July 2003
Last I left off, Justin had completely lost his mind and I was trying very hard to get mine back. I suppose the thing that most people want to know is how Justin got me to sleep with him again. Our relationship had crashed and burned, leaving a huge pile of smoking wreckage behind. One would think that it would have taken some sort of extraordinary circumstances for me to let him back in my bed. Sadly, that wasn’t true. Pretty much all he had to do was show up, talk a little bit of shit and wait for me to give it up. The first slip up created a tried and true formula that worked every last time.
Justin & Kayla’s Recipe for Shame On It All - You’ll Be Sorry In The Morning - Ex Sex:
Ingredients
Two fools
A heaping helping of lust
Liberal dash of aggression
One bag of unresolved issues
Add a pinch of denial
A little shredded dysfunction
Sprinkle with liquor (optional, but always helpful)
Strain out all the common sense
Shake and serve
Despite the fact that Justin and I were supposed to be broken up, our bonds, both physical and emotional remained firmly intact.
We were obsessed with each other and the fact that we continued to sleep together seemed less like a shock and more like an inevitability.
It was bound to happen.
******************************************************************************
Since I had left Los Angeles with little more than the clothes that Jonah and I had on our backs, Justin had Mari pack up our belongings and ship them to me. Then Rachel, Brian and JC helped me and Jonah move into our new home. I devoted ridiculous amounts of time to looking at color swatches and carpet samples. I needed something to help me keep my mind off of Justin and mixing paint and picking out wallpaper was as good as anything else.
It was weird being in that house at first because I had never lived on my own before. I had gone from my aunt’s house, to living with my highschool sweetheart, Jeff (another absolutely hideous relationship that doesn’t even warrant discussion at the moment) to living with Rachel and then I had moved in with Justin.
I had never felt so alone before.
My mother and I had completely fallen out at that point. She just didn’t understand why I couldn’t give Justin another chance and I couldn’t understand how she could ask me to. Rachel had just gotten a promotion at the ad agency where she worked, so she was busier than before. And on top of that, Brian had proposed and they were planning a wedding for the summer of 2004. She simply did not have the time for any more hand holding.
JC would have been there as often as I wanted him to be, but that just didn’t seem like a good idea. Even back then I could tell what sort of relationship he really wanted to have with me, but at that point I still had the common sense not to encourage him.
I could have gotten a job or gone out and tried to make some more friends, but I convinced myself that Jonah needed me at home all the time. How many single mothers get the opportunity to stay at home with their children? I told myself that I was lucky to have the chance. The truth is, I was too depleted to go out. Trying to get over Justin was like trying to kick a serious drug habit. I needed time to detox and get him out of my system before I could resume anything that even resembled a normal life.
Little did I know, I would be having major relapse and I would be having it pretty soon.
******************************************************************************
As we had discussed earlier, I had told Justin that it would be okay for him to come visit when the Stripped/Justified tour came to Atlanta. His schedule wouldn’t allow for him to come any earlier, so he told me he would be over on Saturday, which was the day of the concert. He moved some things around so that he could be with me and Jonah all afternoon until it was time to go to sound check.
I was disappointed when I saw him. It was immature and petty, but I wanted him to be as sad and raggedy looking as he’d been when he’d shown up on Rachel and Brian’s doorstep back in May. I wanted some visual proof that he was miserable without me. No such luck. He was fresh and oh so clean. His hair had been recently cut, carefully groomed stubble adorned his face and a golden tan was gracing his perpetually flawless skin. He was wearing a green t shirt, khaki cargo pants and green suede pumas. He was also sporting a big ass Kool-Aid grin like he didn’t have a care in the world.
I was wearing baggy sweats, my hair was in a sloppy bun and I had practically forgotten how to put on makeup. Granted, it was nobody’s fault but my own that I’d let myself go, but still. There I was looking like who did it and why, while he was profiling like a damn model. I was slightly pissed before he even opened his mouth.
“You look good, Kay.”
“Cut the crap, Justin.” I stood aside and let him come in the house. Jonah’s face lit up as soon as Justin stepped into the living room. Justin picked Jonah up and hugged him. “You miss me?”
Jonah gave Justin a big smile and said, “No,” in the most cheerful voice. Justin cut his eyes at me. “What have you been telling him?”
“Don’t get your panties twisted. “No” is Jonah’s new favorite word. Ask him a question and he’ll say no. He doesn’t really know what he’s saying, he just thinks it’s funny.”
“Oh.”
