Chapter Six

Ashley: The record label wants me to grow up. 

Ashley: They are threatening to shelve my new album if I don’t try to change my image. 

Ashley: Will you hate me if I give up? 

Britney: Love you little sis. Please don’t give in to them. If you give in to them, they win. 

***

Justin had seriously debated not coming to dinner that night, he seemed to make things with Lance worse. The last time Justin had seen Lance, prior to at the recording studio, had been at Lance’s wedding. Looking back, the event seemed happy in his memories. All the guys had been together, those with families had brought their families. Britney had been there, being around Britney was always a bit tricky since their break up; he wasn’t ready to open that can of worms. 

Ashley had still been with her prince at the time of the wedding, he’d been supposed to fly over for the event, but ended up not making it last minute. 

Justin felt a light bulb go off in his head at that moment as he glanced at Ashley in his rear view mirror. They hadn’t exactly planned to go to the wedding together, but since neither one of them ended up with a date on the day of, he’d offered to escort her. She and Lance hadn’t been together for years at that point, but she knew it was bound to be brought up by everyone in attendance and everyone in the media. 

Lance had come out as gay and so there shouldn’t have been an awkwardness between them. But there was; when Lance decided to let television cameras into his wedding, the tabloids got involved and of course there had been remarks made about his one-time girlfriend of several years.   

He remembered the dress Ashley had worn, called the revenge dress by some in the media in the days after the wedding, had brought more attention than she had maybe planned on. Justin hadn’t minded the dress at all. He also hadn’t thought twice about being her date for the event; but maybe Lance had? 

They pulled into the restaurant where Lance had told them to meet, a trendy place Justin had heard of but never yet visited.  The parking was valet parking as it was situated on a fairly busy street downtown. 

Justin stepped out when the valet opened his door, taking the ticket that he was given, then opening Ashley’s door for her while another valet opened the door for his mother on the other side. 

Lance met them at the door and opened it for them, pointing them to the back corner booth where Michael was waiting for them. 

Running with his instincts, Justin leaned down to Ashley, “I can’t take the lead here, you’ve gotta tell him how it’s gonna be.” 

Ashley looked at him in surprise, but then nodded, accepting as he pushed her from his side to walk in front of them. He then looked at his mom on his other side and leaned down to whisper to her, “Sit between us, please.” 

Justin could tell he wasn’t the only one trying to figure out the game, Michael motioned to Ashley that she sit on one side of him while Lance sat on his other side. Maybe there were levels of complex past and present relationships going on here. Which was ridiculous in Justin’s mind, but he knew that sometimes you just have to play the game. 

Ashley slid into the booth, Justin helped his mother in next and then he took the end, sitting opposite Lance. “So…what’s good here?” Justin asked as casually as he could. 

“It’s more of a family style restaurant, so we ordered several things for the table,” Michael chimed in. He turned to Ashley, running a hand over her hair, “You’re hair, it’s gotten so long since I last saw you.” 

Ashley tried to lean subtly away to pull her hair from his grasp, but she still smiled, “I know, I’m pretty proud of it. You should have come to visit the last tour more. I know Lance wasn’t there the whole time, but you should have come with him when he was. He’s happier when you’re around.” 

She wasn’t bad at reading people, Justin had to give her some credit. 

Since Lance had already ordered, their food came out quickly and created an easy diversion as they filled their plates. Conversation was polite, light and boring. They were on tip-toes and they all knew it. Justin caught Ashley’s eye, trying to give her some subtle encouragement. She’d hardly touched her food, a sign of her nerves. 

***

Ashley caught Justin’s look and put down her fork, she wasn’t really eating anyway. She could feel the layers of the evening pulling tight, the layer of Justin and Lance’s longtime friendship, her long time relationship with Lance was proving to be an annoyance to Michael, despite all the reasons it shouldn’t be, and then the whole business aspect of her life had been tied in too closely. All those loose ends were fraying, and without some way of tying them up, she was afraid she’d lose something important. 

She leaned over Michael, instead of over the table to speak directly to Lance, “I’m sorry you weren’t there to share in our impromptu concert last night.” She smiled directly at him, then at Michael, “You both would have definitely improved the performance.” 

“In your publicity stunt?” Lance asked somewhat cynically. 

Ashley shrugged, “I feel like a stunt is planned, there was no planning involved in this, just a rogue phone on a boy band playlist. You know that most of the world can’t help breaking out into dancing when Bye, Bye, Bye comes on. It’s iconic.” 

