JC dropped his phone, crumpling to the floor. He stared at his phone in disbelief. He couldn’t bring himself to pick it back up, barely able to push the speaker button. 

“When?” JC asked, fighting back tears.

“Yesterday morning.  Instantly. She was crossing La Cienega and a car ran the light, 55 miles an hour.  JC, I’m so sorry…”

“How long have you known?”

“Justin called yesterday.  I was in too much shock…”

“YOU were in shock?  Tell me, Lance, was Mikayla YOUR ex, the one person you wanted to be with more than anyone else?!”

“C, you know we were all close… I know there’s gonna be some kind of service at some point… Seriously, go to Mother’s Beach. Her favorite place.  Go, watch the waves, you know how she loved the ocean, watching the waves even when it was too cold to go in the water.”

“I’ll think about it. I really just want to curl up and die right here, Lance.  I lost her again, this time forever. How do I come back from this one?” The tears flowed freely, JC not wanting to get up, not wanting to do anything besides the one thing he couldn’t- see her again.

“Go to the beach. I think you’ll get some answers you weren’t expecting.  I love you, C.  I’m sorry, we’re all sorry and grieving, on some level. I should have cut you off sooner before you got things built up in your head.  I’m heartbroken for you, Justin, the twins. All of you. It’s a loss for all of us. Chris and Joey are flying in as soon as they can.”

“Did Justin ask you to tell me?”  JC wondered. 

“No, I just thought you should know from a friend,” Lance lied.  “He’s doing the best he can, he was still in shock when he called, probably like you are now.  It didn’t feel real.  I’m sure he’ll reach out, please don’t ignore him. He lost you a long time ago, now he’s lost her.”

“He didn’t lose me…”

“He feels like he did.  Keep ignoring him now and it just might kill what’s left of him right now. When he’s ready, hear him out. Promise me you’ll listen this time.”

“I promise.”

…

He sat on the beach, watching the water crash up on the rocks. This beach had become her favorite.  He closed his eyes, the tears stung.  He still couldn't believe in his heart that she was gone.

His Kay, gone forever.  No chance of anything ever again. He let his mind wander for a few minutes. Images of her filled his mind, finding it hard to believe their fling at the office two days ago was the last time he’d ever hold her, kiss her.  He was glad he told her he loved her, heard her say it back, but now there was nothing more between them.  There was no more Kayla, and his heart broke.

"She really loved it here,” a familiar voice said, bringing JC out of his self induced trance.

Justin sat down next to him on the rocks.  JC got up and started to walk down the beach, away from Justin.

Justin stood and said, "Hasn't it been long enough, C?"

JC stopped in his tracks; somehow he knew Justin was right. What did it matter anymore? 

He turned, and said, " Long enough? You…." he trailed off.

"I what? I comforted her when her grandmother died?" 

“By getting her drunk and seeing her naked, doing things only I had done with her?" he countered.

"She was a willing participant,  C."

"You knew how I felt about her, even though we’d broken up.  I thought there was still something there,” JC said looking down at the ground.

"We did nothing wrong. You two weren't even together anymore.  There was something there between you, but YOU chose not to do anything about it," Justin said, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking down the beach a little ways. A little boy who JC guessed to be 4 years old was playing with a bulldog.  A little girl played on the playground.

"Hey bud, you know Harley doesn't like the water like that.  Back it up a bit."

The little boy gave him two thumbs up and dragged the dog closer to where Justin stood .

"Are they…?” JC asked, his heart almost stopped in his chest when he realized those were Mikayla's kids standing there in front of him.

"Yeah." Justin said with a wistful smile on his face. "She always said being a mom was the best thing she ever did. "

"They’re beautiful."

"Yeah, like their mom."

"You gave her everything I couldn't, J. You made her happy." JC said, finally looking Justin in the eye.

Justin stared out at the water blankly for a moment.  "She always loved you C, to spite herself. You were the love of her life and she was the love of mine."

"She married you. I'd say YOU were the love of her life."

