He woke up later that afternoon alone in bed. He sat up and looked around the room. There was no sign of Jenna anywhere in the room.

“Jenna?” he called, getting up and walking into the bathroom.  She was sitting on the floor beside the bathtub.  “Baby, you ok?” 

She looked up at him, her face pale.

“Eggs were a bad idea,” she said quietly. 

“I think we should stay home tonight, instead of going over to Lance and Michael’s for that dinner.”

“They are doing it for me, US. How can we say no, Josh?”

“You are in no shape to go anywhere. I’m gonna call Lance right now,” JC said, going into the bedroom to get his phone. He came back , and sat on the floor beside her.

“I’m ok, Josh. We’re going. I want to get out of this house, see the twins, meet Autumn. I want to go,” she said, leaning into his shoulder. 

“Ok. Go take a shower, and we’ll start getting ready.”

“I took a shower this morning…”

“Then we had sex 3 times,” JC smirked.

“Hmmm,” she smiled.  “That we did.”

“We’ll leave in about an hour,” he said, getting up off the floor. He offered her a hand and she gladly took it. 

….

Half an hour later she was showered, dressed, and ready to go. She walked into the bedroom, and he smiled. She looked amazing, wearing a long burgundy colored maxi dress that went down to her feet.  Her hair was long and loose,  with a natural curl he was not used to. Her makeup was a light, natural palate, with a nude lip.  She put on her silver ballet flats to complete her look. She never ceased to amaze him. Just when he thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on, she surprised him again. 

“You look amazing . I almost want to keep you all for myself,” he said, bringing her in for a kiss. She kissed him back passionately.

She pushed him off, and said, “We’re going to be late, Josh.”

“Ok,” he sighed, and took her by the hand.

“We’ll have plenty of time once we’re home, to repeat what we did earlier today.”

“In my studio?” he asked with a smile.

“Maybe.”

He smiled wider, walking her to his Jeep before helping her in.  

…

20 minutes later, they pulled up in front of Lance and Michael’s place. Jenna noticed that there were several other cars there, including Kelly’s car, parked on the street. 

“I thought you said this was a small dinner party.” Jenna said, feeling nervous.

“This IS a small dinner party for these guys. There will be no one here that you don’t already know, except for Autumn and her husband. Everyone else, you have met with me at some point in time. They did not want to spring anything on you that was too much.”  She smiled at him and took his hand as he helped her up and out of the car. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, let’s go celebrate,” she said, and pulled him up the stairs to the front door of the house. 

JC was about to knock, when Lance opened the door and had a huge grin on his face. “Michael, they’re here!” he called to his husband. Michael showed up and almost mowed Lance down trying to get to Jenna first. He wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug.

“I am so happy for you two,” he whispered into her ear as he hugged her close.

“I know, me too.” She pushed back and looked at her friend, who had tears in his eyes.

Lance noticed, and said,” He was a basketcase all day yesterday. So, thank you for letting him put this together for you. It got it out of his system before the twins' birthday in a couple of weeks.”

“Thank you. I hope that it wasn’t too much trouble,” Jenna said to both of them.

“It wasn’t any trouble at all,'' Michael assured her as he led them into the house. Most of the action was out on the patio. The music was going and Lance joined Michael back in the kitchen, where they were cooking some kind of fish dish that she could honestly say, after the last few days, smelled pretty good. 

JC tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around. There was a woman standing next to him, who was smiling at her. “You must be Jenna.  I’m Autumn,” she said, reaching out her hand, and putting hers in Jenna’s. 

“That’s me. It’s so good to finally meet you. Josh talks about you all the time,”  Jenna said, smiling. It felt good to be normal, to meet her man’s friends and have a normal night.

…..

Jenna was sitting in a chair in the living room, where the twins were playing near the play yard. Alexander was looking like he was about to conk out in the playpen, and laid his head on one of his stuffies and finally bowed out.  Violet toddled over to the edge of the play yard and reached up for Jenna.  She stood up and got her out of the play yard and went back to the chair which happened to rock as well. 

She sat there holding Violet. Violet looked up at her with her large dark eyes, and said the one word that she never thought she would hear. 

“Mama.” Jenna’s mind went into overload at that moment.

“ No Vi. I’m not your Mama.” 

