Chapter Eight

Justin: Heard from JC and Mack, they’re in Orlando right now. BBQ at my mom’s place, bring your people. 

Chris: We’re still in town and we’ll be there. 

Joey: Me and my girls will be there. 

Lance: We’ll be there as well. 

Chris: What happened to Ashley? 

Justin: What do you mean? 

Chris: Where’s the reunion talk, we’re all on one text thread? 

****

Lynn’s Orlando home had an oasis of a backyard, complete with pool, hot tub, basketball court and a shaded patio and Ashley had the whole yard to herself. After swimming, she laid out on a lounge chair with a book she was intent on reading, but after reading the same paragraph three or four times and still not comprehending it, she gave up. 

She dragged the lounge chair under the shade of the patio and retrieved the papers and notebook Lynn had given her the day before.  

The top sheet of paper held a list of proposals and engagements that had been in the correspondence that Lance’s team had sent over, and Lynn wanted Ashley’s consideration on. The engagement or project was listed with dates and the name of who had officially reached out to her manager. She found the note about the voiceover movie project with Justin’s name officially attached to it, as she had started to suspect. 

She put stars next to the things she was interested in, including the VMA’s, the movie project and even a couple podcast interviews. Once she’d read the list twice, she had marked maybe seven or eight things she’d be interested in and set it aside to give to Lynn later. 

The second page from Lynn was trickier. It was full of introspective questions about what it was that Ashley truly wanted out of her career. What were her short term goals? Longer goals? Projects she’d like to be considered for. The last dreaded question; where do you want to be in ten years? The notebook was to spend time and space writing out her answers. 

“Well,” Ashley said to herself, setting it all aside. “That is a project for tomorrow.” 

She adjusted the lounge chair to lay flat and flipped over onto her stomach for a nap. 

Sometime later, her peaceful nap was suddenly, disrupted by cold needles piercing her back and waking her with a start as she shot up from the lounge chair in a panic.
“Justin?!” Ashley winced as she tried to shake off the sleep fog. Justin, shaking with uncontrollable laughter, stood over her in his swimsuit, still dripping the cold water on her. “You. Are. A. Jerk!” She said, trying to punch him with each word. He was laughing so hard that he couldn’t do anything but back up to try to escape her blows. 

“I…” Justin tried to speak but still couldn’t through his laughter. She caught sight of the pool behind him and with both hands on his chest, she pushed him as hard as she could, sending him into the water. 

While she waited, hands on her hips for him to emerge from the water, she heard more laughter ringing out from behind her and she turned to find an audience, including Lynn, JC, Mackenzie and Logan all in stitches of laughter over the performance. 

“That’s my girl,” Mackenzie said with obvious pride in her voice as she walked forward to give Ashley a hug. When Ashley had first joined Britney on the *Nsync tour, after her mother’s death, it was Mackenzie who’d been her tutor and a kind of substitute mother when she was missing her own fiercely. 

“Hey Mackenzie,” Ashley said, returning the tight hug. “I didn’t know you were in town!” 

“My sister’s getting married next week so we came down a few days early so we could see you guys as well,” Mackenzie explained as JC came up behind them, slipping an arm around Mackenzie’s waist and giving Ashley a side hug.

“Hey, C,” she said, returning the hug. “I’ve missed you guys.” 

“You too,” he said, giving her a once over. “I heard you’re giving J a run for his money in

the studio.” 

She grinned back at him, “Give me a few weeks, I’ll give you a run for your money as well.” 

JC laughed as behind them water sloshed as Justin hoisted himself over the side of the pool, “Gee everyone, thanks for the assistance. Don’t worry, I’m fine.” He mumbled as he joined them. 

Mackenzie reached up and ran a hand through his wet hair,  “Glad you survived, J.” 

Justin tried to duck away from her fingers, “I think you taught Ashley too well, I’d never think she’d use your pool trick on me, Mack.” 

“I think,” JC broke in, “it’s pretty safe to say that not one person in this group can be trusted around a pool.” He looked up to include Logan in the conversation, “You’d probably do best to remember that.” 

Ashley felt her cheeks color some, she’d totally forgotten the presence of the music producer in the background, she was a little unsure how to act around him after the emotional experience he’d been a witness to at the studio the day before. “JC, Mackenzie, did you guys get to meet Logan? He’s been working with me on some songs this last week.” 

