Next day...

October... Saturday Morning

Orlando, Florida

"I Won't Tell Your Secrets"

"What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does."

Waking up to the smell of coffee is something I've missed dearly. I remember waking to the smell of coffee almost every morning when Malcolm would be up hours ahead of me to get ready for his shift at work. Someone is definitely up in the kitchen making breakfast. I miss those times at home with my brother and I miss him. But today is the day I get to see my Malky so I'm more than excited about that. Rolling to my side, I push the blue covers off my body and jump off the bed as I gaze at the time. It's after 10 on a Saturday morning. I guess Trace allowed me to sleep in. I wish he would have waked me up though. I can't wait to get down to the hospital.

Digging around in my bag for some fresh clothes, I quickly disrobe myself remaining in just my red bra and underwear. Pulling out a pair of jeans and a red top, I grab a towel and some of my strawberry scented liquid soap out of the bag. A few items tumble out in the process and as I begin stuffing them back in, something catches my eye. Pulling the object out and lifting it to my line of sight, I begin to smile at the memory. It's the key ring Justin gave me with the picture of us kissing embedded in it. I always carry it everywhere with me. The only reason I don't have my keys on it is because of Jer. I know if he saw it he just wouldn't shut up and I don't want to deal with that.

Passing my thumb over the picture, I sigh and tuck it back securely in my bag then quickly head for the shower, determined to be ready to leave in an hour flat.

Malcolm needs his sister. I need to be there if he wakes up so time is of the essence.

Forty minutes later, I'm fully dressed and heading downstairs to the kitchen where I can smell eggs and sausages as well as the sweet aroma of coffee. My tummy is just aching at all the fabulous scents filling my nose right now. Pulling my jeans higher on my waist, I tighten my belt with a frown on my face. Just a few weeks ago that pair of jeans were fitting like a second skin and now the waist is loose and falling off my hips. Should I be worried? I mean it's not like I'm starving myself. I eat, yet I feel like I'm just shedding pounds overnight.

Shrugging off my thoughts, I sprint down the stairs and round the corner into the massive kitchen to be greeted by Yolanda. She's dressed in a jeans skirt, sandals and a white tube top, standing in front of the electric stove with a fork in her hand, poking at some sausage links.

"Morning Yol." I voice to grasp her attention and it works. Turning to look at me, her face lights up in a smile and she rushes over to give me a quick hug, before she returns to her task at hand.

"Hey girl. How are you feeling?" She inquires, turning off the stove and dropping the links into a plate.

"Much better knowing that I'm going to see Malcolm today." I beam, going over to help her with the plates and forks from the cabinet.

"That's good. Are you hungry? I made breakfast as you can see. And you need to eat something because we might be in the hospital for hours." She explains and I nod in agreement.

"Definitely, but first I need me some of that coffee you brewed." I reply, licking my lips - craving the substance. Ok, so I'm little bit of an addict. I blame Malcolm for that one.

"Help yourself. Cups are in the top right cabinet. I'm just going to lay out some plates for the guys." Yolanda moves away from me and begins sharing the food as I go in search of a coffee mug.

"Speaking of the guys, where are they?" I inquire when I realize just how quiet the house seems to be.

"Well, Trace was up super early today. He brought me home to get a change of clothes and then he brought Justin home because Justin hasn't been home since he got back. They should be here soon for us to leave. Don't worry." She assures me as she places two plates filled with eggs, hash browns and links on the side for them. "Fix you a plate?" She offers and I nod as I pour out my coffee still in thought.

Justin was really distant with me last night when I went down for dinner. In fact, I sort of grabbed my slices of pizza, grabbed a drink and mumbled a goodnight before I bolted back up to my room. I didn't want to stay around them. Not with the way I was feeling. The whole thing was awkward but Trace and Yolanda seemed fine with it. I spent the rest of the night lying on my bed just thinking about everything that's been going on in my life before I finally succumbed to sleep. It was really depressing yet oddly comforting.