"Kayla loved me. But never the way she loved you, and I never expected her to."

"Were you happy together?"

"Yes, we were happy together "Justin answered, wiping a tear away.  "She dropped them off at the school, and Candace had her go to another campus to fill in for a teacher.  She never made it. She never knew what hit her. They said that a truck ran a red light and broadsided her car, and she was killed instantly."  Justin stopped talking to catch his breath.  "She kissed me awake that morning and we…well, then she told me that she loved me and kissed me goodbye.  That's the last time I ever saw her as my Kayla."

"J, you don't have to do this." JC said, his own tears flowing freely now. 

"Yes. Yes I do. You need to understand that you weren't the only one who lost her. I lost her too,  C. I lost so much yesterday…  We never did any of this to hurt you.  I know it did. But we both love you." Justin watched as JC watched the boy intently playing with his puppy in the water.  They watched him together in comfortable silence. 

"He looks a lot like Kayla. "

"He looks a bit like her, but he looks more like his dad." Justin said, smiling at JC.

 “What's his name?"

"Kayla named him after his dad and her dad.”

"Justin Miguel Timberlake," JC said out loud.

"His name is Joshua."

JC stared at Justin, then at the boy in front of them. 

"He's yours, C.  They both are,” Justin said. 

"No. She would have told me," JC stammered, his mind racing.

"She tried.  She was pregnant at the funeral, we just didn’t know until after you left. She passed out and we found out in bloodwork at the hospital. You were not exactly receptive to either one of us at the time. She was terrified.  You wouldn't answer her texts or calls. Then she went to the house and you wouldn't answer the gate. That voicemail you deleted, that was her last attempt to tell you.  It was after you deleted that voicemail that we decided to get together, soon after we got married."

“Wait, I thought you guys got married after the twins were born,” JC said, confused.

“We had a big wedding for the ‘public’, but we got married at my house in Tennessee when she was about 6-8 weeks pregnant.”

"You married her because she was pregnant?"

"I married her because I LOVED her, C. She needed me and I needed her. She would have gone back to you if you had opened that door, listened to that voicemail. But you didn't, and I could not let her go under."

"There is no way those kids are mine, J." JC said, in complete denial of what he had just learned.

"C, Look at him.  Besides, we waited until after we were married to have sex.  My idea, just so you know,” Justin said as the little boy came running up to him. Joshy looked up at JC. He was looking into his own eyes. JC staggered backwards, and Justin caught him before he fell. 

"C, sit down." Justin said, steering him to a nearby bench and sat him down.

Joshy walked up to the two men. "My name is Josh. What's your name? " He held his little  hand out for JC to take.

"My name is Josh, too." JC  replied, taking his hand in his. Joshy shook his hand, trying to be a big boy.

"Just like who I’m named after.”  Joshy looked at Justin.  “Is this him, Daddy?  The one I’ve seen in pictures and stories?”

“Yeah, bud.  Go get your sister, bring her over here…”

JC stood there looking at the little boy with his eyes and his mother's hair.

“We told them all about you.  They don’t know WHO you are, not the full story, but they’re yours, C.”

“I… wow, ummm…” JC stumbled over his words.

“I know,” Justin said, putting a hand on JC’s shoulder.  “Great kids, by the way.  I’d say it’s more genetics than anything.”

The kids came walking back up, Barb sulking after being pulled off the slide by Joshy.  Barb looked up at Justin, then recognized the man with her dad.

“He looks like the guy in the pictures Mommy and Daddy show us!” Barb said.  “Are you him?”

"Yes," he whispered.

Joshy got closer, looked at Justin, and said, "Daddy, can I hug him? " 

JC dropped to his knees from the bench there in the sand and wrapped his arms around one the only pieces of Kayla that was left. The best part. 

“You can come by the house if you want.  We can grab some dinner on the way,” Justin offered.

“Sure.  Really feel like it’s the very least I could do, given everything…” JC sighed. 