“She has a point,” Michael told Lance with a grin. 

Lance shook his head, not giving in on that point. “Since you’re bringing it up, where is it that you want to go with your career? On tour with *Nsync?” 

“If there’s a tour, book me on it,” she said in distinct honesty. “Being on tour with you guys was one of the best experiences I ever had, just being able to have the friendships we all had made it magical. Book Britney on the tour and we’d have the gang all back together.” She glanced back at Michael, “We’d need more buses so we could all bring our friends and families this time, it would be a party!” 

Lance glanced across the table at Justin then looked back at Ashley, “Do you think it’s time to give up on your little *Nsync reunion joke?” 

Ashley sunk back in the booth a little, “It’s not a joke.” 

“It is,” Lance insisted. “And you constantly bringing it up just shows that immaturity that the record label is wanting you to get rid of.”

“Are we talking about you or the record label?” Ashley questioned with her eyes narrowed. 

“Take your pick, I’m starting to agree with them more and more.” 

Ashley sat up straighter, “So…let me just see if I understand. They want me to grow up? Which means….less clothes? More revealing clothes? A serious relationship to post in the magazines about? More adult song lyrics? What are we talking about here?” 

Lance shrugged, glancing around the table to gauge the reactions to her words, “Yeah, probably some of all of the above.” 

“They want me to be Britney,” Ashley stated with finality. 

“Of course they don’t want you to be Britney.” Lance hedged, “but maybe a little bit more like Britney?”  

“Because that’s obviously worked out well for Britney,” Justin grumbled. 

Lance looked at Justin, “She’s got nothing but platinum album sales, and a successful Las Vegas Residency.” 

Ashley thought of the things Britney had told her through their text conversations. That her residency was a prison sentence. That if Ashley let the record label change her, they would win. If she knew nothing else, she knew she didn’t want to let them trap her the way they had trapped Britney. 

Ashley looked between Justin and Lance, who were watching each other for the next move, “You’re right Lance, Brit does have all those things; but at what cost to her?” Ashley challenged. “I don’t want to be Britney, that was never my intention when I started singing. I’ve always tried to be relentlessly me.” 

“No,” Lance contradicted, “You’ve tried to be relentlessly the opposite of Britney.” 

Ashley laughed, but not the funny kind of laugh, “Lance, I am the opposite of Britney; I thought that was the selling point.”

Lance sighed, “I already told you, it’s not that they want you to be Britney. They want you to be you…just a more…I don’t know. Adult version of you. You are an adult now.” 

Ashley could read all kinds of meanings to his words, but she didn’t want to. She just wanted it all out on the table. “Okay, then, in all seriousness, if I don’t do what you’re asking, then the label shelves my album and I’m in breach of contract?”

“That’s the impression I’ve been given,” Lance told her with a nod.

Ashley rested her hand on her chin on the table, “Isn’t the music industry filled with enough sex, drugs and rock n’ roll?” 

Lance looked at Justin, then he gave her a piercing look, “That’s pretty direct for you, Ashley. Did you get some coaching before dinner?” 

That hurt, but she didn’t want to let it show, and she didn’t want to give Justin a chance to break into the conversation, “Nope, I came up with that one all on my own. I went through my contracts Lance, I know I owe you and the label one more album …but I want to do it my way.” 

“You want to write on it?” He asked with a long-suffering sigh. 

She gave a half shrug, “Maybe. I just want to be in control, and I don’t feel like that’s something you can let me do. I don’t feel like working this closely has done you or I any favors.” she broke off for a moment, but Lynn’s hand on her arm gave her the comfort she needed. “I will keep my contract with you intact, if you let me bring in a new manager.” 

“Now that could be a good idea,” Michael said, looking extra pleased with this solution. 

Lance didn’t respond, he watched her for a long moment, then his eyes flicked once again to Justin before they came back to Ashley, “Who would this manager be?” 

Ashley grinned and put an arm around Lynn, “Miss Lynn has agreed to by my manager.” 

That surprised Lance and that fact gave Ashley some pride in this decision. 

Lance tapped the table with his fingers, looking at Michael for a long moment. She saw resignation on his face when he looked at her, “I wanted to do this the old fashioned way. I wanted to prove that your career could be amazing by sticking to the same formula that we used when we started.” 

Ashley heard Justin snort a laugh that he tried to turn into a cough, but she didn’t turn to look at him. She had to stay focused on Lance for him to believe she was really in this. 

