I Would Do Anything For You - Part 2

"Love IS everything it's cracked up to be... it really IS worth fighting for, being brave for, and risking everything for.... the trouble is, if you DON'T risk anything, you risk even more."

"I'm just going to get this out and to the point." I voice and begin to pace as I cross my arms over my chest from the cold wind hitting us up here on this damn roof. Mallory's back is to me and I can literally picture myself running up to her and extending my hands, shoving her forward and over the edge but I quickly shake out those homicidal thoughts. What kind of person would I be if I committed murder? Not to mention I can't be with berry if I'm behind bars.

I think I'm finally losing my mind. This entire scenario is driving me a little loopy.

Turning her attention to me Mallory smiles brightly, rushing up and wrapping her arms around me.

Standing frozen in place, I sigh. This is going to be hard. I may be a jerk but I sill know the woman has some sort of feelings for me. I don't like hurting people like that. I know what it feels like. The feeling sucks balls let me tell you.

"Listen Lory..."

"Don't do it Justin. Please. I know what you're going to say. I'd have to be stupid if I never knew this was coming." She buries her head in my neck holding me tightly while I just stand a bit confused. Wow, I'm seeing a human side of her I haven't seen in an extremely long time. I'm trying to remember if that side ever existed. She better not be putting on an act with me.

"Just..." Trying to push her off me I groan with irritation. "Back up Lory I need to tell you something." Forcefully pushing her away, I pass my hands over my face in frustration.

"Why Justin? Why? What could you possibly see in her? She...she's so..." Making suggestive movements with her hand, Mallory drifts off when I shoot her a death glare.

"You know, there is only one thing keeping me from pushing you right now." I suddenly snarl. "And it's the fact that I'll have to confess to it because of my conscience." Ok, this new Justin, I don't know who the fuck he is or where he came from, but I'm embracing his ass if it will get my point across.

Stumbling back, Mallory blinks slowly in shock suddenly turning quiet. "You don't mean th...that Justy." She stutters.

"No, but honestly, I'm going to cut this short and sweet. It's over ok? It never really began; we were just messing around but well, things change. People change. This has to end and I'm ending it. I've changed and yes it's because of Jahzara and I don't care what you think of her or what you say about her, my feelings towards her will never change. That's one thing I know is constant - it's how I feel about her. I've looked past physical traits and came to realize what an amazing person she is and I really don't give a fuck what shallow people like you or the media or public will have to say about it. I'm sticking with my heart in this one. So, just letting you know." Releasing a sigh of relief I feel like a million tons were just lifted off my chest. "So, now that this is cleared, I'm going to head back down to bring berry home..." Whipping around to leave, Mallory's whimper causes me to stop abruptly.

"But she doesn't love you. She's with Jeremy." She cries out. "I love you Justin. How could you do this to me? Jahzara will never love you; you'll never have her. Don't you get it? She doesn't feel the same way. If she did, she would be dumping Jeremy but I don't see her doing that." She lashes out at me.

Clenching my fist in rage, I continue walking to the exit. "Give her time. She's conflicted right now. We both are." I explain. I know damn well I'm not going to pursue Zara like I was before. I just need to focus on me for a while, but that doesn't mean I won't drop everything to be at her side. I'd do just about anything for that woman. I wish she could see that though. She still doesn't fully trust me and I honestly don't know why. Ok, maybe before I could understand but that Justin isn't around anymore.

Where the fuck is Trace?

Oh his ass is mine.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

Berry isn't berry for nothing. Something is up with her.

She's too hot and cold with me. And now, this depression thing that the doctor spoke about?

Not to mention there is still no word on Malcolm.

It's like the universe is against her or something.

"Please Justy. What am I supposed to do? I love you, I need you..." Mallory rushes up to me, grabbing my hands to stop me but I yank myself out of her hold.

"You're a big girl, you'll figure something out. And you don't love me Mallory. You love the idea of me. If you loved me, you wouldn't put up with my shit and take everything I spit out at you. You'd grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. Just, leave me alone." Locking eyes with her, I feel that sudden pang of guilt in my stomach but I know this has to be done. Finally reaching over to doors that lead down the stairways to the elevators, I turn to look at her distraught form one more time.

