Next day...

Sunday Night...

Hollywood LA...

Voice of Reason

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter; The heart has reasons that reason does not understand; For, deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."

I should maybe clear the air now since I didn't get a chance to before. You see, I'd like to think that not only am I a man of many talents but also a man with many hidden agendas. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I guess once it works in my favor it's good. Anyway, so I've been up all night trying to figure out why I got the gift I bought for Zara. I mean, sure it was my way of apologizing, but I'm guessing flowers and a box of chocolate could have done the trick.

Well, not really. I'm not old fashioned. I'd like to say I'm new age in my techniques to conquer the opposite sex. However, there is a reason behind me getting that yacht. It barely cost me a dime too. In fact, I got it for less than I would pay for a car. Like I said, I had to pull some serious strings and a few people owed me favors, but that's not important to get into. Zara doesn't need to know that though. It's the thought that counts right? Sure, it's hers and I'll be giving her the certificate of ownership and everything for the water vessel, but I have plans of enjoying this baby myself.

I'm not crazy despite what people may think. Justin Timberlake is just always one step ahead. Now, I'm praying that berry will go for this cruise because I have the entire ten weeks we'll be gone all planned out. I guess you could say my plan wasn't for us to take a commercial cruise. I figured a private cruise on a private yacht with our own personal captain and crew would suffice well enough. Plus, it gives us all the time together in the world. Something I know we won't have when I get back and I'm constantly in the studio. I just really want to spend some one on one time with her so we can get to know each other better. Plus, there are tons of sites to see on all our island stops. I can't wait. I'm thinking we could go after new years. That would be the perfect birthday gift. Besides, I'm seriously considering making us legit. I guess I want to see how things turn out with us before I make any rash decisions in the relationship department. I've done enough of that already. And even though we have significant others, when we're gone on vacation it's just going to be the two of us.

But, I think I'm going to wait till the last minute to inform Zara on just how we'll cruise the Caribbean Sea. I doubt she'll go along with it if I told her in advance. What's one more surprise right? Right.

I'm a genius. I always knew I was. Trace could learn a thing or two from me. It doesn't always work out if you are constantly honest. You'd think he got the picture by now.

Anyway, I've just about packed up the last of my stuff. The limo should be here shortly to take us to my private Jet at the airport. It's Sunday night and we're getting ready to head back to Florida. I can't believe this trip is over so soon. Ah, back to Tennman. Working with berry again is going to be awkward. But I'll get through it. I always do. I'm kind of liking this sneaking around thing and we haven't even gotten to my favorite parts yet. I have no doubt things will work in our favor. They've already begun to. Johnny finally tracked down those two friends who took out the photos of berry and I. He called me this morning with the details. He said he came to an agreement with the two girls and negotiated with them so the photos won't get published. I always knew there was nothing to worry about. Everything always works in my favor.

"Are we leaving or what? I'm getting restless." Trace whines, dragging himself into my room and plopping down on the bed.

"In a minute." I mutter, putting my last items in my suitcase.

"So, you and Zara came home early this morning..."

"Before you even go there, nothing happened. We just chilled and then fell asleep." I inform and he just keeps staring at me equably.

"Ok. Well how did she like her ‘surprise?'" He asks, making air quotation marks with his fingers.

"She loved it. She even cried." I explain, zipping everything up and placing my luggage by my room door. "It was cute."

"I see, yet you have no hand prints on your face from any type of slap or physical abuse." He quips, smiling brightly when I stare at him dumfounded.

"Why would I?" I inquire, wiping at the thin lining of sweat on my forehead due to my previous activity.

"Oh I don't know Justin. She's not yours so that means you bought another man's woman a pretty spectacular gift." Trace pauses when I glare at him with heated eyes. I have an idea where he is going with this and I'm not in the mood. "I mean, did you tell Zara why you got the yacht? Did you tell her your initial drive to get the damn thing in the first place? ‘Cause I'm thinking she'd hate your guts if she knew."

Standing up straight, I inhale sharply refusing to make eye contact with Trace. He's being an asshole now. He's pissing me off. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about man."

"Sure you do. What other reason could you have to want to sail the fucking Caribbean with her on that thing? You're all about shaking up right J? You just want to bang her brains out with no interruptions. I'm betting half the time the two of you won't even leave the damn boat." He snaps grudgingly.

"Green isn't your color my friend." I laugh at him. "And you're wrong. That wasn't my intention."

"Justin are you serious right now? I've known you our whole lives. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, so you turned partly soft over her, but the old Justin is still there. The Justin that still thinks a lot with his dick when it comes to the females is still alive and well."

