2 Weeks Later...

Saturday morning...

At Jeremy's...

Admission Is The First Step

"Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult."

"Just great. How can they reschedule now?" I groan, flipping through the messages on my phone. "Yolanda was scheduled for that radio interview today. Those people need to get their shit together." Pressing the talk button, I listen intently waiting for someone to answer.

"This is JKW5, Joel speaking, how may I help you?" The radio Dj answers. I'd recognize his voice anywhere.

"Hi, this is Yolanda Glenmore's PA. Jahzara Gilmore. I got a message stating she was rescheduled?" Clutching unto the phone tightly, I watch as Jeremy strolls into the living room only clad in boxers. Smiling at him, he struts over and places a light kiss on my lips, before he disappears somewhere into the kitchen.

"Yes Miss Gilmore how are you? I'm sorry about the inconvenience. We overbooked and since Yolanda will be here for another week, we've scheduled for next week Friday. Is that good? It's the day before the VMA's." He asks hopefully.

"That's fine. I'll inform her of the change. But it's going to be tight. Thank you though." I add, rubbing at my stomach. I'm hungry. I need something to eat. I can hear it growling. I'm wondering if Joel can hear over the phone.

"Ok, Bye Miss Gilmore. It's been nice talking to you." He states and I can almost see his grin over the phone.

"You too. Bye Joel." Hanging up, I rest back in my seat sighing heavily.

It's been the longest weeks of my life. I'm drained. I've been up and down with Yolanda, from studio recordings, to dance rehearsals, to interviews to photo shoots. Her schedule is becoming really hectic. Everyone is looking to book her. But thank god for Johnny. His training is coming in handy on how to deal with these people and choose the best work for Yolanda. Plus, I can call him when I'm stuck. I have a few times over the last few weeks. Everything has been going smooth. Jeremy and I are getting to know each other better. I guess we just needed to spend some time together. He is really amazing. Sometimes I think he's too good to be true and I'm just looking for the fault in him but I find none. But it's still too early to tell. We'll see what happens.

In just two months my life has changed drastically. Who would have thought? You'd think I have it all right? A wonderful career, a loving boyfriend who does so much for me, and a brother who supports me in everything I do. Malcolm is more excited than me about my new found profession. I think it's because he's going to use me to meet his favorite celebrities. I wouldn't put it past him. He's a nut. But I love him to death. Giggling to myself I hear my stomach growl again. I really should eat. I feel for a Twix though. It's not the ideal meal but Justin's home always had Twix. When he found out I liked it so much he added it to his shopping list. It's the little things like that, that won't let me forget him and how he hurt me.

I don't have it all. I really don't. I should be happy but I'm not. I miss Justin. Can you believe I haven't seen him in two weeks? I've gone from seeing him almost everyday for over a year, almost two since I started working for him, to not seeing him for two whole weeks. I'm Justin deprived and I don't care who knows it. That man will certainly be the death of me. I have no doubt about that. Even after everything that's happened between us I still miss him. I still feel like I need him there with me. I miss him calling me ‘berry'. It always made me feel special that it was his private, personal nickname for me. I think he's avoiding me. I mean, I've seen Trace, Mike, Lonnie, Yolanda...everyone but him. Whenever I'd ask for him, they'd make up some bullshit story about him being busy or preoccupied. Yeah right.

Standing from my seat, I go into the kitchen in search of Jeremy. He's sitting up on his marbled island munching on a bowl of cereal. Justin loves cereal. There is never a morning when he's not munching on some kind of cereal. God, I'm so stupid. I can't keep torturing myself like this. I have Jeremy. I care about him a lot. I don't want to hurt him. I'm not sure if I love him just yet, but it could happen. I just need to be focused and stop letting my mind stray. But how? How do I do that?

"Hey Jer! What's going on?" Standing between his legs, I try to steal from his cereal but he yanks the bowl and spoon away.

"Hey get your own girl!" He chuckles, causing me to smile brightly at him.

"I just want one bite." I reply innocently.

"Oh no. The last time I allowed that you ate the entire thing!" He states with big eyes.

"It was just one time." I retort, laughing loudly.

"Well one too many thank you very much." He sticks his tongue out at me and I do the same back to him. Who would have thought he was this childish? I love it.

"Whatever muscle man." I tap his shoulder lightly and he shrugs.

"Uh huh. So, I overheard you on the phone about Yolanda's interview." He begins.

