Needless to say I didn’t return Justin’s phone call that night like he asked. Hell, I didn’t return his (or Trace’s) phone calls for nearly two weeks after that message. I know I shouldn’t have been thinking about moving, but I was and I needed time ‘away’ from Justin and Trace’s influence to decide on my own.

I’ve always watched people make lists of the pros and cons of something and I’ve always thought it was so stupid, until then. Of course with my luck the two would even out in the end, so I did the only thing I knew how to do; run home to my Mama.

When I pulled up in my mom’s driveway I saw that both of my brothers were home, which wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience. Walking through the door I heard the infectious laughter of my niece, Adrienne, coming from the kitchen so I walked back there. I saw my Mom, my Dad (yeah I know), Isaac, Jimmy, Jimmy’s wife Vicky, Isaac’s fiancé Janelle, and Adrienne sitting around watching Adrienne dance to, ironically, one of Justin’s songs.

“Titi Lana!” She was the first to see me and came running at me while everyone else smiled and started to make their way over to the doorway.

“Hey Adri baby. What are you doing?”

“Hola Titi, como estas? I was dancing to the music for my recital.” Her mother’s Puerto Rican, so my brother and Vicky were trying to teach her Spanish.

“Bien, y tu? You look very pretty baby girl.” I was hugged by everyone else and we all went and sat in the family room in the basement where I received weird glances from everyone.

“So, what’s going on Alana?” I turned and looked at my dad. I was really confused as to why he was there, which I’m sure they were wondering the same about me.

“Uh can’t I come home to visit my family? What’s going on with you Dad, why are you here? Where’s Cindy and Lizzie?”

“They’re out in Los Angeles visiting Cindy’s mom for the weekend. I decided to come and see the boys since the last time I saw them was over Christmas.”

“Baby what’s going on? Why’d you come home without calling first?”

“See, it’s funny that you should mention that Cindy’s in LA…” Everyone in the room just stared at me like I had four heads and waited for me to continue, but I didn’t because I didn’t know how to break it to them.

“What about Los Angeles Alana?”

“Here goes nothing… I think I might move back to LA for a while.” Both of my brothers stared at me and didn’t say a word; my dad cleared his throat and shifted in his seat; my mom beamed and tried to contain her excitement, she knew why I was going to move out there. Janelle and Vicky brought Adrienne out into the backyard so we could have a family discussion; they both knew their men were about to have shit fits.

“With whom?”

“Justin.”

“You two are dating or something now?” Isaac and Jimmy like Justin, but they weren’t head over heels in love with him they way my mom and dad were and I knew that they weren’t going to really be happy even if I was with him and moving my life just to be closer.

“No. Jersey is just getting tough for me, you know? Out in LA I can find a better teaching job and I can make more money to support myself than I can out here.”

“Are you fucking serious Alana? You’re insane.” Have I ever mentioned how afraid I am of my brothers, well Jimmy in particular?

“Maybe. See this is why I don’t tell you two anything. I could have done with just talking to Mom and Dad, but you two are really pissing me off. I don’t need your opinions on what I’m going to do with my life. Neither of you listened to me when I told you not to enlist in the Marines and you did anyways. I’m a grown ass woman and can do as I please.”

“Twenty four is hardly grown Alana. Enlisting and fighting for your country is different than moving across the country to play house with some pop star. You’re moving across the country away from your family with some guy you don’t even date.”

“I forgot that you know everything James. How the fuck isn’t 24 grown? Oh wait, I forgot being grown in your eyes constitutes as having a family. Well gosh, sorry that your sister is a fucking loser who doesn’t even have a husband, let alone a boyfriend. Not everyone can stay with their high school sweetheart and have a beautiful child at a young age like you. Some of us aren’t so lucky.” He opened his mouth to say something but closed it when my dad interrupted him.

“Will you two stop it, please? What Alana decides to do with her life is her decision. Baby you know you have my support in whatever you decide to do, alright?” I couldn’t speak, I was ready to beat the shit out of Jimmy if I didn’t get out of there so I got up and went into my old bed room.

