What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

This was about the 4th place we've been to and frankly, it was getting late, and the night was getting colder. I was shattering my teeth as I sat on the couch and curled up in the corner. Things weren't looking too good. The October cold wasn't making things any easier. Of all times to be literally homeless. Plus its the holiday season, how could I forget that?

I felt Bailey sit next to me, nursing her beginning numbness to the cold air. I hated this. I hated our luck. Of all times to be really forsaken, God has to pick now. What were the odds. I know now that nothing in life is constant. Whenever something good happens, just out of nowhere sometimes, it doesn't always stay.

I really couldn't move. It was one of the worst feeling. My entire body was growing colder by the second. All I wanted to do was sleep on this lounge couch. But we had to get up. I could here the mental clock beating at my brain. I'd better get up before I freeze. If I haven't already started to.

I watched Bailey's eyes close as she dropped heavily onto the couch further. But I had to check, one of us had to. I'd rather know than get kicked out of here. I don't know, a lot of nos so far, why should this be any different?

But there was something about the name that got me. Nathaniel Hawthorne Hotel. It wasn’t you’re typical Holiday Inn or Radisson, it was slightly posh. I wanted so badly for there to be a free room but I knew in my heart that I was just kidding myself.

I got up and reluctantly made me way to the front desk. I knew that another no would most definitely lead me to cry, and I couldn’t handle that. As bad as things were, I didn’t want to be the same girl who chose to cry when things went wrong. I wanted to move past that time in my life and try to be strong.

“Excuse me?” My voice was barely audible and I wasn’t sure if the man standing behind the desk had even heard me. I needed to get a grip. “I was just wondering if you had an opening for a room?”

“A room?” The man looked at me with a smirk. A million people had probably come in today and asked the same question. This stupid man was mocking me with his simple smirk. I wanted to just run to a corner and hide away.

“Yes… my friend and I are desperate… our reservations at the Salem Inn were lost.” I lied. I wasn’t sure how I managed to keep eye contact with the troll of a man before me, but I did and he seemed to even buy it.

“I’ve heard stories about that hotel. Very unorganized.”

“Yes…” I bit at my bottom lip and looked down solemnly. This man just had to fucking take pity on me. I mean come on, I was a helpless girl with big boobs, he had to help me out. “It’d be really nice if you could help us out… I’d totally appreciate it.”

“Well…” The man looked down at his computer and began typing away. I was afraid to get my hopes up. Good things just don’t happen because a girl sticks her boobs out at the first guy with a dick.

I’m not one to flaunt my sexuality, I’m barely comfortable with my body and just openly using my body for my personal gain is not something I do. Today was different though. Desperation can make us do the most uncharacteristic of acts.

Despite it being ice cold, I did the unthinkable. Thank the lord Bailey was passed out now of all times. Maybe it was all the cold but my mind was starting to get really fucked up. "Hey, um, seriously, do you really think I was lying? I mean... who would turn me down? Look at me?"

I hated my voice and the way I said it, but I wasn't going to drop trou just for a room. I figure something small would play first. I'd see what happens. Maybe I could go further. He paused and trailed up look at the two things I was hoping he would. Now this was dangerous, but so was life outside. I caught his gaze and smiled showing most of my white teeth. I was always blessed with a great smile.

"So, I'm sure there's something you could do to help me... right? I could really use a nice, hot shower, you know?" I bent down a little further, showing two of my favorite things.

It was actually funny. His face revealed a pinkish color. He looked tongue-tied and then opened his mouth, "I don't know, I-I ca-could try. You know I have a girlfriend?"

I laughed, "Oh no, I wasn't talking about you and me. I just need to take a nice, long hot shower. You understand that, right?" OK, I was a bad at playing coy, but it was working, sort of, not really sure.

I enjoyed the power I had over this guy. Made me feel a little more sure of myself, for once. He looked like one of those reserved guys that girls only use to get something out of. I did feel bad, don't get me wrong, but the plan was working.