“Ok guys, let’s get into the car, grab some dinner?” Justin suggested, Joshy and Barb nodding. 

“They seem to be taking this well,” JC whispered. 

Justin sighed. “They… don’t know yet.  I’m still in shock, I haven’t really processed it myself.  Let’s talk at the house.”

They walked to the parking lot, Justin helping the twins open the car door, the kids climbing in and buckling themselves in. 

They drove down the street to a small pizza place. JC got out of his Jeep, following Justin and the kids.  They walked in together, JC looking at the menu. 

Justin walked up, smiling at the young man being the register. 

“Hey there kiddos! Another beach day?” the young man asked, the twins nodding in reply. 

“We’ll take a cheese for the twins, a barbecue chicken and a Hawaiian.  Then a half strawberry Nutella and half churro.”

The young man rang up the order, giving the twins kids menus while they waited, and giving Justin a little bag with a knowing smile. 

Justin and the twins sat at a table while they waited for their order, the twins coloring pictures on the menu and taking turns playing tic tac toe with Justin. Barb looked up at JC.

“You can sit with us,” she said, getting up and grabbing JC’s hand. JC smiled, walking with her to the table. “Tic tac toe?” she offered. 

“Careful, she cheats,” Justin warned. 

“How do you cheat at tic tac toe?” JC laughed. He placed an X in the left middle spot. They took turns going back and forth, leaving her with a cats game. 

She went to make her move, then shouted  “TORNADO!” And placed an O over one of his Xs, scribbling it dark on the paper. She smiled triumphantly. “I win,” she said smugly. 

“Wow, ok… that’s cheating…”

“Is not. Daddy…” Barb whined, looking at Justin. “It’s not cheating, is it?”  She batted her eyelashes. 

She is GOOD, JC chuckled to himself. 

“Barb, yes, it’s cheating. We go over this every time. You’re 4 so you keep forgetting. Or you know and choose not to care.”

“I had fun playing with you though,” JC smiled. 

“Are the stories I’ve heard true?” Barb asked, catching Joshy’s attention, nodding in wondering the same thing.

“What stories?” JC laughed. 

“You and Daddy worked for Mickey?” she asked timidly.

“I’ve shown them videos, thank you YouTube…” Justin sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s how we met. He was 12, I was 16, almost 17.”

“Then you guys joined Uncle Chris, Joey, and Lance and sang all over?”

“Started 'em young, huh?”

“Not my idea,” Justin laughed, his hands up in surrender.  “But yeah, pretty much from the womb. It wasn’t easy at first, given certain things, but yeah, they needed to know. They were too young to remember my last time being on tour, so I showed them that when they asked what I did for a job. She’d shown them all the concerts, tv specials, they knew who I was, recognized me and all of you individually by 2 and a half. It was so weird the first time I came in to them watching the first Disney special and they shouted ‘that’s Daddy and Uncle Chris!’ But guys, who’s your favorite?”

“JC,” Barb started to blush.

“Why?” JC wondered. 

“You were one of Daddy’s best friends.  What made you stop being friends?” Joshy asked. 

“Justin!” the young man shouted, putting their order on the counter. 

“Saved by pizza,” Justin sighed. “Come on, let’s go home.”

JC followed Justin back to the house, glad he had, because he didn’t know how to get there from this area.  It had been so long, and he only knew from his place or a couple other spots.  They pulled into the driveway, Justin parking the car in the garage.

“Daddy, where’s my tablet?” Joshy asked.

“I don’t know, when did you have it last?” Justin replied.

“In the car, before school.”

Justin’s eyes widened.  “Ummm, I guess it’s in the other car.”

“Where IS the other car?” Barb asked.

“Let’s get in and have dinner,” Justin tried to distract them.

Justin put the pizzas on the kitchen table.  JC looked around the house.  Some things were the same, others VERY different.  No fancy vases and breakables out, kids art all over the fridge.  

“Daddy, I want my tablet!” Joshy demanded.