I guess I should have expected that reaction to come from him more than anyone else. Jimmy never approved of anything I did; he hated the fact that I decided to be a teacher instead of a lawyer like I had initially started school for. He hated the fact that Tommy and I broke it off; he thought we were ‘perfect’ for each other and didn’t understand what I did to fuck up such a great relationship. It figures that he would blame me for everything going wrong with Tommy, if only he knew right? Let’s just say Isaac and I get along better than Jimmy and I ever have and ever will for that matter.

After dinner Isaac pulled me upstairs to his old room and closed the door so no one could hear us. He sat down on his bed and patted next to him for me to take the empty spot.

“What’s really going on Alana?”

“With what?”

“You and Justin; I know for a fact that you wouldn’t consider giving up your job and that house you work so hard for if something wasn’t going on between you two. I may have been cut off from the world for a while, but in the time that I’ve been back I’ve seen the TV and the magazines, so what’s true and what’s not?”

“I didn’t break him and Jessica Biel up, that’s all a lie. That bitch messed things up on her own... We haven’t been messing around since we met; it’s only been a few months.” Surprisingly I saw the corners of his mouth turn up into a grin.

“Well God damn. You always used to say you’d catch yourself someone rich and famous when we were little. You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? Do you really want to move back to that place?”

“I think it’s worth it, you know?”

“You used to call me everyday when you lived there and cry about how much you hated it there. You used to say how much you missed Dad and I. I’m sure you’ll be happy to be away from Jimmy though…” I’m a Daddy’s girl, and that was my first con on the list I made; not having my Daddy close by to run to when I was sad.

“I’m going to miss everyone Isa, don’t get it twisted. If I don’t go there’s always going to be that ‘what if’ in the back of my mind. I’m giving it six months to work and if not I’m coming knocking on your door so you can say ‘I told you so’ and call me stupid. Okay?” Isaac grabbed me and pulled me into a big ass hug before letting me go and looking at me with sad eyes.

“Good luck Alana and be careful, alright? If you ever need anything call me.”

“I’m not leaving tomorrow you drama queen.” He punched the shit out of my arm and laughed before turning towards the door and leaving.

Later that night when I was lying in my old bedroom upstairs in the attic I decided to return Justin’s phone calls that I had been ignoring.

“Where the fuck have you been? Are you okay, did you get hurt? Do you know how worried Trace and I have been?”

“Relax, I've just been getting my head clear.”

“Clear of what Alana Marie? Do you understand that I was just packing my shit to fly out there and see what the fuck was wrong with you? You could have sent a text message saying ‘hi I know I’m being a dick, but I’m still alive’ or something. What the hell…”

“What if I told you I wanted to stay with you?”

“You know my door is always open when you need to get away LaLa.”

“I mean for good Justin. What if I said I’m going to move out to LA?”

“Are you just busting my balls?”

“Not at all. I’m going to give it a try for a few months and if I don’t like it I’m back out here. Got it?”

“What about your job and your house?”

“Isaac and Janelle are going to move out of Mom’s place and into mine. If I decide to stay there I’m gonna just sell it to them. I’m going to talk to my job on Monday about how long I need to stay for them to find a replacement for me.”

“Are you sure this is really what you want to do bay?”

“No, but don’t talk me out of it because I’ve been thinking about it for two weeks and I’ve finally decided.”

“I’m speechless La. I know I asked, but is this really what you want? I don’t want you to come here just because I asked.”

“It’s not like I’m permanently moving in with you Jay. I’m moving out there till I get a job and get back on my feet and find a place. Besides, my only friend out here is Noel and she barely has time for me anymore. It’ll be nice having you and Trace to hang out with on a regular basis.”

“What about Derek?” Shit. I hadn’t even thought about what was going to happen between Derek and me. After what happened with his mom I didn’t really see things working out, but I wanted them to.

“I’ll figure something out.” I heard Justin snicker on the other line.

“He not hitting it good enough for you La? That why you’re moving out here?” I hate him. I knew that deep down he was being serious; even if there was humor in his voice.

