to the orange round disks in her plate. “These are carrots…”

“Shut up,” Alice laughed and smacked his arm as JC joined in with her. They settled down after a few seconds and Alice caught sight of Millie watching them from across the dining room, a knowing smile appearing on her face.

The afternoon was thankfully exercise free for both of them as JC had his own therapy session immediately after lunch and finally time to unwind with a massage and purifying skin wrap. JC realized it had been a long time since he’d treated himself to such luxuries; hell, he didn’t even go to get hair cuts anymore. It all seemed like a waste of money but as he lay wrapped up like a fly caught in the spider’s web, he missed his spa days of yore. He had told Alice only hours prior that there was nothing wrong with treating yourself and JC realized he really needed to take his own advice on this one.

Alice headed to the spa after lunch for an in depth review of the skin care products she had received yesterday and a pedicure. She was thankful for the added attention to her feet and legs after the grueling walk that morning. She resisted going further down her fantasy rabbit hole and painting her toenails orange as she remembered that was JC’s favorite color…twenty five years ago. That was enough to remind Alice that she was dealing with a real three dimensional person, not simply factoids from an out of publication magazine. If she wanted to be friends with him, she had to actually be his friend, not another person just trying to stay on his good side to be close to him. Alice sighed as she realized once again the trained therapist was right.

Another reality set in as Alice returned to the dining hall to take part in a course about diet myths. She’d expressed an interest in trying to be healthier with her body as well as her mind on her intake form so the idea of the class itself didn’t bother her. It was more that she knew she hadn’t cared for her body in a long time and right now it stood as a reminder of all the things she had sacrificed for the sake of her marriage. Like she told JC, she was never going to be a model but she would have liked at least one moment to feel beautiful. As if on cue, her left hip sparked up the dull ache she was getting all too familiar with. She massaged the muscles the way her physical therapist had instructed her months prior and tried to remember she wasn’t suddenly going to be “ok” again after this retreat.

Alice walked out to the garden after the session was complete to find JC waiting for her with a glass of orange liquid and a grin on his face. “Since you’re learning about carrots and all today,” he handed it over.

“Carrot juice?” Alice questioned while giving the drink a skeptical look.

“With some orange juice thrown in,” JC clinked his glass of the same. Alice hesitantly took a sip and found it was actually pretty tasty.

“You know my budget can’t support all these fancy shmancy foods when I get back home,” Alice told him.

“I hope you don’t think I’m eating like this every day either,” JC set her straight, “but for how much this place cost, I have no problem eating like I’m at French Laundry every night.”

“Namaste and Good Afternoon, Everyone,” Vivienne magically appeared, grabbing the attention of all in the space. Alice did a fast scan and saw that just about every attendee of the retreat was at this particular session. “Thank you for joining me as we explore the healing power of herbs that occur naturally in our environments. Please be seated as we cleanse and bless this space.”

“Uhhhh…I thought this was going to be a cooking class,” Alice whispered to JC as they sat cross legged on the ground.

“I thought we were getting high,” JC confessed, causing Alice to clamp her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing loudly as Vivienne began to burn some sage. 

The class turned out to be a bit of both as Vivienne spoke about the various herbs that were grown in the surrounding garden. She explained how each herb could be used to enhance various dishes, in teas and oils, or burned in a diffuser to elicit certain moods. Some Alice was familiar with, like rosemary or chamomile, while she swore mugwort and gotu kola were actually things pulled from the Harry Potter vernacular. Then there were also the kinds of herbs that JC had been anticipating, such as marijuana and mushrooms.

“I have brewed up a special tea for us to enjoy as we transition into our evening meditation,” Vivienne stated as Ivan appeared and began to dole out warm mugs to everyone. “Hearing me prattle on about the benefits doesn’t mean much if you can’t experience it for yourself.”

“Told you,” JC smirked.

“She’s not trying to get us high,” Alice countered.

“No, my goal is to have you experience heightened relaxation and introspection,”

Vivienne stated so the whole group could hear. “There’s no deception being done here. This is an oolong based tea with subtle amounts of salvia and sassafras root steeped into it to allow your body and mind to calm and expand.”

“Didn’t you say sassafras root was how they make ecstasy?” Jeff asked a few spaces down from Alice.

“I did,” Vivienne smiled, “but as I also said, these substances are in low dose amounts and will have nowhere near the same potency as if taken for purely recreational use.” Vivienne watched as some members stared cautiously at their mugs while others began to sip at the warm concoction. “Please be reassured that you are in no way obligated to partake of the refreshments. We do not believe in peer pressure or coercion tactics. Consider this a treat that you may certainly refuse if you don’t feel comfortable.”

Alice watched as at least two people handed back their mugs. She stared down at hers then over to JC. “This is officially drinking the Kool-Aid if we do this,” Alice told him.

“True,” JC looked down as well. “It’s all natural stuff though. It’s not like we’re gonna trip so hard a mass orgy breaks out or something.”

“You don’t know that,” Alice deadpanned. “Jesus, I haven’t been high since college.”

“You’ll be ok, I got you,” JC reassured her. She noticed he hadn’t started drinking yet, like he was waiting on her, like they really were a team and it was either both or neither.

“I take it you’ve done this before?” she asked.

“Not exactly this but yeah. Haven’t smoked pot in a while but I still microdose shrooms every now and again. I imagine this is probably the same.”

“Fucking L.A., man,” Alice shook her head. “If you find me naked and twitching somewhere, just leave me. Your eyes are already damaged enough, I don’t want to be responsible for you going permanently blind.”

“Alice, you don’t have to do this if you’re scared,” JC reminded her.

“Yeah, I know,” she looked at the mug again before meeting JC’s eyes, “but I’m tired of being scared. Time to try new things, right?” Alice lifted her mug toward JC.

“Right,” JC smiled and again clinked glasses with her. They locked eyes as they began to drink the soothing liquid and JC hoped he was right about whatever was about to happen.