About a half hour into the meditation, Alice was laying on her back on the ground, eyes closed, trying to concentrate on the rhythmic ringing of the Tibetan bowls being played and Vivienne’s voice as it gently coaxed her to open her “third eye”. Instead, she did what most people over thirty do when they take drugs…wonder why this shit wasn’t working. She knew Vivienne said low dose but this was ridiculous. The atmosphere was certainly relaxing enough that if something was supposed to happen, she figured it would have by now.

Alice tried to concentrate as Vivienne spoke of grounding themselves to the earth as the feeling could be quite euphoric if you weren’t used to it. Alice rolled her eyes in her skull and let out a long breath, trying not to get angry at this utter waste of her time. She couldn’t feel the white light Vivienne described warming her body, or the earth surrounding her in a comfortable hug. She hoped others were getting more out of this experience than she was.

Now Vivienne was asking them to imagine a place of peace and tranquillity, didn’t matter if it was real or not, but somewhere they were safe and cared for. Alice ran through images in her head and grimaced when she couldn’t find anything. The only place she even felt safe was the imaginary embrace of JC and she figured that’s not what Vivienne was asking them for.

Alice settled on a little tropical oasis as she liked the beach but suddenly heard a light gasp to the right of her. She turned her head to see JC, wide eyed and staring up into the sky, a smile emerging as his body relaxed back into the ground. “Of course he’d be able to do this,” Alice huffed to herself as she tried to concentrate again.

JC had walked into his home studio, except it wasn’t his but at the same time it was. The space was much bigger, the equipment more high tech. New guitars sat around and a baby grand took up a corner of the massive recording booth. Everything was new, untouched…untainted; a million possibilities in front of him. It was beautiful.

A bouquet of flowers rested on a table. The arrangement was chaotic and vibrant, no two kinds repeated yet worked effortlessly into a gorgeous tableaux of color. JC gingerly picked up the card from the arrangement and stared in disbelief at the message: “Dear JC, don’t let me stop you but take me on the ride this time. Love, Josh.”

Alice couldn’t smell the stupid flowers she was supposed to. Her little island floated in and out of her vision and she was starting to get upset. Her imagination WAS her safe space so why wasn’t it working now? Alice sat up quietly, not wanting to be disruptive but over the exercise. 

She looked out across the garden and saw a small bunny hopping along the back part of the field, inevitably going to find something to nibble on. The bunny stopped and stood on his hind legs, sniffing the air when he found Alice staring at him. He brought his paw up to give Alice a small wave before scurrying off.

“The fuck did I just see?” Alice wondered as she got up and followed the rabbit. Out past the garden she came upon an enclave of trees with a giant majestic oak in the middle. Alice touched the trunk of the tree and eventually found a knot that almost felt like a doorknob.

“Really?” Alice said out loud, taking in her surroundings and finally realizing something wasn’t right. She felt a tap on her foot and looked down to find the rabbit from earlier looking up at her. “You’re gonna talk, aren’t you?” she addressed the rabbit.

“What do you think?” the rabbit almost seemed to smile.

Alice sat down next to the tree in a clump. “Goddamn Alice In Wonderland allegory. Did it really have to be this?”

“Hey, it’s your brain doing this, toots. This is on you,” the rabbit hopped up into her lap. 

“Mom’s obsession with that story gets me again,” Alice sighed, always kind of resentful at her mother for naming her after her favorite fictional character. Of course, her brother being named after the author always seemed like a worse fate.

“I thought you liked it in Wonderland?” the rabbit asked.

“Don’t call it that,” Alice seethed down at the little ball of fluff. That was always Donny’s dig at her imagination. The times he’d catch her lost in thought, she was “off in Wonderland again.” Alice had begged him to stop on so many occasions but of course he just increased his teasing because he knew it bothered her. Eventually Alice just gave up fighting him.

“Donny was a douche bag,” the rabbit piped up. Alice wondered how the rabbit could read her thoughts then remembered it was all her thoughts. Well, almost…

Up in the clouds, she could hear the faintest of voices, like an angel whispering down from heaven. “Go through the door,” it encouraged her.

Alice squinted her eyes at the sky, trying to pinpoint the voice as it instructed her again. “Wait, is that Vivienne?” Alice asked out loud. She turned towards the rabbit. “I’m still laying in the garden, aren’t I?”

“You’re just figuring that out? The talking rabbit didn’t give it away?” the rabbit replied. Vivienne’s voice broke through the clouds again. “Better do what she says,” the rabbit told Alice.

“Yeah yeah, I’m used to having people tell me what to do,” Alice stated as she got up and turned the knob on the tree.

JC stepped through the door to the recording booth tentatively, almost like he was afraid to touch anything. Everything was new and expensive, but it was a gift to himself supposedly so it would surely be ok to test the equipment out.

