Chapter Eleven

Justin: Did you have to find the most attractive real estate agent in Orlando? 

Lynn: I don’t see why it matters to you.

***

As they finished touring the second house Adam had lined up for them, Ashley had to smile as she heard Elle giving Justin instructions to make sure he fed her soon before her best friend signed off with him. 

Justin walked up to where she stood with Adam in the foyer of this home and handed her phone back to her as Adam finished telling her about this home. 

“So,” the realtor asked, “tell me what you thought about both homes we saw tonight?” 

Ashley grinned up at him in what she knew could be a show stopping smile, “They were beautiful, there were things I loved about both of them. Especially the pools. But,” she paused and shrugged, “I think I’d have to maybe look around a little more. I don’t actually know how much time I’ll be spending in Orlando and I don’t think I’d need something quite as big as either of these places and as much as it pains me to admit it, I don’t think I’d use the pool enough to make it worth it.” 

He nodded his understanding, if not some disappointment, “So maybe looking at something smaller?” 

“With a library,” she teased, “If it’s like the library in Beauty and the Beast, then you’ve got me sold.” 

Adam chuckled and she thought she heard Justin cover a laugh with a cough, “I’ve got my work cut out for me then. When’s a good time to meet up to see more listings? I could drive you around to a few places this weekend.” 

Justin literally choked beside her and Ashley shoved him out the open door, “I’m going to be out of town this weekend,” she confessed, “but let me give you a call when I get back into town and we’ll go from there.” 

Justin practically yanked her down the porch steps and towards the car, “I’ve been instructed to feed you or you will perish. What do you want for dinner?” 

Ashley decided to laugh at his antics, she was tired of being annoyed with him and it was a little fun to imagine he had been a little jealous of the realtor’s innocent intentions. 

“Pizza is the way to my heart,” Ashley told him with a smile. 

“Then pizza it is,” Justin agreed, putting the car into drive. 

He found a local pizza spot that didn’t look too incredibly busy, it was mostly teens scattered throughout the restaurant, some at a pool table and others hanging around the small selection of arcade games on one side of the room. Justin went to order while Ashley found them a corner booth that kept them as much out of the view as possible. She realized that the last week she had felt like she’d lived a relatively normal life. Since she wasn’t on tour, she wasn’t surrounded by security all the time and that seemed like a breath of fresh air.  

She absently pulled the hair tie from her hair and tugged it around her shoulders as her thoughts circled through the day. The song she’d recorded that morning was as close to her heart as anything she’d ever worked on, that made her scared and excited. Scared to share those feelings and words with the world, but also excited that she’d had a part in creating it. Justin’s melody had wormed its way into her life in a way that she didn’t feel like she’d ever be separated from it again. She couldn’t wait to hear it once they got the final product back. 

The auditions this afternoon had been fun, trying to use her voice to express the emotions of a troll had been new and also an exciting challenge. She realized that she’d put herself in a box when it came to her career and she hadn’t been looking for different options or things she could try. 

Maybe Justin was right, maybe she didn’t have to give up the career she had built, but she could add to it in a way that made her excited. She smiled to herself, it had also been fun to see a different, slightly more professional side to Justin as he worked with the studio people. They respected him for his musical knowledge and expertise that he was pulling into the project. 

It hadn’t even been a week since Justin had popped back into her life and she had a brighter outlook than she’d had in months. As much as that excited her, it scared her too. Justin wasn’t known to stick around and she knew she was getting far too used to him being there to make the next separation bearable.  

They had been friends for years, but they hadn’t spent a significant amount of time together over the past couple of years and she was worried that after this month, she wasn’t going to be able to claim that he was just one of her best friends anymore. 

The problem was, she knew he didn’t see her that way. There were too many things in the way; not including his past relationship with her sister, Justin wasn’t one to open his heart. He’d told her himself he was married to his work and he didn’t see a future beyond that. 

In his absence the day before, she’d found herself analyzing all her conversations with him. Justin was so good at pulling confessions out of her that she had failed to realize that he wasn’t always willing to reciprocate with answers of his own. 

She pulled the sleeves of his shirt over her hands, and pressed them to her nose, breathing in his faint scent. Yes, she suddenly knew that when this month was over, she was going to break a little bit. 