“Speaking of,” Logan said, holding up a CD, “I brought this over so you could listen to both of the songs we worked on.” 

In the shuffle of people, Ashley found herself pushed forward with JC, Mackenzie and Justin all standing behind her. She could picture them all lined up behind her, but she hesitated to turn and see if they were stern parents, vigilant bodyguards or the peanut gallery she knew them to be. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She could sense that Logan was trying to hide a smile of his own, which made her suspect the peanut gallery was the most likely scenario. 

“You should thank me for inviting him to the party,” Justin whispered in a stage whisper behind her. 

“Who delivers CD’s anymore?” JC questioned in an equally audible whisper. 

“Men who want a chance to see the girl again,” Mackenzie chimed in. 

Ashley flailed hands behind her to try to push all three further back. She gave up and took the steps forward to take the CD Logan was still holding out to her, his expression now clearly trying not to laugh. She cleared her throat softly, “Have you met Lynn?” She asked, deciding to use her manager as an ice breaker and a distraction from the whispers still coming from the others. “She’s going to be taking over for Lance as my manager.” 

Lynn swept in with grace and confidence, shaking Logan’s hand, her slight southern accent seeming to smooth over the awkwardness Ashley felt still standing there in her swimsuit. Should she change? Was this a swimming party? Justin was in his swimsuit, but the others were not. Logan himself looked more casual than at the studio, with khaki cargo shorts and flip-fops. 

She twisted the CD case in her hand, more questions running through her mind. When had this party been planned? Who else was coming?

“Hey-ooh!” a voice called from around the side of the house and Joey suddenly appeared carrying a cooler, his two daughters following behind. 

“Party’s here!” Chris added from behind them as he entered with his wife, Karly, by his side. 

“Is everybody coming?” Ashley asked, turning to Justin in surprise. 

“I wondered if you’d seen any of the messages,” Justin said, “You didn’t reply. You always reply. But yes, everybody is coming.” 

By his tone, Ashley understood that everybody also included Lance and she was being watched for a reaction. She let a slow grin spread across her face and looked pointedly between Justin, Joey, Chris and JC. 

“I guess I’m sorry I missed out on the party planning, but I’m glad I could be here for this moment. Don’t you think it’s a good time to talk about-”she began but before she could finish her thought, several things happened. Joey covered his ears and yelled loudly so he couldn’t hear. Chris slapped a hand playfully over Ashley’s mouth, but that didn’t save her from Justin who ran at her, grabbing her by the waist, pulling her into the pool with him. 

As she emerged coughing from the water, Joey called out, “And keep her away from the music. We are not breaking out into song and dance tonight!”

Ashley couldn’t help but laugh with the others as she pushed her wet hair from her eyes, looking around for Justin, who couldn’t be trusted in pools. “Cannonball!” Chris yelled as he jumped into the pool behind her, splashing her all over again. 

As Joey and his daughters climbed into the pool, Ashley swam to the side and looked to the group still hovering near the patio, her gaze settled on Logan, “You might be the only person I can trust to help me out of here,” She said, extending a hand to her. 

He walked slowly towards her, his hands in his pockets, “I don’t know if I should.” Ashley's mouth dropped open in shock at his apparent teasing, “How do I know I can trust you not to pull me in?” 

“You can’t!” JC called with a laugh from behind them. 

Logan finally reached her and stretched an arm out to help pull her out, “Maybe you will fit in around here.” Ashley told him with a smile as she went to find a towel. 

Mackenzie was waiting for her with a towel when Ashley reached her lounge chair from earlier, “What’s up with Clark Kent over there?” 

Ashley followed her gaze to see that she was looking at Logan, who was deep in conversation with JC. He seemed to fit in seamlessly with her friends. “He’s a producer I’ve been working with this week,” Ashley explained with a shrug. “And I like the Clark Kent look.”

Mackenzie laughed, “I know you do. You have a type. Do you want it to be more?” she probed.

“Mack!” Ashley whisper yelled at her friend, “I’ve known him, like three days.” 

“Hmm,” Mackenzie mused, seeming unconvinced. “Come sit with me, I haven’t seen you in months.”

