“Alana, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s going on with you and Justin?” I looked across my kitchen table at Derek who was staring at me waiting for an answer.

“What would be happening Derek?”

“Ever since you got back from LA you’ve just seemed off, you're really moody lately, you know? And he calls you like crazy, and you never answer. What’s going on?”

“We just got into a little argument about Jessica, that’s all.” How was I supposed to tell him that I was thinking about moving in with Justin? You would have done the same thing, so don’t look at me like that.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m positive.” We finished up the rest of our breakfast and we went our separate ways to work. I wasn’t excited about going into work like I had thought I would be. Since I had gotten back from being out on the West coast my classes had been acting up and slacking off, which was really bringing my mood down horribly.

 
Soon after that, I walked up and down the aisles of my classroom in a bad mood, handing back the timed writings my AP class did the day before, “I’m extremely disappointed with the scores on these papers you guys. Threes and Fours? Come on you guys. What happened to the sevens and eights you were getting before break?” I heard a chorus of grumbles before Jamal raised his hand.

“You haven’t been here for almost two weeks Ms G. The subs ain’t do shit with us.”

“Yeah, while you were out running around in Hollywood with old dude and all them celebrities we were stuck here with Old Ms. Hickman who don’t know shit about nothing.”

“I’m sorry I was gone for so long guys, but seriously how hard is it to read a passage from the book and explain how the author’s diction supports the theme? You’ve done it a million times; don’t blame my absence for your laziness. We’re not on Winter Break anymore; it’s time to get your asses in gear because I’m not the one who’s going to be getting some slack on my college classes if I pass it, you are.” No one responded because they knew I was right; my absence shouldn’t be the reason for their slacking.

“Take out a sheet of paper; we’re doing another writing to try to cancel out these horrible scores. I’m taking the best score out of the two so for those who did horribly yesterday you have a chance to redeem yourself.” I heard binders snap open and protests come from the mouths of my students, but I wasn’t having it.

“I don’t want to hear the moans and groans; you’re doing this writing regardless of how you feel. I want you to read “Of Youth and Age” by Francis Bacon and…” I turned around to my white board and started to write down their writing prompt, “explain how Bacon achieved his purpose using two or three of these: selection of detail, organization, use of imagery and antithesis. You’ve got 55 minutes; I’ll let you know when 15 minutes is up, you’ll begin writing after that.” After giving them the prompt I went and sat down at my desk to grade more papers for my next class.

I sit here and tell you constantly how much teaching means to me and how much I wouldn’t trade my job for anything in the world, but I don’t tell you about the days where I want to rip my hair out and quit right there on the spot. My AP English Language and Composition class consisted of about 10 inner city kids (among suburban kids) who were very intelligent but couldn’t get the education they deserved back in their own cities so they enrolled in a program to attend a suburban school. Even though they’re extremely bright students, they’re still 17 year olds and they still have the world’s worst attitudes; I felt bad when I had to put them back in their place. They needed to realize that I was their elder and not their peer, which they forgot regularly and thought they could speak to me any way they wanted. When Justin was brought into our class discussions somehow, I would always get really defensive and have to bust out my ‘mom voice’ which they didn’t like at all, but I needed to do my job, right?

For the first few weeks I was back home, the times where it got hard to cope with their attitudes were the times when I seriously thought about taking Justin up on his offer and moving out to LA; I was sure I could get a job at some private school out there teaching spoiled rich kids who didn’t talk back and get paid more without the hassle, but that would be wrong, right?

When I got home from work that day I saw Derek’s car in his driveway so I walked over there to see what he was doing home early. When I walked into his house I could smell that he was cooking so I followed the scent and found him standing over his stove.

“Hey sexy. What are you making?” He practically jumped ten feet in the air and turned around to look at me.

“Holy shit Alana, you scared me. My mom’s going to be here in about an hour so I’m making some pasta and her homemade sauce. Do you want to join us for dinner?” It only been about two months and he already wanted me to meet his mom, this guy was moving fast.