Taking a sip of the hot liquid, I sigh with content when I feel it slide down the back of my throat. Following Yolanda to the dinning table at her request, I pull out a chair and take a seat before she places a plate in front of me. As we're about to dig in, we hear the front door swing open followed by voices and loud trampling. Bending my head to the side, I feel a heavy weight on my thigh realizing that we have a few guests in our midst.

"Oh my god, hey Buckley! Hey boy." I coo when I notice the excited boxer propped up on my lap, barking and panting at me while wagging his tail. Petting him and making baby noises for him, I watch as Brennan comes strutting in followed by Trace and Justin. "Oh I haven't seen you guys in forever." I beam, nudging Brennan as Buckley hops off my lap when Justin calls out to him. They're so obedient.

Playing with them a little, Justin ushers them out to the backyard and shuts the door before he comes back in to take a seat at the table with us. Trace wasted no time in grabbing a plate and digging into his scrambled eggs. "Thanks for making breakfast Yolanda." Trace voices and Yolanda shrugs before giggling.

Rolling my eyes playfully at them, I notice Justin is just seating there watching all of us silently.

"Aren't you eating Justin?" Yolanda asks with a mouthful of food. Taking another large gulp of my coffee, I place down my cup to eye him carefully. He seems a little off balance today. Then again, with the way he dashed out of my room last night I don't blame him.

"I'm not hungry." Justin states, standing to his feet and exiting the kitchen immediately after. Well that was weird.

"What the hell is his problem?" Yolanda asks and Trace and I just exchange glares. With the look Trace is giving me, it's safe to say Justin told him about what happened last night. Just great. I'm not in any mood for a lecture.

"He just needs some time. He'll be fine. Let's just eat up so we can head down to the hospital." Trace replies, dismissing the situation.

Bowing my head in thought, I pick up my fork and begin digging at my eggs suddenly not having any appetite to eat. But, Yolanda took her time to prepare this, so I'm going to force some of it down before we get ready to leave for the day.

I really hope that by the time this day is over, Justin will be somewhat back to his old self and not so distant and distraught all the time.

That's not asking for too much is it?

I really just want my Ju back.

****

I can't look at her.

I can't stand being around her.

It's like every sane thread in my body it being pulled at when she's near me.

I don't even feel like myself anymore.

That's pretty screwed up if you asked me.

I can't even believe I told Trace I kissed her. But he's my best friend only, I think he's a little too attached to berry now.

He fucking lectured me on how this is a critical time for her and I shouldn't confuse her with mixed feelings. Like I don't know that shit.

He refuses to tell me what's been going on when I was gone. He refuses to shed any light on my situation to help me.

Some friend huh?

I'm thinking about banning him along with a few other people.

But I can't, because I still need him, but I'm going to get it out of him.

He's going to tell me what's up with berry. He's going to divulge what ever secret they're keeping from me. I know he is, else he's fired as my assistant and best friend even.

I'm just really pissed off right now.

We've been seating here for hours waiting on the doctor whose name I just can't remember. I swear it's like my brain isn't functioning right or something. Zara is next to Trace and they're whispering back and forth between themselves talking about god knows what. Cutting my eyes at them, I scowl a bit, pushing back in my seat before Yolanda pulls my attention to her.

"Justin, what are we going to do about our albums and tour? I've been rescheduling meetings, performances and a whole bunch of stuff because my schedule was so messed up. Zara's a doll but I'm really getting requests and we need to really work on fulfilling them and my career." Yolanda states, tapping my shoulder when I look away - fixating my vision on Zara and Trace again. She really does kind of look sick. I'm just praying Malcolm is ok so I can talk to her about what the doctor mentioned concerning her depression among other things. I can wait to have our talk though. I think, I think berry looks different too. I'm so used to seeing her all full and voluptuous. I mean, she's still that way only, smaller. Surprisingly, I don't like it. She's definitely losing too much weight in my eyes.

"Justin did you hear me?" Yolanda snaps, now hitting my shoulder and pulling on my black shirt.

