Dinner was uncomfortable for everyone. Some people, like Jeff, tried to ease the tension of the group by joking about how he rode a bull through a field of flowers that finally bucked him off into a river. Alice smiled at some of the stories she was hearing but she was in no mood to share just yet.

No evening activity was planned to allow the guests more recovery time before the following day. This suited JC and Alice perfectly fine as they slowly made their way back to their rooms.

“You feeling a little better now?” JC asked.

“A bit but I’m pretty sure I dreamed up how delicious those crab cakes were.”

“Then I think we both did because those were outstanding.” They walked in silence a bit more until they reached their doors. “So…” JC immediately trailed off.

“So…” Alice followed suit.

“Do you wanna…talk about what happened?”

Alice sighed. “Yes and no. I mean, I do but I’m still trying to make sense of it all myself. I don’t even know where to start to explain it.”

“Why don’t you write it down? Still might come out all jumbled and weird but then it’s at least there for you to look at and try to piece together.”

“That’s not a terrible idea,” Alice admitted but was still skeptical. “Do you, uh, do wanna talk?”

“I do but, um, I think I want to take you up on your advice…about calling one of the guys.”

“They were in your dream?”

“Big time,” JC told her. “I mean, I know it’s not really stuff they were saying but…”

“Is it something they would say though? Or even something they’ve said before?”

“Some variation on it, yeah,” JC scratched the back of his neck. “Just missing them a bit extra now.”

“Well don’t let me hold you up,” Alice gave him a soft smile as she went to unlock her door.

“Wait,” JC said, touching her arm. Alice turned back to face him. “Thank you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you. I was fucking freaked out back there.”

“Yeah, me too actually,” JC confessed. “It meant a lot to me that you were with me.”

“Oh,” Alice could only respond, unsure exactly how to take the compliment, forcing herself not to read too much into it. “I mean, we were there for each other, right? That’s how this works.”

“Yeah but…” JC felt it again, the urge to kiss her goodnight. He made himself take a step back. “It’s really been invaluable to go through this with you. I appreciate you listening and trying to help me out. I’m not the best at opening up but you make it a little easier somehow.”

Alice could feel the tears starting to form in her eyes at JC’s words. Her tear ducts stung from their recent overuse and Alice did her best to stop them from flowing. “Yeah, well, thank you for trusting me, especially, since, you know, you know how I feel about you and shit.”

“I’m just a guy, Alice. Nothing special.”

“No, JC, you’re very special. The only one who doesn’t see that is you.” Alice forced a smile to stop herself from crying and gave JC’s hand a firm squeeze before retreating to her room. JC stood there and watched the door close, wondering how Alice could still believe that lie after everything they’d shared thus far…and everything he knew was still to come.

Alice stripped off her clothes and headed for the shower in an attempt to gather some of her thoughts. The way JC had been looking at her…she had to be imagining it. Men didn’t look at her like…like…she refused to give the thoughts life. 

She did, however, realize one critical thing: she was going to have to tell JC the whole truth of her past. She knew she’d definitely never see that look again from him and it would be replaced by the one she was used to from everyone else…pity. The hot water beat onto Alice’s skin as she tried to tell herself it really was the best thing to do.

JC stared at his phone. It was just before 8pm and he was doing the math on all the guys' time zones. It was probably bath time for the twins so Lance was out. Ditto Chris as they were probably putting Nash to bed. He realized he actually had no idea where Justin was so that left him with his best option.

“Hey! I thought you were busy getting all zen and shit?” Joey picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, yeah. Sorry, is it too late?” JC asked.

“Nah, just eating some popcorn, watching stupid YouTube videos, nothing important. What’s up?”

“Can we…can we talk?”

“Yeah, of course man. What’s going on?” Joey’s tone grew more serious.

“No, I mean, can we just…talk? Like, about anything. How was your day?”

“JC, are you ok?” Joey asked, slightly concerned. Not that he didn’t appreciate the phone call but when JC normally wanted to talk, he had something on his mind and got to the point.

“Working on it,” JC told him. “This is weird, I’m…”

“Dude, it’s fine, just, surprised is all. Actually had a pretty chill day so not much to report unfortunately.”

“I gotcha. Sorry to have bugged you…”

“C, what the fuck?” Joey sat up on his couch. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to talk just I don’t have much to talk about. Unless you want to hear about Kloey’s art project, I’m kinda out of shit.”

“What’s her art project?” JC asked.