They moved to the patio furniture, claiming one of the love seats, Ashley curled up on the couch next to Mackenzie and put her head on her shoulder. Mackenzie was barely ten years older than Ashley, but she’d filled that female figure void at a time when Ashley had desperately needed it. 

“You doing okay?” Mackenzie asked her, running fingers through her wet hair. “I’ve seen you look better.” 

Ashley rolled her eyes, “Well I did just get dunked in the pool.” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. What’s going on?”

Ashley gave a half shrug, “Nothing that some iron, some rest and a new manager can’t fix. I’ll be right a rain soon enough.” 

“Is Justin your new manager?” Mackenzie asked curiously. 

“Nope, Mama Lynn.” Ashley answered with a yawn. 

“That will be good,” Mackenzie said and Ashley could hear the smile in her voice. “She’s got more sense than all five of those boys combined. I’ll even include JC in that.” 

They heard a chorus of welcomes and Ashley looked up to see Lance and Michael had arrived. Months of a stressful reaction when Lance was on the scene were hard to subdue and Ashley fought to keep her breathing natural and not react, but Mackenzie caught on just the same. Nothing got past her. 

“Why don’t you go change, it’s going to cool off back here pretty quickly.” She looked intently at Ashley, “It’s okay to give yourself a minute.” She gave her a teasing nudge, “Then cozy up to your superhero when you come back out.” 

“I’m not wanting to make Lance jealous,” Ashley confided in confusion. 

“I know,” Mackenzie said with a secret grin. “But maybe you’ll make someone else jealous.” 

Ashley went into the house, shaking her head at Mackenzie’s perplexing remarks. 

Ashley quickly changed into dry clothes and spent a few minutes detangling her wet hair so it wouldn’t be a nightmare later. When she returned to the yard, she found that in the cooling air, the pool had emptied and Joey and Chris were starting a fire in the fire pit. The smell of grilled food filled the air as Justin worked his magic on the barbecue. 

“Do you need any help?” she asked him. 

“Nope, I got it all under control,” he said, bumping her hip with his as he danced to the music someone had started playing. 

“Do you ever stop?” she asked him, suddenly curious about his endless energy. 

“I can’t stop, or everyone else will catch up,” he said in a joking tone, but she caught the seriousness behind his words. Justin had his own daemons he was running from. “Is that another one of my sweatshirts?” he asked.

“They are warmer than mine,” she assured him with a grin. “I’m going to go help your mom set out the rest of the food.” 

As the sunlight faded, the string lights around the patio and strung across the pool set a hazy, dreamlike atmosphere for the evening. After dinner, Justin challenged Joey’s older daughter, Bri, to a game of basketball. Chris and his wife joined them in the game while the others shifted the patio furniture to sit around the fire pit. JC and Logan had discovered a mutual love for guitars and both played softly as a background to the conversations going on. 

“Can I join you?” Ashley asked Logan, he nodded and she sat in the corner of the couch, pulling her knees up under her chin, wrapping her arms around them so she could face him. 

“Sorry to crash your party tonight,” Logan spoke softly after a few minutes. 

“You didn’t,” Ashley insisted. “Justin invited you and he doesn’t make invitations lightly, especially into this inner circle; they don’t get to see each other enough as it is without a media frenzy.” 

“I can imagine,” Logan agreed, following her gaze to the faces around the circle. 

Ashley traced patterns on the knees of her jeans, “I’m glad you came. I wanted to say thank you for yesterday too. That was a long day and a crash course, but I learned a lot from you.” 

He smiled, but didn’t look at her directly, “I never knew you played the violin. Do you play other instruments?” 

Ashley nodded her head to his guitar, “the guys all gave me lessons when I toured with them and I’m passable, but not proficient. I also took piano lessons growing up; not as often as violin, as that was the priority for my mom and my grandpa.” 

“I can see why, you have a magic touch with the violin,” he complimented. He stopped playing the guitar so he could look at her more directly. “When we connected with Lance about working with you, I thought I knew what you’d be like, but I think I was wrong on several counts.” 

Ashley felt her cheeks warm at his words and she looked over to the fire to avoid his gaze for a moment, “I hope that it’s a good thing that I wasn’t like what you expected.” 