It's like she doesn't even know what to do with herself. She's just gazing off into the distance, swaying back and forth as she seems mesmerized by all the lights below. Tears are rapidly falling down her cheeks but she doesn't make a sound and I feel terrible again. Bowing my head in shame, I lower my voice as I speak my next few words cautiously. "Mallory, I'm going to need you to clean out your desk on Monday." I state, seeing her snap her head in my direction. Turning away from her I inhale sharply, gripping the handle of the door. "I'm sorry but I can't have you working at Tennman any longer. You're fired." I voice, swinging the door open and stepping into the air-conditioned hall, not once facing her or acknowledging her reaction. It's easier this way, for everyone really. She was becoming a liability as oppose to an asset for this company. Her work wasn't the best either.

I think one day, she'll thank me because I did her and everyone else a big favor.

Yeah, one day.

Hopefully not too far off from now.

Everything in my now twisted existence will be back to normal.

****

Hours later

It's been a crazy day for me. First, finding out Malcolm was shot, to blowing off Jeremy for Justin. I still can't believe I did that though. But well, maybe it was worth it. I mean, Justin's back right? That's a good thing. That's a really good thing. Why am I not excited? I'm so worried about my brother that I have this constant headache that won't go away. It just, it won't leave me. My entire body aches, and my stomach has be growling loudly since we left the hospital hours ago. But I have no appetite to eat. I have no appetite to do anything except laze around really.

Justin's initial intention was to take me home, but I can't be in my apartment. Not when I know Malcolm is in the hospital fighting for his life. I've tried calling Jeremy, but I can't reach him and my head just...hurts terribly. I can't sleep in that apartment without my brother. I won't survive it.

I mean, we made it home. But, let's just say I had a serious emotional breakdown that left Trace, Justin and Yolanda worried. So, out of the kindness of his heart, Trace offered for me to stay at his house until I was sure my brother would be ok. He even extended the invitation saying that I wouldn't have to go home until Malcolm was coming home the same day. He's such a great friend. Secretly, I was praying for Justin to protest. I was hoping he would want me to stay by him instead but I knew with him just being back and all that would have been a bad idea. So, I accepted Trace's invitation. Besides, he only lives a few minutes away from Justin in the same neighborhood so that's good.

I'm such a terrible person. I mean, I have a great guy. Jeremy is a great guy. I just, I don't understand why I'm chasing something that's unreachable. Justin is, different. After not seeing him for over a month, he seems different now. I know how I feel about him and I want to give us a chance but how can I if we're not healthy for each other? No, I can't. I can't ever give us that chance. Not until I put my past to rest. I need to find Christian and end all of this. I need to be restored to my true self. Not the shell that I live in because of him and all the other people who saw fit to ridicule me. I want to think that Justin is different from Chris. I want to. But their traits are so similar it's haunting.

And yet, here I am.

I'm so in love with my boss it's ridiculous. And I can't even tell him. I can't even voice my feelings. I need us to be friends first though. I need us to mend everything we've broken in the other person. It's going to be hard but with my new job and the fact that we'll be spending so much time together, it could be a big help.

"Hey Zar-bear are you hungry? We're going to order pizza." Trace voices, knocking on the guest bedroom door before he walks in.

We've been at Trace's for the past half hour or so. I packed up a bag from home and came here with him, Justin and Yolanda. I guess this is going to be my new home for who knows how long. I'm grateful though. I really am. I need them now since my only life line is fighting for his life. Oh god, please let my Malky be ok.

Turning around to give him a sad smile, I shrug. "I could eat." I voice, simply because I don't want him questioning me any further.

"Ok great. Pepperoni good?" He asks, getting ready to leave.

"Yeah." I smile weakly and Trace gives me a once over with a frown on his face. Oh no.

"You know, Yolanda is loving this. She said this would work perfect since your girls' night was canceled." Trace chuckles even though I know he does not like this very much.

"Well, you and Justin will entertain her."

"You're not coming down to join us?"

"Uh, yeah when the pizza gets here, but I'm just going to eat and turn in early. You don't mind do you Tracey-poo?" I pout.