I turned and headed for the patio. “The weather’s nice. I figure we can have lunch outside.”
Justin started dragging his feet and grinning. “You cooked?”
“You can save your sorry jokes because I ordered the food. Although I did add an extra special ingredient to yours.”
“Rat poison?”
“According to my research, arsenic is harder to trace.”
“You’re still funny.”
“And you’re still a. . .”
He cut me off and hoisted Jonah up in front of him. “Not in front of the b-a-b-y.” I buttoned my lip because the one thing that Justin and I had agreed on was that we wouldn’t say nasty things about each other in front of Jonah. Even though he was too young to understand the words, we didn’t want him to pick up on the hostility behind the words.
Justin followed me outside and got Jonah settled into his highchair. He seemed fascinated by the fact that Jonah could already hold his own sippy cup and feed himself. He made a little bit of a mess, but he was coming along really well for a child his age.
After we finished eating, I cleaned up while Justin played with Jonah in the living room. By the time I came out of the kitchen, they were sitting across from each other on the floor, rolling a ball back and forth between them.
Justin looked up at me and smiled when I entered the room. “I can’t believe that he can feed himself already. What else has he been doing?”
“His vocabulary is getting bigger everyday and he talks a lot. I think we’ve got a chatterbox on our hands. If I give him a crayon and a piece of paper, he can make squiggly lines. And watch this.”
I walked over to Justin and sat down beside him. I stretched my arms out towards Jonah and made a beckoning gesture. “Jonah, can you come here?”
“No.” But he leaned over, put his hands on the floor and pushed himself up into a standing position. His steps were wobbly, but he slowly started making his way over to Justin and me.
The look on Justin’s face was indescribable. He looked excited, proud and terrified all at the same time. He spoke to me without ever taking his eyes off Jonah. “How long has he been doing this?”
“Just a couple of weeks.” Jonah stumbled and Justin stood up to go and get him, but I took his hand and pulled him back. “He’s okay.”
Justin reluctantly sat back down. “Isn’t he gonna fall?”
“He might, but falling is a part of learning to walk. You can’t swoop in every time he missteps; you’ll just make him nervous. Besides, he usually falls straight back onto his behind and he’s got plenty of padding back there. He’ll be fine.”
After a few more shaky steps Jonah finally made his way over to us and plopped down on the floor. He balled his hands into little fists and rubbed his eyes. “Sleepy.” Then his mouth stretched open into a wide unabashed yawn.
“Okay.” It was only when I tried to stand up, that I realized I was still holding Justin’s hand. Seems like that’s when he noticed it too and we abruptly pulled our fingers apart.
Justin jumped up and grabbed Jonah. “Can I take him?”
“Sure. His room. . .”
“There’s only three bedrooms back there. I’m sure I can figure it out.”
Justin came back about five minutes later and sat down on the sofa. “Did you. . .?”
Justin cut me off. “I turned on the monitor and gave him his giraffe.”
“Sorry, I’m not trying to second guess you.”
“It’s okay.”
“Alright.” And just like that, all of our conversation dried up. It had been easier when Jonah was there because we had him to focus on, but left on our own, Justin and I didn’t know what to say to each other. Not that there wasn’t plenty to say. We just didn’t know how to say it. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Sure.”
“Do you want a beer?”
“No. I don’t drink before a show. I get loaded afterwards, but not before.”
We shared a nervous laugh. “Of course. How could I forget?”
“A bottle of water would be fine.”
“Okay. One water coming right up.” I went into the kitchen and dawdled around for a little bit, but I was just wasting time. Having Justin there was starting to make me nervous. The majority of our time together was usually spent taking care of Jonah, having sex or arguing. Jonah was asleep, sex was out of the question (or so I thought at the time) and we seemed to be getting along fairly well. I was stumped as to how we were going to spend the rest of the afternoon.
I need not have worried though, the arguing was right around the corner.
I went back to the living room, handed Justin the bottle of water and sat down in the armchair. He looked a little bit hurt that I hadn’t sat down next to him, but he didn’t say anything about it.
He put the bottle down without even opening it. He leaned back against the sofa and twiddled his thumbs. I mean he literally twiddled his thumbs. He looked up suddenly and smiled at me when he saw that I was watching him. “Before I forget, I want to know if it’s alright for Melanie to have your number. She keeps asking about you.”
“That’s cool. I’d like to hear from her.”
“Good. Maybe that will get her and the rest of the crew off my back a little bit. Practically every female that works for me is threatening to beat my ass. They’re accusing me of dogging you out.”
