Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end.
Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years?
Who lays with you at night?
While I’m here all alone
Remembering when I was your own
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why?
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
"Who is he?!" Justin demanded loudly, bursting through the door of her office in the hospital without so much as a courtesy knock. "I want to know his name!"
Cassie looked up from her paper work on the desk to his angry face glaring at her from the doorway. She sighed, taking off her glasses and placing them on the desk as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. After another glance at him, she quietly walked over to him. Pulling him into the room before he could cause any more obvious of a scene, she shut the door quietly behind, then turned to face him.
"Please, keep your voice down," she said coolly, meeting his gaze. "I shouldn't have to remind you that this is a hospital. If you can’t keep a civil tone of voice, I shall have to ask you to leave."
His eyes were clouded with passion, but not the kind she was used to seeing. The last time she'd seen Justin this angry had been last night at her apartment. He'd flung her roses against the wall, shattering the vase. For added effect, he'd then had the gaul to throw the wadded up card at her, demanding to know who the flowers had come from. Her face hardened slightly at the memory; she hadn’t told him then and had no intention of doing so now. To defuse the situation, she gave him a neutral smile and motioned to one of the empty consultation chairs across from her desk.
Grudgingly, he moved to accept her offer. He knew, if things got out of hand, she would call security and have him thrown out. Swallowing the bile that was raising in his throat, he sat down in the chair.
Cassie returned to her place behind the desk and resumed her seat, folding her hands on top of the desk and looking squarely at him. "If you think you can conduct yourself in a grown-up manner, we can talk,"
she began softly. She then shook a finger at him in warning. "If not, you’re out of here." She realized, with a mental sigh, she didn’t hate him...she just didn’t love him anymore. " Now, why are you here?"
"Why am I here?!" he asked incredulously, his voice beginning to raise again. "I’m here, as if you didn’t know, because the final divorce papers were delivered to me this morning. Along with, I might add, your
wedding set."
He clenched one fist at his side, struggling to keep his voice at a level that at least wouldn't get him kicked out. A horrible thought then occurred to him, and he sneered at her. "Did you take lessons on how to hurt people from Annie? I mean, she is your new best friend."
"How can you be so cruel?" Cassie replied, managing to keep her own emotions under control. "You know the true story about that package, yet you want to think nothing but the worst of people."
"Well, the last few months haven’t done much to restore my faith in humanity," he snorted. "My wife up and leaves me for another man, then wonders why I feel hurt."
She shook her head. "Justin, how conveniently you re-write our history. You know perfectly well that-" The phone rang at that moment, cutting her off. "Plastic Surgery, Dr. Jamieson speaking." She paused for several seconds, listening intently. "Of course. I can be there in two minutes. Bye."
Cassie turned to face him again, the expression on her face one of half apology, half relief.
"I’m sorry, but an emergency has just come up." She was already starting past him for the door, talking as she gathered up her equipment. "I should be back in about half an hour. If you want to wait, feel free. If not, we can continue this discussion at a more appropriate time and place."
At the door, she turned to look at him again. "I’m sorry that things ended like this. I never meant to hurt you, and I truly mean that. Deep down, I don’t think you meant to hurt me either."
With that said she left the room, leaving him to ponder her words. Justin stared at the nameplate on her desk. Dr. Cassandra Jamieson. He had met Cassandra in April 2002, at the hospital when he and Chris had been visiting JC and Annie after the birth of their twins. She worked with Annie at Restoration Hope as a plastic surgeon and was everything that he, ironically, had never imagined he would want in a woman. She was older (about 10 years), highly educated, spoke three languages and had been completely unimpressed with his star status. She was 5’ 11" with emerald green eyes and dark brunette hair, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. He had peppered Annie with questions about her, who eventually mentioned to him that Cassie had an extremely bad history with men and to proceed with caution. She had even gone so far as to say that Cassie may seem strong, but she was very vulnerable. Not exactly, the type looking for a relationship with a man let alone someone as high profile as himself. Naturally, being how he was, Justin ignored her words and pursued Cassie anyway.
He was still picking at the wounds of his broken heart from Britney and, honestly, was no more ready for a relationship than Cassie. But it mattered little to him. He wanted this beautiful creature who stood before him, so he relentlessly worked 'til he had her as his own. He'd been like a beagle on the trail of a rabbit – single-minded and determined to get his quarry.
Justin remained sitting in the chair of Cassie's office, remembering vividly the night she had revealed her past to him. They had gone out to dinner and a movie, as she wasn't big on clubbing. As she'd put it, she hated large crowds. They had come home and were sitting on her sofa in her apartment. He began kissing her, but as it began to get more passionate, she backed away like always.
This confused him further. "What the hell is wrong?" he'd asked in a huff. "Every time we get into it, you shut me down. Why the wall? Don’t you want me?" He gave a little smirk. "Or do you just like to tease me?"
Cassie had jerked at his last words as if she'd been burned. "No," she murmured softly, tears brimming in her eyes. "It’s just…" Her voice trailed off as she looked down.
He took her chin and lifted it up so her eyes were looking into his.
"What is it?" he asked softly, wanting to kiss those tears away but knowing she'dprobably just push against him.