He chucked low, “It is a good thing.” He pulled the CD he’d given her earlier out of his pocket and held it back out to her, “You dropped this when you got pushed into the pool earlier. I put both songs on there so you could hear them. I think the dance beat is ready to go, but I put the other one on there just so you can hear it with the violin track added in. I think we’ll be ready to add vocals early next week.” 

Ashley smiled softly, turning the CD case over in her hand, “I’m kinda terrified to add the words.” 

“I’m not a singer,” Logan stated, “I just write the songs, but I can imagine adding the lyrics into your own song will be its own kind of magic.” Ashley watched him, seeing the firelight reflect in his glasses somewhat hid his dark gaze from her. “It's magic I admit I’m looking forward to.” 

Ashley pulled her gaze away from him, ducking her head, “Challenge accepted I guess.” 

Logan leaned down to put his guitar back in its case, as he snapped it shut, he stood. “Thank you for a fun evening. You’re lucky to have a family like this that you’ve chosen. I’m gonna go though, before I wear out my welcome.” 

Ashley stood with him, “I’ll walk you out to your car.” 

***

Joey had rounded up his girls to get them home to bed, and Chris and Karly had gone to join everyone else by the fire, but Justin stayed shooting the basketball on the court in the shadows of the yard. 

“Are you hiding out here, Superstar?” Justin smiled at Mackenzie’s voice behind him. He shot the ball and then turned around to face her with a smile. 

“I wasn’t doing a great job of hiding if you found me, Mack.” Justin moved to give the woman a hug. She’d started out as a tutor for him and Lance when they were trying to finish high school and tour the world at the same time. He didn’t think he could have done it without her, and then she’d become one of his best friends. She was right up there with his mama when it came to women he respected with all his heart. “Are you and Jace heading out?” 

“Yeah, we’re old now and it’s getting late for us.” She paused, “we thought we’d wait a minute before going out to the cars since Ashley headed out there with the date you set her up with.” 

“I didn’t set them up,” Justin rolled his eyes, “I’m providing her opportunities. She thought he was cute.” 

“He is cute,” Mackenzie assured him, “I’m just wondering why you’re playing her wingman and setting her up with other people.” 

“As opposed to…?” Justin let the question hang in the air between them. 

Mackenzie watched him closely for several long seconds, then asked, “Are you still in love with Britney?” 

“Mack,” Justin scoffed, managing to side-step the question. “Britney and I have been over for years.” 

“I know, but it didn’t really end well and I know you’ve dated some women-I’ve read all about it in People, but I just wasn’t sure.”

“Be sure,” Justin said with finality. “I’m married to my work, Mack.” 

She watched him for a long moment, long enough that Justin started to squirm under her intense gaze. “You are an absolute musical genius, Justin, you always have been, but you used to have a heart too. Maybe find that again.” 

“Wow,” Justin said, trying to keep from getting angry with her. “That’s a little cold.” 

Mackenzie threw her hands in the air, “Justin, you planned this whole evening for Ashley. You invited all of us, but I know it was for her.” 

“We’ve all been pretty shitty to her the last few months,” Justin growled, “Me included and Lance most of all. We’re all the family she’s got, so I figured we should show up for something.” 

Mackenzie softened, “that’s all I’m asking Justin. Show her you’ve got a heart by showing up.” 

As Mackenzie turned to walk away, Justin’s anger oozed out of him and he sighed, “She wants to quit, she wants to be done with music and with all of it. With all of us.” 

Mackenzie turned back around and took a step closer to him, “No Justin, not with us. There is a difference between us and this business. There’s even a difference between music and this business. Isn’t that what you and Britney first taught Ashley?”

Justin slumped down on the bench near the basketball court, his head in his hands. “I just…this industry destroyed Britney. What if it does the same to Ashley? I’m fighting this fight to keep her in this business, but what if I shouldn’t? What if it’s all my fault?” 

Mackenzie sat down beside him and wrapped her arms tightly around him for a long time, the comfort of her presence was one that Justin hated to admit that he needed. “As much as I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this, I’m going to say it anyway. Even though Ashley and Britney are sisters, Ashley is not her sister. Britney’s demons are her own to fight. And Ashley…well, once she knows what she wants, she’ll go after it.” 