"It's cancelled." I nod my head at him.

"Cool, so what do you want to do today? Surfing or..."

"Oh hell no!" I snicker. "I'm done with surfing. I know! How about we invite the whole gang out to the movies or something?" I suggest.

"Na, paparazzi will mob Justin and Yolanda and Trace and maybe even you. I can't allow that to happen. Not until they higher Yolanda's new bodyguards." He replies protectively. Aww, he's so sweet.

"Ok, then let's have a movie night then. I love those things." I beam, remembering my traditional movie nights with Malcolm. I miss those times. I can't wait to go home and see him.

"Sure. Do you want to do it by me, or would you prefer head over to Justin's? We can call him to make plans once he's not busy."

"Justin's" I quickly reply. It would give me a chance to see him after all this time. I know if we had it here Justin would find a reason to not come. He really is stubborn. But I still miss him though.

"Fine, I'm going to take a shower so you and I can head out shopping for the day. We'll go over there tonight. Oh and the invitation to join me in the shower is on the table." He winks at me, wriggling his eyebrows and I just laugh out loud, before he disappears up the stairs.

He's a tease. He really is. And have I mentioned how amazing the man is in bed? It finally happened last night. I know you're thinking how could I? But, god, I was on cloud nine. His touch, his kisses, everything was amazing. He filled me up just right and...and shit, I haven't been laid in ages. I had an orgasm almost instantly. It was perfect. I think I'm glowing too. But anyway, I better call them up to make the plans for later.

Skipping over to my phone, I pause when I feel my tummy ache. "I need to eat something." I voice out loud, but zone out when my phone begins to ring.

Grabbing the item off the table I flip it open already knowing who's on the line.

"Tracey-poo!" I smile brightly.

"Hey girl, what's up? Just checking up on you." He replies.

"Oh I'm doing great. Yolanda's interview was cancelled though." I lament.

"So I've heard. The radio station called her to apologize." He informs.

"That's good. I rescheduled her for next week."

"Ok. So what are you doing today?" He asks.

Grinning like a clown I rest my back against a nearby wall. "Funny you should ask me that. I was just talking to Jer and getting ready to call you..."

****

Mallory is gone. I can't believe she's really gone. Those two weeks flew by in a hurry. She's been gone for almost a week now. I actually miss her. I don't know why really. I can't stand her most of the times. I think I'm craving attention. I finally got my shit together and told Jessica we couldn't do this anymore. I'm through with the messing around. It's weighing me down. My mind is jumbled and it's affecting my work. But, Jessica cried. She cried like she did when we first broke up. And I felt terrible because of it. She accused me of being cold-hearted and not caring about her feelings. But what about my feelings? Huh? I hate women. I'm really beginning to dislike them. I think I need a shrink. This can't continue.

Most of all I hate myself. I've been an idiot. I let go the one woman who had enough of an effect on me to actually make me tear. I can't face her. What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey berry what's up and how's it hanging with ‘gym boy'? Yeah sure, when donkeys grow wings and fly. But I miss her. I miss her laugh, and her smile and her whining and her annoying nail habit. I miss her mood swings and the way she's always telling me I'm full of shit. Most of all I miss her kiss, and her touch, and the way we fit so perfectly together. I just want my berry back. I want to make things right with her. We can't do this and she's going to be working with me. I'm such a pussy I can't even face her. But I need her. I'm going insane not being able to touch her or see her or feel her. I'm so stupid. I should have never let all this happen.

I should have just told her how I felt...how I still feel. But it's strange. It's odd because I can't solidify my feelings. They're a mess and so am I. Now I'm miserable over Zara and that's never happened to me before. Ok, well it has in past relationships, but you see what I'm saying? They were all relationships! Zara and I didn't even get that far! And I'm moping around like we broke up or something. How is that normal? It's not. It really isn't. I haven't seen her in two damn weeks! This is some fucked up karma man.

"Dude, are you busy later?" Trace walks into the living room where I've been sitting watching a blank television screen for the past hour or so.

"Does it look like I'm busy?" I chortle and he arches his brows at me skeptically.

"Listen. We're having a movie night over here later. You up for it? I've invited a few people." He explains and I shrug, uncaring of what ever plans he's made.

"Do whatever man. I'll be here." I reply solemnly.

"Cool." He turns to leave but I stop him.