Joey stared at the phone for a moment. JC had been right; this was weird. Not in a bad way but definitely out of character. Joey went on to describe the project she was working on, then how she was doing in school, then how Brihana was doing and how he and Kelly were now trying to co-parent an adult. JC soaked it all up as he listened to Joey go on and on about his family and loved every second of it.

“So finally, I said “When you live under my roof, you have to follow my rules, that simple” and she goes “This isn’t even your roof, you rent!” Can you believe this kid?!” Joey fumed, remembering his recent fight with his eldest daughter.

“She's definitely yours, Joey,” JC laughed.

“So what’s going on with you, man? You don’t call your former band mate just to hear about his kid being a dick while you’re on vacation.”

JC sighed and ran a palm over his face. “I don’t know, I just…I miss talking. I miss hearing you brag about the girl you banged the night before each morning.”

“You hated when I’d do that,” Joey corrected him, “even though you were doing the same damn thing.”

“I wasn’t as crass about it,” JC smiled. “I miss you guys, ok. I miss Justin’s whining and worrying about what was going to come out of Chris’s mouth next and Lance’s failed attempts at trying to pretend he dug chicks and your smelly ass.”

“I can send you a fart in a jar. I heard people do that now and make good money.”

“That’s…disturbing on so many levels.”

“Seriously JC, you know I’m always happy to talk but it’s not like you to beat around the bush. What’s really going on?”

“Honestly…I miss you, Joe. I miss us, all of us.”

“You know there’s an easy way to fix that, right?”

“That’s the problem. It’s not as easy as you make it out to be.”

“And you make it far more complicated than it should be.”

“I’m just thinking ahead. I’m trying to make sure we have all the logistics figured out first.” Joey was always the most adamant about a reunion and JC the most hesitant. “I didn’t call to fight, Joey.”

“Ok,” Joey stated and grabbed a handful of popcorn. JC smiled and shook his head. He always admired Joey’s ability to let things roll off of him. It was rare for Joey to get riled up so you knew it was serious when he did.

JC realized it might be best just to dive in. “I had this dream…or vision…or drug induced hallucination, I’m not sure yet.”

“Ah, you’re high,” Joey realized, the strange call now making sense.

“No, I was high but not anymore.” JC paused, unsure if all the drugs had actually worn off by now. “Like, not pot but…it’s hard to explain.”

“So like some LSD shit?” That seemed a little hard for JC’s taste, Joey thought. “What kind of retreat is this?”

“Still trying to figure that out,” JC chuckled.

“Ok, so what was this great revelation you had? You finally want to get the band back together?”

“Maybe,” JC said quietly.

“Maybe!” Joey nearly shouted, knocking over his bag of popcorn. Maybe was a lot more than they’d been getting from JC lately.

“Don’t get carried away, Joe,” JC cautioned. “What I do know is I miss you guys. I think, maybe, Chris is right. We need to get away, all of us, together. Just, be together. Reconnect as friends first.”

“Do you think we aren’t friends?” Joey’s voice grew a little sad. 

“Of course we’re friends but we’ve got our own lives now. We all stay in touch but being together, like old times? It’s hard and…I get that but I hate that. We need to physically see each other more, not just text stupid shit.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well, I was thinking…Justin offered that one time to host. Bahamas would probably be easiest and most secluded.”

“Can Lance fly the kids yet?”

“He flew them to get home so they should be ok. I mean, we have time, it’s not next week or anything. I’m just spitballing.”

“One hell of a vision you had.”

“Well, that part, maybe, wasn’t the vision as much as it was Alice.”

“Who’s Alice?”

“She’s…” JC wasn’t really sure how to explain his budding relationship with Alice. “She’s a friend I made here. We go on walks in the morning together and talk about lots of stuff.”

“She hot?”

“God Joey,” JC laughed. “Never change.”

“Never have and never will,” Joey grinned. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“It isn’t relevant.”

“So, not hot…”

“She’s…I don’t know. I mean, she’s not Jen but she…she just needs some confidence. She’s getting out of a bad marriage and trying to find her footing again.”

“Well, I can relate to that.”

“Kelly didn’t die, Joe so, not exactly.”

“Oh shit, that sucks. How old is she?”

“Our age, a little younger I think. Got an eleven year old boy back home. Sounds like their both pretty fucked up from it.” JC didn’t know why he was telling Joey all this but it felt good to let some of his feelings out about her.

“I would be too if I were widowed in my forties. Kel can drive me nuts but she’s a great mom. I couldn’t imagine doing this without her in some way.”