“That’s a serious face,” Justin commented as he surprised her, sliding into the seat next to her instead of across from her, pushing the pizza onto the table in front of them. “Whatcha thinking?” He asked as he dove right into a slice of everything pizza. 

“About the houses we saw tonight,” she said-lied-with a shrug. She pulled her own slice of pizza from the other half of the platter-the ham and pineapple half. 

“I thought you decided against them?” 

“More or less,” she agreed. “Just still thinking I guess.” 

Justin finished off his pizza and grabbed a napkin before he spoke, “Can I be honest?” 

“Always.” 

Justin’s deep blue eyes watched her for a long moment, so long she almost looked away to keep her cheeks from warming at the intense gaze. “I don’t feel like your heart is in Florida,” he finally said softly. 

“You might be right,” she breathed out, “but I’m not sure my heart is a reliable guide.” 

“Oh it is,” he assured her with his ever present and easy confidence as he grabbed another slice of pizza. 

Ashley finished off her slice, she felt the need for a little distance, she turned her back to the window next to them and put her feet up on the bench between them so she could watch him. 

He gave her a doubting look and put another slide of her favorite pizza on a plate and slid it towards her, she picked the toppings off and ate them slowly. 

“I do want my own home,” she said, realizing as spoke that the words were true. She had always liked the idea, but she knew now that she wanted it more than ever. A place where she could escape from the world and just be herself. 

“But you want it at home?” Justin questioned, as if he could read her mind. “Where you grew up?” 

She smiled and nodded, “Yeah, I think so. I know I might not spend that much time there, and maybe it doesn’t make sense for my career, but I think that’s the right move for me.” 

Justin rested an arm on her knees so he could lean in a little closer, “That will make Elle pretty happy as well.” 

Ashley laughed, her mind going back to the home she and Elle had looked at that was about a mile from where her best friend and her husband lived. “Can I show you one of the houses we saw?” She asked him suddenly. 

“I’d like that,” he told her seriously and she felt bad that she’d initially not involved him in this part of her plan. 

She pulled out her phone and showed the pictures to Justin, she told him about the location and the things she’d loved about it when she saw it. She saw his eyes light up when she showed him the upstairs loft that she’d fallen in love with when they’d toured that home, “I want to turn this area into a music room and library.” 

“I like it, you could fit a piano right in this area, and it looks like the vaulted ceilings would give it great acoustics. It’s perfect,” he said and his approval warmed her.

“The more I think about it, the more excited I am,” she admitted softly, appreciating that whatever his actual feelings were about her taking this next step he was still being supportive of her. 

“It sounds like you’ve made a decision then,” he said, running a finger down her calf and almost making her shiver. 

She put her legs back under the table as Justin tapped her phone, with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, “The question is, who gets to text Adam about this unfortunate development for him?”

She pulled her phone free of his grasp, “I will gently break the news to him tomorrow.” 

“Not too gently right? And you will remind him you’re going to be out of town this weekend so he doesn’t get any ideas about making plans with you.” 

“Jealous much, Justin?” she teased him lightly, then couldn’t help but add, “if he did invite me to dinner, he wouldn’t be the first one this week.” 

“Because you’re having dinner with me,” he stated the obvious. 

“Tonight I am,” she agreed, “but you’re still not the first one to ask me out to dinner this week.” 

“It’s only Monday, how many boys are there, Ashley-girl?” 

Seeing that he was done eating, Ashley nudged him to get out of the booth and she pulled herself free of the booth, grinning up at him, “Do the math, J, at least three.” 

Justin was grumbling behind her as they left the restaurant. She liked the idea that he might be a little bit jealous, even if there was nothing between her and Adam. Ashley looked around, spotting something that caught her eye. She grabbed onto Justin’s arm, “What time do you need to be at the airport?” 

He checked the time, “Probably in about an hour, why?” 

“Come with me,” she said, pulling him towards the park she’d seen across the street. It was dark out, and the park was all but empty so she tugged him toward the swings. 

He laughed when he saw what she was doing and he stepped behind her as she sat in the swing, pulling her back and then pushing her forward a few times before he sat in the other swing, gently pushing it back and forth.