"Wait a minute. What movie are we watching and who did you invite?" I enquire. If I know Trace well enough, Jahzara and Jeremy are coming and I can't have that. How would I deal with them...with her?

"Don't know what movie yet...we'll figure it out. And, just a few peeps man. Oh and did you know JC is in town?" He informs and my ears instantly perk up. Oh you're not changing the topic you sneaky midget. But I'll entertain him for now.

"Really."

"Yup, he just called a few minutes ago. I told him to come over too."

"That's cool. It would be nice to see Josh again." I push back in my seat, grabbing the remote to search for a basketball game. I need to clear my mind a bit.

"Alright. Well, I'm out. I'm going to head down to the dance rehearsal halls with Yolanda. I'm bored. I can't stay here. Besides, I get a kick out of watching Marty yell at her." Trace snickers and I laugh heartily. Marty can really be something when he's all serious.

"Have fun man. I'll see you later....oh and Trace?" I call out to him.

"Yeah?"

Slowly turning my head to lock eyes with him I note the uncertainly shining through his orbs. "I know Zara is going to be there. It's cool though." I add casually, finally flipping on the television. But it's not cool at all. I'm kind of nervous about seeing her. What would I say to her? I don't even know.

"Just...don't do or say anything else you'll regret ok?" He explains. "I'm out." He says, exiting the room and disappearing god knows where.

Waving him and his advice off, I flip through the stations landing on MTV. Just fantastic. I wonder who they're doing a segment on...I'm betting it's me.

Seeing my face on the right side of the screen justifies my suspicions.

‘Welcome back to MTV's news brief. I'm your host Suchin Park with updates on your favorite celebrities...'

Groaning and ready to change the channel, I stop when I notice a picture of Zara and me flash on the screen. "What the hell?" Turning up the volume, I listen intently at the news brief.

‘It has been rumored that famous celebrity superstar Justin Timberlake is actually having an affair with one of his workers employed with his label Tennman records who just happens to be Yolanda Glenmore's PA. Yolanda is a new artist sighed to his label whose single hit number one two weeks ago and her PA is none other than Jahzara Gilmore. It has been rumored that the pair have been spotted about in LA and there are also rumors of photos that show the two kissing in a stadium's parking lot after a Lakers game in LA. No photos have surfaced yet to prove this rumor true. It is suggested that two friends have been battling with each other on handing the photos over to the tabloids. One was adamant on exposing Justin's personal affairs when the other vouched against it. Hopefully, this will all be cleared up and soon....And in other news...'

Instantly flipping the channel I bow my head in thought. "Holy...holy shit. Oh god, please don't let them bug Zara about this. She'd never survive it." I mutter in shock. I knew this shit would come back to hit us. I really hope no one troubles her about this. The paps and the media are crucial to deal with. I'm betting Johnny will be calling soon. He hates when my name gets mixed up in these types of drama.

Knowing I'm going to have to talk to berry later about this when they come over is not my ideal plan but, I don't have a choice. She needs to be warned and take caution to not say anything.

Still channel surfing I finally land on a past Lakers game. Ok, I can handle this. I'm just going to laze about here whole day like a bum who's got nothing better to do with his life. It's a relief from the normal routine. Yeah, some Justin time is just what I need to cleanse the spirit.

****

Late Night...hours later...at Justin's home

I'm nervous about seeing Justin again. I'm not sure how or what he's going to say to me. I miss him so much. I don't want us to fight. I've been thinking about him the entire day. I know it's unfair to Jeremy, but the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to wonder if I made the right choice. I mean, shouldn't you be with the man that curls your toes and sets every inch of your body on fire? Justin does that to me whenever we're too close to each other. Jeremy is just...well...he's safe. I know he cares, but he's not dangerous and spontaneous like Justin. I care for the man, but I know for a fact I'm not in love with him. If I was, Justin wouldn't consume my thoughts in that way. But Justin hurt me so much already. I'm not sure I can withstand anymore of his harsh words. I just wish he'd make things easier for me by being honest. It seems really hard for him to be straight forward with me and I can't understand why.

"Come on babe." Jeremy grips my arms tightly, as we walk up the familiar stairs to Justin's front door. Trace buzzed us in moments earlier, stating that Justin was in the shower and that their other friends where already there. When I said the gang could hang out, I meant everyone I knew. But now, I'm nervous and on the verge of pulling into myself. I don't like meeting new people. I've said this before. I hate the fact that they always size me up and judge me even before they know me.