"Of Course not girl. We'll just stay up and watch a movie or something before we head off to bed. Justin and Yolanda are going to sleep over so we can head down to the hospital with you first thing in the morning. Is that ok?" Trace asks before he walks over to me and gives me a tight hug.

"Perfect." I reply in a soft tone before I kiss his cheek lightly. "Thanks Trace." I coo before breaking our embrace.

"Anytime. Make yourself at home. I'll let you know when the pizza's here." He explains and I nod in response before he swiftly exits, shutting the door behind him.

Gazing at my surroundings, I can't help but smile to myself. This could be good. This could be just what I need. I just can't get Malcolm off my mind. I really pray that he's holding up. I can't lose another person I love. I won't survive it this time.

But, the change of environment is good. So, I'm just going to grab something to sleep in, change into it and maybe take a quick nap before the pizza gets here. I'd love to spend time with my friends right now, but keeping to myself is just as great an idea.

Too bad fate has other plans in mind for me tonight.

Listening intently, I can hear a faint knock on the closed door. I know it's not Trace. I highly doubt it's Yolanda, so that leaves one other person...

"Come in!" I reply, before I see the wooden barrier ease open and Justin pops his head in.

"Are you decent?" He asks politely and I giggle before I respond ‘yes.' His head soon disappears, before his full body slides through the crack and he shuts the door behind him.

Letting out a low whistle, he takes in his surroundings in awe. "This guest room is sweet. I've crashed over at Trace's numerous times and he never gives me a room like this. I'm starting to think he has a thing for you." Justin muses. I can see the glimmer of amusement in his eyes so I know it's nothing serious.

"Yeah, you have a great friend." I breathe out, before pulling out some grey cotton shorts and a white vest to sleep in.

"He's your friend too you know." Justin states while walking up behind me.

Snapping my head up, I hold my breath in anticipation because of how close he is. The last time we were this close was the night we made love and the morning after when I said those horrible things to him. Suddenly, I don't feel so comfortable anymore. But dear god, I can feel his body heat behind me...

Clearing my throat, I remain silent, not really knowing what to say or why he's even in here.

"Listen berry..."

Frowning by my nickname, I instantly turn around to face him.

"Why did you leave Justin?" I blurt out. Ok, I can't help it. It hurt when he left. It still does and I never got a chance to make things right.

"That's a dumb question." He retorts, folding his arms and looking away from me.

"I tried to apologize; I wanted to apologize for all the horrible things I said but you were gone! No where to be found." Wait, time out. This is not how I want things to go over.

Sighing, he finally looks at me with those amazing blues. Only, they're completely emotionless. "I had to leave ok? I didn't come in here to be drilled. I just came to see if you were ok. You seem fine so..."

"Wait don't leave Justin please." I plead, plopping down on the queen size bed with my head down. "Listen I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. And I, I could be better. But that's obvious. I mean, we just came from the hospital and all." My voice fades off.

Cautiously taking a seat next to me, Justin grabs one of my hands in his. Remaining quiet for a while, he finally decides to voice his thoughts to me. "Listen Zara, let's not focus on anything going on with us right now ok? I'll admit, it wasn't the best welcome home I've ever gotten but I'm glad I was here when all this happened. I'm still here for you. But we can't focus on our problems right now. Not until Malcolm gets better and he's out of the hospital ok? Once we know he's going to be fine, and then we can take some time off and actually have a well deserved chat. Because believe me when I say we really need to talk. Ask for your precious Jer...I mean Jeremy, there's something I really need to discuss with you. Something I, sort of, found out about him by accident." Drifting off when I yank my hand out of his grasp, Justin just looks away from me with a tired expression on his face. "I'd rather he told you himself but it doesn't look like he has any intentions to. Anyway, I fired Mallory tonight. It's something I should have done a long time ago. And, and..."

Locking eyes with me again, Justin inhales sharply and I know for a fact, he's having a really hard time controlling his feelings. His eyes seem glassy and the way he's bobbing his knees up and down, I'm pretty sure he's dying to bolt out of that room.