"Why the fuck do you even care Trace? I genuinely like Zara. I just want us to spend some time together away from all the commotion and speculation. I'm not taking her on this trip just to get in her pants. That's low even for me man. You're wrong ok?" I hiss, moving away from him to gather a few loose items.

"Sure, you genuinely like her now. Before, you couldn't stand her. And when you did stand her, all you wanted to do was fuck her. So, she grew on you and I'm happy about that because she doesn't take your shit. But I know for a fact, the thought of you two getting down and dirty is a contributing factor in this little trip. Just don't hurt her man. Don't break her heart like you've done to so many unsuspecting victims in the past. I've been there with you Justin. I know what your twisted mind is capable of. I mean look at how you're doing Mallory. I won't back you up or get you out of this one. I won't. Zara's a sweet girl." Trace warns, standing from his seating position on my bed. I can't even fucking believe we are having this conversation right now. What does he take me for? I would never think of using Zara in that way for my own personal gain. What kind of person does he think I am?

"Glad to see where your loyalty in our friendship lies." I sneer.

"Oh I'm being a loyal friend. I'm not sugar coating shit. I'm telling you as it is. Don't hurt Zara Justin. You'll be an asshole if you do. You'd lose someone great if you do. I know you're still battling with your feelings towards her because you still view her as being different. And, even though you will never voice it out loud or pretend to not be worried, you care about your image a whole lot. Being linked to an African American woman who's not your average ‘Hollywood size' would be difficult for someone like you in the business. You know the type of attention you all will face. I know it's got you scared and Zara...well I feel for her you know? She won't deal well. Just don't break her heart man." Trace explains and I frown in thought. What about my feelings? What about my heart? Zara's the one playing with my heart strings, not the other way around. She's the one in control right now. He should know that.

"You know I would never hurt her intentionally Trace. You know that man." I sigh, as his words sink into my system leaving a bitter after thought. He's right. I'm still worried about our differences. I'm not shallow because I see Zara for the precious diamond she is inside and out. It's the people on the outside looking in I'm worried about. I mean, I know we're in a new age where people are more united despite culture, religion or race. But, the judgment and prejudice is still there. Even though it's masked in society, it still exists. I'm not sure if we'll ever fully get away from it. I would never want Zara to undergo any type of criticism be it her skin color or weight. I wouldn't be able to deal with that shit and people's ignorance. I care about her too much to allow that to happen. When you're famous and in the public's eye, everything is magnified ten times over.

"I know you won't hurt her intentionally. But shit happens Justin. Just be careful and remember what I said man. Anyway, the limo is maybe here waiting. I'll check." Trace struts over to me, patting my back lightly before he leaves me alone in my room with my thoughts. And believe me when I say, I have a lot to think about right now. I wonder if berry is packed and ready. She should be. I heard her downstairs with Yolanda earlier. I just need this long ass flight to be over with so I can get a good night's sleep in my own bed.

****

Hours later...Late Sunday Night...Somewhere close to Orlando, FL

"I'm so excited to get home. Are we almost there?" I nudge Justin's side to get his attention. He seems to be deep in thought just staring out the plane's window, looking at the night's sky.

"I heard you the first ten times berry." He chuckles. "We'll be there soon." Turning to face me, he smiles but then his smile suddenly morphs into a frown. I hate those lines on his smooth forehead. I wish he'd smile more. "I need to ask you something."

"Oh no, you're not going into bi-polar mode again are you? I think you should really check on that." I muse and he shakes his head no, not bothering to entertain my joke. Ok, something is really bothering him.

"Could you see us together?" Justin blurts out, grabbing a hold of my hand. Looking around the cabin, I notice everyone is preoccupied in their seats. Trace is in some conversation with Mike and Lonnie and Yolanda is deep into her ipod. No one seems to be paying us any mind.

"Justin now is not the time..."

"I need to know Zara. Could you see you and me in a relationship? Would you be willing to face all the speculation?" He has a saddened expression on his face. Why does he always search my eyes for the answer? What do I say to that?

"Justin I'm with Jeremy and you're with Mallory." I state the obvious.

"I know that. But this is not about them. It's about me and you." He stresses, letting my hand go and resting back in his seat. "I'm falling for you Zara and it's scaring the shit out of me." He mutters under his breath in a light whisper.

Wait, wait...holy...hold up. Did he just say what I think he did? He's falling for me? What does that mean? "Wh...wh...what?" I stammer, staring at him with wide eyes. Where the hell did that come from? Does he suffer from split personalities too? I'm not sure. The Justin I knew before we came to LA and the one returning to Florida now are two very different people. Oh my god, what's really happening here? I...I can't deal with this.

