Ya know, there’s been times in my life when I’ve thought to myself what an idiot, several times actually in the past few months….most of them about her. But today takes the cake. I could feel it this morning, her staring at me as I got into the hallway. The same eyes that were closed in ecstasy an hour earlier were burning into my spine. And as I walked to the other end I thought about it; turn around Justin, keep going Justin, turn around, keep going. 
 
And then I busted through the mall and I was there, late…and I was too late to go back to her.  Too caught up in my own pride to go back to her.  Which is just stupid.  Stupid!  I want her, I want to be with her and I’m acting a god damn fool about it.  So I went to my store, threw myself into my work, perfected the place, tried my damndest to get her and what we did last night and this morning out of my mind, and waited anxiously for my owner and the corporate guys to show up. 
 
They didn’t even show until 11:45…an hour and 45 after we opened, almost 3 hours after I had arrived at the mall. 
 
One minute, that was all it would have taken. I could have smiled at her, said something else to her, hell just not have pushed it and rushed. But maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m just too sensitive because I like her so much, because…I more than like her…

I slept with her last night. 
 
It was…it was the best fucking night. And so of course I’m anxiously wondering if my distractions this morning made me lose her, or made her think bad about me.  I try to be cool with this girl, ya know?  I try to be myself and not get all spastic on her.  But she makes me crazy, fucking crazy sometimes.
 
Hell, she probably didn’t even notice my distraction this morning. She’s probably just at work, going through the motions, waiting until she gets off. 
 
But I know that’s not her. I know her. I know her and I know she’d want me to acknowledge her, especially after the past few weeks. With all the drama and the waiting and anticipation, and me being an idiot and being so obsessed with this work and this job which I really don’t even care about. This isn’t my career, ya know? Just a job to make ends meet until I get to do what I want to do. 
 
What do I want to do? 
 
Her. 
 
I need to stop treating Foot Locker like it's more important to me than business school, or Jessica.  Ya know, maybe fucking her last night was a mistake. Not in the sense that it was bad, ‘cause fuck if it wasn’t so damn sweet.  But dammit, she probably doesn’t even take me seriously now. She probably thinks that’s all I want from her. I do want that from her...and everything else. 
 
“So do you wanna go out?” I print out a clocked-in report off the registers to look to see how long some of my staff has been here today, before I clock out myself. I don’t look at the girl beside me. 
 
“No.” 
 
“Oh…” I glance at the flimsy piece of paper to make sure everyone’s in check before I leave. “It’s a group thing,” Dana adds.
 
I punch myself out of the system and then turn to the girl that’s been getting on my last damn nerve all day, fucking flirting with our owner.  She’s got a week, one week. Too bad she’s good as hell at selling shit. Flirting with the guy customers, making subtle comments about large shoe sizes. Still, I can’t have some little bitch flirting with me and saying shit about me to people. Like Jess. Like she already has. 
 
“Look, I’m seeing someone, ok?” 
 
“Oh, Justin I didn’t mean…” 
 
“Yeah…just…” I sigh and run my hands over my head as I brush past her behind the counter. I gotta get out of here. I keep thinking about where Jess and I were last night. How my hand was just on the counter where I was fucking her, how I’m walking where I fucked her on the floor.  Where she came hard and long.  “I’m taking off.” 
 
“Uh, bye.” I wave my hand at her, as if to wave her away. “Don’t forget to bring in a new phone.”

I stop. “What?”

“You told me this morning to remind you to get a new one, since this one broke.”  I eye her and she stares back at me. “Weird how the cord was just ripped.”

I wonder if she knows.  Hell, I don’t care.  I don’t care if they all know.  It doesn’t matter right now. 

I don’t speak to my employees. I dart out of there, forcing myself not to look at the bench where we started out last night, me touching her, fingering her hard. Her mouth…there. I run up the steps and straight to Jess’s store. I gotta fix this. I gotta let her know how much she means to me or I feel like I might explode. I want her to be mine, I’ll be damned if I don’t get it.
 
My heart’s racing by the time I turn into the store. Bev’s behind the counter like normal, but Jess isn’t. And my eyes blur at what I see and then overly focus on the scene in front of me. A guy, a big guy, bigger than me is there with his arm around Jess and she’s leaning into him, holding him tightly. 
 
Right… 
 
I start to furiously chew on my lips. I feel my jaw clench. You’ve got to be kidding me. This is what I get for not saying a proper goodbye. 
 
I walk up slowly and her eyes open a little and focus on me. She pulls back immediately and her face is drained of color. “Oh…hey.” 
 
