“What do you mean? Which one? They’re both here,” Carolina wondered. 

“I’ve been… diagnosed with cancer,” Roy choked on the words. “Low level stage, thank God, but I still need treatment.”

“Paul has quietly been…” Lynn started. 

“No, let me tell them,” Paul interrupted. “I have the early stages of dementia. Right now it’s minimal, forgetting words mostly, but it will get worse as time goes on.”

“Dad, we’re getting you the best treatment we can, you’ll pull through,” JC said.

“Same with Paul, we’ve seen some of the best specialists,” Justin added. 

“Hang on.  You both knew about your dads and didn’t tell me? Didn’t tell each other?” Mikayla gasped, raising her voice.

“You worry about so much already, Kay,” Justin sighed. “I didn’t want to add to your plate.”

“Same, I guess.  I didn’t want to bring things down, things have been so good between us.”

“Except you’re keeping important things from me. You know the pain and suffering I was in with my grandma.  You both were there for me with that. Why on earth would you keep this from me so I could support you? Be a shoulder to cry on, to hold you and bear this with you?  You two can lean on each other through this.”

Mikayla looked at her in-laws, both legal and emotional. “We’ll do what we can. If it means you can’t be there, we get it. I’m sorry you kept this from me as well.  I…” She couldn’t finish the sentence. She wasn’t sure what she felt. She knew they each loved her, but to keep something this big from her, it hurt on multiple levels. She was Justin’s wife, and had still been kept in the dark.

“I guess we each thought you knew,” Lynn sighed. 

“We didn’t say anything because we wanted to have your first trip back to see us be happy. I didn’t want to take away from the happiness of all of you on vacation together,” Karen said.

“Be upset with us,” Justin said.  “At least with me.  This has been going on longer than it should have before you found out. I’m sorry for keeping it from you. I guess I figured that since he’s doing ok right now that it wasn’t something I needed you to worry about yet.”

Mikayla looked at Roy and Karen. “But you’re ok with everything? Us being together, as complicated as it is? Getting married even though it’s not legal?”

“Whether you’re a Timberlake or a Chasez, you will always be part of this family. We may not fully understand it, but we’re glad you’ve figured out a way to be in each other's lives and make each other happy,” Roy answered. 

“Do I get to be your best man, Josh?” Tyler asked. 

“I think I just want it to be me and Kayla up there. And Justin, I guess,” JC chuckled. “I’m glad to have your support in all this, though. I know not a lot of people understand.”

“We just want you to be happy. If this is what makes you happy, then that’s what we want,” Karen smiled. “You have two beautiful children together, working to raise them together, you love each other, sounds like a marriage to me.”

“Took me long enough to see that,” JC sighed. 

“You see it now, and that’s what matters,” Heather said. 

“Alright, I think that answered a lot of questions we had, aired things out a bit. I think we should all get to bed. Big day tomorrow, and Christmas after that,” Roy stated.

They hugged each other, showing no bad feelings towards each other, before going off to their bedrooms.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?  What time are we doing whatever we’re doing tomorrow?”

“We can go whenever, but maybe leave here by 9?  10?  Have breakfast together, though not something too big,” Justin answered.

“It’s not super late.  The hot tub is right outside our room,” Mikayla suggested.

“Any excuse to get in a hot tub now, huh?” Justin chuckled.

“Damn straight.  Silas will only wake up twice to eat, and the grandmas have a rotating duty on that.”

They walked towards the side door, bundling up to walk the 50 feet from the cabin to the guest house.  The air hit hard, a stark contrast from the warmth of the house.

“You sure you wanna be in the hot tub?” JC asked.  “I mean, once we get in, sure, but in the getting in, and especially the getting out all wet…”

“Fine,” Mikayla conceded.  “I do think we don’t need to go to sleep yet.”

Justin looked at JC, curious of what she had in mind.  They got into the guest house, Justin quickly starting the fireplace for warmth and to set whatever mood Mikayla was wanting to create.

The bedroom had a California King bed, with a couch at the foot of the bed, a TV on the opposite wall.  It had a medium sized wood burning fireplace along the longer side of the room, parallel to the couch, next to the double doors that opened to the backyard.  

Mikayla sat down in the middle of the couch, Justin and JC sitting down on either side of her.  They looked intently at her, waiting in silence for whatever was about to start.

“Nothing sexy is happening tonight, just to make that clear,” Mikayla said sternly.  The guys sunk down into the couch, like a balloon deflating.  Their faces shifted, shoulders hunched slightly.  “How is any of this going to work if we can’t communicate?  I know you didn’t want me to worry, but what if something happened with either of your dads, and I found out you’d been dealing with it alone, in silence?  Again, you both were there for me in various aspects with my grandma.  You think I wouldn’t be able to sympathize, empathize with what you’re going through, whatever you’re feeling?  Justin, the night everything started between us, the night she died, I just needed someone to hold me.  These are both heavy situations, did you not think that we could connect on a deeper level to process everything?”