"You heard. You still haven't answered." Connecting his blues to me, he has a weary expression on his face. This is really hard for him.

"Did something happen?" I inquire, trying to avoid the situation.

"Let's just say, the voice of reason can come in the oddest package. Mine just happened to be a ‘midget' I like to call my best friend." Smiling for me sheepishly, he shrugs his shoulders looking out the window again. So, Trace has something to do with his personality swap? I'm intrigued.

"Justin...I...I don't know how or what to tell you really."

"I asked you a yes or no question. I'd expect you to tell me yes or no. Could you see us together?" His back is facing me while he continues to stare into the darkness outside, with only the stars illuminating the sky.

"It's not that simple Justin." I exhale, touching his arm softly. "You know it's not that simple."

"But it could be berry. We could just end all this before it gets out of hand. Why couldn't it be that simple?" Turning to face me, he snakes his hands around my waist resting the side of our heads together. Looking straight ahead, I clear my throat wondering why I'm about to divulge this next statement. Before I can stop myself it spills out.

"Look Ju. I have feelings for you too. We've been through this. But I can't just. I can't just drop everything for you."

"You could drop your precious Jer." He snaps.

"No, because you see I can't. I'm not sure how things are for you and Mallory, but I've actually developed deep feelings for Jeremy too. God, I'm so confused. I just. I don't know what to do."

Breathing deeply, Justin remains quiet listening to me without saying anything.

"I'm scared Ju. I'm scared to give into my feelings for you. It just...I won't be able to deal with your lifestyle. I, I won't survive it. All the rumors and criticism if we were together publicly. Why can't we be how we are now? If no one knows things will be fine. I can deal with you and Mallory. As long as I have you too." God, I'm talking crazy. My mind is jumbled right now. Too many thoughts.

"Are you hearing yourself? You're ok with infidelity? This isn't like you at all Jahzara. What happened to the shy, reserved woman who was too scared to even talk to me? I thought I would be ok with all this but I'm not sure anymore." He finally voices.

"People change Justin. Ju, as long as I know I have you I'm ok with that." I can't tell him he had a major effect in changing me.

I can't tell him that the pain of just a few words scared me for life. My childhood was rough. I never speak of it, but I was always bullied because of the way I looked. I was taller than the average girl in school and I was big. The kids always called me half-cast because of my mixture in race, since I attended an all black school. Fucked up right? Justin has no idea his words just placed the icing on the cake. I forgave him, and I'm over it. And I trust now he'd never make that mistake again. I trust him. But I'll never forget. Whenever I'm depressed, all the torment I've suffered in my life makes its way to the surface of my thoughts. I can't shake them. It's screwed me up so bad. I just, I care about him. But, I'm not sure I'm willing to put up with all this.

"Well I'm not Zara. I'm not ok with having just part of you. You shouldn't be either."

"We haven't even done anything except kiss Ju."

"How long do you think that's going to last with the level of our attraction? I don't know. I'm kind of trying to make it last as long as possible now which is a switch from how I was before." He solely admits.

"Really? Why?"

"Because, I view you as someone worth more than that berry. I don't want to share you with another man." Justin spits furiously.

"Do we have to do this now? I'm not yours Ju. Someone else has that position. You either take me as I am or don't Justin. It's not like you can't have anyone you want. You don't have to put up with me. I'm the one who's never the ideal pick." I spew, causing him to let me go and shift more to his side. Keeping to myself and pushing people away is my only defense. It's the only way I can protect myself from getting hurt.

"I'm not letting you go just because you won't listen to reason. I'm not sure what's gotten into you but I don't like it."

"Damn it! I'm still me Ju."

"No! Because the Zara I know wouldn't play with someone like that. How can you care about Jeremy and still say you want to be with me behind his back?" Turning in my direction, he shakes his head sadly. "You're different berry. I wish I knew why."

"I'm still me Justin. Damn it! You were all for this now you have a change of heart?" I raise my voice subconsciously. "You think this is easy for me? You have no fucking idea what I go through on a daily basis. Just, just drop it. I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. If you don't care anymore then just forget about me." I belt, noticing Trace turn in our direction.

"I'm not letting you go. You're just stubborn. You'll come to your senses soon enough. You'll see we can't keep doing this. I have patience. I'll still be here when you need me. Just, know that ok?" Sighing heavily, he shuts his eyes tightly, sinking into the leather seats. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, but before I can ask why Trace interrupts.

"Are you two ok? I heard you arguing." Trace enquires, keeping his gaze on Justin.

"We're fine Trace. Don't worry about it." I assure him, placing my hands on his waist and pushing him away.