“No that’s okay I’ve got some tests to grade and notes to take for my classes tomorrow. You two enjoy though, maybe I'll meet her tomorrow.”

“Come on Alana; my mom wants to meet you.” Sure enough I had given in and stayed for dinner to meet Derek’s mom. When Derek opened the door to let her in I was met with one of the tiniest women I’ve ever seen in my life, looks can be deceiving. When we were sitting down at dinner I was extremely nervous; I could see her sizing me up from across the table and it was making me want to run out of the house screaming.

“Derek tells me you’re a teacher, how is that?” I swallowed the heap of garlic bread I was chewing and tried to find my words to speak.

“I love it actually. I’ve always loved my English teachers in high school; I originally was going to go to law school but I couldn’t see myself being in school for that long. My English teacher during senior year really influenced me to go into education.”

“That seems a little cliché if you ask me.” Yeah and I wasn’t asking you. Bitch.

“Uhh…” What was I supposed to say to that?

“So are you from New Jersey originally?”

“No I was born and raised in Connecticut, and even went to college there. I moved out to LA for a while to live with some friends and then moved back here when I found my teaching job.”

“Los Angeles? What in the world would make you want to live out in that dump?” Seriously I was getting ready to reach across the table and strangle her nosy Canadian ass, but I kept my cool because the worst thing for a relationship is a mother that doesn’t approve.

“I had just gotten out of college and my two best friends live out there and had never lived anywhere but Connecticut, I figured it'd be a new experience. My friend Justin offered to let met stay with him for a while so I took him up on the offer.”

“So you lived with a guy?” Where the hell did this lady come from, the FBI?

“I lived with two actually…”

“You look very familiar, where have I seen you before?” Thank God for Derek because at that point I was ready to smack the shit out of his mother, and that wouldn’t have been pretty.

“Ma, enough with the questions. How’s everyone back home?”

“Nonsense Derek. I’m just trying to get to know the girl you’ve been seeing, that isn’t a problem. Right honey?”

“Right.”

“What is it that your parents do? I swear I’ve seen you somewhere before.”

“My Dad owns a construction company in New Hampshire and my Mom is an accountant back in CT.”

“Divorced parents? Hmm, are you the only child dear?”

“No mam. I have two older brothers; Jimmy is 33 and Isaac is 30 who both just came back from Iraq.” I was waiting for her to say something smart about my brothers because I was really going to go off on her; you don’t mess with my family.

“That’s fantastic, they must be great men. I’m sure your parents are proud of them.” She put the extra emphasis on them and bit into her spaghetti.

 
Dinner pretty much sucked and afterwards was even worse. The three of us were sitting around looking at pictures of Derek when he was a baby and listening to Derek’s mom talk about how well his family back home was doing when something caught my eye on the TV. For some reason the TV had been on Entertainment Tonight and lucky me, it had been a story on Justin’s birthday party from the week before. Derek’s mom looked up from the pictures she was looking at just in time to see a picture of Trace and I standing on stage giving our toast to Justin.

“That’s you, isn’t it?” I tried to change the channel but she snatched the remote out of my reach before I could. The pictures changed from Trace and I to Justin hugging me and kissing me softly on the side of my cheek, both of us wearing huge ass endearing smiles on our faces. The host continued to talk about who attended the party and what went on, and then pictures of me walking outside alone came on the TV screen.

“But while the festivities continued on inside for most of the night, the birthday boy’s best friend, Alana Gagliardi, was photographed picking up Justin’s car from the valet before driving around back and helping him escape from his own party. Paparazzi caught his Ferrari peeling out of the club parking lot and managed to snap a picture of the two of them, with Justin now behind the wheel. Where could they have been going and without Justin’s girlfriend Jessica Biel and Alana’s rumored boyfriend, William Rast designer, Trace Ayala? They weren’t spotted anywhere after their escape but it has been confirmed from sources close to Justin that the two are just friends and Alana is back at home in New Jersey. From the pictures and videos that have surfaced it looks that Justin had a great birthday. Happy belated birthday Justin…”

I know I shouldn’t have been laughing, but I was; people had actually bought the story that Trace fed to those paparazzi earlier in that week. My one person laughing fest was cut short by the annoying shrill of Derek’s mom’s voice.