Surprised, huh? I don’t know who this guy is and in a way, I don’t want to know. Not when she’s hugging on him like that. “Um yeah, hey...” 
 
She steps from the guy for a moment and crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you doing here?” 
 
“Well, I felt like an ass all day for doing what I did this morning, so I was finally able to break away and here I am. I was gonna see if you wanted to go out to eat, but…” I roll my eyes at her. I don’t know who this guy is and I don’t care at all. What can I do to a guy twice my size, who’s trying to look like he’s not staring at me by looking down at his phone? But he’s checking me out, as much as I’m checking him out. Who the hell is this guy?
 
I fucking ruined it and I should have known better. 
 
“Justin…” I shake my head and stare at her for a moment while she smiles slightly and touches the guy’s chest. I feel sick. “Justin, this is my brother Eddie.” 
 
I blink as he extends his hand to me. I still get sick, sick for being a dumbass.  I want to laugh but I know I’ll just sound like a freak.

“Oh…hi.” Relief floods me and it’s a weird sensation feeling all the anger leave me quickly. It makes my head feel funny. Then I realize her brother could kill me, especially if she’s told him how much of an asshole I was this morning.  And I realize how jealous I was in that moment, how new that feeling is to me.
 
“What’s up?” He nods at me and then looks down at Jess. “So you ready? I wanna get back to meet Cal at the gym.” 
 
“Oh um…” I stare at her as her eyes meet mine and I smile a little at her, trying to reassure her that I’m here for her and only her. She swallows hard before looking back up at her brother. “I’ll stay.” 
 
He scoffs a little. “I thought your car wouldn’t start, Jessica. Remember you crying and making me skip my last class?” 
 
“It won’t start and I’m sorry about that. But Justin can take me home and you can go out with Cal.” 
 

“How you gonna get it fixed?” 

Suddenly I’m being shaped up, stared at, and judged in a narrowed glance. I don’t think I pass his inspection.  Honestly, at this point, I don’t give a fuck.  I’ll deal with her giant brother.
 
“I told you I called dad and he’s gonna come over later and see if he can fix it himself. Plus you wanna go to the damn gym!” 
 
“Hey…” He raises his hands, “it’s not my fault your car is a piece of shit.” 
 
“Look, I don’t wanna argue right now Eddie.  Just go home. Thanks for coming out here, though. Sorry you missed your class.” 
 
“Yeah, yeah…” He waves his hand at her and twists his car keys around his hand. He pats me on the back as he passes by me and he says, “Watch out man.  She pms’es like fucking wicked witch of the west.” 
 
“Ass,” Jess calls out and he just leaves. I feel unusual and a little queasy. I’m back with her now, but dammit if I don’t know what to say. I want to touch her, flirt with her, kiss her cheek, her neck, put my arm around her and whisper something naughty in her ear.  But I can’t.   “I hate him sometimes.” 
 
I try to push all my nerves away and I step up and touch her forearm gently, “Hey.” 
 
“Hi.” She pulls her arm back, not forcefully but it’s enough to get the message across when she folds her arms under her breasts. 
 
I sigh. “I’m sorry about this morning. I really didn’t mean to dart off like that.” 
 
“It’s whatever. It was just the start of my shitty day so I don’t even care anymore.” 
 
“Jess…” 
 
She rolls her eyes and starts to walk back to the counter, pulling off her apron as she goes. I see that Bev is staring at both of us with a sly smile. I guess she knows. I guess that means she’ll be grilling me sometime soon about making sure I treat her well and etcetera, etcetera. “Let me clock out and you can take me home.” 
 
She punches some numbers into the computer register, not making eye contact with me as I stare at her. She then walks back around and brushes by me. I find myself following her like a lost puppy, back out into the mall, through the service hallway and back into the parking lot. Normally I’d be staring at her ass, thinking about last night, about how awesome it felt, how perfect she is. 
 
But I don’t think that now. All I think about is how she’s not looking at me, how I’ve fucked up. How I can’t let her walk away from me like this. 

She exits the hallway and I slam the door back as it’s closing in on me. I run up to her suddenly and grab her hand.  “Hey...stop.” 

 
“What?” It’s a biting tone. 
 
“I said I’m sorry.” I feel like I just got in trouble, at school, in 2nd grade. 
 
She sighs and when she runs her hands through her hair, I notice her fingers are shaky. “I’ve had the worst day, Justin. And it shouldn’t be like that. I should be happy because of last night, but I’m not…I’m not because I don’t know where we stand.” 
 
I lower my head to look at her eye level. “Where else would we stand?  We’re…we’re starting out right?” 
 