"And, despite everything that's happened, I just want you to know I'm still here for you and I still want you to accompany me on my vacation. Now you really have a reason to go since you're my assistant. I was even thinking of inviting Trace and Yolanda along as well. It would be good for all of us. And maybe when we get back, Yolanda and I would be on top of our game." His tone is uncertain, but his eyes confirm his decision.

Oh my god. What just happened? Is he for real? He, he still wants me to go? Ok so sure, it's different if he wants Trace and Yol to come too but, wow. I thought he forgot about that.

"I thought you took your time off when you left." I voice.

"Nah. My vacation time is still scheduled for some time after new years. So, are you in?" Justin is giving me this really boyish grin right now. How can I say no to that?

"Wow, I'm shocked. I just thought after all this..."

"That doesn't mean we can't still try to be friends berry." He smiles for me and I think I just felt a little piece of my heart break. He's, he's letting go. He's letting me go. He really is. I can, I can tell by the tone of his voice. He's so solemn and, and I don't want this. I really don't. I can't keep doing this. I need to make everything right again. I need to find Christian, dump Jeremy and hopefully when I'm done reinventing myself, it wouldn't be too late and Justin will still want me. Oh god I hope so.

"Oh, well in that case I'm in." I say dejectedly.

"Good. That's...good. I should leave now." Standing from his seating position, Justin begins to make his way to the door.

Watching his retreating form has never been this difficult before. My heart beat suddenly picks up and I can feel all the hairs on my body stand up. I, I can't let him go. Not again. Not this time. I want him to stay. I just, I need him to stay. My thoughts are screaming out for him to stay, but I'm just sitting there, mute.

I'm just watching the man I undoubtedly love walk out of my life...again. In an indirect way, I think he made his peace with me. I think he made his peace with me when he was gone. I'd really love to know where he's been all this time.

Shit what am I doing? Justin's right. I should worry about our problems after I know my brother will be ok.

But god, he's here. He's, he's back. My Ju is back and I'll be damned if I let him leave again without a fight.

"Justin wait."

Jumping off the bed, I sprint for the door, lunging at it and slamming it shut the moment he opens it. Stumbling back a bit, he's just staring at me a bit stunned by my sudden actions.

Breathing hard, I look up at his curious eyes. "Don't go." I choke out, coughing a bit.

"What? Berry, I'm just going back downstairs." Justin explains but I don't want to hear it.

"Stay with me please?" I beg, moving closer to him.

"What? No, no...no." He protests shaking his head and hands as he walks away from me.

"Please Justin. I need you." I'm groveling here. What more does he want from me? Walking up to him, I place my hand on his shoulders to turn him around. "Look at me Justin."

Bowing his head, he begins fiddling with his nails and...wait a minute. Hold on. He's, he's...holy shit...

Casting my vision downwards, a small smile slowly twitches into the corner of my mouth. "Justin you're...your hands, your nails. Look at what you're doing." I whisper in shock.

"Huh?" Snapping his head up in my direction, he's searching my eyes in bewilderment. Gazing down, he immediately begins to laugh before he shakes his hands and rubs them against his jeans nervously. "Oh shit. I guess you're finally rubbing off on me." He chuckles, still in disbelief that he subconsciously picked up my nail habit. Oh this is priceless.

Still smiling, I poke him lightly in his stomach to get his attention. "Don't go Ju. Keep me company?" I suggest. "Believe it or not, I've missed you and I'm really happy you're back."

"Yeah, that's pretty unbelievable." He cracks out causing me to hit his arm playfully.

"Hey! I'm trying."

"Try harder." He retorts shooting me a sly grin.

"I swear Justin you're so full of sh..." and my sentence is cut short as my eyes open wide with shock.

Yeah you guessed it.

He, he kissed me.

Actually, he's still kissing me. Oh my sweet jesus. What the hell is going on?

I, I think I just stopped breathing.

Yeah, definitely holding my breath right about now.

Oh god, this should not be happening. This is complicating an already complicated situation.

What the hell is he doing?

What the hell am I doing?

But, I've missed him. And, and I've missed his lips against mine. His soft, pink, juicy lips that are attacking mine in such feverish kisses. Oh please stop. Please, he needs to stop because I can't. My mind is fucked and, and I don't want this to end.

