“Are you ready?” Justin asked. “They’re gonna be excited to see us.”

“You know which of us they’ll be most excited for,” Mikayla smiled, looking down at Silas in his car seat that Justin was carrying.

“Be careful, I know you’re still healing from it all.  Hopefully the twins can be gentle around both of you.”

Justin opened the door carefully, expecting the twins to come barreling down the hall towards them.  He found it oddly quiet. He knew JC was there, same with Jackie, recognizing their cars, but he couldn’t hear any sign of them.  

“JC?  Jackie?  Kids?” Justin called out.  Mikayla followed him, also bothered by the quiet.

Silas started to cry.  “Even he thinks this is weird,” Mikayla laughed.  “I think he’s hungry, I’m gonna take him into the nursery, get him used to it…”

She walked into the house, opening the door to the nursery, and there, sitting quiet and still as statues, were the four people they were wanting to see.  “You’re so quiet…”Mikayla whispered.

“They wanted to surprise you, and see the nursery.  It’s changed a bit since they were that small,"Jackie replied.

“Only one crib in here now,” Mikayla sighed.  “Still not sure whose it is.  I’m just glad we kept one, not that we couldn’t afford to get another one, but to know it’s the same one that one of them was in…”

Silas cried again, Mikayla holding him to her chest, his head on her collarbone.

“Can we meet him, Mommy?” Barb asked.

“Well, I think he’s hungry…” Mikayla sighed.

“Can we give him a bottle?” Joshy asked.

“He’s not having bottles right now.  How about this?  You can see him for a minute, then I can feed him while you watch TV.  When he’s done eating, I’ll bring him out to the couch with lots of pillows, and you two can take turns holding him…”

The twins nodded with big smiles on their faces.  Mikayla sat in the glider, turning Silas to face his siblings.  He fussed a little at being turned, especially not being held the way he had been for feedings.

“He’s so little…” Joshy gasped.

“Were WE that little?” Barb asked.

“Actually, a little smaller,”Mikayla replied.  “Both of you in my tummy meant you didn’t get as big, though it certainly felt like you were both this size.”

“He’s so cute!” Barb squealed, suddenly getting very quiet.  “Sorry,” she whispered, “Jackie told us not to be loud around him…”

“It's ok to be a little noisy, it helps him get used to it.  Just don’t scream in his face, which is a good rule of thumb for anyone,” Mikayla chuckled.  

“He looks like you, Mommy, but a boy,” Joshy said.  

“The hair and eyes, but I think he has Daddy’s mouth and nose,” Mikayla replied.  “We love him no matter who he looks like.”  Silas began to cry in earnest now, not wanting to be looked at, but wanting to eat.

“Let’s let him eat,” Jackie sighed.  “We’ll wait for Mommy on the couch, make it really nice for Mommy and Silas…”  Jackie walked the twins out, JC standing against the wall apprehensively.

“You ok, Josh?” Mikayla asked, looking him in the eye.

“I kinda wanna watch.  Not anything weird, but just to get more of a sense of what you were like with the twins…”

“Well, neither of them took to nursing, so this will be different in that way.”  She sat up a bit more, turning Silas onto his side.  She moved the fabric of her top, revealing her nursing bra.  “Not exactly the sexiest thing in the world, but it gives him access while still giving me support…”

“It’s sexy in a different way.” JC sighed.

“Shows her maternal side, which is really sexy,” Justin sighed from the doorway.  “Kids basically ignored me, but I kinda expected that.  C, you’re taking the kids for a few days?”

“Yeah, I figured we’d stay through dinner, then head to my place.  My mom is flying in, thought this would be a good time to get to know them better, in their element.  And to see Silas, of course.”

“Yeah, Mom comes in today. She was a little hesitant.  Rachel will be here for a bit, too.  Plenty of help, maybe TOO much…”

“He’ll start eating more, I’ll pump so there’s some for others to feed him.  The next few days though I want to rest as much as possible.  I know they need the rooms, but it’s not a lot of time to recover from something so incredible.”

“I just wanted to say,” JC sighed, “you were so strong.  Watching you give birth, especially with no painkillers… You’re a true badass, Kay.”