My lips automatically swerved to the side. “Where on earth could they have gotten a silly idea like that?”
“I always loved that sarcastic sense of humor.” Justin finally cracked open the water I gave him and took a sip. “I need to ask you a favor.”
Of all the freaking nerve. “Humph.” I folded my arms across my chest and leaned back in the chair.
“It’s not anything big, I just want you to tape Jonah for me. It’s just been a couple of months and I feel like I’ve already missed so much. I don’t want to miss anything else.”
That seemed like a reasonable request, so I let my guard down. “That’s a good idea.”
“I was also thinking that maybe I could send you some footage of me. You know, award shows, interviews, stuff like that.”
“For what?”
“I want you to play them for Jonah. He’s still so young, I worry that he’ll forget what I look like and what my voice sounds like.”
“I was going to do that anyway. I won’t let him forget you.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to keep thanking me.”
“I know. It’s just that considering the circumstances, you’re being really nice to me.”
“I’m not being nice for your benefit. I want Jonah to have a good relationship with you. I’m not interested in having a lot of baby-mama drama. That’s not me.”
“I know that.” He held his head down and looked at me from the corner of his eye. “Is there anything that you and Jonah need?”
“No.”
“Is there enough money in your account? I can give you more if you need it.”
“I don’t need money. I’ve already got plenty. The only thing I really need is something I already know you can’t give me.” He guiltily averted his gaze and for some bizarre reason, I actually felt bad for making him feel bad. We sat there for a few minutes. Not saying anything and not looking at each other.
Eventually my inner masochist got the best of me. “I saw some pictures of you and Cameron leaving some nightclub. Looks like you’re getting along with her okay.”
Justin cut his eyes at me. “If you can’t be with the one you love- you know how the rest of that saying goes, don’t you?”
“Don’t do that.”
“It is, what it is, Kay.”
“Can we just change the subject?”
“You’re the one that brought it up.”
“Yes, I did. I shouldn’t have and now I just want to drop it.”
“Not a problem.” He stretched his arms across the back of the sofa and took a look around. “I meant to tell you earlier that the house looks great. You’ve got amazing taste.”
“In everything except for men.”
He met my gaze head on and smirked at me. “I could not agree more.”
I certainly hadn’t expected that sort of response. “What do you mean by that?”
“Is this really the way you want to play it? Pretending not to know what I’m talking about?”
“I don’t have to pretend. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He squinted his eyes and sucked his teeth. “Fine. Forget I said anything. If you’re happy, I guess that’s all that matters.”
“Happy?” I practically spit the word out. “Do I seem particularly happy to you?”
He finally looked up and let his eyes roam across my face. “Not really.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“Just forget it. I don’t want to argue with you.”
“I don’t want to argue with you either.”
Justin sucked the corner of his bottom lip into his mouth, chewed on it for a second and then let it go. That was usually a sign that he was debating whether or not to say what he was thinking about saying. “Kay, I’ve been thinking about something.”
“I thought I smelled smoke.”
“I’m trying to be serious. I’ve been thinking about us.”
“You can stop straining your poor little brain because there is no us.”
“I know that. I also know that it’s mostly my fault.” I wanted to ask him what he meant by mostly, but he kept on full steam ahead. “I tried to make a commitment to you that I wasn’t ready to make. Obviously, neither one of us was mature enough to have the kind of relationship that we were trying to have.”
“Do you have a point?”
“I’m getting there.” He got up and came over to me, perching himself on the arm of my chair. “Just because the living together thing didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean that we have to give up altogether. I was thinking that maybe we could try something else.”
I knew I was about to hear something real extra. “Something like what?” Justin leaned in closer to me and I scooted to the opposite corner of the chair.
“Maybe we could have an open relationship.”
I laughed until I choked. I had heard some serious bull from Justin over the course of the two years I’d known him, but that mess right there took the cake.
“I thought that’s what we were having. You’ve been wide open since day one. That was the problem.”
“Can you stop cracking jokes and really listen to what I’m saying? We could see other people, but we could still see each other too. How does that sound?”
“I’ll tell you how that sounds. It sounds like you want me to give you the thumbs up to sleep with lots of other women, but you want to leave the door open so that when you get that old familiar itch you can come and knock me off too.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Well that’s what I heard.”
“This isn’t just about sex and it’s not just about me. You could see whoever you wanted.”
“That’s a lie and you know it. You are one of the most jealous, possessive people that I’ve ever known in my life. If you found out I was even thinking about seeing some other guy, you’d shit a two ton brick.”