"Relax baby. You'll be fine. Don't worry about it." Jeremy squeezes my hand for support and I give him a tight smile before he rings the doorbell. That's one thing about him I love. It's like we're in sync with each other. He seems to read my mind or know how I'm feeling when I don't even voice it.

Seconds later the door swings open and we're greeted by...

"Justin! What's up my man?" Jeremy asks, letting go of my hand to give him one of those manly handshakes. "No hard feelings alright." Jeremy adds and Justin nods in response, his eyes fixated on me.

Oh no, I really want to run for the hills right now. Justin's practically undressing me with his stare. And he's standing there shirtless, in three-quarter khaki pants where you can see the waist band of his black Calvin Klein boxers. His pants are hung so low around his waist that his pelvic lining is visible and it trails all the way down to his private area. Oh my god, I can't breathe. He's gorgeous. His torso and arms aren't too muscular but the muscle outlining is perfectly defined. Plus, it looks like his hair is growing out a bit. There are barely there, tiny curls at the end. He's so adorable, and he's just staring at me interestingly with an amused sparkle in his eyes. Oh no, I think I just got caught checking him out. Damn, I can feel my face reddening by the second...

"Yeah man. It's cool Jeremy. And, I'm doing good. Come in..." Justin finally smiles for Jeremy, stepping aside so we can enter. When we get inside, Jeremy lets us know that he's in serious need of a drink and disappears into the kitchen.

No! Don't leave me alone with Justin! You stupid idiot! Why is my boyfriend so clueless all the time? That can't be right. I think that's a fault in him. He needs to be more alert.

I instantly tense and my breath lodges in my throat when I feel Justin walk up to me from behind. He's not touching me, but I can feel his body heat. Shit, I might just melt if I'm not careful this time.

"You look beautiful berry..." He whispers in my ears causing me to shut my eyes from his warm breath on my skin. "I've missed you...and I'm sorry." He adds before pulling away.

Too caught up to speak, I nod appreciatively. A short jeans skirt and blue halter top I think is plain and casual, but since he likes it, I guess it's ok.

Turning around to face him I smile widely. "Good to see you again Ju."

"You too." He smiles, lifting his hands to throw a white t-shirt over his head. No, don't do that! I was enjoying my view. I didn't even notice he had the shirt before. I was too engrossed with how his muscles flexed and relaxed when he'd breathe, talk or move.

I whimper slightly with disappointment that he's now fully clothed causing him to eye me strangely.

"Are you ok berry?" he asks concerned.

"Huh?"

"It never gets old." He chuckles, before he grabs unto my arm.

"What never gets old?" I ask curiously, as he leads me to the living room where I can hear a ton of chattering.

"Your ‘huh' and lost expression when someone catches you off guard because you're daydreaming."

"Oh..." I blush.

Turning to look at me he just shakes his head with a goofy grin on his face. "I wish you'd tell me why you're always so spaced out. I'd really love to know."

What? Tell him? He must be crazy. He wouldn't believe he was the reason even if I did tell him. "Oh no. That's for me to know and you to never find out." I giggle.

"Fine. But I'm sure you'll tell me eventually. I can wait." He replies confidently just as we set foot into the living room and everyone comes into view.

My smile is instantly wiped off my face when I notice the amount of persons hanging around. Well, I know most of them, but some I don't know.

"Ok guys, this is Yolanda's PA Jahzara." Justin introduces me and I receive a series of ‘hi's' and ‘hellos'. "And Zara, you know most of them." Justin begins, leading me further into the room. "You know Mike and Lonnie of course. You know Yolanda. That would be bad if you didn't know her." He says, causing everyone to laugh. Yolanda tells me a quick hello before Justin continues his introductions.

"You know your Tracey-poo." Justin snickers, when Trace gives him a death glare and I try to stifle my laugh, because other people are laughing too. "Anyway, this is Elisha, Trace's friend. She used to be his fiancé but shit happens. They finally reconciled their friendship after hating each other..." Justin trials off when both Elisha and Trace shoot him death glares. "Ok, ok, moving on. This is my dear cousin Rachel. You finally get to meet her." I tell his cousin hi, before he continues to pull me around the room, just as I notice Jeremy enter. He waves to me and takes a seat next to Lonnie, sipping on some beer. Men.