"Ok just, try to get along huh? You two are practically going to be glued at the waist. Anyway, I can see lights below. We should be landing soon." Trace makes his way back to his seat, informing everyone else that Justin and I are fine. I guess they were worried too.

I know I'm really messed up right now. I know Justin seems like the obvious choice here. But the fact that my feelings are so tangled up and unsure about him, I don't know. I mean, we just, we constantly fuck up the other person and hurt each other with our harsh words. We really aren't healthy for each other. Jeremy doesn't cause me this much distress. He really is a good man. He doesn't get under my skin and pull at my sanity like that. He doesn't drive me crazy. He just...he's just there. He's safe. He just cares for me. That's all I really want right now, but Justin isn't capable of that. I don't want to get hurt. Justin has too much going on. I hate to say it, but I feel like I'm becoming numb to my feelings and the pain I've felt most of my life. Maybe I'm mistaken. I'm not sure. I just wish I had a sign. I just wish someone could help me and tell me what to do.

I know what I need to do. I know exactly what to do now. I need Malcolm. I need to tell him. I need his input on things. He's all I have. I can't do this alone. Not when I know it's possible I could be falling in love with two men at the same time. Oh god...

Placing my head in my hands, I hear the pilot over the intercom stating that we'll be landing and to fasten our seat belts. I don't pay attention to him though. I just need off this damn jet. I need to be as far away from any human life as possible. I just need to be alone.

"Berry..." Justin touches the side of my face, placing some hair behind my ears. "Zara." He says firmly when I don't answer. "Fasten your seat belt." His voice echoes through my ears, causing me to lift my head.

"Yeah."

"Are you ok?" His unnerving stare that Trace has also mastered so well is putting me on edge.

"I'm fine Ju." I state, buckling my seat belt securely around my waist.

"I didn't mean to pressure you or..."

"It's ok. You were just being honest and reasonable. I'm glad you said what you did."

"Are you sure?" He asks furrowing his brows at me.

"Positive." I give him a weak smile, placing a light kiss on his cheek, just as I feel the Jet descending. Stretching over Justin, I can see the lights of the runway and silently say a pray of thanks that I'm finally back home.

"We'll get through this ok? Everything will be fine. Don't worry about it." He skims the back of my neck giving me a reassuring smile. "In the mean time, just focus on your career and Yolanda ok? It's going to get crazy." He chortles.

Feeling the Jet's wheels connect with the runway, we bounce up a bit from the contact. Looking over at Justin and how gorgeous he always seems to be, even with his tired, sleepy eyes, I know things will be far from ok. At least for me. "I know Ju. I know."

*

After we gather our luggage, everyone is escorted into the airport terminal where I see Malcolm, and Mallory waiting. Jeremy didn't come? I guess he's caught up with family still. Malcolm waves ‘hi' to the gang before he focuses on me.

"Zary!" Malcolm yells, rushing over and engulfing me in a tight hug, spinning me around. Dropping my bags, I hug him back inhaling his familiar sent. God, I've missed my bro. I feel like crying right now.

"Hey Malky. I've missed you." I beam.

"You too girl. Let me look at you." Letting me go, he steps back to eye me and scowls. "Have you even been eating? You look like you're wasting away. You look good sis. Lost some good weight too." He jokes, walking back over to me.

"Ha! Thanks, but I'm still your ‘big' lovable sis." I kiss him on his cheeks as he grabs my luggage.

"That you are. Wait till I fatten you up again with my cooking." He muses and I lash him on his shoulder.

"Whatever." I groan.

"I've missed you Justy." Mallory coos, pulling Justin into a tight hug.

Cringing at her voice, I look over to Justin, Trace, Mike, Lonnie and Yolanda. Justin is hugging Mallory back but he's watching in my direction. Why is he doing this to me? Rolling my eyes, I overhear Yolanda yelling on the phone to someone.

"Gamy what do you mean he forgot I was coming in today? Uhhg! It's always business with Dad! Where's mom? What!? Her too? Fine. No Fine!" Slamming the phone shut, Yolanda screams under her breath stomping her feet angrily.

"Yolanda we could take you home." I hear Trace suggest with a sympathy smile.

"I guess. Thanks." Flipping her hair back, she grabs her stuff walking over to them.

"Ready to go Zary?" Malcolm whispers, diverting my attention back to him.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Let's go." I state. "Let me just tell everyone bye." It's going to be weird heading back to my old life, but then again, my life isn't going to be the same.

Walking over to the group, I clear my throat to grasp their attentions. Mallory is the first to face me with a smirk. "You look good Jahzara. Dropped some pounds I see." She smiles sweetly.