“I can control my temper if it would mean that I could still be with you.”
“Sure. By the way, what does Ms. Dumbass think about all this open relationship nonsense?”
Justin got that typical shifty look. “I haven’t talked to her yet, but I know that she won’t care. We’re not even that serious.”
“I’ve got to hand it to her. That old broad is hustling you nearly as well as you hustled me. You are truly out of your mind if you think that ball buster is going to be okay about you dating me and her at the same time.”
“Cameron don’t run nothing here. I do whatever I want and she doesn’t say anything about it.” I just shook my head at him. For someone that thought he had things all figured out, Justin could be surprisingly naive at times. Obviously, he had no idea what he was getting himself into.
“I’ve got news for you. Cameron is putting on an act. Giving you everything you want and letting you have your way. I bet she even gave you that threesome that you couldn’t ever talk me into.” Justin didn’t say anything, but the flicker of guilt in his eyes let me know that I was right. “She’s letting you think that everything is all fun and games, but as soon as you get good and comfortable, she’s going to lock the chains on you. You won’t be able to go to the bathroom without her permission.”
He considered what I was saying for all of two seconds before dismissing it completely. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Kay. You’ve only met her one time.”
“Once was more than enough to figure out what she’s all about. But you don’t have to believe me. You’ll find out soon enough for yourself.”
“Can we please just focus on the topic at hand? Don’t you see that this might be the best thing for us? I miss you and I know that you miss me too. I’m just trying to figure out some way that we could still see each other.”
“Bullshit. You can see me every time you come to visit Jonah, so let’s not pretend that’s what this is about. You don’t want to see me. You don’t want to talk to me. You don’t want to spend any time with me. You just want to be able to still sleep with me and I’m telling you right now that it ain’t happening.” Little did I know that I’d be eating those words in the near future. The very near future.
“You’re taking this the wrong way.”
“How was I supposed to take it?” He opened his mouth to respond, but I waved him off. “I hate to disappoint you, but did you really expect for me to jump for joy at the prospect of being demoted from live-in girlfriend to catch it when you can- jump off?”
“You’re deliberately misinterpreting what I’m saying.”
“No I’m not.” The more I thought about what he’d said, the less amused I became. I was the mother of his child and he had no more respect for me than if I was some common groupie. I was sick of looking at him. “Get out.”
“Excuse me?” His face scrunched up so tight that his eyebrows met in the middle of his forehead.
“You heard what I said. Get out of this house. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You show up here under the pretense of wanting to see Jonah and then you hit me with this off the wall shit. Just get out.”
He seemed genuinely surprised that I wasn’t buying the crap that he was selling. “I’m just trying to give you what you want.”
“What makes you think that this is what I want? How dare you come at me like this? Acting like you’d be doing me a favor by throwing some dick my way every now and then.”
Justin did what he always did when he couldn’t have his way with me. He decided to get nasty. “It is a favor. I don’t need it.”
“Of course not, Fido. You’ve got a petrified bag of bones at your disposal when you want something to hump.”
“Fido?” His voice was dripping with indignation. “So, I’m a dog?”
“Is that even up for debate?”
“If I’m a dog, I guess we both know what that makes you.”
“Say it and I will knock you clear into next week.”
“This is some bullshit.”
“You took the words right out of my mouth. Why don’t you get the hell on like I told you to do in the first place?”
“I’m going, but let’s get one thing straight. I’m leaving because I have to leave anyway. Don’t think for one second that you can put me out of this house.”
“Is that some sort of threat?”
“It’s not a threat, it’s a fact. You can’t make me leave this house.”
“Why did I think that you could be mature about this? You begged to be able to see Jonah and then you want to act like a spoiled brat. You’re disgusting.”
“Whatever.”
Naturally, it wasn’t funny to me at the time, but thinking about it now it hits me how absolutely ridiculous our arguments were. We did everything except for trade “yo mama” jokes. I always liked to peg Justin as the immature one, but to be honest, we were both operating on a fifth grade level. Two children pretending to be adults and doing a lousy job of it.
Justin stomped toward the door, mumbling and fussing the whole way and I was right behind him doing the same thing. He opened the door and I shoved him outside onto the steps. I think he was contemplating sticking his foot out there, but he had learned about that the hard way.
I slammed the door before he could say another word.