"Ok, this is my good bud who happens to be in town for the VMA's next weekend. This is Joshua Chasez, also known as JC from our boy band days." Justin grins for him and I tense up. Oh my god. Oh my freaking god! It's JC! JC! Holy mother of wow!

JC gives me a cute smile and I think I just blanked out. I know there must be a weird dreamy expression on my face right now.

"Oh my god!" I gasp, letting go of Justin's hand and walking over to JC. "I love you. I seriously love you. Marry me." I joke, and I hear everyone crack up. Ok, so I'm a little star struck. Sue me. I mean it's fucking JC! He was my favorite. I remembered seeing him at Justin's cook out some time back. But I didn't get to meet him. But I'm meeting him now and this is one of the best days of my life!

"Uh, it's nice to meet you too." JC says a bit nervously. I can see his pleading eyes with Justin, before I feel myself being pulled away.

"She...she's just in awe. She'll need to learn how to deal with meeting famous people." Justin tries to reason but JC just chuckles. And what a sexy chuckle that was.

"It's cool. I though that was cute." JC winks at me and I sigh with contentment.

"I seriously love you. You were my favorite back in the day. Your voice is just..." I'm cut off when I realize I'm being dragged away rapidly. "I'll be back! We should talk!" I yell out as Justin continues to manhandle me. He needs to let me go so I can plan how many children JC and I will have. Damn it!

"We're just going to get some drinks. Go ahead and start the movie." Justin voices to everyone, still hauling me away.

Looking over at Jer, he has an amused face, shaking his head at me before he diverts his attention somewhere else. Ok, I've heard about boyfriends and girlfriends giving each other space. But whenever we are out, Jeremy gives me too much space. I know it sounds messed up, but he's just always preoccupied with something or someone else! Ok, that's another fault in him. I'm on a roll now.

Finally getting into Justin's kitchen he lets me go and stalks over to the refrigerator with a grunt.

"What is your deal?" I ask defensively while crossing my hands over my chest.

"You didn't have to say all what you said in there. I mean what would your precious Jer think?" He snaps at me, pulling out a bottle of scotch. I know for a fact Jeremy didn't care because he knew I was only star struck.

As I'm about to make a smart comment, Justin looks directly at me and I notice the hurt in his eyes. He's not talking about Jeremy at all is he?

"Oh my god. Justin, did I hurt you when I said JC was my favorite?" Way to go Zara. I was so struck I forgot he formed part of their group too all those years ago. "I'm so sorry I didn't...I wasn't thinking..."

"No, just forget about it. What do you want to drink?" he inquires, grabbing a glass and some ice before he pours some scotch into his glass.

I feel bad. I know he must have taken my outburst to heart. "Ju..." I walk up to him and touch his shoulders lightly. Taking in a deep breath, he gulps some of the strong substance down, grimacing a bit. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it." I admit.

"I know, I know. It just. Well I still felt kind of bad you know?" He turns to face me with a shy smile on his face. Again, he's too adorable for words.

"You shouldn't." I respond. "You know I was just star struck."

"I know, but shit, I was right there berry. You asked my friend to marry you!" He states with a large grin on his face.

"HA! You're so full of shit Justin." I giggle causing him to laugh as well.

"I've missed hearing you say that." He divulges, then we grow serious again.

"Were you avoiding me? I haven't seen you in two weeks." I know there is a sad expression on my face, because he's searching my eyes trying to understand why I maybe care, considering I was the one who left.

"I thought that's what you wanted. To be away from me. I figured not seeing me would make things easier for you to deal with and sort out." Taking another large gulp, he places the half empty glass down. "Besides, I don't want to cause any problems with you and ‘gym boy'...I mean, Jeremy." Justin smiles sheepishly.

‘Gym boy' eh? Well I guess it suits him...but whatever. "I thought so too but I'm not so sure anymore." I explain seeing his eyes light up.

"Oh?"

Sighing, I rub my hands together. How do I tell him? How do I tell him that he's successfully latched unto my thoughts and feelings and there is no getting rid of him? How do I explain my feelings towards him when I'm not sure what they are exactly? I don't want to hurt Jer. But not seeing Justin for a simple two weeks drove me up the wall. But Jeremy is safe. He's what I need. I need to not get hurt. I wouldn't survive heartbreak again in my life. I'm afraid Justin will hurt me again. I mean he has so many times already you know? Even if it wasn't intentional or his fault, he's just so unpredictable. I've had terrible past experiences. That's why Malcolm is so protective of me. I'm not confused anymore though. I just can't decided or figure out the best route to take here.