"Well, I'm not supposed to be doing this, but there's a couple that just left for a party and they haven't been back yet. Maybe I could give you guys their room. I have a feeling they won't be coming back for the night." Yes! Oh man, I barely did anything and a miracle happens.

I bit my lip, my teeth, still trying to bare the cold, "Oh really? Well thank you. You know, you're a really nice guy for doing this. You strike me as someone who doesn't get told that often."

He took off his hat and brushed away the visible sweat shining off the top of his head. I watched him type away at a few things. Man, I've never seen someone type so fast in my life. It was like watching a guy beat off right before your eyes. Quite a site, I tell you.

I guess my nips were poking out too much and that kind of sealed the deal. I normally don't showcase my assets so openly, so I'm really not used to all this attention.

He flashed me a smiled and placed back on his work hat and bent down the desk out of my sight. He stood back up and handed me card. Man, his hands were so warm and cosy but I really didn't need to get distracted now. We needed this.

I smiled and took back my hand, "Thank you, again, uh, Jeremy. You're sweet doing this for us."

He didn't say anything back. Jeez, maybe that Perry thing's working on me too. It's like they're everywhere, only this guy was average looking at best. But who cares? I was thrilled either way. Least I know today's not the day we die. I'm probably being graphic but this is doesn't happen to me of all people. Despite how strong Bailey seems, life doesn't work in her favor either. She's good at hiding it though.

I sat back on the couch and zipped up my hoodie. I'm so fucking stupid. I still think I'm on LA weather so I didn't think to bring a mink coat or anything bigger than what I was wearing. Well, least I know I got us a room, we wouldn't freeze. One thing at a time. That was the problem. Life doesn't wait for people like me. Its just happening all around and there's no way to just hold it still. If I could have one power, oh man oh man, and I'm trying to hold in a realistic mind here, I would want that so badly. Just enough time to catch up, knowing I'm falling behind since I was a toddler, I'd just start over.

I would just pick my own life, pick my own name, choose my own care takers. The ones who actually take care of you. I'd find them, oh yeah I would. I'd see the kind of smiles I only dream of, people living in kindness. Don't get me wrong on this, I don't wish for a perfect life, not at all. I only wish for a better more durable life. A life where cries are used followed by smiles after. The soul is free to speak up whenever possible. Than I would believe that other things are capable of happening. Good things. Calming mornings and placid nights on the plan, only it isn't a real plan. Everyday is different but life is good. Feels good. Almost too good to say goodbye to.

Let me tell you, I was hanging on by so little. But as I glance to my right, I know this is not a battle I can defend alone. I was going to promise myself to be more strong, and in return, just maybe, everything else would be as it should be.

Jeremy bent down next to me with two key cards in his grasp, "Hey, I got you and you're friend a room now. If you need anything just call me personally. I'll be very happy to help you. You have a good night, Miss."

He whispered the last part as I took the cards from his hand and held them as I watched him walk to a backroom. I smiled a little bit. I was OK.

I gently shook Bailey awake. I felt so proud of myself suddenly I just wanted to say something. "Hey, Bail, we got a room. We can go up now."

She rubbed her eyes, yawing a little loudly, "Man, I'm so tired. Wait, did you just say you got us a room?"

I nodded, not buying it myself but holding up the cards as proof, "Yeah, come on, I need a shower more than anything."

We both stood up, walking to the elevator. I normally hate elevators but it would take a lot out of me and I didn't feel like killing myself with the incline.

Bailey cleared her throat and folded her arms, "Fuck it, I just wanna sleep my ass off. We got that interview tomorrow. What time do we have to be there by again?"

This woke me up a little. I nearly forgot until she brought it up. I relaxed a little as it came to me, "I think 2pm or something. I wrote it down somewhere. They're going to leave for Europe by 8pm, so, I don't know. If we don't get it than we got some real problems."

Bailey yawned, "I kind of have the feeling we will. We don't know. They sound desperate enough. That ad was placed 3 weeks ago. They would have taken it down by now. Just gotta have the faith Maddy. Ugh! This fucking elevator. This is why I hate illegal immigration so much. Fucking retards fuck with our stuff."