Ashley looked back at him, “Aren’t you going to swing?” 

“That’s for kids,” Justin called to her as she swung past him again. 

“Alright then,” she said, making a decision. She dug her feet into the ground on the next pass and stopped her motion. She glared at him, unleashing the anger and frustration she’d felt with him. “Remember when you asked in the car if we were fighting? Now, we’re fighting.” 

He blinked back at her, “Because I didn’t want to swing?” 

She stood, leaning against the chain of the swing, holding tightly to it, “No, the swinging was to distract you before I pounced, but you didn’t want to play that game. I’m mad at you, Justin.” 

“At me?” he asked, obviously confused. 

“Yes!” She actually stomped her foot. She might be mortified by that fact later, but at the moment it felt justified. 

Justin furrowed his brow, “Because I left? Because I didn’t say goodbye? Because I won’t swing?” 

“Keep going,” she urged.  

“I don’t know!” He said as he threw his hands in the air, “Do you want to just tell me why you’re mad at me?” 

“You seemed like you were on a roll, and I wondered if there were any other reasons you thought I should be mad at you.” 

“Not that I’m currently aware of,” he said with caution. 

She took a deep breath in, “I’m annoyed that you left without saying goodbye. I’m annoyed that you think I’m just supposed to let you play that role in my life; the one where you pop in and out, you save the day, like some dumb hero, and then you just disappear.” 

“That’s not-”

“That’s not the reason I’m mad!” She spoke over his attempted protest. “I’m mad because I had a lot of time to think yesterday when you were gone and I realized that I don’t even know you.  You can somehow manage to ask me all the right questions to make me spill everything I’m thinking, but you conveniently ignore or side step all my questions about you. I realized that you haven’t let me in and that hurts, J.” She paused, her chest rising and falling in her anger. “When are you going to stop performing?” 

Justin looked past her, not meeting her gaze, “I don’t know if I know where the performance ends and I begin. Maybe I don’t want to know.” 

Ashley softened her voice as she sighed, “Can you let me be the hero for a minute?” 

“What if you find someone who’s not worth saving?” 

Justin’s words cut her so deeply, that tears suddenly burned in her eyes. He still sat on the swing and she stepped to him, taking both of his cheeks in her hands, “Oh Justin,” she said softly, “You are worth saving, but if that’s how you feel, you are more in need of a hero than I ever knew.” 

He tried to pull away from her gaze, from her hands, but she held him there, “You are a performer; you are an entertainer and that is what you were meant to be, there is no denying that.  But at the end of the day, that is what you do, it is not who you are.” 

“Then I guess I can’t help you, because I don’t know who I am besides JT, Justin Timberlake, or Justin of Nsync.” He managed to push her away as he stood and walked away from her. She sighed and watched him go. 

“What about the man who somehow meal prepped breakfasts, lunches and dinners for me over the weekend?” Ashley called after him. He stopped where he was several feet away, but he still faced away from her. “What about the man who helped me see that there was a way around my frustrations with Lance? What about the man who brought everyone together last weekend? What about the man who shows up to the studio, when he’s supposed to be hundreds of miles away and challenges me to sing? To play the violin, to fall in love with music again.” 

She walked after him then and put a hand on his back but he still refused to turn to look at her. “Maybe you’re the only one who gets to see that man,” he said finally. 

“Why?” She pushed gently. 

Justin took a deep breath in and let it out. He did it again. Ashley waited. 

“Because, when I let people see that side of me, then they inevitably hurt me and I guess I just know that you won’t.” 

Ashley swallowed, “So you do trust me?” 

Justin let out an almost bitter laugh, reaching back to put an arm around her and pull her tight to his side, “Let’s say you’re on the short list of people I do trust.” 

“Can I still ask you questions then?” She asked somewhat tentatively, he still hadn’t looked at her since he’d walk away. 

His sigh was resigned, “Will you go easy on me?” 

“Why are you always working? Why don’t you stop and take a break?” This was something she’d wondered, the boy she’d known so long ago had been driven, but not such a manic workaholic as Justin had seemed to be these past few years. 

“I’m afraid I’ll run out of time to do and try everything that I want to do. I’m afraid I won’t have a legacy to leave behind; that time will make me irrelevant if I don’t keep going.” 