"Listen Justin. I'm going to be blunt because there is no other way I know how to phrase this." Pausing, he's just looking at me blankly. Inhaling deeply, I figure it's now or never right? Even though I might regret this in the long run. "I, well I don't know why, when, or how it happened but I think, no, I know I have..."

"Stop..." He interrupts me.

"What?" I ask incredulously. Are you kidding me? I need to get this out now before I chicken out.

"Don't say it. Don't make things more complicated."

"Nothing is complicated..."

"Listen Zara. I know what you're going to say. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't waiting and hoping for that day to come where we are completely honest with each other. But, now is a bad time. Because I'm afraid of what I might do if you admit how you feel about me." Taking a few steps back he turns and opens the sliding glass doors walking out and leaving me in the kitchen. Wow, what the fuck just happened? What is wrong with him? We're finally getting along again. Why does he always do this?

Following him outside, I find him sitting by the pool on one of the lounge chairs. Taking a seat next to him, I gain all my courage and self-confidence I have left to nudge him on the side.

"Ok Justin. Explain to me what is going on with you. You're acting weird." I state.

****

Looking over at her I can feel my heart skip a beat. I don't know what's happening to me but I actually...like it. And It's scaring the shit out of me. I don't like not being able to control my emotions. I also don't want to make anything more serious than it already is. I've been avoiding her and keeping my self-control on the notion that she hates me. If she kills that by saying she has some sort of serious feelings for me, then all my will power will be tossed to the wind. And I can't do that. I can't make her life crazier that it already is. She wouldn't be able to deal with it. Especially now that the public is questioning what type of relationship we have with each other. I need to tell her though...

"Well..." I trail off, becoming mesmerized by the small ripples in my pool. The water is clear and it's warm out tonight. Thinking back to the last time Zara and I were out by a pool I laugh out loud.

"What? What's so funny?" She enquires and I realize I'm keeping her in the dark.

"I was just remembering the last time we were out by my pool in Florida at my cookout. You pulled me in with all my clothes on!" I chuckle, hearing her giggle a bit.

"It was fun." She admits and I shake my head in agreement.

"It was."

"Yeah."

"But you need to buy back my shirt you ruined by doing that." I remember.

"Are you serious?" She widens her eyes are me, rolling them in the process.

"Like a heart attack. It was my favorite shit!" I defend.

"Fine whatever." She slaps my shoulders playfully and lies down next to me. "They are going to come looking for us if we don't get back inside." She adds, but makes herself more comfortable in my arms with no intention of getting up.

Snaking my arms around her waist I ignore her last statement as my mind begins to wonder again. "It was the first time we kissed too." I whisper, bending my head to look at her. She's staring off into the distance but I know she heard me.

"Yeah it was. Tell me what's going on Justin." She sighs, using her hand to move my shirt halfway up my stomach. Placing her palms on my bare torso, I shut my eyes tightly as she begins tracing patterns up and down my stomach. Have I mentioned how much I love her touch? It's so delicate and smooth and even through her touch I can sense her shyness. It's cute.

"Well, I just saw a news brief this afternoon on MTV about us kissing in the stadium parking lot after the Lakers game we went to. Two friends supposedly took out pictures of us when that was happening but they're fighting over the photos because one wants them published and the other doesn't." I push out through deep breaths. Shit, she's driving me insane. She needs to stop touching me like that.

"Ok..."

"Ok? That's all?" When I look down I notice that she's staring right back at me.

"It's no big deal Justin. I'm not afraid or anything. I can handle it."

"No Zara. No you can't. They'll eat you alive. This is Hollywood we're talking about. Those people are callous. They don't give a shit and would do anything for a story." Is she in her right mind? She looks kind of dazed...as usual.

"Yeah well story of my life." She retorts, cuddling up next to me.

"Don't say that. Why do you always bring down yourself like that? And if it's any consolation, I spoke to Johnny and he's going to try and find out who the owners of those photos are so they can negotiate on some common ground. So don't worry about it ok?" I assure, snaking my hands through her thick curly locks.

"I was never worried. I trust you." She coos and suddenly I feel sick to my stomach. She trusts me? After everything I've said to her and put her through she trusts me? Why?

"Listen berry..."