******************************************************************************
A couple of hours after Justin left, Melanie called me. Melanie Benz was one of Justin’s back up dancers. She was the one with the big bushel of blonde curls. She had intimidated me when I first met her. Frankly, all of Justin’s dancers had been intimidating when I first met them. Four gorgeous, flexible women that spent the majority of their time rubbing their behinds against my boyfriend’s crotch. What woman in her right mind wouldn’t have been intimidated by that? But once I got to know them, they were surprisingly friendly and down to earth.
I got along with all of them fairly well, but Melanie and I clicked the best. I admired her take no bull attitude. She had a quick wit, a smart mouth and never minded telling anybody, Justin included, to kiss her ass.
Melanie got me caught up on some industry gossip and then invited me to go out with her and a few of the other dancers. It always amazed me that they could spend ninety minutes sweating and dancing their asses off and then when they had the chance to rest and unwind, they went out to a club and danced some more.
“Come on, girl. When’s the last time you’ve gone anywhere?”
“I don’t know. I’m not really up to it and I don’t have a babysitter for Jonah.”
“You need to get out of the house, Kay. I know you can find somebody to watch JoJo for a few hours.”
“I’m not sure.”
“Sky’s gonna be there.” She dropped that information with a smirk in her tone.
“Is that supposed to sweeten the pot?”
“Don’t front. You know you want to see him and he’s dying to see you. Please, say you’ll come.”
“I’ll call Rachel.” Melanie started shrieking excitedly in my ear. “Calm down. I’ll call her and if she can watch Jonah, I’ll hang out with y’all tonight. But only for a little while.”
“Okay.”
“Are you absolutely sure that Justin won’t be there? I don’t want to have to deal with him.”
“I’m positive.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“You’ve got to do better than that, Mel.”
Mel hesitated before saying anything else. “Cameron’s here and he’s going to be hanging out with her after the show. The delightful Ms. Diaz is too good to party with some lowly dancers so I can assure you that they will be going somewhere else. You will not have to look at JT’s narrow behind tonight. I promise.”
I was dying for a night out. After the snow job that Justin had tried to blow over on me, it felt good to get out of the house and pretend that he didn’t exist for a little while.
I took Jonah over to Rachel’s place and she helped me get ready. She did my makeup and helped me with my hair. It had grown past my shoulders, but I hadn’t had it styled or trimmed in months. She hooked me up with a nice blunt cut and helped flat iron it. I borrowed a white beaded baby doll top with spaghetti straps from her. I wore the top with a black mini skirt that had just the right amount of flare when I moved and a pair bejeweled sandals with a three inch heel. I was looking pretty good, if I do say so myself.
Melanie had left my name at the door so that I would be escorted to the VIP section as soon as I got to the club. Everyone greeted me excitedly as soon as they saw me. It was only after seeing them that I realized how much I’d missed everyone.
“Melly Mel, what’s up girl?”
She threw her arms around my waist and gave me a squeeze. “Kayla, I’m so glad you came.”
“You were right, I deserve a night out. Especially after the day I had.” I hugged Michele and Nicole then I looked around for the rest of the crew. “Where’s everybody else?”
Mel sat down and tapped the ash off her cigarette. “Kelly stayed at the hotel. Her old ass was tired.”
“Y’all need to leave that woman alone.”
The rest of the girls were forever making fun of Kelly. She wasn’t that much older than them, but she was the veteran among that crew and a complete professional. No matter who was doing what, she always went straight to the hotel and went to bed. She would not have been caught dead hanging out a club at one o’clock in the morning.
“Anyway. I don’t know where Maryss and Eddie went. Those two must think we’re all stupid, everybody knows they’re sleeping together, but they still feel the need to sneak around. Roger is doing his own thing with some leftover he picked up backstage and Marty and Sky are at the bar.” As soon as the words left her mouth I could see Marty and Sky coming our way, their hands full of glasses.
Marty and I exchanged a lukewarm greeting. He was an alright guy, but Marty was a card carrying member of the “Justin Can Do No Wrong” fan club. It was no secret whose side of the breakup line he came down on.
Sky, on the other hand, was my boy. He was cool as hell, had a killer sense of humor and he wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes either. Melanie was convinced that he had a thing for me, but had never made a move out of respect for Justin. I didn’t know about all that, but he did seem happy to see me.
“Let me look at you.” He took my hand and pulled me up from the booth. His eyes swept up and down the length of my body and he let out a low whistle. “Justin was a fool to let you get away.”
Melanie, Nicole and Michele started coughing and making noises. I threw a nasty look over my shoulder in an attempt to shut them up, but they just got louder. Sky tugged on my hand to get my attention. “Don’t pay any mind to the peanut gallery. Can I get you a drink?”