"What? Oh right. Listen, we'll settle everything when I come into work on Monday. Just be at my office and we'll work everything out Yolanda. We're heading into the studio earlier than expected - right after thanksgiving." I inform, gazing at her confused face for a brief moment.

"Ok, but..."

"I've already called Johnny and settled. We'll break over Christmas of course but the first few weeks we need to lay some serious vocals down. No lazing around. Understood? Also, I got Esmee to come in and work on a track with you, so you'll get to meet her just after new years." I voice, watching as the doors to the office we've been seating in swing open and Malcolm's doctor graces us with her presence.

"Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" Yolanda asks me excitedly.

"On my way back to civilization..." I mutter, telling Yolanda to be quiet when the doctor finally takes a seat at her desk.

The entire room quiets down as we all hold our breath in anticipation. Squinting, I finally read the doctor's name tag on her blue overalls. "Dr. Lake?" I frown immediately, nearly bursting into a fit of laughter. Are you kidding me? She has half of my last name and I couldn't remember it? I guess I was really out of it then.

"Good day to you too Justin." She smiles warmly and I give her a sheepish grin.

"How's Malcolm?" Zara eagerly asks standing and grabbing a chair to take a seat next to me. I seriously can't hide the huge grin on my face right now that Zara's next to me. Ha, too bad Trace. Too bad buddy. Yeah I'm a loser.

Smiling to myself, Zara and I lock eyes briefly before she diverts her attention back to the doctor.

"Thankfully he's stable and on his way to recovery. The operation went well and he's responding positively to the blood transfusion. Of course, we'll be keeping an eye on him until he's fully healed. But, the good news is he's awake and asking for his Zary." Dr. Lake beams, releasing a sigh. Watching her movements, I furrow my brows in thought. She's not telling us something. I can see it in her eyes and I want to know what that something is.

"Oh my god! That's so great. Thank you so much. Thank you for saving his life." Zara squeals, jumping to her feet and leaning across the desk to embrace Dr. Lake.

"It's my job, but you helped to save him too by donating your blood, so it was a group effort." The doc smiles.

"Oh my god, can I see him?" Zara asks excitedly.

"Sure there's a nurse waiting outside to take you to his room and..."

"Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me..." Zara screams out excitedly before she disappears out the door. Well that was rude, but Dr. Lake doesn't seem to mind.

"I'll go with her." Yolanda states, smiling for us before she exits the office as well in search of Jahzara.

"Yeah, me too." Trace states following suit, leaving me alone with good ole Dr. Lake.

And suddenly, I feel nervous. Why do I feel nervous? "Ok Doc, what didn't you tell her?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest and leaning back in my chair.

"That obvious huh?" She sighs, fiddling with some papers on her desk and her assortment of pens.

Keeping my eyes locked on her movements, I nod slowly. "Only to me." I voice.

"Listen, don't tell Jahzara, she's really unstable, but we almost lost Malcolm last night. He flat lined twice and the second time, we almost didn't bring him back. The good news is he's stable and should be fine. I didn't want to call once he was ok. I didn't want to worry her with her condition."

Ok, Lake is really starting to piss me off. "It's her brother and you feel she doesn't need to know?" I snap, leaning forward and narrowing my eyes at her with a frown on my face. Is she for real right now?

"I spoke to you about Zara's condition..."

"Just shut up. I don't want to hear any of that. She's fine. You're acting like she has some terminal illness or..."

"It is an illness Justin. And if she doesn't monitor it or take care of herself she can end up very sick and in the hospital. You don't want that do you?" Doc is looking at me with so much fucking worry in her eyes it's seriously starting to scar me. Since when is depression so serious?

"Fine whatever. I just think Zara should have known, but if Malcolm is going to be fine..." I relent.

"He'll be fine."

"Well then, I'm going to look for my friends now because they need me." I stand on my feet to leave, making my way to the door. I don't want to hear anything else she has to say. It's a little overwhelming.

"You love her don't you?" Dr Lake inquires, stopping me in my tracks.