“I know I’m the only female artist currently with your company. I know you wanted to make it work, but…Sometimes the right reasons have the wrong consequences. I’m burned out Lance and pushing me to be something I’m not is only wasting your time and the labels money.” 

“We need one more album,” Lance insisted, “and we need it recorded fast. I can’t give you a year to learn to write.”

Ashley’s eyes flicked to Justin’s, then she looked back at Lance with a grin, “Give me a month.” 

“A month? To finish the album?” 

“No, a month to do this experiment.” 

“I want weekly updates,” Lance insisted, looking between Lynn and Ashley. 

“Done,” Lynn said in agreement. 

“And I want,” Ashley began, “for all of us to move forward. The past is the past, Lance, isn’t it time we all get over it?” 

“That is something I can get on board with,” Michael said as he held his wine glass out to Ashley, she clinked her water glass to it. 

Both of them turned to look at Lance expectantly, and he signed, letting a smile finally appear, “Let’s give it a go.” 

***

Justin saw Ashley collapse in relief against the booth at Lance’s agreement. He had to smile at the same month timeline Ashley had given Lance as Justin had given her. There was a lot more riding on his shoulders than he wanted to admit at the moment. 

He didn’t think he’d been wrong about there being some jealousy in this situation and Ashley’s subtle hints about friendship moving on from the past had definitely appealed to Michael. But as they continued their conversation, he could still see Lance was sending him some curious glances. His dig at Ashley that Justin had coached her on what to say was annoying. 

Lance should know better than to be jealous; or even suspicious. Justin and Ashley’s relationship had always been a close one. He’d adopted her into this circle from day one. He considered having his mom tell Lance about his promise not to kiss Ashley, maybe that would convince him that they weren’t more than friends. That he wouldn’t let their relationship become more than friends.  

Just then, his phone screen sitting next to his plate lit up with a perfect line. He grabbed at the phone, “excuse me,” He said to the table as he started to get up at the same time he answered, “Hey Nichole,” he said in what he hoped was the perfect tone as he walked away from the table. 

His conversation wasn’t long, but when he got back to the table he could see that the others were ready to wrap up the evening. He gave Lance an old handshake they’d perfect years ago, “I’m with Ashley; let’s let the past be the past and just be friends again.” 

“I wasn’t aware that we weren’t still friends,” Lance said stubbornly. 

“Well, for the last twenty-four hours I was thinking about punching you…so there’s that.” Justin told him candidly. 

Lance looked back at Ashley before looking back at Justin, “You’ve been gone from her life for several months J, if you’re gonna take care of her, you’d better stick around for more than a minute.” 

“Believe me, I’ve had the lecture from Elle already.” 

“That, I don’t envy,” Lance said with a laugh.  

They all waited out front for their cars, Lance and Michael’s came first and they called their goodbyes as they pulled away. Once they were gone, Justin finally put an arm around Ashley’s shoulders and squeezed her tight, “How’s your heart, Ashley-girl?” 

“My heart is still my own,” she said as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “It feels like we’ve got a long month ahead of us.” 

When they pulled back up to the house, Justin chuckled as he looked back at Ashley who had again fallen asleep on the way home. He carried her into the house and into the guest bedroom, where she finally stirred enough to push out of his arms and head for her bathroom, mumbling a good night to him as he shut her door. 

***

Justin changed into a t-shirt and sweats, but he wasn’t ready for bed yet. He had some restless energy that sent too many ideas racing through his mind. He liked to keep busy, he liked to always be doing something, but sometimes too many ideas collided, creating a dangerous headspace for him. He wanted to do what he’d promised and truly make Ashley happy in this industry again, but he also wanted to remember that he needed to let her and his mother lead. That was why he’d involved Lynn, but it was hard not to push everything on Ashley all at once.  

He pulled his guitar out and sat on the bed, leaning back against the headboard he started picking out some chords, playing aimless notes at first. After several minutes, his fingers found their way into the notes for a remake song of True Colors that he was going to be using in the new movie.  The producers had wanted to use the original version, but after reading the script, Justin wanted to slow it down and just use a couple of acoustic guitars to fit the tone of the scene more. 

He closed his eyes, softly playing at the strings and getting the tone just right before he started singing softly along with it. This was the song he’d been working on before leaving Sweden. It was the song that had brought Ashley to mind and made him realized how long it had been since he’d seen her. 