“Yeah, well, from what I’ve gathered, her ex doesn’t seem like he was the nicest guy to her. I think…I think it might be a good thing he’s not around anymore.”

“Well then, good for her, I guess?” Joey shrugged. “So you gonna tell me about this prophecy or not?”

JC laughed and described his vision best he could to Joey. Joey listened and tried not to interrupt. It was clear to him that in his heart JC did want the band to reunite but was too scared. He’d been trying for years to get everyone on the same page and it had never worked. Maybe this retreat and this Alice chick were what JC needed to come around.

“So then I woke up and had myself wrapped around Alice and it was pretty embarrassing,” JC finished up.

“I’m sure she wasn’t complaining,” Joey chuckled. “Is it ok if I asked you something?”

“Sure,” JC gulped, not wanting to say no but a little worried about what was going to come out of Joey’s mouth.

“You said at one point you felt dead. Is that really how you feel?”

JC thought about it, a bit surprised that was what Joey was pinpointing from the whole tale. “Maybe not in those terms but, kind of, maybe sometimes. There’s so little to look forward to anymore, every day is just a repeat of the former and it’s so dull.”

“Can I make a suggestion?”

“Please don’t say reunion…”

“I’m not but keep it in the back of your head,” Joey told him. “To oversimplify it, you need a reason to get out of bed each morning.”

JC blinked, almost forgetting how insightful Joey could be when he wasn’t making bodily function jokes. “Yeah, that actually sums up a good chunk of it.”

“Well then, to start, you need to think of something each morning that’s gonna motivate you to get out of bed.”

“Yeah, that sounds simple enough,” JC rolled his eyes. “I don’t feel like planning activities every day.”

“Not exactly that but like, maybe one day you’re like “I gonna make a nice omelette for myself” or like “Oh, the new season of Ozark came out.” It doesn’t have to be anything big but just something to make you want to actually start your day.”

“Ok…” JC mulled it over. It seemed like a decent place to start but already felt like he was going to run out of things pretty quickly. “You got any ideas for tomorrow?”

“Easy,” Joey smiled. “You gotta get up for your walk with Alice. That one should sustain you for a couple days.”

Joey wasn’t wrong but JC wasn’t sure if he liked that Joey was right. “It has been a good way to start off the day.”

“C, you aren’t falling for her, are you?”

“Joey, no, plus it’s been like two days. She’s a friend, nothing more.”

“Ok, just checking.”

JC took a moment, deciding how much to really confide in Joey. “She does, uh, have a crush on me though. You know, old school *NSYNC fan and all.”

“Well, there’s no accounting for taste,” Joey smirked. “She actually tell you that?”

“Yeah, I mean she mentioned it when we first met but then we really talked about it last night.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Weird but not in a bad way exactly. I mean, she knows general stuff about me and all you guys so there’s less explaining that needs to go into things. Also means she’s good at asking some questions I haven’t really answered to myself as of yet.”

“You got an example?”

“Something hasn’t been…right with me in a couple years. I noticed it a few months after the Star Ceremony but didn’t put it together until she mentioned it.”

“What happened at the Star Ceremony?”

“I don’t know, still working that out but my point is her fan knowledge was actually pretty helpful in this case.”

“Well, any help she can give you I’m all for,” Joey encouraged him. Joey had seen the decline in JC over the past few years, all the guys had. They were worried but every time someone brought it up to him, he always said he was “fine”. When he mentioned a few weeks back he was going to go on this retreat, the other members all took a collective sigh of relief. No one knew how to help JC but it had been clear he needed some and were grateful he recognized that as well.

JC looked at the clock as it crept past 9pm on his end. “I should let you go. It’s getting late.”

“You sure you’re good?”

“Yeah, this helped, thank you. Let’s do this more often though.”

“I’ll make sure Kloey has more extracurriculars for me to complain about,” Joey joked. “Anything you need, man. You know I’m always here for you; we all are.”

“Thanks Joey. I think this was what I needed right now,” JC let out a long breath and smiled. He really was feeling better after talking with Joey and vowed to have some time to chat with each of the guys when he got back home.

“Glad to help. I love you, bro.”

“Love you too, Joey,” JC said then disconnected the call. He sat still for a moment, taking the conversation in. It may have started awkward but it never felt forced. JC felt a bit more reassured that even though so many things separated the five of them physically, they were always just a phone call away.

JC climbed into bed and picked up one of the books on the side table. “Entangled in Darkness: a tale of aspirations, anxiety and acceptance,” JC read to himself. Seemed like the perfect read, he shook his head and settled in for the night.