Turning to face her I give a sad smile. "More than she knows." I whisper, before Lake nods her head in understanding, allowing me to exit her office in silence.

Making my way down the hall towards Malcolm's room, I spot his partner Drew coming up the hall from the cafeteria area.

"Hey Drew!" I call out and he waves to me before he makes his way over, giving me a handshake and pat on the back.

"What's up Justin? I take it Zara is in there?" He asks, pointing to Malcolm's hospital room door.

"I guess." I shrug, about to enter but Drew stops me.

"Listen I don't know if you're aware that we almost lost Malcolm last night..."

"I'm aware." I cut him off harshly. "It's just fucked up that you all are keeping this from Zara."

"Just don't tell her. Malcolm is fine now and he doesn't want her to know..."

"Fine whatever." I scoff, turning the knob and easing the door open.

"Listen, I need to head home and catch some sleep and eat. I've been here all night. Let Malcolm know I'll be back later before visiting hours are over." Drew says with a weary yawn.

"Yeah, sure man." I nod for him before he tells me bye, disappearing down the hall and out of sight.

Sighing, I suck in a breath hearing Zara and Trace talking to Malcolm. Well I guess Trace is his friend too now. Shit, I've really missed a lot the past month I've been gone.

Walking into the room, I close the door behind me causing everyone to divert their gaze in my direction.

"What's your boss doing here Zary?" Malcolm states groggily, cutting his eyes at me clearly not pleased with my presence. Am I missing something? I always seem to be out of the loop.

"Justin just came by to give you his well wishes. He's been really great with me through all of this." Zara quickly explains, rushing up to me and grabbing my hand in hers. Looking down at the hold she has on me, I lift my head to stare at her with a questionable glare.

"Good to see you're doing better Malcolm and Drew said he'll be back later." I say, pulling out of Zara's grasp and walking up to everyone, taking a seat next to Trace.

"Yeah well, I'm alive." Malcolm explains yawning lightly. "In some serious pain, but alive." He muses, causing Zara to smile and touch his arm lightly.

It's really good to see her genuinely smile. She seems so happy now. I just wish I could be a factor in her happiness. We're so fucked up.

"Yeah, Malcolm was just saying that he needed to get some rest, so maybe we'll be back later or first thing tomorrow" Zara explains, leaning forward to hug her brother gently before she pulls away and stands from her seating position. "So we can leave now, so he can get some rest." She explains, pulling Trace up from his seat as well.

"Oh..." I drift off, glaring at Yolanda who seems to just be staring at Malcolm in a bit of a daze. What the hell is her problem?

"Yeah, so let's head out. I love you Malky. We'll be back soon, get plenty of rest ok?" Zara coos, leaning down to kiss his partly bruised cheek.

"You got it Zary and behave yourself and tell Jeremy I said what's up." Malcolm coughs slightly.

Mumbling under my breath, I groan at the mention of Jeremy. I seriously need to find him and beat his ass. I can't believe I gave him over a month to come clean with berry and he still hasn't told her anything - considering they're still together. I swear he's such an asshole. I guess I'll have to tell her myself.

"It was good seeing you Malcolm." I state and he just nods, shrugging me off before he gives Trace a light handshake, saying his goodbyes.

Rolling my eyes, I walk over to Yolanda, pulling her with me. I swear it's like the girl is under some trance. "Yolanda?" I whisper, snapping her out of her day dreaming. Oh no, please tell me berry isn't rubbing off on her. That's like me picking up her nail habit last night. I swear it was by accident. It won't happen again, not if I can help it.

"What Justin?" She mutters, trying to wriggle out of my hold.

"What's wrong with you girl? Let's go." I enforce, dragging her to the exit with me and out the room as she screams out a goodbye.

Now in the hallway, I take a seat, waiting for Trace and Jahzara to come out as Yolanda starts pacing in front of me.

"Ok, what's up with you Yolanda?" I snap, fully annoyed with her anxious movements.

"Is it wrong that even though Zara's brother is lying in a hospital bed fighting to get better, I just can't stop thinking about how gorgeous he is and even sexy in his hospital gown?"