"Justin just stop. I know what we've been through was fucked up. But I'm turning over a new leaf and so should you. Now I don't care anymore; I'm not scared anymore and there are no doubts anymore." She seats up to face me and I place my hands behind my head as I look up at her. God, she's cute. She really is. She's so cute but...but...hold on a minute. I'm examining her intently and she seems different. Something is different. Why haven't I noticed it before? Her eyes! It's in her eyes. They look tired and weary. They look dull and lacking the zest of life.

"Are you ok berry?" I ask out of concern. She just doesn't seem right to me all of a sudden.

"I'm fine. But what I'm trying to get out before you stopped me earlier is...well...I have feelings for you Justin. I mean, I was always attracted to you before you know? But not seeing you for two weeks on a stretch made me realize that whatever feelings these are go deeper than a simple physical attraction. And I feel horrible, because I don't want to hurt Jeremy. I know what that feels like. It's awful and I never want to put someone through that. But I can't ‘not' be around you. I can't ‘not' kiss you. I can't ‘not' want to touch you or feel you or...Shit!" She hisses, standing and walking away from me.

I'm shocked. I'm stunned. I'm...well...I'm kind of happy. No scratch that. I'm ecstatic. I know I am, because I'm grinning like a moron. I can't believe she just admitted that. Jumping up, I follow her to where she's pacing.

"Berry..."

"I mean damn it Justin! We are so unhealthy for each other but then I like it. I can't get enough of you. It's screwing with my mind, but at the same time I love it! It's wrong, but still right. I don't want to break up with Jeremy but I just...I want you too! That makes me a bitch but I don't care. I don't care! Why don't I care? I don't want to hurt him but...but..."

"Berry just shut up." I laugh at her and her babbling. Gripping her tightly around the waist, I pull her close to me.

"Listen to me. Are you listening?" She nods her head in response urging me to continue. "Ok. Now my admission in all of this is...I honestly and whole heartedly feel the same way."

"You...you do?" She asks me wide eyed and I place my finger on her lips to shut her up.

"Yeah I do." I smile. "And it's driving me insane too because I know us being together isn't exactly an option right now. It would cause too many problems and controversy for us and the people around us. Yolanda can't handle that type of publicity right now. We need to keep her as clean as possible." I explain and Zara agrees with me.

"You're right." She lets out a soft moan.

"Damn it berry, don't do this to me. Please just...understand ok? I swear I have feelings for you too. I honestly do. That's why I've been such a jerk. I've been fighting them. But I can't anymore. Trace was right...he seems to always be right. I don't know who he is anymore. He turned all smart and wise on me all of a sudden." I jape and Zara laughs in the process.

"That's my Tracey-poo." She beams.

"Ok, whatever, but, I just...I don't know how or what we're going to do about this. I can't keep my feelings for you bottled up inside berry. I'm so sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. But not being around you for those two weeks fucked me up royally too. I agree that this is unhealthy."

"So what do we do?" She's looking to me for the answers but I don't have them. I just want to feel her right now. I just want her to be mine. This is so fucked up.

"I, I don't know."

"Do you want me Justin?" She enquires, her pretty hazels turning shades darker into a deep brown. Wow where did that come from? I think she just morphed into someone else.

"More than anything. You have no fucking idea the amount of self-control I have when I'm around you." I grunt, resting our foreheads together and breathing deeply. I can't believe this is happening right now. It's surreal.

"I know. I...well...I want you too." She coos, blushing in the process.

"Aww, that's cute." I tease her. She's so shy and reserved all the time. I like it. But if given the chance I'd probably spoil her.

"Whatever."

"So..." but she cuts me off.

"Damn it Justin! I really don't care right now just..." Drifting off, she lifts her head planting her lips firmly on mine. Ok, so I'm a little taken aback, but not enough to prevent me from responding almost instantly. This kiss is different though. There's a mutual understanding between us and the desire I think just intensified. Damn I've missed her. I really have. She's really someone special. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out.

Keeping her glued to my chest, I push her back into a nearby wall. Her hands are in my hair massaging my scalp as my own hands roam over her sides while we continue to kiss deeply with tongues intertwined and breathing heavily. Letting out a throaty groan when she licks the bottom of my lips, I lift my hands to trace a pattern down her sides to her waist, craving to relish in the feel of her curves.

But, suddenly I frown.

I grip her waist tightly feeling her shudder against me letting out a light moan, but the frown is still on my face.

