He looked down at her, and literally saw the fragility of life in front of him.

“Josh, I won't break. Please…” She moved closer to him. 

No, but I might, he thought to himself. If anything ever happens to you, I don't know what I’ll do.

He brushed the hair out of her face and behind her ear.  He kissed her lips gently. 

“How long has it been since…” he asked, seeing the color rising in her cheeks. 

‘“With Steve,” she answered. 

“10 years? It’s been 10 years since anyone… How?” he said, running his hand down her neck and over her breast. It boggled his mind how no man had touched her for ten years. 

She turned her head and said, “You make it sound so bad.” He saw a tear slide down her cheek.

“No. Don't you ever feel bad.  Not about that. It’s their loss,” he said, kissing her lips again, teasing her lips with his tongue. Her lips parted, and he devoured her hungrily.  

“Did he ever….”  JC asked her, reaching down under her joggers, under her panties, and in between her folds. He found her slick with want. She bucked against his hand. 

“No. Never. It was always about him.” 

He kissed her neck, and said, “That ends now,” claiming her lips again and kissing her deeply. He pulled her PJ top off of her, and was happy to see that she was not wearing a bra. He took one of her nipples and rolled it around with his tongue.  Her back arched up off the bed. His hand reached back down below and he found her folds again, and he slipped a finger deep inside her. 

She hissed and he looked at her concerned, “Am I hurting you?”

“God no. Please don't stop,” she said, rocking against his hand. He picked up the pace and felt her start to tighten around his fingers. 

“OH GOD…OH FUCK ….JOSH,” she screamed in release. Spent, she laid there, and he smiled down at her, he pulled her joggers and her panties off her legs, and threw them on the floor.  He settled between her legs and spread them wide. He kissed up one thigh and down the other, then down her belly, until he reached her core. He sucked on her nub until she was writhing under him, squealing and bucking her hips. 

She had never experienced something so intense in her entire life, feeling like she was going to explode. She came hard, screaming his name, unable to breathe for a moment. 

Giving her a few minutes to come back down to reality, he got undressed and laid down beside her. “You ok?”

She had a dopey grin on her face.  “More than OK.”

“That good, huh?” he grinned.  “I’ll have to remember that,” he said, kissing her again.

“I want you inside me.,” she said, pulling him down on top of her.  He rolled his hips and entered her with a groan. She felt so good. It was all he could do to control himself. 

“You feel so good, Jenna,” he said between kisses as he set a rhythm between them.

Sex with Jen had been great, but the connection he felt with Jenna was something he couldn’t describe.  It was intense, like a fire he never wanted to go out.  She felt good against him, but the way he felt about her emotionally, it scared him to feel it so strongly so soon, but it also felt so very right, for the first time in a long time.

He felt her start to tighten around him, and it sent him over the edge, taking her with him. They both groaned in release.  He rolled off of her onto his back and she whimpered when he left her. 

He pulled her close to him and covered them up with a blanket. She laid her head on his chest, and listened to his heart beat. 

“That was not how I expected our first time to be,” JC said.  “There were things I had in mind, but the moment didn’t call for it.”

“Such as?” she asked curiously.

“Well, I feel like what just happened was a mix of things.  Trying to be tender, given everything, but also something intense from the buildup between us.  As much as we both enjoyed that, I felt rushed.  I wanted to take my time originally, truly worship you for the beautiful woman you are.  But you needed that immediate comfort.  I didn’t want to take that away from you just so I could make love to you the way I wanted to.  I didn’t imagine it being after getting devastating news.  I pictured after a romantic dinner or something, it following a mood being set.  I’m not complaining, I’m glad for what happened… I just don’t want it to be the only time we do that, you know?”

“You want more?” she asked.

“Not now.  It gave us comfort in this moment, let’s keep it at that.  Let me take care of you.  What do you need right now?  Do you want to eat, watch TV?”

“I want to sleep.  What just happened was incredible.  It was perfect. Like you said, it was the culmination of our feelings for each other, mixed with the urgency of needing comfort in a very scary moment.  It’s a lot to process over the next few days, so I just want to sleep.  I don’t know if I even CAN sleep.  I want to, but it’s also not even 7PM and I haven’t eaten.  I don’t WANT to eat, but I know I should, while I can before the biopsy…”

“What time is the biopsy?”