“That’s where I recognized you from. You’re supposed to be dating my son, yet you’re gallivanting around Los Angeles with celebrities and leaving clubs early with them going God knows where to do God knows what. Is that who you lived with when you lived out there?”

“Yes. We’ve been friends for almost ten years.”

“Friends, yeah right.”

“Look, I don’t get what you’re issue is with me. I’m not marrying your son so I don’t get what’s with the third degree? So what if I lived out in LA with someone famous, who the hell cares lady? My parents were okay with it and that’s really all that fucking matters.”

“Alana!” Derek tried to scold me, but I wasn’t having it. He’s not my father; he couldn’t tell me how to act.

“No Derek, don’t Alana me! I don’t understand why she’s grilling me like that. Damn if this is what I have to deal with dating you I’m definitely moving back to Los Angeles.” I really didn’t mean to blurt that out, but I did and I felt bad after I saw the look of shock on his face.

“You’re moving back out there? When were you going to tell me?” He acted like I had just run over his dog with my car; we had only been ‘dating’ for two months so I don’t see why it was such a big deal to him.

“I haven’t even decided for sure if I was going to. It was brought up last week when I was back there for Justin’s birthday.” His mom scoffed and started to mumble things under her breath that were inaudible.

“So you’re going to just up and move out there?”

“I don’t know right now Derek, probably not. Listen I need to go home and get my shit together for work tomorrow. It was nice meeting you Martha.” I had never been good at meeting mothers; Tommy’s mom didn’t like me when she first met me because she found out I wasn’t Puerto Rican like she wanted for her son, but that changed when she realized how much in love we were. I felt that Martha’s dislike for me could have been racially motivated; it wouldn’t have been the first time that was the case for me.

When I got into my door a few minutes later my house felt extremely lonely. As much as I complained about them being there I missed Buckley and Brennan waiting for me when I got home every day. Even with having to buy a new couch, replace tons of picture frames and pillows and having to get the leather in my truck redone I loved having the company in my house for three months. I was so used to being drooled on in my sleep or woken up by the incessant barking in the middle of the night that I couldn’t rest easy for the first few days without them.

The constant phone calls from Justin didn’t stop though; he called daily to check on things the way he had when I was taking care of his ‘precious babies’. So when I walked into my house after my horrible dinner that night I wasn’t surprised to see the red light on my machine blinking.

“LaLa, it’s kinda late to be out on a school night, where are you?,” his voice got extremely soft and he sounded extremely down, “I miss you girl; shit it ain’t the same without you yelling at me to clean up after myself or without your fine behind in my arms when I wake up. Buckley and Brennan miss your ass too, you know they sit at the front door and whimper all day and night waiting for you to come through it like they’re back there. I wish you’d just think about moving out here, you could stay with me till you get back on your feet, you know that right? I’m not trying to force you into anything though La.. I know I shouldn’t be asking you to just leave everything behind to be closer to me, I’m sorry… Listen; just call me when you get in if you’re not tired or anything if you want. Love you La.”

Why did hearing the need in his voice make me want to pack my shit up right then and there and leave without saying a word? Why was I thinking about leaving everything and uprooting to a place I despise for someone I wasn’t even with? Because he’s Justin Randall Timberlake, my best friend from Millington Tennessee, not JT the performer that his fans love, that’s why. Because without Justin I would have probably been Tommy’s baby mama who was stuck at home with my three kids while Tommy was out fucking girls left and right.

I wanted to leave New Jersey because there was nothing for me there anymore. My Justin was vulnerable and sad without me, no matter how hard he tried to play it off that he couldn’t care either way if I moved, I knew he cared. My Justin made me realized that I was worth more than second place; he made me realize that Alana Gagliardi was better than who she thought she was and she deserved so much more than she was getting.