Forcefully breaking our lip-lock despite her protest, I watch as she flutters her eyes open staring at me meekly. Licking at my swollen lips, I quickly regain my normal breathing patterns.

"What's wrong?" She pants out, but I think I'm still frowning because she's glaring now.

"Zara...have you been eating?" I know this is a sensitive subject and I watch in slow motion as her defenses go up, but it needs to be said.

"Of course Justin. What type of question is that?" She snaps.

Pushing away from her, I take a moment to study her frame closely. She's lying to me. I don't like when people lie to me. She looks smaller from the last time I saw her. She really does. I'm only now realizing it. "You're lying berry. You look like you've lost weight." I explain.

"Wow! And that is a bad thing how? Are you serious?" Placing her hands on her hips in attitude she turns her head away from me.

"It's not bad. But it's really obvious and I only saw you two weeks ago. I'm thinking that's not enough time for it to visibly show like that." I reason.

"Oh my god. Would you make up your mind? First I'm too fat. Now I'm losing weight too quickly? What's your deal Justin?"

"I don't have a deal. I'm just saying you look kind of...sick." I squint at her. She does look kind of sickly. I wonder if Jeremy's noticed. He should, he's her boyfriend. But he won't be for long if I can help it. I'm not the type that likes to share. If I'm going to have her she has to be all mines and no one else's. I'm selfish when it comes to matters of the heart and I'll always remain that way.

"Well I feel fine. I've just been exercising a lot and eating healthy. I usually work out with Jer so just drop it."

"Ok fine. Whatever." I know I'm not going to get anywhere with her on this. That doesn't mean I'm not still worried. I know it's dangerous to loose large amounts of weight rapidly. I mean, she's still thick and voluptuous, but I could feel the change in how defined her curves were when I touched her.

"Let's get back to the movie night ok? We've been out here long enough. People will start to get suspicious." Zara says, gripping my hands tightly and leading us back through the glass doors, through the kitchen and into the living room.

When we return, I notice all the lights are off and everyone is engrossed in the movie they're watching. Letting go of my hand, Zara walks over to Jeremy taking a seat next to him and I watch as he kisses her forehead but keeps his eyes on the screen. Narrowing my eyes at them, I plop down next to Trace in a light grunt.

"What's up dude?" He asks, entranced by the television screen.

"Nothing." I state dejectedly.

"I had to cover for you and Z when Jeremy was asking for her. Are you two nice again? Did you settle everything?" He whispers to me as I gaze at the various faces in the room. What has them all so captured anyway? Looking at the screen I realize it's Rush Hour 3 playing. I could have sworn Zara told me she saw it already on her traditional movie nights with Malcolm.

"We're cool." I whisper back to Trace, darting my eyes over to Zara only to find her looking in my direction. My mouth immediately curls into a bright grin and she smiles back at me as her eyes reflect the glow coming from the television screen. Giving me a cute shrug she turns back to the screen, instantly cracking up at something Chris Tucker said.

I can't sit here and watch this movie now! Not when I know how Zara feels about me. I wish I could just take her away somewhere so we could be together without anyone having to find out. Then it dawns on me. My vacation! I could take her with me. I could make up an excuse why she has to come. It's perfect. I'm definitely going to look into that when we get back to Florida next week. But for now, I have patience. Jeremy should enjoy what little time he has left with her. I honestly don't care if it breaks his heart or not. He's too clueless anyway. I may sound terrible, but I'm pretty sure Zara doesn't pull at his heart strings the way she does with mine. She's seriously got an infectious melody going that's trapped me under her spell...

And Trace just ruined my thoughts with his annoying voice yet again...

"I saw that look you all just gave each other. You two are really something man. But you're asking for trouble...but I'm happy you finally told her how you feel." Trace smiles and I can see his white teeth even in the darkness. How does he know these things? Is he psychic and never told me? I know what he's saying but I don't care. The cheesy grin on my face won't go away. Even JC notices it, because he does a double take giving me a questionable glare. But you know what? For the first time, I really don't care.

She's my strawberry. She'll be mine. I have no doubt that she will. And knowing that is enough to give me the patience I need to wait. But I won't hear the end of it if I justify Trace's suspicions. So, I'm not going to admit to him about everything just yet. Locking eyes with my best friend I smirk. "Well man, I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

And I smile.

And he laughs.

And just like that, the silence takes over.

****

Quote by: Unknown