Justin thought through the past few days he’d spent with Ashley, replaying their conversations and their time in the studio together. Mackenzie had once known Ashley better than almost anyone, of course, in the years since Ashley no longer needed a tutor, they hadn’t spent as much time together. Still, he knew she would understand the significance as he told her, “She played the violin yesterday for a record we’re working on. She was incredible, Mack. It’s for a song she wrote the lyrics for.” 

Mackenzie put a hand on either side of Justin’s face and made him look at her, “I think you’re doing the right thing with Ashley. Getting your mom involved is the best idea you’ve ever had. You listen to your mom and your heart and you’ll be fine. They’ve got you this far, right?” 

Justin couldn’t help but nod in agreement, “I’ve missed you, Mack. I think I’ve missed all of you as much as Ashley has.” 

“Careful,” she said, messing with his hair, “she’ll have you convinced an *Nsync reunion is a good idea.” 

Justin chuckled as they both stood to walk back and join the others. Ashley was back in with the group, curled on one of the couches with a blanket. He sat beside her and she leaned into his side as he put an arm around her. “Should we play them your new song?” 

He felt her stiffen at his suggestion, “which song?” 

Justin pulled out his phone and scrolled, finding the dance beat they’d recorded and sent it to the Bluetooth speaker, “This one.” 

Ashley smiled as they listened to their duet in full for the first time. “How come you got a digital copy and mine was on CD?” 

“If you don’t know the answer to that, I’m not going to tell you,” Justin teased. “Did you kiss him?” 

“I’m not going to tell you,” Ashley said loftily. “You always expect me to tell you more than you’ll tell me.” 

“Nice song,” Lance said from across the fire, watching the two of them with a curious glint in his light eyes. 

“This song is this week's progress report,” Justin told him, trying to keep his voice even. 

“I’ll take it,” Lance nodded. “You had a good idea to turn it into a duet. It’s got more life that way.” 

Mackenzie and JC said their goodbyes and their leaving seemed to trigger everyone else to start packing up as well. Once everyone had trickled out, Lynn kissed the top of Justin’s head and said good night, telling him to make sure the fire was out before he came to bed. 

Justin couldn’t see Ashley’s face as her head rested against his chest, so he wasn’t sure if she was sleeping or not. Given their track record, he knew it was a possibility, but he finally asked, “Are you awake?” 

She sighed and sat up, “yeah, just thinking. I can let you go to bed.” 

“No,” he assured her, “I just wondered. I feel like I hardly saw you today.” 

She turned into the corner of the couch so she could face him, and he couldn’t help but regret saying anything. He suddenly missed her curled against him. 

“Here I am,” she said with a shrug. “Tonight was fun, thank you for that.” 

“Did you have your relaxing day by the pool?” 

“I did, until your mom’s hard hitting homework questions gave me all sorts of anxiety.” 

“What kind of questions did she have for you?” Justin asked curiously. His mom was big on goals being a driving force, so he could imagine, but he didn’t know what would cause too much anxiety over goals. 

Ashley sighed, pulling her fingers through the ends of her hair, trying to pull the tangles out. He’d never seen her with hair so long and it was interesting to see how she interacted with it, it showed her moods more than anything, and this motion seemed to show she was thinking deeply about something. 

“I think,” Ashley said finally, her brow furrowed, “it was the ‘where do you want to be in ten years’ question that really got me. Ten years seems really incomprehensible to me right now.” 

“Maybe think about it backwards,” Justin suggested. 

Ashley met his gaze, confusion clouding her eyes, “I don’t think I get it.” 

 “Ashley, how long have we known each other?” Justin asked. 

“Ten years,” Ashley answered promptly, her eyes clearing. “I guess I kinda see. I wouldn’t have thought I’d be here where I am, ten years ago.” 

“Do you realize how much you have accomplished in those ten years?” Justin asked seriously, wanting her to recognize how far she had come. “Your successes, even your mistakes and failures all rolled into it, you’ve done some pretty amazing things and it’s okay to take credit for those things.” 

“So you’re saying that I can’t even begin to imagine where I’ll be in ten years?” 

He smiled at her innocent question, “if you could imagine it, where would you want to be in ten years?” 

She looked down and fidgeted with the sleeves of his sweatshirt she wore. She pulled her hands all the way into the sleeves and tucked her arms around herself as if fighting off the cold, “Do I have to say it out loud?” 