“Vodka and Cranberry juice would be great.”
“Be right back.”
Mel elbowed me in the side as soon as I sat down. “Told you.”
“Don’t go there.”
Michele reached across the table and patted my hand. “Girl, we just want you to know that Justin is in the doghouse with us. We have been clowning his ass 24/7 about the way he did you. Trifling asshole.”
“Asshole or not, Justin is the person that signs your paycheck. Don’t get into any trouble on my account.”
Mel pushed a handful of frizzy blonde curls away from her forehead. “Justin knows better than to get buck with me. I would beat his tired, bony ass.” She probably could have done it too. Mel was a buff chick.
Nicole slammed her glass down on the table. “Speaking of tired, bony asses, what the hell is up with that scarecrow he calls himself dating? I can’t stand that bitch. She’s always saying slick shit, then she laughs and pretends that she wasn’t trying to insult you.”
“Can we talk about something else? No offense but I’m not trying to hear anything else about either one of them tonight.”
“You ain’t said nothing but a word.” Mel took a drag off her cigarette and blew a smoke ring into the air. “Fuck JT and that scrawny bitch he’s rolling with.”
Apparently Marty had heard all the Justin bashing that he could take. He slid out of the booth and walked away without a word. We all looked at each other and busted out laughing.
Sky came back with my drink, slid into the booth next to me and didn’t leave my side for the rest of the night. As the evening wore on, everybody at the table got louder, drunker and looser. Especially me. I was a total lightweight and after just a few drinks, I was like, “Justin who?”
When Crazy in Love came on, we climbed onto the seat of our booth and started dancing up there. Michele and Nicole were trying to teach me how to drop it like Beyonce did in the video and I was having a ball. Little did I know that my fun was about to come to an abrupt end and a more appropriate song could not have been playing.
Sky had his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me steady so that my tipsy behind didn’t tip over. It was all good until I heard a hush fall over the crowd. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, because I knew who had entered the club before I even looked. I hesitantly turned around and saw Mike clearing a path for Trace, Justin and Christina Aguilera. Marty popped up from out of nowhere and went to greet them.
I immediately turned to Melanie. Paranoia was running rampant in my drunken state and I came to the conclusion that she had set me up. “How could you do this to me? You promised that he wouldn’t be here.”
“I swear I didn’t know that he was coming.” She looked just as surprised as I felt. “You know I wouldn’t play you out like that.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Hold on. Maybe he’s not staying. Just let me find out what’s going on.” I tried to fade into the background as I watched her go get the scoop from Trace. She knew he would tell her. He had a crush on her for one thing and a big ass mouth for another. Mel came back about five minutes later.
“Apparently, Justin and Cameron got into a fight. She got pissed when she found out that he went to see you without telling her. He told her that he didn’t need her permission to do a damn thing. They cursed each other out and Cameron hopped the next flight to LA. Justin was going to hang out with Trace until somebody,” Mel cut her eyes at Marty, “called and told him that you were here. Christina was headed this way, so they decided to tag along.”
“That’s it, I’m out of here.”
“Wait a damn minute. So what if he’s here? Just ignore his simple ass.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Yes it is. You’re a grown ass woman and you need to start acting like it. You have the right to be anywhere you want to be. You can’t let him have this kind of power over you.”
Melanie definitely had a point. I was debating whether or not to stay, but then Justin spotted me and it didn’t make much of a difference. It was one thing to sneak out before he saw me, but there was no way I’d let him have the satisfaction of seeing me run out of the place.
Justin stood a few feet away, but the way he stared made me feel like he was right in front of me. I was waiting for him to approach me and start clowning, but he didn’t. He looked at me for a few more seconds and then his eyes went dead. It was like he’d never seen me before in his life. He stopped by our booth on the way to his and made it a point to speak to everyone that was sitting there, except for me. This was just the start of his ridiculously juvenile behavior.
Justin, Marty, Christina and Trace slid into the booth across from where I was sitting. Justin took the seat that put him at the best advantage to watch my every move while simultaneously pretending not to know that I existed. Every so often, I would look up and catch him staring at me. Once he knew he had my attention, he would lean over to Christina and whisper something in her ear, she would throw her head back in laughter or playfully push him away, then he would glance back at me to see if his antics were getting a reaction.
I figured two could play that game. I slid over so close to Sky that I was practically sitting in his lap. I kept touching his arm and giggling at everything he said. Justin was pouring glass after glass of Hennessy down his throat and getting angrier by the second. He clenched his jaw every time Sky touched me.