"I suppose I should have told you this a long time ago, but I was afraid," she began hesitantly. "But you, of all people, deserve an explanation."
"What is it, babe?" He paused awkwardly. "I know that Annie hinted that you haven’t exactly had a stellar history with men, but she never went into it."
"Annie is a dear friend. She says that I should have told you this awhile ago, but I was so ashamed." The tears in her eyes had started to fall.
Justin gathered into his arms and held her, relieved that she didn't resist him. Cassie cried for several minutes, then looked up at him with resolution in her eyes.
"I'm just going to say this as fast as I can." She managed a tiny smile. "This will be the Cliff Notes version, but there will not be an exam at the end. Please don’t interrupt 'til I'm finished. Okay?"
"Anything you want." he answered gently, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
She took a sip of her wine, then a deep breath and began. "When I was five years old, my daddy died. For a few years, it was just my mom and me. Then she married Bill a few weeks after my seventh birthday. He didn’t have much time for me, so I tried my best to stay out of his way. I worked hard in school and was quiet when he was home at night, so he wouldn’t notice me. Around the time I was about nine, he began hitting me if I messed up. I tried not to, but I was still a child. I never knew what would trigger his next explosion; it constantly changed. But the result was always the same...new bruises to try and explain away when I had to go to school the next day. My own mother couldn't even stand up for me. She'd become an alcoholic after Daddy died, and all it got was progressively worse. But I learned to live with it. I mean, what choice did I have? It wasn't as if I could just pack up my bags and move out. I had no other family."
She paused and took a another deep breath. Justin was struck how flat her voice was. Not a hint of emotion crossed her face; she was unreadable and expressionless.
Cassie swallowed hard, then continued. "Anyway, on my thirteenth birthday, things began to...change. For one thing, I was no longer a child. Unfortunately, Bill began to notice. I tried wearing baggy clothes and slouching, but it didn’t work. He started coming up to me and saying 'Stand up straight'. Then he'd pull back my shoulders as he held me against him. Mom saw everything, as usual, and, also as usual, said
nothing."
"One night, he came into my room. He had been drinking and I thought I was just going to get hit for some minor infraction. Instead, he tied my hands to the bedpost with scarves and put another scarf over my mouth. He said that he didn’t want the boys to have the first crack at me, that it was his 'right' as my 'dad' to get dibs. He chuckled, saying he'd break me in right, teach me the things that men wanted and liked." Cassie's voice hitched, but she managed to keep going. "I tried to protest, fight him off, but he hit me really hard. He mocked me. 'If you ever breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll send you to a juvenile home.' He laughed darkly, then said 'Where would your precious scholarship to that private school for next year go? Probably to someone more deserving, someone who wasn’t a tease.'"
At the word "tease", Justin cringed. Now he knew why she'd had such a reaction to the word.
But Cassie wasn't quite finished yet. "He said that if I ever told anyone, I could kiss me dreams goodbye. So...I let him. Again, what choice did I have?" Her eyes met his, searching for understanding and forgiveness in his gaze. She found it, but put a finger to his lips to prevent him from saying anything before she lost her nerve to finish the tale she'd begun. "So, for the next three years, I endured his coming into my room almost every night. Then, one day, the inevitable happened...I lost it at school. A male teacher came up behind me in the hall and touched my shoulder. It startled me so badly; I turned around and slapped him. I was taken to the office, where they were about to call my mother and stepfather. Something inside of me just snapped and I blurted out some of things I'd been enduring for the past three years. A social worker was called and that day I was rescued from my own home. I have never seen or spokento my stepfather since that day, except when I had to testify in court. My mother disowned me when he was sent to prison. She died two years later."
Cassie's voice took on an air of nostalgia. "The foster parents who eventually adopted me were all I could have ever hoped for and more. They loved me like I had never been loved before and treated me as if I truly was their own child. I love them so much, and I honestly don’t think I would have survived without them."
Another pause, another sip from her wine glass. "I fulfilled my dream to be a doctor. Because I had that goal, it was easy to avoid men. I was too busy; not to mention I also had neither the time or the inclination. Then, three years ago, I came here to Restoration Hope. I met Annie the first day and was so impressed with her gift. She is such a special woman and a wonderful friend. As time went on, I got to know JC. He was like no man I had ever met before. He, like my 'new' dad, made me see that not every man was like my stepfather. He treats Annie with such love and devotion...it made me begin to dream again. I started to hope and long for a relationship like theirs, but then I realized that something like that comes along once in a blue moon. I mean, they practically define the term 'soul mates'. So, I thought, maybe something like Joey and Kelly, you and Britney, or Lance and his writer friend. I can’t seemto recall her name at the moment. But then, you and Brit broke up, and the next thing I know, you’re dating me."
Cassie took a breath to steady herself and looked pleadingly into Justin's eyes. "So my question to you is...why me? What do I have that you could possibly want, when you have your choice of anyone in the world?"
Author's Chapter Notes:
DISCLAIMER: I do not know or have I ever known the men from *Nsync, their business partners, family, etc. This is purely a work of fiction. Thought up in my own imagination; by me for the enjoyment of others.
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