Mikayla walked downstairs, the twins sitting up to the coffee table, their legs under the table as they nibbled on their plates of food on the table. Their eyes were glued to the TV as the parade went on. 

She went to prep a plate, Justin clearing his throat.  “Got a plate and some juice here for you,” he said, gesturing to the end table next to him. He and JC were on opposite ends of a couch, JC holding Silas on his lap. 

Her heart just about burst as she saw JC holding Silas. He was good with the twins, but seeing him with an infant made her want to forget the suggested 18 month recovery period and have another as soon as possible. 

“Mom, do you need help?” Mikayla asked before leaving the kitchen.

“Jackie has been really helpful.  Go relax, sit with your boys,” Carolina said softly. 

Mikayla approached her mom. “My boys?”

“Your husband and your son.  Though sitting next to JC as well…”

Carolina paused to look into the family room, the parade taking a commercial break. The twins had taken her spot on the couch and they were making little faces at Silas hoping he would laugh or smile. 

“It makes a nice picture, doesn’t it?” Jackie asked. “All of them getting along. One big happy family.”

“It sure does,” Carolina replied. 

“Mom,” Mikayla said softly, “what if we could be one big family? Not live together, but really function as a full family.”

“What do you mean?” Carolina asked. 

“It wouldn’t be legal, just symbolic, but what if JC and I got married?  Stay married to Justin, but also have a similar bond with Josh?  We still love each other, that much has become clear with the twins these last few months.”

“It’s… unconventional. Does Justin know you have feelings for JC?”

“He does. The wedding was partly his idea.”

“Then you do whatever you want to do.  It would be nice to call him son, even if not legally.”

“Think you can get Daddy on board?  I’d like him to walk me down the aisle.”

“I’ll see what I can do to persuade him,” she said with a wink. 

“You don’t think she means…” Jackie quietly wondered. 

“Please don’t finish that sentence, I don’t need that in my head,” Mikayla whispered in reply. 

Mikayla went to sit down and eat, Silas immediately wanting her.  JC did his best to hold him, but Silas squirmed and fussed, wanting the familiar smell of Mikayla.

“He ate, so he shouldn’t need to again,” JC sighed, curious on why he would need Mikayla and not anyone else.

“He just wants his mama,” Mikayla smiled, her voice higher in pitch as she talked to her son.  

Silas snuggled right up in her arms and promptly fell asleep, comforted by the scent and warmth.  JC watched in amazement at just how naturally good at being a mom she was.  Like she’d been made for it, meant to be a mom.  She held him with one arm, gently rocking him as she ate with the other hand.  He looked around, the twins at his feet, Mikayla holding Silas next to him.  It felt normal, something he never thought he’d get.  Yet here he was, 6 months after seeing Mikayla again, and everything had changed.  

“Daddy, can you get me more cranberry bread?” Joshy asked, turning to look at Justin.  It hit JC, as much as this felt right, he also felt like he was intruding.  Yes, the twins also called him Dad or Daddy, but this was their house, that was Justin’s son Mikayla was holding.  He got up, walking down the hall towards the front door.

“Yeah, bud, in just a minute,” Justin said, seeing JC get up and rush out of the room without a word.  He followed close behind, curious about what was going on.

He kept a distance, seeing JC pace in the entryway, as if he wanted to stay and leave, but couldn’t make up his mind.

“You ok, C?” Justin finally asked.

“I’m intruding, Justin.  This is your life, the family YOU built with Mikayla.  I just supplied my DNA, this isn’t my family…”

“C, stop.  Jackie told me you felt like this when Silas was being born.  Can I be honest with you?”

“Always.”

“Hang on.  Let me get Joshy that cranberry bread and I’ll meet you in my studio?”

JC nodded, Justin going back towards the kitchen and family room to fulfill Joshy’s request.  He met JC in his studio, sitting down on the couch.

“This is a phase.  It’s gonna come and go, it’s part of grief.  You want the life you should have had with her, I get it.  I had the same thing after the twins were born.”

“But you were here, married to her and having a family…”

“With kids that weren’t mine.  I wanted this so much for myself, but also for you, C. I was doing the best I could, for Mikayla and you. I knew someday this would all come out, and I wanted to give them what I thought you would do in every situation.  I grieved not having my own kids with Mikayla.  Especially after the miscarriage.  I’d look at Joshy and see your little face looking back at me, hoping I was being the dad you would have been.  So as much as you feel like you’re intruding, I have felt it tenfold over the years.  You have her back in your life, we’re planning this wedding, all in an attempt to give you some of what was lost.  Walking out now is giving all of that up, and I KNOW you’ll regret that more than you ever will if you stay.”

“Stay?”