“It’s in the other car.  I’ll get you a new one tomorrow, ok?  We don’t need to talk like that, ok…”  Justin tried to remain calm.

“Why can’t we just get it from the car?” Joshy asked.

Justin sighed heavily.  “Come sit down.  I’ll get you guys some pizza and then we’ll talk.  But you have to eat, ok?  No dessert if you don’t eat.”

The twins sat on the couch, Justin bringing them plates of cheese pizza and some grapes. The kids started popping the grapes into their mouths as Justin got himself a plate, gesturing for JC to do the same.  Both men sat on the other couch in the room.

“Guys, something happened to Mommy yesterday, and the car,” Justin said, his voice starting to tremble.

“What?” Barb asked.

“You know how you’re supposed to stop at a red light?  Well, someone ran a red light and they hit Mommy and the car.”

“Is she ok?” Joshy asked, dropping his pizza.

“No, bud, she’s not.  Well, maybe she is…”

“Can we see her in the hospital?” Barb asked.

“She’s not in the hospital, sweetheart.”

“Where’s Mommy, Daddy?” Joshy asked, scared.

Justin was quiet for a bit, looking at JC like he was absolutely lost.  Tears formed in his eyes.  He sighed.  “She’s… well… Mommy died.”  Tears streamed down his face.  

“So she’s gone?” Barb asked, her face scrunched, ready to cry.

“Yeah, baby, she’s gone.  None of us will ever see Mommy again.  They had me go see her, make sure she was the person her ID said she was.  She looked like an angel, but it hurt, a lot, to know she was gone.  I’d still rather see her like I saw her yesterday before she dropped you two off at school.”

“J, you said she was going to something at another school?”  JC asked.

“Yeah, once they made her the department chair, she wasn’t teaching anymore, needed all over.”

“Oh my god, I did this…” JC gasped.

“What?” Justin asked.  “You didn’t hit her, the guy is in jail, stayed at the scene.  Actually, I’m sure he’s in the hospital, but yeah…”

“When I stepped down, I caused this.  If I was still department chair, she wouldn’t have had to go.  This is all my fault…”  tears flowed freely.

“Why is he sad about Mommy?” Barb asked.

“Because he loved Mommy very much, too,” Justin said.  

“Like a best friend?” Joshy wondered.

“Yeah, for a long time, your Mommy was my very best friend.  Mommy and Daddy were.”

“What happened?” Joshy asked.

“Something happened and he got mad at us for something we didn’t mean to do.”

“That’s not nice,” Barb said.

“No, but it happens.  Remember at school when you thought someone hit you and they had tripped on the playground and accidentally ran into you?  You were mad at them until you found out they tripped and fell, that it was an accident?  Kinda the same thing.  We didn’t mean to hurt him, but it did, and he wouldn’t let us explain or say we were sorry.”

“I was too worried about being mad, and that wasn’t good.  I didn’t want to be nice, I wanted to be angry, and it led to a lot of things I wish I could change,” JC said, looking at Justin.  

“Can we watch TV?” Joshy asked, not getting the tone of the conversation between the grownups.

“Yeah, bud.  What do you wanna watch?”

“Can we watch you on Mickey Mouse?”

Justin shook his head with a smile.  “If that’s what you wanna watch…”

“YES!” the twins replied together.

Justin got the DVDs out.  “She bought this collection on a website she found right after the twins were born.  Typical Mikayla, she then categorized them in chronological order, as best she could.  

Joshy looked up at JC.  “We wanna hear YOUR stories about Daddy…”

JC smiled.  “Oh, I’ve got plenty…”

…

“Ok, now that the kids are asleep, can we talk?” Justin asked. 

“I think we need a couple drinks, first.”

Justin grabbed a couple glasses, pouring a decent amount in each glass. He handed one to JC.  

“To Mikayla,” JC said, raising his glass. 

“To Mikayla,” Justin replied, clinking the glasses before they took a sip.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me I was a dad?” JC began. “I would’ve stepped up, we’d both wanted kids.”

“Says the single man with no other kids.”

