JC sat down at his kitchen table, Autumn sitting across from him. 

“Well, you wanted to talk?” JC began.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“That you betrayed me, or that I caught you?”

“Mostly the first.”

“Why, Autumn? Why did you never tell me what you thought of her?”

“Cuz you had already asked for permission to propose, JC.  How could I tell you I thought you were moving too fast, that I didn’t like her?”

“I mean, I may not have listened, but it wouldn’t be the first time you didn’t like one of my girlfriends.  What didn’t you like about her?”

“That’s the other thing. I don’t know that I could really quite put my finger on it. I guess I didn’t think she liked you, she liked JC Chasez…”

“I AM JC Chasez…”

“You know what I mean. She liked celebrity you. I never felt she loved the man behind it all.”

“You also didn’t see us much beyond parties where Eric was involved in some way.  Or we would be out somewhere like a restaurant.  Very rarely was it a school night, watching TV and eating Chinese or dinner she made for us.  She's not a fan of the spotlight, but she's dealt with it for me and Justin.  She was there when everything happened with the label…”

“I guess… I guess I was afraid you’d get hurt again.  You’d been pretty anti-commitment for a bit, then suddenly you found The One.  I wanted you to be sure.”

“We were together for almost 5 years.  How much surer did you want?  We’d been trying to get pregnant, you knew that.  So for you to not tell me it actually happened… It hurt knowing that you knew and did nothing.”

“I'm sorry.  I don’t have a good reason for not telling you besides my personal feelings about her.  I thought I was protecting you, but I was hurting you instead.  If it helps, I like her better now.  Seeing her last night, and you sending me pictures of you and the twins the last few months… It’s clear how happy you are, and I’m sorry I kept you from that.”

“Is it because she’s with Justin and not me?”

“I guess. I mean, she married him, they’re having a baby. If you mean that I thought you guys weren’t having a thing on the side, yeah. I was a little surprised when she told me, but at the same time I wasn’t.  Knowing how much you loved her after all these years, knowing she still feels that way… I really see how much she loves you, now. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”

“I can tell you really mean that,” JC said.  “Please don’t keep things from me, Autumn.  I may not anyways listen, but at least give me a chance to understand your side.  I was ready to walk away from a really great friendship.  I’m glad we talked about this.”

“So we’re friends again?”

“We weren’t ever not friends, though I was leaning pretty heavily towards that.  I know you have my best interests at heart, but if you know something I don’t that involves me and those I love, please tell me. Help me be informed and make decisions having all the information. Kayla could be my wife right now if you’d done that from the beginning.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I doubted her feelings and commitment to you. It’s hard to know if someone likes you for you, or who they think you are in their head.  I’m sorry I never gave her a chance, to see how much she loved you.”

“As long as you support me now, where we’re together.  I’m not letting her go again, Autumn.”

“She’s married to Justin, how is he ok with it all?”

“Some days I really don’t know, but I’m glad that he is.”

…

“Where are you going, Daddy?” Barb asked Justin, who was wheeling his suitcase towards the door.

“I’m gonna be gone for a bit telling people about the movie I’m in.  I’ll be on TV for some of it, others will be on radio, so hopefully you’ll get to see some of it.  I’ve given Mommy a rundown of everything, so if she can record it, she will.  I’m gonna miss you guys, but this is fun, too.”

“And Daddy JC is staying here with us while you’re gone?”

“Yeah, you start school on Monday, and he wants you guys to stay here and keep your routine for school.  That way, you won’t need to go back and forth to his house to see him.”

“We could stay at his house, though,” Joshy said.

“We have a pool,” Mikayla reminded them.  "It’s been hot, so having the pool this weekend and after school sounds pretty good.  We’re also closer to the school than he is, you’d have to get up earlier for school…”

“Never mind, I’m ok staying here,” Joshy decided.  

“I’ll FaceTime you every night for bedtime, even if it’s a little early because of things I need to be at.”

“Yes, can’t miss those parties,” Mikayla laughed.

“They’re boring without you,” Justin whispered, resting his hand on her ass, thankful Mikayla was at an angle where the twins couldn’t see.  

“Have fun, I’m sure it’ll be great.  Getting you back into the swing of things.  Maybe you’ll find time on flights or things to write more songs,” Mikayla said.

“We’ll see.  I’m not in the right headspace for it.  Maybe on the way home.  Alright, I gotta go, but I love you guys and I’ll FaceTime you tonight.”  He kissed the three of them before walking out the door.  

Mikayla and the twins watched through a window as he left; sad that Justin was leaving, but excited to spend more time with JC.  The twins were less excited about school starting, though they were missing their friends they’d had in class.

They had breakfast, their ears perking up when the alert that the gate had opened went off.  They stayed at the table, Barb on the edge of her seat, ready to attack hug JC the second he came into view.

That’s exactly what happened, JC entering the kitchen, ready for Barb to barrel towards him like the tornado that she was.  He used her momentum towards him to twirl her around in his arms.