“I had some great help, encouraging me when I thought I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“We’ll always be here,” Justin smiled.  “Your biggest fans, along with the kids.”

“I’d say I’m no one special, but given the context, that’s very inaccurate.”

JC watched Mikayla, how she held Silas as he nursed, her fingers stroking his hair, rubbing gentle circles on his back.  He watched her move him up to burp him with gentle pats on his back.

“How do you know when to burp him?” JC wondered.

“Just intuition. Mostly cuz he stops eating because of the bubble.  Even with a bottle you can tell. If you burp him and he still won’t eat, then he’s finished, might need another burp just in case.

“You wanna burp him next time?” Justin offered as Mikayla switched Silas to her other breast.

“I mean, if that’s ok… He’s your son, T.”

“Getting some practice in isn’t a bad thing, C.  I’ll have tons of chances to do it. Let’s get a burp rag for you though, just in case. Don’t wanna get anything on this shirt.”

“Like if he spits up?”

“That’s the least of your worries if you ever babysit him. Kay, remember the blowouts they had? God, the worst was when it got on us, not just them.”

“Parenting small children is not for the faint of heart,” Mikayla replied. 

“Or the weak in stomach,” Justin chuckled.  “They’re cute so you forgive them for things, most of which they can’t even control. Ooh, he should help us potty train Silas, see the fun he missed out on…”

“Thank you, for doing all of that and more,” JC said. “I do wish I could undo it all, at least be in their lives earlier.”

“Is now a good time to bring up what happened yesterday?” Justin asked.

“What happened?” Mikayla wondered.

“I was emotional, feeling guilty and jealous, feeling alone…”

“What happened, Josh?” Mikayla asked.

“I called Jackie, telling her you were at the hospital, and I asked her to come over so I wasn’t alone…"

“Josh, you didn’t…”

“No, I didn’t.  She knew it wasn’t right.  I kissed her, but she pulled away.  I’d had a drink or two, so that didn’t help.  I don’t know what I wanted in that moment, but knowing that I’d missed my chance to be with you, having our twins, you were having Justin’s baby… I just felt…”

“You felt like I did, the night things started with Justin.  I needed someone, and I thought you were in Florida.  You know I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I know.  So, are you mad?”

“No.  I’m not thrilled, but I also know that if you want to be with someone else, I shouldn’t stand in your way.”

“You’re not in my way, Kay.  You ARE my way.  I only want you, for better or worse.  Right now feels like worse, at least emotionally.  I just felt so alone.  I’m glad you called me during delivery, that I got to experience that, in part.  But I should’ve been in that room 4 and a half years ago.  I should’ve done a lot of things.”

“You’re here now,” Mikayla smiled softly.  “I think he needs to be burped.  You ready?”

JC nodded, a little nervous after hearing about the potential of spit up and blowouts.  He held Silas, gently patting his back like he’d seen Mikayla do.  He’d had plenty of moments with the twins, but holding Silas, someone so little, he felt like he was really a dad now.  He knew Silas wasn’t his, but that he couldn’t screw things up more than he already had.  His heart melted as Silas snuggled into his chest, soon snoring softly.

“OK, you have the golden touch,” Justin chuckled.  “You’d have been a natural with the twins, I have no doubts, C.”

“What is he gonna call me?” JC wondered.  “The twins call me Dad or Daddy, but I worry he’ll be confused.”

“You’ll be Uncle JC to him.  I mean, if he slips and calls you Dad, I could think of worse people for him to call that.”

“So could I,” Mikayla smiled.

The three of them looked at each other.  “Joey,” they laughed.

…

“Mikayla, go lie down!” Rachel said firmly.  “We’ve got this.”

“But-”

“No buts.  Lynn and I have him.  Seriously, she might just take him back to Tennessee with her,”  Rachel laughed.

“I’ll keep him for the first couple years, how about that?” Lynn jokingly offered.

“Hey, that’s the whole blowout phase, I just might take that offer,” Mikayla yawned.

“Go sleep, darlin’.  You insisted on being up all night with him…”

“He needed me,” Mikayla sighed.