He sat down at the piano and let his fingers play over the cool smooth ivory. He hadn’t touched a piano this fancy in over a decade. He pressed down and heard the chord he created reverberate off the walls and back into him. A jolt went through JC’s body of excitement at the sensation as he did it again, every nerve in him actually feeling the music he was creating. 

He noticed the lights in the booth got brighter with each sound he made, like the room itself was coming alive with the music. JC was intoxicated by the feeling, the music inside himself begging to join in, finally feeling free and unrestrained to do so. JC felt it pushing and bubbling up inside him, gliding up his throat and smoothly out his mouth as he began to sing.

Alice stood in the empty hollow of the tree, slits of light illuminating the darkness just enough for her to be able to see. Her body began to tingle, like energy was running through it as crystals began to appear out of the wood, slowly growing around her, the light reflecting off one to the next, illuminating the space. Everything was bright but it didn’t hurt her eyes to look. 

The area was so cavernous that Alice could even hear her breath as it echoed in the chamber. As soon as she realized this, she heard the gentle sound of water dripping. She turned and saw a pool of water to the side, a slow cascade running down the crystal embankment to meet the pond below. Alice knelt next to it and stared into its depths.

JC was suddenly thirsty from all his singing. As if by magic, a water bottle appeared on top of the piano. JC tipped the opening to his lips and felt the coolest, cleanest, most refreshing water he had ever tasted in his life. It coursed through his veins, like it was melding with his blood, giving him renewed energy and vitality, making him feel like his old self again, his younger self.

Alice dipped her hand into the water and scooped out some water. She brought her hand to her lips as she felt her body deeply relax with every drop. “I was wrong, these drugs are fucking good,” she smiled to herself as she let her body lay down on the cavern floor, not a care in the world. She was happy and protected in her weird tree cavern and didn’t feel like questioning any of it.

A glimmer in the water caught Alice’s eye. She rolled her head to the side as she began to see movement in the water. Small ripples under the surface. “Are those fish?” Alice thought as she looked closer. Then, they started to glow. Alice’s eyes widened as specks of light began to fill the pool, like stars in the night sky.

The lights slowly began to move and swirl, like a lazy whirlpool, as mist came off the surface. Alice’s mouth fell open as the lights made a circle and an image began to take shape. It was her back yard but cleaned up. Fresh lush grass with the broken planks in the fence fixed. Patrick was playing catch with…someone. She couldn’t tell. She concentrated on the mystery figure but it blurred more every time she focused on it.

Instead, she pulled back and looked at Patrick. He was laughing. He was a kid just playing and having fun. Alice smiled so brightly as she watched with every bit of a mother’s pride at her son thriving and having the life she knew he deserved.

JC jumped up in a shock of delight. He bent his knees and nothing hurt. He stretched his back and it felt good to move the muscles to that extent again. He was giddy with excitement and youthful energy. He thought of something, just for a moment, and decided to give it a go. He tossed his body sideways, his hand planting firmly on the floor as he launched his legs into a spread eagle above his head. He popped himself back up to his feet and was ecstatic.

He caught sight of himself in the reflection of the glass to the control room and saw the richness of his curls, his gray completely gone, as well as his glasses. He ran a hand over his chin and felt the smoothness of his skin, save for a strip of well manicured fuzz on his chin. His palm grazed the coolness of the bit of silver that adorned his neck once again. The other found abs he’d forgotten he even had. He was JC again.

Through the glass, JC saw four shadowy figures start to materialize. He didn’t need to see their faces to know who they were. “Guys! Guys!” JC shouted. “Look! Look at me!” he turned around in a circle and jumped in the air. “I’m me again. I’m ready, let’s go!”

“JC,” a voice spoke, “you’ve always been you.”

“No I haven’t,” JC said passionately. “I haven’t felt like this in forever. I feel…I feel alive!”

“Growing old doesn’t mean you’re dead,” another voice said that he was pretty sure was Chris.

“I felt dead,” JC told them.

“There’s so much more to do,” another stated.

“Right, and I can do it now,” JC explained. “I couldn’t perform like I used to. Now I can, now I want to.”

The shadows started to fill in with color, each band member taking on clearer shape. While still blurry around the edges, he could make out that while he was suddenly younger, they still remained their current age.

“JC, people aren’t going to care about us running around a stage. They just want us to perform together,” Lance tried to explain.

“That IS performing,” JC insisted. “They're going to want the full package.”

“They just want us, all five of us,” Joey said.

“It’s not the same,” JC lamented.

“It doesn’t need to be the same to be good,” Chris chimed in.

“If we can’t dance…” JC started before a pain in his wrist cut him off. He looked down as the hand he’d balanced himself on began to throb and his fingers started to swell. Not swell really but more like go back to how they looked now that he was older; pudgy and worn.