I kind of agreed with my friend, but I didn't want to delve into that. When Bailey rips into an issue, look out! She knows what she's saying.

Just as I was about to speed up the stairs, I heard a ding. I rolled my eyes and walked inside with Bailey as soon as it opened up. "About fucking time, piece of shit."

I wasn't so big on expressing my opinion so harshly but I was getting fed up with a lot of things lately. Also, I think Bailey might be rubbing off on me. I tapped my foot really loudly trying to pass the time as we were lifted to level 12. So slow, like I had the patience for it. Man, with all the money America has our technology sucks. Its like the cell phones, they only work when they want to.

The second ding came and I was elated beyond relief. I could smell that shower that cheap hotel shampoo and conditioner from here. Why do most hotels smell that way anywhere you go? It's like they made a perfume of that bottled stuff and sprayed that shit everywhere. Whatever it was, I needed it.

We walked to our door which happened to be the last room down the hall. I was grateful, I don't forget that, but come on! My feet dragged themselves toward the door and I swiped the card in the hole waiting for the green light.

As I opened the door, Bailey close behind, I ran to the bathroom and began my much needed shower.

About 20 minutes later, everything had changed. There was a warm, calm feeling in the air and I bathed inside of it. I closed my eyes and opened them up after I opened the door, hanging onto my tiny white towel around my waste. OK, I'm not trying to be heal or anything but, HELLO, why do hotel towels look like wash cloths now? Did I miss something here? Are the majority of Americans Kate Moss rail thin here? OK, I was done. I do a lot of these mental rants, just beware.

“I think the people next door are fucking.” Bailey spoke up. I had begun pulling some clothes out of my small backpack. Thank God I always kept clothes at Bailey’s house in case of an emergency or something. I guess this was the biggest emergency of all.

“How do you know? Better yet why are you listening?”

She laughed and shook her head at me. “Bitch! Just shut up and listen… you’ll hear it.”

I grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a tank top before retreating back to the bathroom to change. One pant leg was on when I heard the most disgusting moan. At first I tried to make myself believe that someone was watching a porno next door, I tried to have an innocent mind, really. But when I heard banging against the wall, I nearly lost my dinner… well that’s if I had any.

“OH… MY… GOD!” I finished dressing and walked out of the bathroom. Bailey was lying on the bed with her pillow over head.

“Let’s just hope they have a nice orgasm and shut up.” I said and collapsed on the bed opposite of Bailey.

We definitely got lucky to get a room with double beds. I was so freaking thankful; that guy Jeremy was really nice when he wasn’t being a perv and staring at my chest. I really find the greatest guys, they hold true to being gentlemen.

“Fuck no. If I don’t get any neither should they!” Bailey huffed. She almost had me laughing if that weren’t completely true.

Neither of us had luck in the guy department. It was just asshole after asshole. Bailey just always seemed to move past it easier. I kept it with me. I guess being with guys who put me down just seemed to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. I never really felt like I was pretty enough, my boobs always seemed like they got more attention than my face anyway. I guess a 36 D will do that to you.

“Bail… what if we don’t get the job tomorrow?” I turned to look at Bailey and voiced my thoughts softly. I didn’t want to be the one to rain on our parade but there was a high possibility that we could be sleeping on the streets tomorrow night.

"If we don’t… we keep looking. We have some money to keep us afloat for a while… I guess if worse comes to worse we’ll go from there. But honestly Maddy, I think we’re going to be okay. That Timberwhatever ad seemed pretty promising… you even said so yourself. Don’t go second guessing yourself now because you’re getting paranoid.”

She really knew me better than I knew myself. I swear, she pegged all my insecurities and even knew why I felt the way I did. Even though this all I still couldn’t help but to feel nervous. I always have to torture myself with the “What if’s”, it’s just part of who I am. I like to be prepared for every scenario.

“I guess…”

“Don’t be scared. We’re in this together…“ Bailey offered me a smile, a sort of reassurance which I wanted to accept more than anything. “Let’s just get to bed… we have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow, including our job interview which we’re going to totally nail.”