“Keep all this going, C.  Be her partner, her husband; the father you were meant to be, even if you never knew it.  You never saw yourself as having kids, but a lot of us saw that potential in you.  You were so great with my brothers when they were super little, patient with them as they got older and we were still a group.  Don’t think about what could have been.  I know it’s hard, but you aren’t intruding.  I promise.  You’re taking your place in the family that should have been.  You’re their dad, nothing will ever take that away, none of us want to take that away from you.  Don’t let yourself take this away from us.  They knew you loved them before they even met you.”

“How could I love kids I didn’t know I had? Kids I’d never seen, at least not face to face.”

“I know you.  Part of you loved them like you loved my brothers, Joey’s kids.  You might’ve been mad at me and Kay, but you were also proud of me for being the dad you knew I would be someday.”

“I was, as much as I wouldn’t admit it.”

“I was trying to be me, while also trying to be you.  So that when you finally did meet, it wouldn’t be a shock.  It would be a fairly smooth transition, which it kinda was.  This is your family as much as it is mine.  Know it, own it.  Never feel like you’re second class in this family. It started with you and Kayla, I did my best to keep it going.”

“Thanks, Justin.  Do you still feel it, those waves of not being good enough?”

“Every time she and the kids are at your place for the weekend or whatever, I wonder if it'll be the last time we’re a family, that they leave me for you.  I usually rationalize it away, but a little part of me thinks about it.  I offered it for so long, eventually she’ll take me up on it.”

“She won’t.  I think the wedding will help that.  Giving us both the families we want, the families we have.  Maybe it’s stupid, but…” JC’s voice trailed off.

“What?”

“I kinda wanna have another baby with her. Be part of every step, not only certain parts and miss others.  I made the twins but missed so much, then I watched her be pregnant with Silas.  I’d like to have one I’m part of from start to finish, no interruptions.”

“Have you told her?”

“No.  I don't even know if she wants to go through this again.  With how quickly things progressed with Silas.  She may not want to go through another pregnancy, with either of us.  I’m 40, Justin.  I can sleep through the night, even when the twins are over.  You’re younger, you can handle this newborn stage better than I can.  I’ve been taking the twins every other weekend for a bit now, but Kay has been staying with you, Silas has been with both of you.  As much as I wish I could have another with her, I don’t know if it’s in the cards,” JC sighed

“You never know until you tell her, work this out.”

“You’d be ok with this?  How would we do this?  Would we have her pretend it’s yours again?”

“I actually need to discuss something with you and Kay.  I want them to legally add Chasez to their last name.  Not sure whether you would be first because you’re their dad, or second because they already know Timberlake, but I want their last names hyphenated somehow.  As for any other babies you and Kayla might have, I don’t know.  I guess we’d have to talk to a lawyer about that.”

“Let’s talk more about this later.  We’ve got a parade to finish, then some football to watch,” JC said, wrapping an arm around Justin.   “Get back to our kids, to Kay.”

‘I’m surprised she hasn’t come looking for us, to be honest,” Justin sighed.  “Seriously, though, talk to her about how you’re feeling. With this, wanting another kid, everything.  That’s the only way this is going to work long term, being open about how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking.”

They walked back into the family room, Mikayla asleep on the couch, holding Silas.  They sat down in their previous spots, JC smiling as Mikayla leaned into him.  Justin was right.  This was his family, and he wasn’t going to leave it for anything.

The rest of the day was easygoing, Mikayla being kept out of the kitchen.  Jackie went to her room to get ready to meet her blind date. Mikayla knocked on Jackie’s door softly, Jackie telling her to enter.

“You think this is ok?” Jackie asked.

“You look great, he’d be an idiot not to be interested,” Mikayla said.

Jackie was wearing a maroon sweater dress with tan boots that came up to just below her knees.  Her hair was partly up, the rest down and straight.  She had a neutral eye palette and a light pink shade of lip gloss.

“I’m not trying too hard?”

“You’re very festive.  It’s not like you’re in an evening gown.  Though I do feel like I need to dress up a bit.  Well, as much as I can when I have a newborn…” Mikayla laughed.

“It’s your house, wear what you want,” Jackie replied.

“Be careful, sometimes we used to walk around naked before we had kids…”

“There’s a mental image,” Jackie laughed. “Doesn’t surprise me though, either of them.  I mean, the dance moves they did over the years.”

“It’s just choreography. They aren’t like that out at a club or something.  I’ll get dressed, they should be over soon.”

Mikayla went up to her closet, looking through options that would look nice but also work for nursing Silas. She decided on a black top she could pull to nurse, and a flowy skirt. She looked at the skirt, realizing she’d bought it when she and JC were first dating, memories attached of wearing it to work before a dinner out somewhere. It wasn’t like the green dress, but it still had good memories over the years.

She came down right as her sister and their family pulled in past the gate.  Jackie had met Miranda’s husband before, so telling the brothers apart would be easy.

The boys came in first, excited to play and watch some football.  Miranda and her husband were close behind, a tall young man beside them. 

Jackie quietly gasped as she stood next to Mikayla. “Jackie, this is Justin.”

Jackie was speechless, simply smiling and nodding at the man in front of her.