“We sing, JC,” Justin smiled. “We sing like we always have.”

“I was never a singer,” JC admitted, thinking back to how he even ended up in the entertainment industry. “I was a dancer who stumbled into singing.”

“You were a singer who needed to find his way,” Justin explained. “Now you need to find your way again.”

“How?!” JC cried out in desperation.

“Let us help you,” Joey urged him.

“We’re your brothers,” Chris reminded him.

“We’ll show you the way,” Lance added.

JC looked at his reflection again and grimaced as his old face stared back at him. Something was different however. His hair was still gray and long but styled. His face now was completely smooth and the lenses of his glasses back to clear, his crows feet very apparent. He looked down to find his belly reappeared but not quite as big as he remembered. He basically looked like a better cared for version of his current self.

“Sing with us, C,” Justin smiled as his eyes twinkled at his friend. “It only works if we all do it together.”

“You seem to be doing just fine,” JC couldn’t help the dig.

Justin’s smile never wavered. “But it’s not the same without you.”

“Mom!” Patrick shouted as he ran up to Alice, who found herself suddenly in the scene she had just been watching. “Dad said he’d practice with me every night this week after dinner so I’m ready for baseball tryouts.”

“Dad?!” Alice couldn’t keep the horror off her face as she turned to the mysterious figure in the yard. She still couldn’t make out any details but something told her it wasn’t Donny, or at least not a version of him she’d ever known.

“We got a regular short stop on our hands,” the figure said as he walked closer. Patrick beamed at the entity and Alice tried to wrap her brain around what she was witnessing. The figure moved an arm around Alice’s waist that instantly radiated love and comfort and acceptance into her whole being. “Why don’t I grill us some burgers tonight? Invite the Murray’s over from across the street and have a little barbecue?”

“Oh, I don’t think…” Alice began to protest. The Murray’s were not fans of the constant fighting and police presence that disrupted their lives due to Alice and Donny. They had a son Andy who was a year younger than Patrick but pulled the plug on them being friends years ago.

“Please Mom,” Patrick begged. “I’ve been dying to use the co-op mode on that laser target game you got me for Christmas for ages.”

“I thought you hated that game,” Alice shook her head.

“Now, why would he hate it? His Mom got it for him,” the mystery figure stated. “He just needs someone to play it with.” Alice stood in stunned silence, the words striking her harder than any real gut punch ever had. 

“Thanks Dad!” Patrick took that as permission and high tailed it across the street.

“You did good, Alice,” the figure enveloped her in an embrace.

“I didn’t…” Alice started to choke out.

“Shhhh…yes you did,” it consoled her. “Just because it wasn’t perfect doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. I love you, beautiful.” Alice’s body gave out as she collapsed in a heap of tears into the figure’s embrace.

JC found himself transported to the side of a stage with his band mates getting ready to perform. Instant panic gripped him. “What are we doing? We can’t go out there! We haven’t rehearsed. What are we even performing? I can’t…”

“Hey!” Justin grabbed him, suddenly a fully vivid and tangible being. “JC, you got this. Trust me.”

“Trust you? How can I trust you? How can I trust any of you?” JC turned to his other band mates. “That’s what you all keep saying, just trust you. You don’t have a plan. You just think it’ll all work out in the end.”

“The fans will come regardless of the show we give them. Can’t you hear them?” Chris told him.

Suddenly chants of the band’s name invaded JC’s ears. “Why do you not care about giving them everything we can? They stood by us for years while we sat around with our thumbs up our asses and took their money. They deserve better than we can give them,” JC was nearly shouting.

“You’re right, JC,” Joey stepped forward. “They deserve everything we can give them but they know we can’t give them everything we used to. It’s not possible and it’s ok that it’s not. They just want us to have fun and try.”

“Trying isn’t good enough,” JC started to argue. “We need to…”

“Too late, we’re on,” Lance stated and literally pushed JC onto the stage. JC stared out at the crowd. A packed house of around two thousand if he had to make a guess. Much smaller than the band was used to playing for but somehow just as loud.

JC instinctively found his spot as the music started. He was literally shaking from fear as he knew the performance was going to be a disaster. It had been too long, they were too old, their voices had changed, it was going to be nothing like it used to be.

Yet, as they got the cue, each of their voices flowed harmoniously into the other like no time had passed. The notes were actually richer and fuller as all their voices had matured to create a different but still beautiful sound. JC’s body instantly flowed into a routine he wasn’t even aware he knew, it was just in him. He felt disconnected from his body as it went into autopilot for the number and he was in awe that he and his band mates could still move and simultaneously sing as much as they were.

The crowd erupted as the song ended. JC panted heavily but didn’t feel like he was about to keel over. He felt arms pulling him into a huddle as his brothers surrounded him.