“They want me there by 8 tomorrow morning, I’ll go into pre-op and wait for a room to be ready.”

“I’ll be with you as long as I can.”

“Oh god… What if they need to shave my head to get to it?”

“Then we figure things out from there.  You have a TV in your room, I’ll grab the pizza and we’ll watch Friends in here, keep the tradition, and if you just sleep, that’s it.”

He threw on his underwear before leaving the bedroom to grab the pizza.  He brought the stuffed unicorn just in case, Jenna clutching it as she laid next to him on the bed.  He fed her bites of pizza as they watched TV.

She eventually fell asleep, her red hair spilled out over his chest. He kissed the top of her head, and ran his hands through her hair and whispered,  "I love you, Jenna."

…

Jenna woke up later to find herself alone in the bed. She got up and got dressed in her discarded PJs and went into the living room, and found him sitting on the couch. He was crying silently. 

"Josh?"

"I came out here so I wouldn't wake you up," he said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 

"It's ok." 

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't know what's going to happen. But I know I want you next to me in my bed. Come back to bed, Josh. I need you to hold me. I can't sleep without you.  It’s the middle of the night.”

“I don’t think I can sleep, how can you? You’re the one going through all of this..”

“Let me play you a song I think fits this well. Maybe a couple.”

JC came back to bed with her, Jenna grabbing her phone. She pulled up the playlist, finding a certain song. It had a relaxed guitar intro, and JC was hooked by the first lines of the song. 

Everything fell to pieces

When my eyes met yours

In that hospital gown

And the dreams we once were dreaming

That we held so close

Felt impossible now

And all the plans we held for the future

And all the memories up from the past

The world I once knew

Was in a cardboard box

In the lobby lost and found

Hallelujah nevertheless, was the song the pain couldn't destroy

Hallelujah nevertheless, You're my joy invincible

Joy invincible, joy

Tears were in my eyes when the phone rings

If only life didn't need us to be this brave

But we don't live in the world of if only's

Stretched tight in between our birth and our graves

“I’m terrified about all of this, Josh.  But you have been more than I could have asked for in getting me through it. God knew I needed you for this. 

She played another song, a similar relaxed and chill vibe, JC remembered hearing it in the car during their date. The chorus hit home at that moment.

Life is short; I wanna live it well

One life, one story to tell

Life is short; I wanna live it well

And you're the one I'm living for

Awaken all my soul

Every breath that you take is a miracle

Life is short; I wanna live it well

“See, that’s why I don’t feel this is rushing things between us.  We only get one shot, and if this is what I’m meant to be doing, who I’m meant to be with, I’m going all in.  I have no regrets about earlier,” JC said.  “I hope you don’t either.”

“I asked you to,” Jenna reminded him.  “It was perfect.  I know it wasn’t what you had imagined…”

“Jenna, I didn't mean it that way.  It was great, I’m not gonna lie.  It was more the circumstances than anything that were less than ideal.  I love you, more than I should for just a couple of days into a relationship, knowing you for a month or so now.  I had this whole plan in my head of things being romantic, not in response to your news.  Again, no regrets, but I’d like a chance to try again.”

“You really think you’re my boyfriend and that’s all we get?  I definitely want to try again.”

“I just didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of the situation.”

“Again, I asked you to.  You could have said no, but you also didn’t initiate it.  I did.  I have no regrets, but I would like more when you’re ready.”

“I mean, I’m ready now,” he said, pulling her closer, Jenna feeling his arousal against her panties.  “Next weekend.  Hopefully we’ll have some good news.”

“I have to wait a whole week before we have sex again?  I mean, you were there…” she giggled.

“I’m not opposed to fooling around during the week.”

“Thank you god…”

“It feels wrong to do anything right now, though.  I mean, you’re having a biopsy done in a few hours.”

“They’re looking at my brain, Josh, not my genitals…”

“How late is Kelly working?” JC wondered, a sly smirk spreading across his face.

“I think she said this was her long shift, so maybe getting off around the time I need to leave for the hospital…”

“Let’s go take a shower.  Have a little fun, then get you presentable…”