“You tell me Justin.” 
 
I sigh and slump my shoulders, looking up at the cloudy sky. “Dammit it all!  Last night was the biggest mistake. I should have never slept with you.” I rub my forehead and close my eyes for a moment. I’ve had a slight headache all day and now it’s turning into a migraine. She’s right. We should both be happy as hell today because of the night before, but instead we’re both wrecks. What the hell is wrong with us?  Maybe we built it up too much, maybe we waited way…way too long.

I should have made my move long before.
 
“What…” She says harshly after a few moments. 
 
Fuck. And now the words I want to say don’t come out right. Why is it with her, with the only girl that matters, I just…I’m a bumbling idiot? I’ve never been this way. 
 
I try to explain, “It’s just now that’s all you think I’m after, huh? You think all this time, all I’ve cared about was just fucking you a couple times, getting my thrills and then leaving.” 
 
She turns and shrugs, and says quietly, “I…I don’t know what you think,” while she walks the short distance to my car. God dammit! Why the hell can’t she see how much I like her?
 
How it’s so much more than that.  I want love.
 
I walk behind her and turn her around.  She goes willingly; she wants me to say the right things.  And I’m going to try so hard for her.  I put my hands on her shoulders and look down at her. Touching her is dangerous and I don’t care. She’s small and soft. And all I can think about is how her body felt next to mine in bed. 
 
“I think about you Jess, all the fucking time-- too much of the time. It’s like...I’m completely insane. And maybe after last night and this morning, after having so much of you, my brain just went crazy and I got a little obsessed with work.  Honestly the reason why I threw myself into it, why I freaked out about being late was because, well…”  I sigh.  I’m not doing this right.  “Ok, I had gotten you, right? Being with you was supposed to make me calm down.  It was supposed to make this obsession I’ve had for the past 6 months go away.  It was supposed to make me relax when it came to you, to be confident when it came to you.  But it just made me crazier. This morning I couldn’t stop it. I wanted you constantly. I wanted to touch you as soon as I woke up.  I wanted you in the shower, I had to hold myself back and it still didn’t work.  I wanted you while I was shaving and brushing my teeth and while I was dressing and even after you got on top of me and I had you again, I wanted you more.  And more.  I had to have my hands on you. I had to force myself to stop being so crazy.  The aftermath of making love to you Jess, it didn’t calm me down.  It didn’t settle my desire for you.  It made me out of control.  So I had to think about something else. I had to, or …or I might do or say something I can’t take back.” 
 
“Like what?” 
 
I drop my hands to hers and hold them, liking it when she lets me, when she holds them back. “Something that neither of us are ready to hear. Something that’s way too soon to say…” I look down at our hands, afraid of how her face might change at my words.
 
“Justin…” 
 
I sigh and turn to lean my side against the passenger door, finally needing to stare at her. “Shit Jess, it’s deep for me. It’s not just about having sex with you.  Maybe I let that take over a lot ‘cause dammit if I’ve never wanted a girl as much as I’ve wanted you. But it’s more than that, so…so much more. I have to be near you. I have to see you everyday.  That’s why I get candy everyday, not because I love it that much, but because of you.” 
 
She sucks in a deep breath and I stare at her mouth, “I just, I already felt kind of bad for forcing you this morning, but then when you just left me and didn’t even like, look at me or say anything promising, even just a “later” or something.  I mean you gotta understand…” 
 
“I understand Jess, but by the time I got downstairs it was too late. I was there, I was perfecting the store and anxiously waiting for them to get there. It…”  I laugh at myself, at how pathetic I was this morning, “Ya know, it wasn’t even a big deal. They just stayed up front and talked to the owner mostly. It was just stupid, them even being there. I made a mistake and I shouldn’t have treated you that way.” 
 
“I shouldn’t have made you late to begin with, though.  This is your job…” 

“But not forever. And so what?  Some things are more important.  You….you are more important than corporate anything or my job or really, shit Jess, anything right now. And this morning….” I smile at her and touch her face a little. She closes her eyes and I wanna be closer. I want to be on top. I wanna be back there, last night, this morning, not just to feel good and to get off and cum, but to be inside her, hearing her sigh and feeling her wrapped around me, all around me, holding me in her. “I wouldn’t want to give that back for anything.” 
 