Violet looked up at her with a smile and said her new word again. “Mama.” She nuzzled into Jenna’s chest.  Jenna was so mindfucked that she couldn’t speak. She hugged the baby closely to her body, and her tears started to flow freely. She took her and put her sleeping into the playpen by her brother, opting to go outside by the pool to fall apart. 

Michael noticed that she was not in her chair by the playpen any longer, and went looking for her.  He saw her out by the pool, and followed behind at a distance. She walked over to the edge of the terrace and held onto the railing.  There she took in several deep breaths, trying to compose herself.

He walked closer, not sure what the hell was going on. She sank into a heap on the deck, and he said, “Jenna, honey? What’s wrong?”

She looked up at him and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out but a sob.  Both of them with their back’s against the railing. 

“Jenna, please talk to me,” he said, and she just rested her head on his shoulder. 

After a while of sitting there in silence, she said, “Violet called me Mama.”

“Oh honey.  I’m sorry. She calls everyone mama right now. Even me,” he said in a soothing voice, his hand rubbing up and down her back. 

 “She called me Mama. But I’m not going to be anyone’s mama,” Jenna said quietly.

“What?”

“I’m not going to be anyone’s mom, Michael.” 

“Honey, I’m not following.”

“I thought I might be…” She let the sentence go.

“You thought you might be pregnant?” Michael asked, surprised. 

“We both did.  I got really sick on Thursday, and was sick until earlier today. It hit Josh that I may be pregnant. We weren’t trying or anything, but I never get sick like that, and we haven’t exactly been careful. So we got a test, and it was negative.”

“Oh Jenna, I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her a little closer.

“It’s not your fault. I mean, I’m having major brain surgery in two weeks. But I thought that maybe just a little happiness could come of all this. A little part of him and me. But it’s not.”

The sound of defeat in her voice broke his heart. He saw Lance looking at him from the door, and he nodded his head. Lance shook his head in return and went to find JC in the crowd of people. 

Lance tapped JC on the shoulder, he was talking to Autumn and her husband. 

“What’s up?”

“Jenna. She’s with Michael out back. I think she needs you,” he said.

“Excuse me guys. I need to go see what this is all about.”

“Go take care of her, Josh,” Autumn said, smiling at him as he left the room.

He went to the back door that led out to the pool, and it was then he saw her. She was still 

crying and pale as a ghost, leaning into Michael’s shoulder, sitting on the ground. 

 “Jenna?” he said, getting down on one knee in front of her. 

She looked up at him. He was ready to pick her up and carry her out of there .

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Vi called her Mama.” Michael said, and JC understood.

“Baby, do you want to go home?” he asked. 

“No. I’ll be ok. It just hit me that I’m not a mom. I’m sorry,” she said, sniffing, trying to regain what little composure she had left. He offered her a hand and she took it. He pulled her into his waiting arms and held her tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear.

“It’s ok. I didn’t expect Vi to call me Mama. And it made me think about Liam, and not being pregnant.” She felt a feeling of emptiness that she could not describe to him or anyone at that moment. She leaned into him and cried.  He held onto her that much tighter. His own tears threatened to fall.

She looked up at him and said, “I wanted him so bad, Josh.”

Michael and Lance went back into the house to let them have a minute alone.

“I know. Me too. I’m sorry I said anything, Jenna. I’m sorry,” he said, losing his battle with his own tears too. Michael came back out onto the patio, and sat on one of the lounge chairs, standing guard. 

Jenna didn’t say anything, just continued to cry for a few more minutes. Kelly came out onto the patio, seeing the two holding each other and crying.

“This is supposed to be a happy thing.  What the hell just happened? They are both a mess.” 

“Violet called Jenna mama. It really screwed her up,” Michael replied.

“Man, I knew she wasn’t ok after those pregnancy tests came back negative. But, she said she was just a little bummed out. “

“Hearing a child that isn’t yours call you something you desperately want to be didn’t help matters any,” he said as he continued to watch them.

JC held her tightly, but noticed a change in her. She was no longer holding onto him. She went slack in his arms. He cupped her cheek with his hand, his mind racing. “Jenna? Wake up baby.” She was out cold.

He picked her up in his arms. Michael led him into the house the back way into their bedroom.

“Lay her down here,” Michael directed.