You with the sad eyes,

Don’t be discouraged. 

Oh I realize, 

it’s hard to take courage 

in a world full of people 

you can lose site of it all. 

He opened his eyes when he heard a soft knock on his door and it cracked open a little so he could see Ashley standing there, she leaned her head on the door frame and listened as he continued to sing a few lines more. 

Show me a smile then, 

don’t be unhappy 

can’t remember when 

I last saw you laughing. 

Justin stopped singing and let the notes fade into silence as he motioned her in, “Sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.” He said as she came in, closing the door softly behind her. 

She shrugged her trademark one shoulder shrug, “I couldn’t sleep after I got ready for bed. Too much on my mind and then I heard you playing and I couldn’t resist. I’ve always liked that song since you played it for me years ago. It’s beautiful with that acoustic version.” 

“Thanks,” Justin said, watching her, noticing that she seemed not to know what to do now that she was inside the room. He scooted over on the bed, leaving room for on the edge and she finally sat down. “That song always reminds me of you. It was a good memory that day I played it for you.” 

She tipped her head back and forth, causing her messy bun to wobble back and forth with her motion. “It was an okay memory,” she told him with an attempt at a wink. 

Justin shook his head at her attempt, “When they first approached me about doing a character voice and the music for this movie, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be on board. The producer played me this song and told me he wanted it in the movie. I was sold on it. I wanted to slow it down just a little and use just the guitar for it; I’ve just been trying to get it right.”

“I think it sounded just about perfect,” she told him as she reached for a navy hoodie that hung over the chair next to the bed and pulled it on over her tank top. He smiled as she slid down the headboard and tried to make herself more comfortable as she asked, “Will you keep playing for a minute?” 

With a low chuckle and a shake of his head, Justin started picking on the guitar again, this time with his haunting melody that still seemed to be teasing him.  

“Any luck with the words yet?” She asked him as she flipped over on her stomach next.  

“I don’t think so,” he answered, using his knee to nudge a notebook towards her. 

He’d written out a few ideas for a verse and chorus but then crossed most of them out. She read through his latest version, humming along with his guitar. After a few moments, she looked up at him with mischief in her eyes before she brutally crossed out his latest attempt. “I think you need to try again,” she told him in a matter of fact tone. 

He stopped playing for a moment, watching her as she doodled on the notepad. “I’ve learned that one of the most important things when creating is that you can’t be afraid to do it wrong. You have to dare to suck.” 

“I don’t like to make mistakes.” Ashley said softly, “one mistake makes me feel like I’ve failed.” 

He wished he could shake her and tell her she was being crazy, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Instead, he started the song over again and said, “being a performer, perfection is kind of drilled into us. It takes a lot of hard work to make what we do look easy and effortless.” 

She breathed out a soft laugh, “you could say that again.” 

The only sound was the guitar notes between them for several long moments. Suddenly she propped her head up on her hand and looked over at him, “You have the piano version of this recorded and an idea for guitar obviously, have you thought about adding violins?” 

Justin didn’t want to let his excitement at her suggestion show, so he forced himself to keep playing. “I’d love violins. That’s your area of expertise.” 

She quickly shook her head and laid back down, “Nope, it’s just a thought.” 

They were quiet again until he finished the song. He moved to put the guitar down, “Don’t stop,” Ashley insisted, “Can you play it again?” 

Justin played it through twice more, at the end of the second time, he heard Ashley’s deepened breathing and looked over to find her asleep. 

“You’re going to give me a complex, always falling asleep on me, Ashley-girl.” He laughed softly, “I’m going to have to start taking it personally.” 

He put the guitar away in his closet then turned back to the bed and watched Ashley sleep for a long moment. Her body was curled around one of his pillows, her breathing soft and even. One hand was tangled in her messy bun, the other tucked under her chin, still holding his pen. 

He gently pulled the pen from her fingers and found the notebook under her elbow. He moved to place both on his nightstand and then paused as he read the words-the song lyrics- she’d written between her doodles on the page. 

The words were perfect for the sound he’d imagined for the song and he loved it even more that she trusted him with writing them down in a place that he would see. He didn’t want to ruin that trust, but he was going to see how far he could push her. 

He pulled a blanket over top of Ashley and leaned down to push some stray hairs back from her face, “I’m not going to let you fail at this. You’ll see.” 

He turned out the light in his room and headed down the hall to spend the night in the guest room.