Graduation had come and went and I was ignoring the calls and the texts from Justin, I just didn’t want to deal with it yet and I didn’t understand why, maybe I had moved on.

Though just thinking about our relationship brought a smile to my face, though in all honest did I love him, like he loved me. Was I worthy of that?

Sitting in the living room of my mom’s house a little further towards San Diego than my apartment I flipped through the channels for the millionth time.

“You ok,” My mom asked obliviously annoyed with my inability to stay on one channel for very long.

“I don’t know,” I said looking at the remote and fingering the buttons but not changing the channel.

“Come here,” she said patting the couch she was on, making me get up from the other and sit next to her I placed my head on her shoulder.

“Does this have to do with a certain Timberlake,” she asked.

I nodded not really sure how to word what I was feeling or thinking at the time, or if I even was.

“How do you know when something is more than a crush,” I asked softly.

“Love is tricky but here is something I’ve realized, if your willing to let someone take care of you; mind, heart, and soul, than its love. If your not its usually just a crush,” she told me.

It reminded me of what Justin had said that day back when I tried to ignore him.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet,” I said.

“Now Christine, I know you’re a very independent women, and I’m proud of how strong you are but don’t you think you should listen to your heart and to Justin’s for that matter before you come to that conclusion,” she questioned making me look up at her.

I took a gulp, “If he hasn’t already given up on me,” I said softly.

“If it’s meant to be it will be there, like it always has,” she told me.

Making a face at her she laughed, “Honestly honey ever since he moved in above you you’re a better person for it, and I love him as if he is my own son because of that,” she said making me grin a little.

“Thanks, ma” I said giving her a hug and I handed her the remote it was getting late and I need to make a phone call before bed.

Listening to the line ring I got his machine.

“Justin, first I want to um, say that I’m sorry and that; could you just meet me at my apartment tomorrow night, I promise you won’t regret it, I love you,” I said and hung up my phone. Running my hand through my hair I tossed the phone around for a couple minutes.

When he didn’t call back I figured he was out or just had his phone off since it went straight to voice mail.

With that I went to sleep, giving into the little bit of hope that I was always told would give you everything.

--

“No,” I screamed but jumped when I felt something cold on my cheek.

Sitting up in my bed I head my hand to my heart and pushed Bryan away from me.

“I can’t, I need him,” I breathed not really making sense and Bryan made a face at me and I smiled a little bit.

Biting my lip I looked at the clock it was about two in the morning, if I left now I could get there by about four, I calculated.

“Come on boy, where going home,” I said with a smile as I picked up the last minute things I had left out last night and put his leash on.

Slipping my flip flops on I pulled my hoodie over my head.

Writing a note on the white board for my mom to read I took my bags to my car and than came back and to get Bryan jumping when I saw my mom smiling at me as she leaned against the hallway coming from the bedrooms.

“Did I wake you,” I asked and she shook her head and pulled me into a hug.

“Just go, and be careful,” she said and kissed my cheek.

“I love you mom,” I said.

“I know,” she smiled making me laugh petting Bryan as I picked up his water and food dish and his leash that was connected to him and headed out the door with a  wave to my mom.

--

Pulling up to the gate to Justin’s house I punched in the code and drove up the gravel path and parked behind his motorcycle, he must have road it last night since he always did that when he needed to clear his head, he said it was something about feeling the wind around him and being outside that made he easier.

With a sigh I knew it had to do with me just a little.

Pulling Bryan towards the door I figured I could get my bags later that day and as I stepped up to the lit porch I placed my hand to push the door bell but than put my hand

Towards the side, only to have it pushed up by Bryan.

I smiled down at him as he panted and gave me that doggie smile that only he could give.

“Ok,” I smiled and pushed it.

I pushed it once more and saw the light in the hallway turn on, and than saw the door knob turn and watching the door open was like slow motion, but when I saw his tired blue eyes everything came full force back to reality.

“Christine,” Justin whispered and smiled a bit, but I was pulled of guard when Bryan pulled harder than he ever did and pushed me off balance and ran pass Justin for the other two dogs.

Before I could fall Justin grabbed my shoulders to steady me.

“What are you doing here, it’s like four am,” he questioned.

“I wanted to come home,” I said softly not really looking up at him but more at my feet which by the way were cold.

“What,” he questioned.

“My feet are cold,” I said absently mindedly not realizing he hadn’t heard what I said before till he pulled my face to look at his with a smirk.

“You said you wanted to come home,” he questioned me.

I nodded and bit my lower lip.

“Christine come here,” Justin said pulling me to his side.

“Hey,” I said when I felt his arms around me.

“Hey,” he chuckled and pulled me into the house and shut the door.

“Now, what are you doing here,” he questioned.

“You mean you don’t want me here,” I asked him.

“You weren’t returning my calls, and I know you said I couldn’t do it till graduation but honestly, that was a week ago,” he said brushing my hair out of my face.

“I mean you said you needed your space, and I understand that I need mine at times too, but you’re confusing me Christine you really are,” Justin said.

“I know,” I answered softly.

“What’s going on,” he asked me.

“I love you,” I said and saw him look at me strangely.

“Justin, you’re my first and I think probably will be my only love, and to be honest I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I think I’m screwing it up royally,” I said but looked at him when he started to laugh.

“Honey, if you’re screwing it royally than I don’t now how bad I’m doing,” he said and I looked at him and said, “What do you mean, you are great,” I said.

“Than why do we keep having this fight, why do you keep distancing yourself when things get a little bit deeper,” he questioned.

“It’s my nature,” I said with a shrug.

“I can’t keep this up if you don’t fight it,” he said making me look over at him wide eyed.

“Don’t look at me like Bambi after his mom died, I’m being honest Christine,” Justin said.

“This is all new for you too,” I asked and saw him nodded slowly.

“But your not gonna run from it,” I asked.

“I don’t want to, but if you keep running I might half to, I can only chase you for so long before you go too far,” he said.

I looked down and pulled my lip inward, thinking about the dream again I looked up at him.

“You haven’t given up on me,” I questioned and saw his eyebrows rise in question for a moment before they settled on his face and his smile came out.

Pulling me into his lap he looked at me and took a breath, “No, and as long as you don’t give up on me, I wont give up on you,” he said.

“I need you,” I whispered.

“And I’m here for you,” he whispered back.

Looking up at his face I ran my hand from his temple to his jaw line feeling his face and seeing him close is eyes to the touch.

He started to hum a song that sounded really familiar.

It was when he sang a bit of it that I smiled.

“I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life, I knew I loved you,

before I met you I have been waiting all my life, There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion, And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces, I’m searching  for I think I've found my way home,” he watched me as he sang the words.

We stared at one another for a moment till he pulled his face so that he was resting his forehead against mine.

“I love you, Christine,” he whispered.

“I love you, Justin,” I said back.

Kissing him softly I laughed when he pulled me in close and stood up.

“Something else miss me,” I questioned.

“Oh don’t act like you didn’t miss it,” he said with a laugh.

“I never said that, but please don’t yell out, “Watch Out for the Car,” right as you hit your peak this time ok,” I said making him laugh.

“Fine,” he said kissing my cheek as he came into his room and shut the door.