Hidden Feelings

"Life is best enjoyed when time periods are evenly divided between labor, sleep, and recreation...all people should spend one-third of their time in recreation which is rebuilding, voluntary activity, never idleness."

How hard is it to get good help around here? I really don't understand this. I need to have a word with the board on how they hire new staff. This is ridiculous. The incompetence of my employees will not be tolerated if I have anything to say about it. It reflects on me and makes me look like an idiot. But, enough about that for now. I'm sitting here staring out these overly huge windows and all I can think about is Jahzara. Before you get the wrong idea, I'm not thinking of her in that way. All I'm wondering is what parent in their right mind would give their child that name? It's so rare that I've never even heard that name before. And believe me I've heard millions of names in my lifetime, some I wish I could forget, others I'll never remember.

The fact that she had the guts to correct me on my slip ups was courageous and admirable, but she needs to step her game up if she wants to keep this job. It's not the first time I've caught her dazed in la, la land. It's just the first time I've made it known. She needs a serious pep talk, because I was on the verge of firing her earlier today. I mean, what has her so spaced all the time anyway? This can't continue.

I know I've never really paid attention to her before, but when the executives come back to me telling me that the work she's done for them is mediocre and slap dashed, that's when I pay attention. I could easily have her replaced, but I've decided to give her a second chance. I think it was because one of my employees Jeffery came to me and told me about her situation with her brother. So, I know she needs this job, but it's time she started pulling her weight.

Maybe this job is too dull for her. I mean, who likes sitting around for 8 to 9 hours a day in front of a desk writing up documents and greeting customers in person and on the phone? People who don't have any other option that's who. But maybe...just maybe I might consider giving her another option. I'll have to see how she performs and if she plays her cards right. I'm not about to make a mistake with this one. She could also stand to take care of her self a little and shed a few pounds in the process. She's practically the first face that's seen when a client walks in here. I might have to discuss her image with her as well.

That might be difficult, because women are so touchy about the way they look. I really don't see why. If you think you're ugly or fat or something, chances are you're probably exactly that. So why get all defensive and emotional about it? Which reminds me, I'll need to call Ken Komisar about some issues I need dealt with.

Diverting my attention to the door, I hear a light knock on the other end. I wonder who that could be. Maybe Yolanda?

Walking over, I swing the wooden barrier open to be greeted by none other than Jahzara herself. The woman looks like she's on the verge of passing out or something. Is she hyperventilating? What the hell? Arching my brows at her, I fold my arms across my chest waiting for her to say something. She's being quite a nuisance right now just standing there and gawking.

"Um...Mr. Timberlake I'm sorry to disturb you but...uh..." She stutters, bowing her head. Well spit it out woman!

"What's wrong Zara?" I ask and her head instantly snaps up as she eyes me oddly. She didn't think I'd call her by her whole name did she? It's so strange. I figured a shortened form would help me remember better.

"Yolanda called in a few minutes ago and..." She trails off, fiddling with her bare nail tips that definitely need some feminine care or other.

"Do I have to coach you on how to pass a message too?" I snap. It's not my fault, but her blabbering is beginning to annoy me.

"I'm sorry. She...she called in and said she won't be able to make it today. She woke up this morning sick with a bad cough and fever. She might be getting the flu sir." She rambles out.

"I see." I'm pissed off right now. I specifically remembered telling Yolanda don't go to that club last night. I'm guessing she did, and she must have had her body exposed to the increased temperatures. "Is that all?" I ask, wanting to get back to my office and actually get some work done. It's nearing the end of the day, and I need to head over to the studio to meet up with Tim.

"Ye...yes." Damn, she seems so uncomfortable around me. I'm not that intimidating am I? I don't want my employees to feel like they can't talk to me. My door is always open. Maybe I'm coming off too strong.

"Ok Zara. Well, the day is almost over, so you can finish off what you're doing then head home." I reply in a softer tone. I notice her visibly relax a bit as she stares at me interestingly.

"Alright Mr. Timberlake. And I'm sorry about that. She mentioned she'd give you a call to discuss everything and reschedule."

"That's fine, don't worry about it." I grip unto the door knob as she backs away from me. I think she's afraid of me. Do I have horns or something?

"Well I should go." She turns to leave, but stops when I call out to her.

"Zara, I just want you to know, if there's anything wrong, my door is always open. You can come in and talk to me if you'd like. I won't bite I promise." I add with a warm smile.

She nods in response and smiles back at me shyly and then quickly picks up her pace heading straight for the elevators.

Shrugging, I shut my door and head back over to my mahogany vanished desk. That woman is beyond weird to me. Maybe she's going through some crisis. I really don't know for sure. Clearing my thoughts on her and even Yolanda, I take a sit and pull out some papers, determined to finish looking over this proposal I received earlier today. My life is very hectic, and I know I'm going to need to take a vacation soon, but for now, I'm loving it.