“Yes!” Justin said in exasperation, “we’re manifesting here.” 

She looked back up at him, biting her lip. He couldn’t tell if she was still thinking, or trying to hold her answer in. Finally, she spoke, “Nothing about my career has excited me in a long time. Not until you told me it could be different.”

He waited for her to continue, she took a deep breath and let it out, releasing the tight hold her arms had over her chest, then said in a rush, “I don’t necessarily want to become a movie star or totally reinvent myself. I’d like to hear the offers that people are making, I’d like the opportunity to voice a cartoon and write songs for a movie maybe. And this new part of me that wants to know more about the music I’m singing and recording. Yesterday,” she pulled a hand out of the sleeve and touched her heart, “Yesterday seemed to unlock that desire in me. When I played my violin, I…I felt like I found myself again.” 

Justin let her words sink in, he wanted to honor them without taking away from them, and so he waited for a long moment before he spoke. “I love that, and I think all of that is beautiful…But you could do all of that in six months; what about 10 years from now?” 

He was surprised to see a tear start down her cheek and she shook her head, “I’m not done; you’ve got me all over here in my feelings!” she insisted as she raised a sleeve to wipe at the tear. “I feel like I’m not allowed to wish for what I want.” 

“Why not?” He asked, confused. 

“Because, it’s taboo. I’ve been given the world and have so many opportunities that no one ever gets and I’m afraid that you-and others will think I’m just throwing it all away.”  

Ashley pushed off the blanket and stood, walking to the edge of the patio. She looked out into the darkness of the yard, he didn’t move, just watched her back and waited. Finally, she turned around again, he watched her so intently, he could see the tears shimmering in her brown eyes, and her lip started to tremble. 

When she did speak, her voice was soft and he had to learn forward to hear it, “Justin, I’ve had the world look up to me. I’ve sung the songs, I’ve put on the shows and I’ve been told by the world that I am a big deal.” She paused, then said even more softly, “But sometimes, I just want to be a big deal to just one other person.” 

“Ashley-” 

She closed her eyes and shook her head, “Don’t say it, J. It’s not you that I want to hear that from.” She took a breath, “and I don’t think that you can even understand what I’m saying; but this is what you need to hear. In ten years, I don’t think I still want to be doing this. I want to have a family, I want to be with that family all the time and not on the road. I want to sing lullabies and not love ballads.” She laughed softly, “that sounded better in my head.” 

She was right in one way, Justin didn’t understand what she was saying. His career had become so much a part of him that he had stopped dreaming of a future that included anything beyond his next projects. 

Justin stood and walked to her, she watched him warily as he took her arms and pulled the long sleeves back so that he could take her hands, “The way you say all of that makes me wish that I could want that too. You’re right, I don’t understand that vision…for me at least. But…I can see that for you.”

“You’re not disappointed that I don’t want to do music forever?” 

Justin shook his head, grateful for Mackenzie’s words from earlier, “That’s not what you said. I distinctly remember you mentioning lullabies, and that is a form of music. Your violin, you can’t give that up, that is music. You’re not giving up on music forever, you’re giving up on the industry that has worn you out; and that is okay.” 

Ashley nodded slowly, “I’ll do this last album like Lance requested.” 

“Make it your love letter to the world and yourself. Use this album to write the songs in your heart. Use it to find out who you are and then go be that person.” 

He pulled her into a hug then, amazed at how open she had been with him and that he hadn’t seen that right in front of him. 

“Justin?” She said into his chest and he pulled her back so he could see her face.  

“If we’re still manifesting, can I add one more thing to my list?” 

He laughed, “It’s your list, bring it on.” 

Her eyes suddenly sparkled as she looked up at him, “In ten years time, I want to say that I’ve been to the *Nsync reunion tour.” 

Justin rolled his eyes and pulled her into another hug, “If it ever happens, I’ll give you backstage passes.” 

They stood like that for a long moment, Justin processing her words, “That’s something that the world hasn’t figured out about you yet, Ashley.” 

She pulled back to look at him, her brow furrowed, “What do you mean?” 

“They haven’t realized that they should be afraid of you, because once you figure out what you want, you’ll go after it with all your heart. You’re not like everyone else. You don’t throw your heart around recklessly. You wait because you know what you want, and then you go all in.”