“I haven’t been with anyone else since her.”

“NO ONE?!” Justin gasped, almost choking on his drink. 

“Not seriously. I mean, I still have needs, but nothing beyond a night or two. I’d been hurt too deeply. First Eva, then Kayla, I was afraid to fall in love again. I’d never had that connection with anyone else that I could have anything serious.  Seriously, why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“We tried. We thought you needed to hear it straight from Kayla.  The few times we WERE all together didn’t exactly go well that we thought it was a good time, and we didn’t want you hearing it from anyone but Kayla.  That’s why the guys pushed you to talk to her early on, but you dug in your heels.”

“Cuz I thought she just wanted to apologize and try to get back together.  I had no idea she’d be telling me she was pregnant.  Is that why she… at the VMAs…?”

“Yeah.  You were being a total asshole with that comment and had it coming.”

“I’d never seen her so mad, even with what happened before…  But why didn’t she say anything then?”

“She knew you didn't know, but that you had chosen to be ignorant.  Not gonna lie, it hurt that you really thought I’d cheat on her.  And given my agreement with her about leaving, well…”

JC sighed. “I saw her on Wednesday, I was on a tour of another property they wanted to take over. I’ve been on the board for the last 4 years. I just couldn’t fully stay away from her, the school. Candace told me about the idea to make Kayla the next department chair after me, and I said she’d be a good fit.”

“That was my idea, I pitched it to Candace once she was pregnant. At first it was to keep her from gossip during her pregnancy, then she really enjoyed it.  She missed teaching, but she took a lot of what she’d learned from you and was successful.”

“She looked so beautiful, I couldn’t stop looking at her.  We got back to her office, and well… we…”

“I know. She told me. She told me you said you still loved her, that she still loved you. She felt guilty, after all we’d been through together to try and heal from that. We had our own little session that night, as her apology to me.  She knew I understood. I’d told her she had options.”

“Options?” JC asked. 

“If you ever wanted her back, I wasn’t going to stop it. I think she was considering it, trying to figure out things with the kids before moving forward.”

“You’d really let her walk away?”

“I knew you two were the loves of each other’s lives.  I just happened to be around. Though recent developments might have changed that, she told me she wasn’t going to leave me. Fuck, that just hit me…”

“What?”

“So, I ended my tour early cuz she told me on Christmas that she was pregnant. We’d started trying, so I was super excited to get home after my last two dates in Vegas. I finally come home and she’s at the hospital. While waiting for me to come home, she miscarried.  We started trying right away, once we could, even considering IVF once we hit a year of trying. C, Mikayla was pregnant.  We did all kinds of tests to make sure it was healthy, viable.  Bloodwork could tell us the gender right away.  A boy.  We’d named his Silas. Not only did I just lose my wife, but I lost my son, one that was actually mine. The twins have no idea, we hadn’t told anyone.”

“J, I’m so sorry…”

Justin drained his glass, placing it on the table in front of him. “I’m trying so hard to keep it together, C.  My mom and Paul fly in tomorrow, but things were crazy even with Kayla here running things.  I don’t know how I’m gonna do this…”

“I’m afraid to ask, but how DID she look when you saw her?”

“She got slammed into by a car going 55, C.  I barely recognized her. You wanna know what made me know it was her?”

“What?”

“Her wedding ring and the pendant you gave her years ago along with the pendant I gave her with the kids’ birthstones. I’d recognize that anywhere. She loved both of us, C.  Now she’s gone…”

JC hugged his long lost friend, both of them breaking down in tears.  At the loss of what could have been, for either of them. JC’s chance at being a husband and dad, Justin at having a child of his own with the woman he loved.  He loved the twins, but he knew at some point they’d figure out neither of them looked like him. Joshy’s eyes were a different blue than Justin’s.

The men were so lost in grief that they didn’t hear the two pairs of feet come downstairs. Joshy crawled into Justin’s lap, Barb into JC’s, and they all cried at their loss of the woman they loved most.