‘My Love is Like Woah’ pumped through the speakers and Sky asked me to dance. I grinded on him like it was going out of style. I rested my back against Sky’s chest and reached my arms around to caress his neck. The DJ must have been on my side, because Mya’s cut melted right into R. Kelly crooning about sticking keys in ignitions. I put my back into it like a stripper working the pole. Sky spun me around in his arms and helped himself to a heaping handful of my ass. By the time we got through dancing and sat down, Justin’s face was so red that I thought he was going to burst into flames.
Not one to be outdone, Justin pulled Christina out onto the dance floor when Dirrty started playing. He and Christina proceeded to put on the most shameful display of freaky dancing I’d ever seen in my life. I took a sip of my drink as I watched them in utter disgust. I started making loud and nasty comments about Justin, Christina and the dirty dancing they were doing together.
Melanie and Sky exchanged a look and then she wrested the glass out of my hand. “I think you’ve had enough, Kay.” I let the glass go because I knew that she was right. I had switched from cranberry juice and vodka to straight vodka a while back. I was straight up pickled.
After Christina got tired of backing it up on Justin, he parked himself in the middle of three random hoes and had a dance floor orgy to the accompaniment of Li’l Kim rapping about 50 Cent’s ‘Magic Stick’. I had officially seen enough. Justin’s behavior and the alcohol I’d been swilling had me feeling nauseous.
I should have known better than to indulge in Justin’s games. I couldn’t out drink him and I couldn’t out manipulate him either. The only thing I was succeeding at was making a fool of myself.
I went to the ladies room to collect my thoughts and straighten up. I dampened a paper towel with some cool water and patted my face down. I was leaning against the counter with my eyes closed, when I heard someone else come in. When I opened my eyes, Christina Aguilera was standing next to me.
Xtina’s dirrty days were in full swing and her outfit, or lack thereof, was interesting to say the least. She had on a frayed denim mini skirt that could not have been more than an inch long, knee high black leather boots and a scarf was tied around her chest, masquerading as a shirt. Her hair was black at the time and that just made her blue eyes seem almost fluorescent. She was small in stature, but she projected the aura of an Amazon.
“How you doing?”
I glanced briefly in her direction and gave her a faint smile. “I’m fine.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
She leaned toward the mirror as though she was checking her makeup, and I thought that she was done talking to me. I reapplied my lipstick and smoothed down my hair. I was doing my best to pretend that she wasn’t standing there, which was working out fine until she spoke again.
“I don’t want him.”
I had been talking loud and clowning, but I didn’t think she had even noticed me. I decided to play dumb in the hopes that she would leave me alone. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She looked at me sideways and smirked. “I’m talking about JT. You don’t look like the typical delusional groupie and you seem pretty tight with his crew. I figure that you and him must have something going on. I can’t think of any other reason why you’ve been looking at me like you want to snatch me bald headed.”
“Justin isn’t anything to me, so I couldn’t care less about what kind of relationship you have with him.”
She gave me a surprisingly sympathetic look and continued talking. “Me and JT flirt, but it’s just for shits and giggles. Me and him, we don’t get down like that. Never have, never will. He’s cool to hang with, but I wouldn’t get involved with him for love or money. That boy is a head case.”
“I don’t know why you’re telling me this. I’ve already told you that I don’t care.”
“That’s what you’re saying but the vibe you’re giving off is something else entirely. Besides, he’s been staring at you just as much as you’ve been staring at him. I don’t know what you two have got going on and I don’t care, I just want you to stop throwing those shady looks my way. You dig?”
“Did Justin send you in here to harass me?”
“Damn, chica. Do you listen? Justin did not send me in here. I came of my own free will because I want to make sure that there aren’t any misunderstandings. I don’t want to be in the middle of whatever drama you two have cooking.”
“If you didn’t want to be in the middle, you should have stayed where you were and minded your own business, instead of coming in here and offering up your opinion on things that you know nothing about.”
“You’re right. I don’t know anything about you and Justin, but I do know this. You’re going about this whole thing the wrong way.”
“Why are you still talking to me?”
“I’m trying to give you some much needed advice. Anyone with eyes can see that you’re sprung off of that fool.”
Girl had nerve and a half. Trying to read my situation after knowing me for less than five minutes. Of course she had read the situation correctly, but still, I didn’t appreciate the way she was coming at me. “Why exactly should I be taking advice from a stranger?”