“Even when you don’t trust yourself, we trust you,” Chris told him.

“We will always have your back,” Lance said.

“Just like we know you always have ours,” Joey spoke up.

“We love you, JC. Always have and always will,” Justin finished as JC began to weep, pulling the man he considered a little brother into his tight embrace.

JC was now somehow watching the hug and experiencing it all at the same time. A voice came over the sound system that it seemed like only he could hear. “Now, with grace and gratitude to the universe, it is time to return from your journey.” JC looked again at the five men united once more…they weren’t kids anymore but they were still together.

The scene started to fade as JC’s body grew heavy. He started to feel the grass under his body again, the breeze run over his skin. A warmth filled his chest as he tried to calmly come back to reality. His breath was ragged but overall he felt peaceful, like he found a small bit of what he had been looking for.

Alice’s eyes slowly opened and she had about three seconds of calm before the experience flooded back at her. She gasped loudly as tears started streaming down her face. She tried to move but something held her in place.

“Hey, it’s ok. I got you. I got you,” JC spoke in her ear, coming back to his senses quickly as he tried to calm her down. The warmth he felt against him when he awoke turned out to be Alice’s body pulled tightly into his own. JC deduced he must have subconsciously reached for her when he thought he was hugging his friends in his vision.

Alice turned and buried her face into JC’s chest, trembling. She didn’t care in that moment who he was, she needed comfort and he was there to finally provide it. The whole experience actually felt cathartic but extremely overwhelming. Alice could hear other people crying or just simply in awe of what had just transpired. 

JC rubbed Alice’s back and kissed the top of her head. Alice wrapped her arms around him as they both laid there, soothing the other through their tears. “Sorry,” Alice croaked out, her voice muffled as it still remained on JC’s chest.

“Nothing to be sorry about, honey. You’re ok. I promised I’d take care of you. I’m not going anywhere,” JC told her, his own tears falling into her hair.

Alice broke down into another round of tears, a heartbreaking mixture of finally hearing JC say the words she’d always imagined he would and knowing they weren’t completely true. He wasn’t going anywhere now but he would be eventually. Even if they stayed friends, there would never be a fairy tale ending with him…but Alice was beginning to be hopeful that maybe there would be with someone eventually.

“How are you two doing?” a voice interrupted them. They both looked up to find Vivienne staring down at them, a satisfied smile on her face.

“Small dose, my ass,” JC laughed through his drying tears. “Do they sell that brew at the gift shop?”

“No, and for good reason,” Vivienne confirmed.

“What…what the hell just happened to us?” Alice asked, still a long way from processing the past hour and a half.

“As I explained when we started, opening one’s third eye can be a very powerful experience. The beauty of the mind is that I gave each of you the exact same guidance but you all found very different and unique paths. It mirrors life in that way,” Vivienne bemused herself.

“Life doesn’t have talking rabbits,” Alice deadpanned.

“You had a talking rabbit?” JC smiled. “So, like Alice…”

“Do NOT make an Alice in Wonderland joke,” she told him sharply, to which JC quickly shut his mouth.

“Talking rabbits, no but we can all be given the exact same opportunities and our backgrounds, personality and goals will individually shape what we do with them,” Vivienne explained. “I’ll leave you two to get a bit more centered and then you can join us for dinner.”

Vivienne walked off as JC and Alice stared at one another. Neither knew what to say, how to explain in any terms that would make sense what they had been through. JC brushed a strand of hair out of Alice’s face as he peered down at her. “You ok?” he whispered.

“No,” she said honestly.

“You will be,” he gave her a soft smile.

He was so close, Alice realized. The moment was electric and comforting and scary all at the same time and every impulse was urging her to close the gap and kiss him. “You will be too,” she told him earnestly and tucked her head back into his chest. She couldn’t look at him any longer if she didn’t want to ruin everything for just a few seconds of satisfaction.

JC breathed out slowly as he rested his chin on the top of Alice’s head. Something about the way she looked at him…he hadn’t wanted to kiss anyone but Jen in so long. He instantly felt guilty for even thinking it yet found himself wondering if it would be so bad. He didn’t want to make out with her or anything; just a nice, chaste, loving kiss. Didn’t she deserve that? Didn’t he?

Alice forced herself away from JC as she attempted to dry her eyes yet again. “Come on, some kind of non-meat entree awaits us,” she slowly got to her feet then reached for JC’s hand to help him up.

The moment was gone, JC realized, and almost breathed a sigh of relief. He had enough confusion going on in his head that he didn’t need to add to it. Yet once he stood up, he didn’t let go of Alice’s hand as they headed to the dining hall. She squeezed his hand in reassurance as they both silently felt the bond between them grow stronger.