****

Fighting to open this door with a ton of items in my hand wasn't my smartest idea. But damn it, I'll succeed. Moving my grocery bag up to my face, I grip the handle with my teeth, and prop my knee up to steady everything in my hands. Fumbling with the lock, I turn the key, hearing it click, before I open the door, kicking it all the way open with my feet.

Walking in to my small yet humble abode, I dump various items along the way, releasing my load. Finally getting to the kitchen, I place the grocery bags on the counter, switching on the light.

"Home sweet home." I mutter, taking in the small white tiled kitchen. The place is not much to look at, but it's something. It's a two bedroom apartment, on Kirkman and Conroy and I'm very proud of it. My bro and I worked hard to make a living for our selves. I've also been saving up to get my own place, so he can have here to himself since most of his money goes into the bills.

Putting away the last items from the shopping bags, I toss the bags in the trash can and kick off my work shoes, letting out a sigh of relief.

Ambling into my bedroom, I quickly grab some short cotton pants and a black wife beater, changing my clothes in record time.

"Hmm...what to do...what to do." I tap my index finger on my chin in thought. Today isn't gym day, so, I'm not so sure what to do for the rest of the day really. Maybe I'll go clubbing...Ha! I would if I had any friends, but I don't. I guess I'm a little too reserved. My only real friend is my brother Malcolm, and he's always on duty so I barely get to see him. My other friend is Jeffery who works in promotions at Tennman records. Maybe I could call him and see what he's up to. He's the only one who gave me a warm welcome and continued talking to me since I've been there.

Yeah, I'll give him a call and we could maybe hang out if he's not too busy.

It was certainly a long day today. I can't believe it's over. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy that I actually had a somewhat normal conversation with Justin. It was the first time since I've been here he actually stopped and talked to me. Usually, he'd just belt out demands over the phone.

When I went to his office earlier, he seemed kind of upset about something. It didn't mean he had to snap at me the way he did, but in the end, he made up for it by being kind. He even offered to talk to me if I ever needed anyone to talk to. That made me burn inside. I wanted to jump him so bad! I just wanted to tell him; yes...I have a problem that only you can help me with. You see, I'm madly, passionately, undoubtedly infatuated with you. And then, he'd admit the same thing, and I'd rush into his arms and he'd take me right there, in his office on his desk...ah well a girl can dream can't she? This is so unhealthy. But I can't help it. The man knows he's fly too, strutting around in his expensive designer suits always looking well primped and shaved, and fresh to death.

"Uhgg...you need to stop this insanity." I scold myself. "Justin would never give you of all people the time of day." I say again. Brushing off my thoughts about him, I go into the living room which basically consists of two couches and a television as well as a coffee table, and grab my phone off the table.

Pressing speed dial, I wait patiently for someone to answer.

After a few rings, I hear a familiar voice pick up.

"Hey this is Jeff, what's cracking?" He asks and I giggle.

"Jeffery, is that how a promotions officer answers his phone? What if it was a client?" I muse hearing him chuckle.

"Well hey there Jahzara Gilmore. To what do I owe this unexpected call?" he asks.

"What are you doing tonight? I'm bored and I'm all alone. My bro won't be home till late and I need to have some fun." I reply.

There's a slight pause on the line before he says something else.

"There's this new club opening tonight in downtown Orlando. Are you game? I heard a bunch of famous people and V.I.Ps are going to be there. I think it's Timbaland's new club or something I'm not sure. That's the rumor." He stated.

"Really? I'm down. But I have nothing to wear." I lament.

"Girl, I'm sure you can find something to fit those curves. Don't even play like that. I was already going with some of the other employees so I'll pass and pick you up around 10. How does that sound?"

I'm a little skeptic about mixing with the other employees. I'm sort of an outcast. I don't know how they will perceive me. I really value people's opinions of me. I guess it's because of my height and size. I tend to stick out like a sore thumb sometimes.

"Uh..."

"Common Z...you know you want to." Jeffery probes.

"Ok fine. I'll come. I don't go clubbing often but it should be fun right?" I ask hopefully, trying to gear myself up.

"Hell yeah! So 10 it is then."

"Yeah sure!" I respond nervously.

"Ok, and make sure you dress to kill! Later babe." Jeffery replies enthusiastically before the line goes dead.

Shutting off my phone I take in a few deep breaths. This could be fun. Yeah this could be good for me. I could actually mingle and not feel so self conscious. I can do this...I can do this.

"I can do this." I voice out loud, now contemplating on what to wear. This is going to be difficult.

Hold up, did he say Timbaland's new club? Oh hell Na! That means Justin might be there! I can't go if he's there! I'll die from embarrassment. Ok, breathe Jahzara. It's no big deal. If anything, he'll be in V.I.P whole night so I won't even get to see him. "I can do this." I say in a shaky voice, because I'm not so sure anymore. I want to call and cancel but I know Jeffery will never allow that. I guess I'll have to go through with it.

But, why do I feel like tonight is going to be one I'll never forget?

****

Quote by: Unknown