We're crazy to be...

"Oh god." I moan when I feel Justin snake his arms around my waist and pull me in against his chest. Finally closing my eyes, I ignore all my thoughts and just allow myself to feel - what he's doing to me, to my soul, to my body.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I push my weight against him, causing us to reverse until we fall unto the bed. We're still kissing deep, long and hard as our tongues battle with each other - limbs tangled, breathing heavily.

And we really need to stop! Why isn't Justin stopping? Oh god, this is wrong. This shouldn't be happening.

"We should stop." Justin whispers against my lips, still kissing me. He read my mind. Oh I couldn't have said it any better. Please stop. Heaven knows I don't have the strength to. What the hell possessed him to kiss me in the first place?

"I...I agree." I force out, allowing my hands to roam over his firm body. Damn I've missed this man.

"Ok." Justin mumbles, his hands moving up and down my back since I'm lying on top of him as we remain lip-locked.

"Stay with me..." I say, not really knowing why I just said that. Ok, sure I don't want to be alone and I'm vulnerable. But shit, Trace and Yolanda are there. We really can't do this right now...

Flipping us over so he's now hovering on top, Justin finally gains enough will power to break the kiss and end our little make out session. I think the signals finally went off in his brain about how wrong this is.

Opening my eyes, my hazels instantly connect to his blues and I can see the regret twinkling in them. Oh no. I knew this was a bad idea. He's just silent, blinking slowly and just...looking at me through the dim lighting. Licking at my swollen lips, I can still feel the tingling sensations from his beard when we were kissing.

"I'm sorry. I...I...I'm sorry." He chokes out, moving off me and jumping to his feet in record speed.

"What? No Justin..." Seating up to look at him, I watch in horror as he bolts for the door. "Justin..."

"No berry!" He suddenly yells, turning around to face me. "Don't you see? I, I can't be alone with you. I don't trust myself with you and we can't keep doing this."

"It wasn't your fault you..."

"Just shut up Zara! Damn it! Look I'm sorry ok? And I, I can't stay." He rambles out before he swings the door open and stumbles outside slamming it shut in the process.

Still just glaring at the now closed door, I can't shake the feeling that this might be it for us. I also can't shake the fact that before Justin walked out of that door, I could have sworn I saw tears rushing to the surface. This makes me realize that he's having a hell of a time concealing his feelings. He's really torn up.

But, I'm worse off right now.

And I feel horrible, because for a split second, Justin allowed me to forget about the pain I feel for my brother and his condition.

For that brief moment we kissed, he took it all away.

And, I should dislike him for that, but instead I want him to come back and take the pain away again.

I need my Malky. I need him so bad.

He has to survive this. He just has to. My life is on the line here as well.

But you know what?

What I need to do is suck this sappy shit up and begin fixing the mess I've created.

And the first order on the agenda is to find Christian.

And I know just the person who might most likely know how I can find him.

Rushing over to my hand bag, I begin emptying its contents in search of a little piece of paper I usually keep tucked away in one of the zipped pockets. Frantically shuffling through endless papers and other items, I finally come across what I've been looking for. Darting my eyes over the familiar numbers, I take in a deep breath.

"I can do this."

I have to. It's the only way to begin mending the broken pieces and hopefully finding a way to Justin's heart and gaining his forgiveness. Grabbing my cell phone, I flip it open and pause briefly to gain some needed courage to do what I'm about to do...

Still staring at the phone, I hold my breath...

"I...I...I can't." I exhale, dropping the piece of paper and cell on the bed.

"But I have to...but..."

"Zar-bear! Pizza's here!" I hear Trace call out to me from somewhere downstairs.

Talk about saved by the pizza.

Looking at my discarded phone and then the door, I opt for door instead. "I'll do it." I voice my thoughts, backing towards the bedroom door. "Right after I eat." I squeal out before I pull the door open, desperately needing to vacate the room in fear that the paper might come alive or burst into flames or something.

I know what you're thinking - I'm so pathetic.

But well this is the one time in my life I'm saying, it's better to procrastinate.

****

Quote by: Jessica