“Strangers usually give the best advice. I don’t care one way or the other, so all I can do is speak the truth. If you keep letting Justin clown you and play these little head games, you can forget about ever having his respect. And if you don’t have his respect, you don’t have anything.”
Sound advice and all true, so of course I was not trying to hear it. “Can you just go away?”
“Suit yourself, chica. But you’re signing up for a whole lot of heartache.” She checked her reflection out one more time and then turned to walk away. “By the way, I gave this same advice to Britney. She ignored me too and look where it got her.” Christina flounced out the door, leaving me alone with my scattered thoughts.
My head was pounding for more reasons than one. I closed my eyes again and tried to clear my mind. I heard the door open, so I looked up. What did I see reflected to me by the mirror but Justin, strolling into the ladies room casual as you please like he was supposed to be in there.
My life had turned into a waking nightmare. One horror after the other. “I need to talk to you , Kayla.”
“I’m not interested in anything you have to say.” I walked right by him and moved towards the door. I was actually surprised when he didn’t even try to stop me, but I soon found out why he didn’t. When I tried to push the door open, it wouldn’t budge. I pushed a few more times before the door swung open from the other side and I found myself eye to chest with a big wall of flesh. I looked up to find Mike grinning at me.
“Hey, Kayla. How you been baby girl?” This fool was holding me hostage and had the nerve to be conversational. I was not even trying to chit chat with his big, goofy ass.
“Mike, let me out of here.”
The friendly look dropped away and his fierce bodyguard mask popped up. “Sorry, can’t do that.” Then he pulled the door shut.
I turned around and the smart aleck grin on Justin’s face was completely unsurprising. He hopped up onto the counter and made himself at home. “Are you gonna listen to me now?”
I pressed my lips tightly together and folded my arms across my chest.
“Kay, I’m not letting you go until I’ve said what I need to say, so you might as well stop acting childish.”
“You’re accusing me of acting childish? You have got some nerve.” I went over to a stall. My plan was to go inside, lock the door and wait Justin out. But he was way ahead of me.
“Don’t think you can hide from me. If you go into that stall, I will get down on the floor and crawl in there with you. So unless you want to be trapped with me in that tiny little space, don’t do it.”
He might have been bluffing, but at the rate he’d been putting the booze away he was just drunk enough to crawl around on the bathroom floor. “What do you want Justin?”
“I want to know what you hoped to prove by grinding your ass all over Sky. Was that shit really supposed to make me jealous? Cause if that was your intention, you failed miserably.”
“If you’re not jealous, why are you even in here? Don’t tell me that your game is so raggedy that you need to trap a woman against her will to get a little time alone.”
“Don’t concern yourself with my game, sweetheart. It’s always been tight enough for me to get whatever I wanted out of you. We’re in here because the way you’re hanging all over Sky is pathetic. You’re deliberately trying to disrespect me and I’m telling you right now that it’s gonna stop.”
“You must be out of your rabid mind. You can’t tell me what to do. I like Sky and if I want to dance with him that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“You like Sky, huh? How would you like for his ass to be unemployed? I’ve got one more time to see him with his hands all over you and he will walk. You understand me?”
“You wouldn’t.”
He licked his lips and gave me a slick grin. “I think we both know that I would.”
“Sky is a friend of yours and he’s a great dancer. You seriously mean to tell me that you would fire him in the middle of a tour just because of petty jealousy? That’s pitiful.”
“Call it whatever you want. I’m just telling you how it’s gonna be. Sky ain’t all that anyway. He can be easily replaced. One phone call and I can have my boy Kevin dancing in Sky’s place at the next show.”
Yeah, he meant that Kevin. “Kevin? That lazy ass, weed head? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“No, I’m not kidding and you know that I’m not kidding.”
“What is this really about Justin? Aren’t you the same asshole that was telling me that we should have an open relationship? How can you trip off of me dancing with someone when just this afternoon you said that you’d be perfectly okay with me dating other men?”
“I said other men, as in men that I don’t know. Not my so-called friends. Although, I don’t even know why I’m surprised.” He slid off the counter and came towards me. “I’ve said all I’ve got to say. Now, I think it’s time for you to leave. You’ve had too much to drink and you’re making a spectacle of yourself. You need to go home, take a nice long bath and get in bed.”
He knocked his fist against the door three times. I guess that was Mike’s cue, because the door opened up. Justin breezed out, just as nonchalantly as he had breezed in.
For all the crap he’d just spewed, he was right about one thing. It was time for me to go home.