JC put her down on their bed and Lance, followed by Kelly, entered the room. 

“What the hell just happened?” Lance asked.

“I was holding her outside on the deck, and she passed out. I don’t think this is a seizure. She has not eaten or drank much the last few days. She was really sick up until this morning. That’s why we did the pregnancy test yesterday.” 

“A pregnancy test?” Lance said, looking at JC, shocked to say the very least.

“It was negative,” JC said, looking down at her, the sadness was clear on his face. “She took it hard. We both did.” 

“Josh?”  Jenna said weakly, opening her eyes to a room full of concerned people.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. He took her hand in his and she squeezed it.

“I’m tired.” she whispered.

“Do I need to call 911, take you to the hospital?” Lance asked, still not liking how Jenna looked. 

“No.” Jenna said, her voice a little stronger. “I’ll be ok. Just got a little light headed.” 

“You completely passed out,” Lance said exasperated. 

“No. I just need to rest for a while. Is that ok?” She asked him.

“Sure, whatever you need,” Lance said, pulling Michael by the hand out of the room and he had Kelly follow them. 

Jenna looked up at JC and said, “I’m sorry, This was supposed to be fun. I’ve made this whole big drama now.”

“No. I should have known better than to take you out so soon after you were sick.”

“You didn’t make Vi call me Mama. It’s a natural thing for her to be doing that right now, Josh. How I handled it was not. And for my reaction to that, I’m sorry.”

She closed her eyes, and he kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Autumn noticed that he had come out of the bedroom and had a distraught look on his face. She did not like that at all. She walked up to him, and he didn’t even notice that she was standing beside him. “Josh? What’s going on? Are you ok? Is Jenna ok?” 

He looked at her, but did not answer. She led him over to the purple sectional couch, and made him sit down.  He was trembling.  “Violet called her mama, she didn’t take it well.”

“Oh? She wants kids?”

“We thought she might be pregnant.  The test was negative. We both took it hard,” he said, sniffing, wiping the remaining tears out of his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“Maybe it’s for the best, Josh. With all that you two are going through right now, she is having major surgery.”

“Jenna had a dream when she was in her coma after the biopsy. She dreamed that we had a baby.  A boy.  She said it felt real. That she could feel herself holding him in her arms.  I want that for her. I want it for me too. I want to feel Liam in my arms.” He stopped short of letting out a sob himself. He looked at the ground.

“Liam?”

“That was the baby in her dream. That was his name, Willam Roy. Called him Liam. After our dads.” 

“Josh, one thing that I do know for sure. When the time is right, you and Jenna will make the most amazing parents. There is no doubt in my mind about that.” Autumn said, running her hand up and down his back, trying to calm him down. 

“I wanted it so bad for her, and for me.” 

“Honey, it will happen,” she said, moving next to him on the sectional.  Lance came into the room and sat down in the chair on JC’s other side. 

“C, are you ok?” he asked.

“I honestly don’t know what I am right now, Lance,” he answered truthfully. Currently he felt like a shell of a person. 

 Kelly came into the living room and said, “JC, Jenna wants you.”

JC stood, and hugged Autumn, then made his way down the hallway to Lance and Michael’s bedroom. 

Jenna reached out her hand to him, and he walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. Taking her hand in his, he raised it to his lips and kissed the back of it. 

“How do you feel?”

“Tired of everyone asking me that.” She smiled up at him. “I’m Ok. I’m sorry I had that kind of reaction to Violet.” 

“No one blames you. Least of all me. Especially after what happened.” 

She sat up on the edge of the bed next to him and said, “Can we go home?”

“Yeah, I think we should,” JC said, standing up and pulling her up beside him.  “Are you good on your feet?” he asked her. She looked at him lovingly and nodded her head yes. 

“Yes. I’m good.”  With that, he led her out of the room and into the living room. Lance stood as soon as he saw her enter the room.

 “You OK?” he asked. 

She smiled and replied, “I’m fine.” 

“I think that we are gonna call it a night and go home. Thank you guys for having us tonight,” Jenna said, “We will have to return the favor after the surgery sometime.”

Michael stood next to his husband. “It was our pleasure. You give me a call if you need to talk, OK?” 

“I will,” she said, walking over to him and giving him a hug. “Thank you, Michael.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled.