Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just, stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
One day I was wondering how I could endure another day in LA and the next I was changing my life. Madison showed up on my doorstep looking battered and broken, she looked the same way I felt inside. It may seem kind of dark that the two of us are friends because we bond over our pain. Maybe it is actually, but who else do I have other than my best friend who is like the sister I never had?
It’s not like I haven’t ever had other people in my life. I’ve had other friends, I’ve had boyfriends, but in the end they all seemed to walk away from me. The same question remains in my mind, is it me or is it them? Am I not capable of having someone love me more than just family? (and by family I mean Madison only.)
Every guy I have been with has walked all over me. Not to mention my back stabbing ex-friends. People are cruel I guess, only looking for their own personal gain. Call me bitter, but the world does that to you. The funny thing about it all is that Madison doesn’t see things that way at all. She likes to find the good in everyone.
I’m just not as optimistic. I just have these walls that I put up because I expect people to fuck up. I would say that I should start giving the benefit of the doubt, but honestly what’s the point? I don’t need anymore disappointment, just peace.
Anyway, back to the important part, the story. The two of us boarded a train to Salem, not before dumping her father’s car. We figured that selling it would only cause him to go after us. We just wanted to be on our own, the way it should be. I couldn't wait. All this was going to be real and I didn't know what to expect.
It was a new kind of lost in Salem, there was so much culture and all I wanted to do was just look around. Feel my way around this new world. But we needed to buckle down. I was like a wide-eyed child in the toy store. All of this looked pretty sweet. I've heard a lot of stories of this town. A lot hidden history lingers in the walls and various shops and parks. It terrified and excited me all at once. Though Maddy would probably think I was just crazy again, I really wanted to just explore. Just get myself distracted. I felt it. Somewhere in the air, something was going to happen to us. It was a new feeling. A sensational release lying somewhere within the depths of beginning and tomorrow.
The ride was pretty long. Roughly 5 1/2 hours. Seemed a bit longer. All Madison and I did was sleep. But I found my body not letting me. I have this horrible habit of kicking and tossing in my sedated state. I was so embarrassed to sleep around anyone sometimes. Though I was in a seat, it was hard to sleep anyway with the limited comfort.
As we finally arrived in Salem, I started to get that queasy feeling. Like that feeling you get right before you know you're gonna fall down. It was beginning to get more and more difficult planting both feet on the ground. I was pulled from it when Madison started getting up. I always hated this part. Like you feel too glued to the seat its like a head rush.
"Ugh, my head fucking kills Mad. Like it feels like I've knocked out and there's something inside my brain making it worse. Do you wanna get a taxi, I think we need to get somewhere and sit down while we plan out our shit."
Here I am, dishing out the itinerary, spewing out the regulations and I fail to notice the fact that we actually pulled it off. We really escaped. Fuck me, I was really hanging on by so little. Of course, I could never let anyone else know that. Someone had to be the muscles.
We managed to step off the train all in one piece, and gathered out belongings at the claim. Madison was quiet most of the time. She usually is when she has a lot on her mind. I have to be the one to stick by her through this, and open her up a little. It was scary for me too. All of this new life. I couldn't imagine getting away with something like this. But it happened. It was real. All of this. Our lives have started and we were reborn. Hopefully for the better.
If only we could catch a break.
We caught a taxi and drove out to the nearest cafe. Wow, I'll tell you, Salem is not LA. There was no open crime, I didn't see anything too suspicious. It was like we arrived literally in another world. A better one. Hopefully this isn't Stepford land. I don't wanna deal with no robots.
All I know is we must find a job fast because my eyes are dropping like war bombs in Iraq. I tried to stay as awake as I could, our lives are pending, I had to. I couldn't tell her lets just sleep on a bench. Fuck that. I needed some stability. I needed a reason to know that things are going in the right direction. A sign, anything. I was determined to find it by any means. Well, just the ones that are legal and aren't gross.
I wear a whore's uniform but I don't practice it.
Madison held a newspaper in her hand while I ordered us two black coffees. I needed all the caffeine I could to stay awake. I guess this process was just so draining on me physically. I was literally dreaming of a comfortable bed. Had to knock the thoughts out of my mind. I had to be strong, no matter what.
“You find anything?” I came back to the table and placed the two coffees down. The café was cute, like a Starbucks but without all the annoying people. No one was loud, it was just simple people sipping coffee and conversing. Normalcy is a beautiful thing.
“Not yet. I think we might be out of work for a while.” Madison pushed a strand of blonde hair out of her face. “At least we have some money. I wonder how pissed my dad is that we sold his most precious Princess.”
I couldn’t help but to giggle. Madison’s Dad was an asshole. What kind of guy names his car, Princess? Seriously, I’ve heard of Mustang Sally, after that kick ass song, but what went through his mind? Let me name my Acura Princess because it’s just so princess like, being gold and all.. Real creative and not crazy at all. Pfft.
“Aww. I bet he’ll cry himself to sleep. Good.” I smirked. “I think I can sleep a little better at night now. I helped make that asshole cry.”
Madison shook her head and buried her face back in the newspaper. I’m not one to get involved in issues but I knew she was scared. The girl had been through so much, I just wanted her to feel like everything was going to be okay; whether it would be or not. I’d rather carry that burden then her.
“Other than the obvious… how are you holding up?”
She half smiled, “I’ll live. We’re survivors, right?” I could tell she was hiding her pain. I know from experience that it only harms you. We needed to get this out in the open before we really start new. No more pain.
“Maddy, come on. Let it out.”
“I don’t know… I’m just afraid everything is going to come back and bite us in the ass. It feels too good to be true.”
“There’s no way anyone can find us. We left no paper trail, nothing. We’re in the clear.” I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her as well as myself. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if my Mother found me. She’d probably just drag me back to the old life I was desperately trying to escape.
There was no way that could ever happen. I wouldn’t let it happen. There was no way that after having a taste of freedom, would I go back to that life.
“I know… but I’m just paranoid. All the what ifs keep relentlessly going through my mind.” She took a sip of her coffee, instantly making a repulsed face. I almost laughed. “Did you specifically ask for the strongest coffee in this place? That is nasty.”
“I just thought we could use the extra help to stay awake.” I merely shrugged as she looked at me like I had 3 heads. “Anyway… is anything in the paper looking good?”
“I couldn’t concentrate long enough.” Madison bit at her bottom lip and furrowed her eyebrows. She was stuck in deep thought, desperately trying to find somewhere for us to earn a little money was harder than it seemed.
Didn’t we deserve a break after all we’ve suffered? Man. I just wanted to put it all behind me. "Just have to keep looking. I'm sure there's something out there for us."
Madison remained tight-lipped as we thumbed through the classifieds. I jumped at Madison suddenly squealing in her place.
I glance over at what she was looking at and it intrigued my eyes. "What's going on?"
She gestured to the ad she was looking at in the right bottom corner, "Do you see it? Holy shit, look at this: "Couple seeks House sitters for 5-6 months. All expenses paid. Must be professional, of age, responsible, neatly groomed, well-experienced in house-hold appliances, call this number for interview. Picture of mansion shown above." Holy hell. Oh my god. This sounds really good. And oh my god, Bail, if we get it, we won't have to look for a place to stay."
I looked at the ad closely. This shit is close to Boston. This is isn't for kids, this was an actual ad for professional sitters. This isn't like the Babysitter's club. We might have a chance.
"Hey, this could really work." I could barely believe the words as I spoke them.
I looked around for a moment and jumped in my seat as I heard rustling behind me. I turned around and held my breath. Wow. That's the one word that came to mind. I didn't realize Madison was snapping her fingers in front of my face. It was quite funny actually. I watched his hands open the door as he carried his shoulder bag and a wad of papers clung to his tight chest. Damn, his face, that's all I could focus on. The black-rimmed glasses hid a color I didn't think was possible. I didn't have much time to look around, Madison was pulling my arm.
"What?" That came out ruder than I intended it to.
Madison looks at me weird, "What was that? What were you looking at?"
I heard a crash behind and this time my whole body was turned as the man struggled with his papers and tried to grab The Chronicle off the newstand. I winced as all of them fell to ground, making a weird noise that followed. I felt actually embarrassed for him. I didn't want to keep watching, I had another feeling something else might happen.
"Poor guy. Reminds me of Perry. Actually kind of looks like him too. But his eyes. Perry never had eyes like that." I didn't want to stare so much, but I was pulled to this guy like a magnet.
"What's so special about his eyes, Bail? He's wearing glasses, how could you see his eyes anyway?"
OK, I knew I was acting like a star-struck teen. I mean, this guy was a Perry. No one cared about guys like that. They certainly knew how to make an entrance. Not the most stable of guys. Perry always made me laugh, but this guy, he was slightly a different case and I didn't know a thing about him.
"Anyway, what about staying somewhere? Where are we gonna go?" I grabbed another paper and checked out the listings.
Madison was quiet as she read her side of the housing section. "We need something fast. Who knows what could be full."
"Maybe we could just sleep in the lobby and act like we're waiting for someone. Yeah... I don't know. Uhuh, yeah, I'm gonna keep looking."
Just as luck would have it, the clumsy nerd sat right behind us. I got a little shivers and glanced at him from the corner of my eye. I shook my head as I watched it all unfold. First it was the paper, now it was coffee.
“Yeah, you’ll keep looking… keep looking at Mandark.” Madison rolled her eyes without even looking up from the paper. Damn. How did she know I was still staring at him? And who the hell was Mandark?
“Mandark? I thought I told you to stop giving those voices in your head names?”
Madison still didn’t have my attention, the nerdy guy did. There was something about him, some sort of beautiful nonchalance that I had never seen in anyone. He didn’t care about the embarrassment one would feel for not only dropping the newspapers and now the coffee. Loneliness was something that looked to forever be with him.
“Mandark was a character on Dexter’s Laboratory…”
She wasn’t paying attention, I had to help him. He was one of those people that just seems so helpless; so utterly lost that their only companion is a book or some inanimate object. This guy was so disconnected from the world, I wondered if he even had a friend.
Now I was just talking like I knew him. That wasn’t a good sign at all.
Picking up some napkins from the front counter, I walked back to the lonely stranger and ran the white napkin across the burning hot liquid which covered the mahogany table. Those eyes, they met my own and for a split second my soul felt like it was on fire. Those eyes were a mix of emotions, so much pain, self doubt, sadness, and a desire to love. Chills ran down my spine. I felt like I really did know him.
“Oh… thank you.” His voice was soft and quiet, like he wasn’t used to speaking to anyone at all. I offered him a half smile which he didn’t reciprocate. He just stared at me puzzled, like it was the first act of kindness he’d ever received from anyone.
I just wanted to know more about him. The handsome man with the intense blue eyes; he probably didn’t even know how gorgeous he was.
“No problem…”
“UM… hello? Bailey? You’re supposed to be helping here!” I turned around quickly to Madison staring at me annoyed from our table.
Oh man. "I have to go. Take care of yourself." I really meant that. I was worried about his state of being.
He looked like angel. With all the hair in my face I managed to trace everything I could see. But he was hiding those eyes and I wondered why. "Thank you. You didn't have to help me. But... thank you anyway."
Man, his voice. So much pained me about that strained tone. It was almost like he wanted to confess something. But I knew that I'm reading too much into this. Like my name, I better bail before, well, just before.
I nodded and forced my body from anywhere near him. I couldn't say anything else, it wasn't my place. I noticed Madison gathering the paper and tossing our cups away. Always the neat freak, but where were we gonna go?
"Mad, what are we gonna do now? We haven't found anything yet. It's gonna get late soon." I helped her with the rest of the papers.
Madison shook her head, fixing her hair into a tight pony-tail, "We have to just go there I guess. There's one close to the cafe 5 blocks down. We better hurry up if we wanna get a room."
I really felt at loss. Madison was all ready to go and I felt like just staying. I know it was futile, and we were in need but my eyes wondered back to the man I'd helped.
Such a creature. He felt my stare and looked up from his lap top. I quickly averted my eyes and joined my friend outside; but not without getting one last look. Who knows when I might see him? I probably won't. I sighed, here I was, at a loss and flawed with errors, fighting for a sign of hope through the darkness, scared by myself in secret and all I wanted to do was just look at him. Observe his movements. His papers knocked over again and I flinched. I almost made a move, but I had to let it go.
Madison was calling me and so was my life.
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