"Uh yeah thanks." I quickly reply. "Just saying bye guys. I'll see you all soon." I smile for the group, looking over at Justin who's staring directly at me with his hands in his jeans pockets.

"Bye Zar-bear. Don't be a stranger you hear? Come visit me, you got my address. And if you don't find me at my home, I'm maybe at Justin's" Trace laughs, pulling me into a hug.

"Ok Tracey-poo." Pulling away, I tell Yolanda, Mike and Lonnie bye. "I'll see you all."

"Bye ber...Zara. I'll see you at work in three weeks since that's when you start your new job. We have some restructuring to do so...Safe ride home." Justin smiles at me but keeps his distance, since Mallory has her arms around his waist.

Giving him a tight smile, I nod as I turn to walk away. Three weeks with no Justin. Well it's not like I didn't already know that. I just forgot about the whole restructuring and getting my office prepared. I can already see Malcolm heading towards the parking area for pick ups and drop offs so, I pick up my pace to catch up.

"Hey Zara! Hold up."

Turning around, I see Justin jogging up to me.

"What's up Ju?" I ask, clutching unto my side bag.

"Here...something to remember me by." He says with humor. Opening my hand, he drops an item in my palms, smiling and turning to walk away.

Glancing down at the object I narrow my eyes. "A key ring?" I call out to his retreating form befuddled.

Whipping around mid-step, he shrugs with a chuckle. "Look closer." He instructs; waving bye before he turns around and sprints back to his group who's getting ready to depart the airport as well.

Laughing at his usual craziness, I pick up the key ring flipping it over. Studying it intently, I begin to smile and continue walking, finally making it out to where Malcolm is parked.

Justin is chalk full of surprises. I can't believe he gave me a key ring with a picture embedded in it of us kissing in the LA stadium parking lot at the Lakers game we went to. How did he even get his hands on this? I'm assuming they found the owner of the photos. You can't see our faces from the angle of the photo, but I know it's his hummer and the clothes are exactly what we were wearing that day. Placing the key ring securely in my hand bag, I head over to Malcolm.

Laughing lightly to myself, I hop into the passenger side of Malcolm's ride as he comes into the driver's seat after he loads my luggage. Bringing the car to life, he pulls out of the parking spot, turning on the radio.

"So you had fun? You know I want details." Malcolm states; pulling into the far lane to exit the airport.

"Yeah, I had fun. I'll tell you how it went. But right now, I just want to head home and sleep." I yawn lightly.

"Ok Zary. Well you can rest now. Just relax." Is the last thing he says, patting my jeans clad leg before he remains silent for the rest of the ride.

Giving a lazy smile, I listen closely as the DJ announces the next track to be Jay Holiday's: Bed, that's taking the air waves by storm. I actually like that song. It's really nice. Listening to the words as his smooth voice floats through the speakers, I shut my eyes tightly getting lost in my memories.

....Flashback.....

Justin stops at a red light, and I listen intently as the radio DJ switches the track over to Jay Holiday's ‘Bed'. I still can't believe Justin's bringing me home after my car broke down.

"What the hell man?" I hear him laugh loudly before groaning, causing me to divert my attention to him.

"What?" I ask, darting my eyes to the dials on the radio.

"Nothing." He shrugs, still smiling to himself for whatever reason.

"You don't like the song? I think it's a sexy way of a guy telling his girl he loves her. Don't you?" I smile at him in amusement and we briefly lock eyes before he turns his attention back to the road.

Chortling, he shakes his head agreeing with me. "I like it." He replies.

"Cool." And with that, my attention is back out the window again. I'm well aware he likes the song. I think he was blushing too. I wonder what that was about...

*

... "I certainly don't regret the night we danced at Tim's club. It was meant to happen. We wouldn't be here together if it didn't. I also can't wait to act out the most famous words of Jay holiday that's been playing in my mind since that night at Tim's club." He divulges and chuckles when I give him a confused look.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. I'm not following. I'm completely lost right now.

"It's nothing. Forget about it." He laughs.

"Whatever Ju." I giggle, dismissing his craziness...

.....End Flashback.....

Opening my eyes, I dart them around the ride. Landing on Malcolm, I can see he's deep in concentration focusing on the road. Smiling to myself, I look out the window at all the bright lights and various billboards. Sighing in thought, I giggle softly when the last ballads of the song flow into my ears, hitting my ear drums with full force.

Looking down at my nails, I let out a long, rooted breath resting back in my seat as I whisper to myself. "You really are something Ju."

****

Quotes by: James Earl Jones, Jacques Benigne Bossuel & Unknown