“I guess that’s when I wanted things a little more gentle, needing that connection with you,” JC answered honestly.  “I didn't tell you that was why, but yeah.”

“Same,” Justin agreed.  “I’m sorry for not telling you, and for using sex to comfort me without telling you that's what it was.”

“I have no problem with the sex part, except for not communicating what you needed or why you needed it like that.  Again, the part of the night where things turned physical, I needed that, whether I wanted it with you or Josh.  To hear someone that knew I was hurting say these incredible things to me, about me, I needed closeness and to feel cared for.  You did that, Justin.  Why wouldn’t you let me have that even playing field to be that in return?”

“I have guilt that I was taking advantage of your emotional state, your grieving, both of us drunk, to get what I’d wanted for so long.  I had no intention of it leading there when I agreed to pick you up.  I knew you were upset, needed someone, and was glad you called me over going to Erin or someone else.  Seeing you hurt by the loss of your grandma, but your split with JC, blaming yourself for so much that wasn’t your fault.  I had to tell you how I felt, just so you knew the amazing woman you were, you still are.  I’m sorry for not letting you support me in this.  You’ve done nothing but support me over the years, and with everything with the twins, the miscarriage, having SIlas, I didn't want you to deal with the emotional aspect of that when things were still good.”

“But I could be there during bad times. I’m sure even this early on there were some rough times.  Josh, you too.  I’m sure that for both of you, getting the diagnosis was terrifying.  I could have been there for whatever you needed to help process it.  Whether it was giving you space to think, someone to hold, cry with, if you needed a distraction, whatever it was.  You’ve had time to process this, where I’m getting this as brand new information.  It’s like a punch to the gut, knowing what they’re facing and that I was kept out of the loop about it.”

“What do you need?” Justin asked.  “What can we do?”

“Hold me.  They’re both here, so they must be healthy enough to travel, but the realization that…” She couldn’t finish the thought, it was too much all at once.  They both went to hold her, Mikayla gently pushing her way off the couch.

“I’m getting into my PJs and into bed.  Again, nothing sexy tonight, I just need you to hold me.  I’m probably going to cry, you’re welcome to cry along with me until I fall asleep.”

She grabbed her PJs and headed into the bathroom to change.  She got ready for bed and came back out in a long sleeved top and lounge pants.  She got in the middle of the bed, both guys changing into their pajamas.  Justin put out the fireplace, adjusting the thermostat to keep them warm overnight.  They got into bed on either side of her, wrapping an arm around her waist.  

They all laid in bed in silence, Mikayla going through her thoughts, going from silence to soft sniffles to full on sobs of grief of what could be for men that had treated her like she was their own daughter.  She loved her dad, but these men had done just as much for her over the years, to make her feel welcome and part of their families.  Waves of grief hit her for each of them, Justin and JC doing their best to hold her, thinking about their own feelings and where they were in the grieving process.  Their dads were still alive and well, but they knew that wouldn’t always be the case.  They hoped it would be a long time before they had to deal with the final steps of grief, trying to prepare for what lay ahead in treatments and all the what ifs.

For JC, it was what would chemo or the other treatments do to his dad’s body?  Would he be strong enough to withstand the treatments?  His dad was strong, but would this break him, inside and out?  He wanted to be there when Roy started treatment, but could his relationship with Mikayla, the twins, something so new withstand being apart?  Would Justin understand if he needed Mikayla and the twins to be with him in Florida?  

For Justin, it was wondering if the treatments would help.  Would it prolong everything, giving Paul as much quality living as possible?  When would it not be enough anymore, his brain giving in to the disease?  What would he forget first?  Who would he forget?   Would he still be the same man he’d always been, just without memories of those closest to him?  How would his mom feel in the caring for him every day?  Would she want help when it got too difficult?  Should he be home in Tennessee more?  Could he leave Mikayla and the kids to be there for his mom?  Would they all want to be there?  How could he keep it together emotionally to avoid going in the darkness the way Mikayla had?  How long would they have with Paul before things really started to decline, and just how fast or slow would the changes come?  Would it be a few months?  A few years?  10 years or longer, a slow process?  He’d been avoiding going home because of this, not wanting to see it up close, but also feeling like a terrible son for wanting to stay away.  He tried to grapple with all these things in his head.

Each of them had decided they would speak to their therapists, not needing Tessa for this unless necessary.  Though maybe a group session to discuss things together, try and figure out how to make things work in the middle of grief and dealing with the what ifs might be good, too.  Justin made a mental note to schedule a session in the new year.  

Between the exhaustion of traveling, of grieving these diagnoses, and the warmth they gave each other, they soon drifted off to sleep, sleeping soundly through the night.