“He needed any of us.  How often did he need to nurse last night?”

“Just a couple times…”

“We could’ve taken him when he got fussy.  Yes, you’re Mama, but he needs to get comfortable with us, too.  At least let Justin help.  You won’t even let Jackie do her job…”

“OK!  I just… I wanna be the best mom to Silas, for Justin.  I-”

“You are an AMAZING mom, Kay,” Justin interrupted, entering the room.  “We agreed on all of this before he was born.  It’s only been 4 days, Kay.  You still need to heal.  Go to sleep.  Hell, just take a hot soak in the tub now that you can have hot water again.  Focus on healing so that you CAN be that great mom for Silas and the twins.  I know JC has the twins for a bit, and we all have dinner together so we spend time as a family, but you need to be resting.  Let us help you, Kay.”

“Ok.  It’s been so long since I’ve had a newborn in the house, call it the hormones or whatever…” Mikayla stammered.

“It’s totally the hormones, but let us help so you don’t wear yourself out,” Rachel said.  “We flew out here to see you and help with Silas, please don’t let it have been for nothing.”

Mikayla nodded, heading towards the bedroom.  She almost wondered if this was an opposite to postpartum depression, feeling like she needed to do anything and everything for Silas because no one else was Mama.  She hadn’t been like this with the twins, welcoming the help as much as possible. It felt instinctual, her need to be the one to care for him, not letting anyone else do it.  She’d stayed up almost all night to feed him, comfort him when he cried, change his diapers, sending away anyone that came to the nursery to help.  

She knew Justin was right. She needed to let them help, especially Justin.  Lynn, Rachel, and Karen weren’t always going to be around, but Jackie and Justin certainly would be.  She would make a more conscious effort to accept help while it was available.  She felt fine, despite having delivered a baby with no medications for pain.  She remembered being in discomfort and pain during recovery from the twins, and wondered if that was because the epidural had kept her from the more painful parts of delivery.  Having fully experienced a natural birth, maybe her pain tolerance had shifted.  She knew it could be easy to overdo it, though, because she was feeling better than most women after delivery.  

She got into bed, closing her eyes, thinking of all the people that loved her and wanted to help her.  Her mom would be coming down for a bit once Rachel and Lynn left.  She soon fell asleep, the baby monitor off to ensure she could sleep without interruptions.

She woke up to a gentle nudge, someone sitting on the edge of the bed. She opened her eyes and saw JC smiling softly. 

“Silas has been fed, the twins helping hold his bottle.  They’re so good with him, Kay.  I’m very proud of them.  Dinner should be ready in about 10 minutes.”

“I slept that long?” Mikayla gasped. “Shit!”

“What’s wrong?” JC wondered. 

“I was supposed to pump!  Thank god it’s still early on, that I’m not super leaking, but damnit…”

“If you need to do that before dinner, we can wait a bit.”

“Thank you. Next time, I’m setting an alarm. I slept for five hours…”

“How do you feel? Beyond upset about the schedule.”

“I’m not feeling like a zombie, let’s say that.”

“Sounds like you needed the rest.  Do what you need to do and I’ll see you downstairs for dinner.”  JC kissed her forehead, gently squeezing her hand.

Mikayla soon came downstairs, seeing what felt like the whole of her family in the living room.  As much as she needed the sleep, she felt like she was missing so much.  The twins were playing peekaboo with Silas, not knowing he wouldn’t be able to appreciate it for months to come.  Karen was holding Silas, sitting next to Lynn while the twins stood in front of them.  

“Hey, you ok?” Justin asked, noting the look on her face.

“Just feeling like I’m missing so much.  I know I need to rest, but then I miss things like this, everyone together.  They won’t be here forever, and I’m stuck sleeping or feeding Silas.  I know you’re helping with a lot of things, but I’m not out here for a lot of things…”

“We’ll figure things out.  That’s the point of the dinners, is so that everyone is here.  Give it a few more days and you won’t be quite as tired.  Are you ready for dinner?”

She nodded, reminding herself to be present and enjoy the moment. It felt like yesterday that the twins were babies, that these moments now would go quickly and to enjoy as much as she could.