“Oh shut the hell up Jay. I’m at Mom’s; I’m going to bed so I’ll call you when I figure out the details and everything. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Alana. I’ll let Trace know that you’re alive.”

“Tell him I’m sorry for ignoring his calls.”

“Will do. Love you.”

“You too. Give my babies a kiss from me.”

“Your babies?”

“Buck and Bren. Surprisingly, I miss their bad asses and can’t wait to be out there with them.”

“Will do. Can their owner get a kiss from you too?” I blew a kiss over the line and could practically hear the smile in his voice.

“Goodnight.”

Before falling asleep I couldn't help but feel ansty;I was really going to go through with it. You only live once, right?

“What the hell Ms. G? You’re selling out for Hollywood. Jersey ain’t good enough for you no more?” Breaking the news to my classes wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. When I got back to work that Monday I spoke with my boss and the superintendent and asked them how long would I need to stay for them to find a replacement; they had told me that all they needed was a week and I could be gone.

“I’m not selling out for Hollywood you guys.”

“What would you call it then Ms. G?”

“Look, I’m sorry. I got things I need to do for myself out there that can’t be done here.”

“I can’t believe you’re selling out and moving there for a dude.”

“For your information you guys, I sold out on Los Angeles to move here. And I'm not moving for a dude.”

“I thought you grew up in Connecticut?”

“I moved out to LA when I got out of college. I haven’t been back here for that long you guys.”

“Whatever. How are you going to just leave us like that?”

That whole week all I got was lip from my classes; let’s just say they weren’t too happy on the idea of me leaving them in the middle of the year. And if you think Derek was any happier about me leaving than they were you’ve got it all wrong.

“So this is it, I guess?” He was helping me back up my car with the last of my boxes before I left.

“No D, this isn’t it. As soon as I get settled you’re going to come out there, right?”

“I guess. I just don’t exactly understand why you’re moving. It doesn’t make sense to me.” It doesn’t make sense to me either, trust me.

“It’s something I just need to do. I’ve got to head out though. I’ll call you when I get to my first hotel.” Saying goodbye to Derek was bittersweet; part of me wanted to cry my eyes out and tell him how much I’d miss him but another part of me wanted to bid him farewell and speed out to LA to start my ‘life’ with Justin out there. I didn’t know whether to be sad or happy so before I could display any emotion I climbed into my X3 and backed out of my driveway and beeped before heading off to LA.

It only took me four days to drive out there; the driving quite a distance and staying in hotels on the way killed me though. I wanted to get to LA and get in a real bed in a house real bad so when I was actually on the road I drove significantly higher than the speed limit. When the gates to Justin’s property closed behind me I started to drive up the cobblestone driveway to the house to see if Justin was home. By the time I had gotten to LA it was around dinner time so he may or may not have been out somewhere with friends; I found out I was right when I parked my car and saw his Jeep missing from the spot it was usually in.

Instead of unpacking all of my boxes (which really only consisted of clothes, pictures, my computer, and personal items from home) I went inside and laid down on the couch. Even though I had been there weeks earlier I forgot how relaxed Justin’s house made me feel; Buckley and Brennan had been somewhat of my ‘comfort blanket’ when I had first gotten there and was alone, it was great to hear them bark and have them jump all over me. Even though I was excited to be at Justin’s finally, I was long overdue for a nap and dozed off right there on the couch.

“LaLa… wake up.” I felt someone nudging me as I was sleeping on the couch. When I opened my eyes I saw that it was almost 10 o’clock and was met with Trace.

“What’s going on?” I figured something had happened if he needed to wake me up so badly.

“Justin just got back with pizza, are you hungry?” I started to shake my head no, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but my stomach betrayed me and started to rumble extremely loud.

“How long have you guys been home?”

“About an hour; we saw you here and figured you were hungry from all that driving.”

“I’m fine, I just want to sleep.” I looked at his face and saw that he wasn’t buying it, or maybe he could have just heard my stomach.

“Come on girl, he got chicken put on half of it for you.”

“He knows the way to my heart…”