I tried to close my eyes, but I ended up staring at the ceiling. The noises from the next room were pretty unbearable.

I could tell they were not only testing my patience but Bailey’s as well. She was tossing and turning in her bed, desperately trying to find a way to dull out all the commotion.

Bailey was going to flip in a few moments; we definitely didn’t need that in a hotel that we weren’t even supposed to be staying at. Turning on the TV to try and hide the sound seemed like the only solution. People were just so rude and inconsiderate.

“AH! Will and Grace is on!” Bailey smiled widely and sat up quickly in her bed. She was funny with the way she reacted to things sometimes. When something makes her happy, she’s the type of person to just be thrilled about it. She’ll bounce around like a kid or something. She just wears her emotions on her sleeve I guess. “It’ll drown out the rabbits next door.”

“The rabbits.” I busted out into laughter. It wasn’t just regular laughter; it was that hard laugh that leaves a pain in your stomach. It was a good feeling, it was like I was cleansing myself of the negativity.

No more pain. My new life had to be happy.

“AHH!! BABY RIGHT THERE!!”

Then we heard that. Bailey jumped up from her bed, quickly tossed her brown hair back into a pony tail and headed for the doorway. Shit! She was going to flip out, I knew it well. We couldn’t afford to have any attention on us, we had to be quiet.

“Bail… don’t do it… come on we could just call the front desk and tell them to send someone up…?”

“Yeah, okay!! Madison, welcome to the real world. You have to do things yourself to get shit done.” Bailey stood in front of the door adjacent to our room and powerfully knocked on the door. She might have been a skinny little thing, but she had power.

I stood in the hallway, stupefied. Bailey was determined to make a fool out of whoever was having sex. She was just that type of person that didn’t keep her opinions to herself. I definitely admired her for opening her mouth. Although it got her in trouble sometimes, (especially with her step mother) other times it saved her ass. It’s one of those blessing/curse things, I guess.

“Excuse me?!” Bailey slammed on the door again. I truly felt like I was going to faint.

“Come on… let’s just leave them alone. They have to tire out soon enough.”

“That’s not the fucking point! They are disturbing us and as a guest at the hotel I demand that they quiet down.” Bailey was too busy staring at me and ranting to even see the door finally open.

Okay, so have you ever had one of those freeze frame moments? A few seconds feel like an eternity? Well, I never had one until that moment. It was like everything that had happened in my life, all the struggles and hardships were to see the most gorgeous man I had ever seen, standing clad in a pair of boxers.

I was staring at him with my mouth hanging slightly open. That was definitely was making me look sane. I really tried to look like something other than a deer in headlights. I failed miserably.

Did I mention how perfectly sculpted he was? He was cut in all the right places, even a few tattoos. Okay, I knew that I had to stop staring, I didn’t even know this guy and here I went lusting over him. I needed to get a grip and face reality. Ridiculously good looking guys like that don’t go for average girls.

He was looking back at me, kind of curiously. Oh God. Did I catch his curiosity or was it the fact that my best friend was pounding on his hotel room door close to midnight? I’m guessing the latter.

“If I have to keep fucking waiting I’m going to break down the door!” Bailey who was still staring at me, pulled her hand back and with impressive force knocked her fist right into my dream boy’s face.

“Oh my God! Bailey, what the hell did you just do?!” I ran over to where the oversexed man was now lying on the floor, cradling his face.

“FUCKIN’ SHIT! What the hell did I deserve that for?!”

Bailey just held her head up and skipped back to our room. I assumed she was proud of herself. I didn't get it.

I realized what I was doing and let him go only to drop him again. Man, violence already and I'd barely said anything to him. I did feel bad, I mean, yeah, he was a horny prick, but straight out punching? I was appalled and I couldn't do or say anything more.

"Uh, yeah..." Those were my last words as I ran my ass back to the room and shut the door behind.

I stayed against the door for a minute, the smile pasted on my face was too obvious for anyone to miss.

"What's that mean? Why you smiling?" Bailey appeared next to me all of a sudden.

The thing was, I really didn't know. But I felt something flicker and I welcomed the feeling.