“Ya know what’s sad?” I keep my hand near her and run it through her hair. “I was gonna say, ‘ya know if you didn’t work here, I probably would have quit long ago, because you are the only thing that I look forward to here’…..but part of me knows that’s not true.  I know that I’m scared of getting away from here, of pushing beyond the mediocrity. It’s easy, depressing and annoying, but it’s easy as hell.” Her eyes start to get watery and I see how stressed out she was today, how she’s been messed up this whole week with this weekend and Liz and then me disappearing on her and being an idiot. 
 
 I can’t handle seeing her upset when I know it’s partly my fault. I pull her into me and enclose her in my arms. 
 
Damn... 
 
"Hey...don’t be upset." I kiss the top of her head and sigh in the feeling of her arms moving around me. Her breasts are pressing into me. And I don’t want to be a pig, but I’d love to be with her in bed, naked. I don’t even have to be having sex with her. I just want to be with her like that, comfortable, happy again. "There...that makes it better, right?" 
 

“It really does...” I feel her breathe hard and then slowly, after a few long seconds, I can feel her cheek and mouth tighten into a smile against my chest. “Did we just fight?" 
 
"I guess." She smiles up at me and I smile back and then I pull back. "Jess I know we just started this. I know we both went nuts for each other and were stupid and waiting it out for forever, and then last night it all just kind of exploded. And I don’t care about taking this fast or slow ‘cause I want you. I...I can see myself falling in love with you. I haven’t felt that way about a girl in years. I want you to be my girlfriend and I'm not saying that we're at that stage yet, at love or whatever.  Hell I don’t even know how this shit works anyway." 
 
"You just wanna be able to keep having sex with me." She leans into me, looking up with a smile and it makes me feel so much better. This entire day is erased.  Well, not this morning; the work day is erased and it’s just me and her again. Nothing else. 
 
I laugh. "That's one reason, but I know it's more than just wanting you or wanting to hook up with you. And now you know that, too." She’s still smiling at me and I lean down and say close to her ear, "And now....now we get to make up." I move and press my lips against her neck. 
 
Now, now I want her. And I bet she can feel me getting hard against her. I move my hand down and cup her ass and open my mouth against her skin.

“Let’s go home, Jess.”

She mumbles into my shoulder, “What about my car?" 
 
Oh, yeah. Sometimes I really am an idiot. I had heard her brother say something about it earlier, but I was so concerned with fixing us, with how stressed she looked, that I paid it no mind. "What's wrong with your car?" 
 
She switches her weight a little and goes back to leaning against my Jeep. "Hannah wanted me to go home today and change from my jeans, but my car wouldn’t start. And it's more than just the battery being dead.  It sounds like it’s dying. But I don’t want to have to pay for a tow truck. I know I'll barely be able to pay to fix it. Dad said he might come up and look at it for me tonight." 
 
"Pete's good with cars, I can have him look at it." 
 
"Your friend?” I nod. “The one who gets you into trouble?" 
 
"Yes." I laugh. 
 
"Justin…I..." 
 
"I'm sorry about this morning. But let me make it up to you now, tonight, tomorrow, everyday as long as you'll let me ok? I can’t promise I won’t always be an asshole, ‘cause I have a bit of a temper and sometimes I can be grumpy as hell. But...god I don’t even know what I'm trying to say." 
 
Her hands fist in my shirt and she pulls herself so close to me. "Stop.  You don’t have to put this into words. I know. Let's just...start this." 
 
"How?" 
 
She smiles a breath away from me and mumbles, "Take me home," before putting her mouth against mine. I fumble into unconsciousness and pull her tight against me. I turn and press her back against the car and I don’t care if anyone sees. I groan against her and push myself into her hard as I rub my tongue against hers and suck against her lips. It’s frenzied and needy and I bet if we were alone, if we were really alone, I’d have her right against this car. 
 
She suddenly pulls back from me and grins, pulling my lip with her. I sigh and pant against her, "Can we eat first? I'm starving." 
 
She laughs and it’s loud and beautiful, "You'd rather eat food than have sex." 
 
"Oh…” I play the dumb guy and wink at her, “I didn’t know that was part of the ‘take me home’ plan." 
 
She shrugs and pouts a bit, "We should probably slow down. I mean we already did this this morning and last night..." 
 
"Never," I say.  I move my hands up against her body, over her breasts lightly to tease and up to her neck, pulling her mouth against mine, claiming her over and over, showing her how much I need her, how much I wanna go back to last night and this morning. 
 
And even though I know we’ll have shitty days where we both hate our work and probably accidentally take it out on each other, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she’s with me now.  She’s still with me now. I’m not letting her go anywhere. I’ve wasted too much time, and waited too long for her to let this end.  She’s calmed me down, freaked me out and calmed me down.

And through all this petty little drama, she’s still with me.