Crinkling my nose, my eyes widen as she's just looking at me with a shy smile on her face. Is she serious? She is isn't she? Oh my good god...

"Holy fucking shit Yolanda." I belt, shutting my mouth when Trace and Zara walk out of the room and towards us.

Stifling my chuckles, Yolanda just shrugs, walking ahead of us as I stand to follow.

"What's up Ju?" Zara whispers coming up next to me as we make our way out of the hospital and towards the parking lot.

It's good to not have to take Mike and Lonnie everywhere with us. Plus Trace and I have our sunglasses and caps on so that helps.

"Ju?" Zara nudges me as we finally reach to Trace's Escalade.

"What? Oh nothing." I snicker causing Trace to turn around and stare at me.

"Are you two laughing at me?" Trace asks, his eyes glowing with mischief.

"Na dawg." I protest, laughing out when Yolanda sticks out her tongue at me before hoping into the ride. Oh, Zara is going to love hearing this one. I'll let Yolanda tell her though.

As all of us pile into Trace's jeep, my cell goes off. Glancing at the caller Id, I growl angrily before I switch it off.

"Who was that?" Zara inquires nosily, stretching over me to get a peak at the screen.

"No one." I lie, moving the phone away, but enjoying the weight of her body pressed against mine. Giving her a bashful smile, she smirks and seats up, pushing back in her seat. "It was Mallory." I explain and Zara mouths an ‘oh' looking ahead as we pull up in the backseat of the car. "You're cute when you try to stay mad at me." I whisper to her, causing her head to snap in my direction.

"I'm not mad at you Ju. I've just missed you is all." She states flatly. "Hey can I borrow your phone to make a long distance call? I forgot mine and I really need to make this call." She explains, pulling out some piece of paper from her side bag with some numbers scribbled on it. "I mean if it's ok. I'll pay for the charges." She quickly adds when I just keep staring at her blankly.

"Uh..." Looking down at my phone I hand the item to her completely intrigued with whatever it is she's about to do.

"Thanks Ju. I might need you all here for this one." Zara says through a shaky breath, looking down at the paper before she starts dialing the written numbers on the key pad extremely slow.

"You know I'm always here for you." I say softly, furrowing my brows when she grabs my hand tightly, hitting the call button and placing the phone to her ears.

Ok then...wierd.

Glancing at Trace through the rear view mirror, he's giving me a ‘what the hell' look and all I can do is shrug because I have no idea what's going on.

"Are you guys up for hanging out at the house, maybe head in the pool and have a movie night later? After we visit Malcolm again?" Yolanda asks, breaking the silence in the ride as Trace picks up speed switching lanes and heading for home.

"Fine by me." I respond and Trace nods in agreement.

Glancing over to Zara, I watch as her breath hitches in her throat and she applies pressure to our hold, squeezing the life out of my hand, causing me to wince in pain.

jesus christ if this is what it feels like when she's going to give birth then I'm staying far away from her.

Wait hold up, that...that didn't come out right...

"Hello?" Zara chokes out, pulling me out of my conflicted thoughts as I notice all the color in her face drain and her body tenses up.

"No, this is Jahzara." Pausing, she seems to be concentrating on what the person on the other end of the line is saying to her.

Exhaling, I watch in curiosity as berry breathes a sigh of relief, letting go of my now numb hand as her body significantly relaxes.

Giving a half-smile, she presses the phone to her ear as she locks eyes with me...

"Has it really been that long? Oh...well, it's nice to hear your voice too aunt Patrice."

And I know for a fact that Trace's ass is mine tonight.

If he thinks I didn't see the look on his face when he realized who Zara was talking to, he has another thing coming.

He better be afraid. He better be very afraid.

"Watch your back Ayala." I warn out loud, tuning out Zara's conversation with her long lost aunt as my own thoughts engulf my conscious state.

Resting back in my seat, I finally shut my eyes with satisfaction, chuckling lightly when Trace begins to cough loudly from astonishment due to my threat.

****

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