She knew his fears of not having a legacy were completely unfounded. He was forever immortalized in pop history in so many ways, but she didn’t try to talk him out of it. Instead, she asked, “Did Britney break your heart?” 

Justin looked down at her finally, his blue eyes flashing, “Yes.” 

Tentatively she asked, her voice almost a whisper, “do you still love her?” 

He shook his head, “not like that.” 

She didn’t want to push him on those answers, she didn’t want to take advantage of the trust he said he had in her, and so she slightly changed the topic. “You really don’t see yourself with someone in the future?”

“I don’t let myself look for that in the future. I haven’t had a great track record as far as romantic relationships go. I focus on work and creating and doing the things that I love in that part of my life.”

“So, why do you think all these romantic relationships of yours have failed?” She tried to ask it in a light tone, trying to look up into his face from where he had her pinned to his side. 

“Straight to the point, aren’t you? You’re still single.” He stated the obvious, “why don’t you tell me why your relationships have failed?” 

She shrugged, “that’s easy; because I won’t sleep with them.” 

He blinked down at her in surprise. She didn’t know if he was surprised at her answer, surprised that she had told him, or surprised that men had left her over that. Either way, he didn’t push her further. 

He sighed, “I don’t know if there is one reason. I think I’ve just become too practical for romance.” 

Ashley couldn’t help but laugh, “Justin, you sing songs about romance.” 

“Okay then, I’m just bad at relationships.” 

“You should put yourself back on the market,” Ashley told him gently. 

“Why?” 

Ashley bit her lip, wishing she could push him more, but also well aware she’d tested his limits enough for one night, “because I bet there is someone out there who could make you really happy. Who you could make really happy.” 

“Someone looking for an ex-romantic, now practical pop star?” 

“No,” She said in a whisper, “someone looking for a hero.” 

Justin breathed in deeply, then looked down at her, “I think it’s time for us to get going.” 

“Is there time for one more question,” she asked, wanting to release some of the tension between them. He nodded briefly, and she asked, tugging on the sleeves of his shirt that she wore, “Do you hate that I wear your clothes?”  

He laughed and pulled her around in front of him so he could pull her into a tight hut, “No, I don’t hate it at all.” 

“Thank you, J,” she said into his chest. “Thanks for letting me in.” 

He didn’t answer, he just held onto her for a long time, longer than she had anticipated. Finally, he let her go, tugging her hand to pull her back across the street to the car. 

 ***

The car ride to the airport was quiet, neither of them ready to address the conversations between them over the course of the evening. 

Justin brought the car to a stop in the drop off area in front of the airport. They both stepped out, and Ashley, with her smile, was trying to put on a brave face. She twirled the Red Sox hat in her hands as Justin spoke, his words decisive, “I’m not going to say goodbye. It’s just a couple of days, and then you’ll be in Memphis with me. I’m just gonna say, see you later.” 

He could see her confusion behind her dark eyes, he could feel the same confusion in himself with this new and undefined tension between them. She managed a half-smile, her gratitude breaking through, “Thanks for being here; singing that song today was amazing, and I’m glad you were there with me.” 

There was a beat of silence between them, both of them unwilling to make this a goodbye, but not sure what that meant for them. Then in a sudden, tender gesture, she rose on her tiptoes and leaned in, placing a kiss low on his cheek, just ever so slightly off his lips. She pulled back quickly, and shoved the Red Sox cap on his head as she said, “Alright J, I’ll see you later then.” 

Before he could react, she was around the side of the car and in the driver’s seat. He leaned down, waving at her through the passenger window, his thoughts a whirlwind as he watched her drive away. As her car pulled away, he pulled the Red Sox cap lower over his face, a shield against the world as he made his way into the airport, wondering at the intricate dance of emotions that suddenly filled his head, and maybe even his heart. 

***

As she drove away from the airport, Ashley blew out her breath, she didn’t know what had possessed her. She touched her lips with her fingertips, it hadn’t been a real kiss, but still, her lips remembered the roughness of his cheek against them, and the way his breath had caught when she’d touched him still rang in her ears. She knew she was going to have just a couple of days to build up her defenses against Justin before she saw him again.