“Hi, sweet girl,” JC smiled.  “Are you happy to see Daddy?”

Barb nodded emphatically, JC’s heart soaring. He put her down on the floor, walking them back to the table. He kissed Joshy on the head and Mikayla on the cheek before sitting in the empty chair.

He looked around the table, his heart full that he was able to feel like a real family, having breakfast together at the table.  Then he realized it wasn’t his house, suddenly feeling like he was just pretending. It was his family, but not the way it should have been. He’d come to realize he was the reason things hadn’t worked out. 

He’d told Miguel that he was in Florida, so she didn’t call him the night Barbara died.  He was quick to assume when Mikayla was in a towel, but more so not letting her or Justin give their side of the story. He hadn’t even let her speak at the funeral, staying even a few minutes longer would’ve changed everything. He felt the most guilt about not letting her tell him when she came to the house, or left the voicemail.  Just as bad was listening to Autumn about not forgiving her.  As much as he loved her, he had held onto a lot of bitterness over the years. Now, he felt like some of it was melting away.  

Things were going well.  He was doing projects he was proud of, finding ways to be innovative and help artists.  He knew the business was cut throat, but he was also helping them realize dreams of making music, even if it didn’t go anywhere.  He’d been part of something he knew was special, and that their success was rare.  He’d worked with some of the hardest working people he’d met, and they still hadn’t been able to make it click. Thankfully, a lot were happy just for the opportunity, remembering that even his access to recording after MMC was a privilege based on the connections he had.  Professionally, things were great.

He looked at Mikayla, smiling through his whole body.  He loved her so much, thankful for a second chance with her, being a dad.  He could join in their triumphs, and support and console them in any difficulties.  He’d been talking with his dad about things; what to expect around the stage the twins were in, any advice he could offer. 

“Every day is a new day.  It will have its joys and  its challenges. Embrace the joys and release the challenges, as much as possible. Do the best you can, and be there. That’s the best advice I can give you. They will remember the big things, but in the end, they will treasure all those little moments the most,” Roy had said to him. JC looked around the table again, hoping this was something they would remember years later.  That he made the effort to be the best version of himself for them.

“Daddy, eat your food,” Barb said, snapping him back to reality.  “Mommy made it.”

“Sorry, baby girl, I was thinking about things,” JC said softly. 

“What kinds of things?” Joshy wondered. 

“How things are really good for me right now.  I’m really happy for the first time in a long time.”

“Why?” Barb asked. 

“Well, because of you guys. When Mommy told me I was your dad, and we got to start spending time together, everything felt better. I stopped being mad at Mommy and now I love her all over again.”

“But she’s married to Daddy…”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love her. Mommy will always be very special to me, even if we’re not married.  Does that make sense?”

“I guess,” Barb said. “Mommy, do you love Daddy JC the same way you love Daddy?”

“Do you want me to?” Mikayla asked. “Would that make more sense or just be more confusing?”

“Could you get married?  If you love each other, you get married, right?”

“Usually, yes.  But you can only be married to one person at a time. But do you want me to love him the same way I love Daddy?”

“I mean, you loved each other enough to wish for us, so I guess… If you still love each other that much, that’s how it should be.”

“Love is complicated, Princess,” JC sighed. “I only hope you never have to learn just how complicated it can be.  I had my happily ever after and I lost it.  I have a second chance, but not the kind I would like. Know that we all love the two of you, and that’s what matters most.”

JC picked at the eggs on his plate, Mikayla watching him. She was glad to have this time with him at the house. Justin would be gone for almost a week, giving them a chance to have at least a glimpse of what could have been. She knew it would be just a glimpse, they couldn’t risk going anywhere besides school. They were restricted by fear of being seen together again, especially with Justin being obviously not home.

She wondered if being seen as a group of 5, or at least the 3 of them would help out just make things worse. Maybe doing something kid friendly would be good press.  She made a mental note to discuss it at a later time.

“You’re happy being our Daddy?” Barb interjected, seemingly out of nowhere after the topic had been dropped. Clearly she had been thinking about it. 

“Very much,” JC answered honestly. “I just wish I hadn’t been so stupid for so long that I could have been around earlier. But I’m here now, and I hope that’s enough.”

“Daddy, you said a bad word… We don’t say… stupid,” she whispered the last word.

“Well, there really isn’t a better word for it. I loved Mommy, but I never asked her to marry me, and I didn’t listen when she tried to tell me you two were in her tummy.  I had a lot of chances to fix things with Mommy, and it took this long to listen and fix things.  You make me so happy, it was something I never thought would happen, so to know I’m your Daddy, to make memories with you, it’s very special.  It’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I hope you two feel that.”

“I love you, Daddy,” Barb said, giving JC a tight squeeze. 

“Those are the best words I will ever hear, baby girl. No matter how old I get, those will be the words I want to hear the most.  Thank you, all of you, for loving me.”