Late Saturday Night...

Memphis, Tennessee...

Justin's P.O.V...

A New Take On Things

"He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life. Fear can keep us up all night long but faith makes one fine pillow."

It's been crazy...

My family has been relentless with their inquiries and snooping. I kind of feel bad for Zara since she's the one who has to put up with it, but so far my baby is doing great.

Since we got home a few hours ago, my family has asked a mountain of questions ranging from how Zara and I met, to what it's like when we make love. Yeah, you heard right. Zara nearly choked on the wine cooler my mom brought out for her when the intimate questions surfaced.

Still, we're doing well so far...

"So, do you and Justin live together?"

That question came from my little bro Jonathan. I swear he's the nosiest. He's been asking berry questions nonstop and I can see that she's trying her best to be pleasant but I can only imagine her patience is wearing thin.

"Uh no." She replies calmly.

"Really? Justin always moves in with his girlfriends. He did it with Cameron, Jessica..."

But I cut him off when I see Zara tensing up. The last thing I need if for her to get standoffish. I can't have her retreating into herself again, not after all the progress we've made. "John, why don't you go help momma in the kitchen?" I suggest. It's been hours since we've been home and mom actually made everyone dinner. We just finished eating a few minutes ago and everyone is now lounging in the living room just chilling and talking. Mom, Nana and Lisa are in the kitchen so...

"I get the hint. I'll back off." Jonathan sighs before giving Zara a tight lipped smile, standing up and heading off in the direction of the kitchen.

Granted this is my house and my family, I really feel like kicking them out so Zara and I can get a little breathing space since we had such a long flight. Then, I'd be ready to deal with them tomorrow, refreshed and well rested. Because now, now I'm getting antsy.

When we're left alone sitting on the couch, I watch Zara curl her feet up against her chest before she looks over at me, giving me a small smile before her focus is back on the television screen.

Sighing, I rub my palms over my face not really knowing what to tell her. I know she's not ok, and I don't want to get into anything with her in front of my family. I guess I'll just have to wait for later.

Scanning the room, my eyes land on my step-dad Paul who's talking to Papa right now. When dad sees me looking in their direction, he smiles while excusing himself and comes over to where Zara and I are seating. Looking down at her, he frowns before fitting himself between the two of us on the couch. Yeah, there's that much of a space between berry and me. That can't be a good sign.

"So Jahzara, I hear you're doing big things with Yolanda and...being Justin's assistant as well?" He's eyeing me as he says this, probably wondering what it up with that since I already have Rachel and Trace.

I just shrug, clearly not wanting to partake in his drilling too. I swear, sometimes my family can be so...god I don't even know...instead I clear my thoughts because I can feel the drags of drowsiness lurking on the surface. All I want right now is a bed. I just want to curl up next to Zara under my warm covers and sleep...

Standing, I stretch out my limbs, smiling when I see my dad's attention now on Zara and she seems to be relaxing a bit as they get into whatever conversation he's started. Deciding that I need to stretch my legs, I amble around until I get into the kitchen.

A chuckle escapes my lips when I see John whining to his mom about doing the dishes. God, I remember hating to do chores when I was growing up but mom always knew the right bribe to get me to do it. I swear kids can be so gullible sometimes.

Walking further in, I walk up to Nana and give her a kiss on the cheek and do the same with Lisa before I encircle my arms around my mom from behind, resting my head on her shoulder and peering over to see what she's doing.

"Well look who decided to join us. Came to help us honey?" Mom coos but I just shake my head ‘no', letting out a light yawn before kissing her cheek too from behind.

"Dad stole Zara away." I breathe out hearing Nana giggle.

Darting my eyes in her direction where she's wiping the dishes, I arch a brow, waiting for her smart comment.

"You're really smitten with that one...more than usual. I hope you hold on to her." Nana voices in her thick southern twang. I just roll my eyes before gazing down at where my mother is washing dishes next to Lisa who's still trying to talk Jonathan into helping her.

It's amazing how we can all be in here like this. I mean, it still amazes me the type of mutual relationship Lisa and my mom have. You'd think that my mom would hate her since she remarried my biological dad but they're totally cool. I hope I could be mature so one day if I was ever in a similar situation. God, what the hell am I even thinking? I blame the lack of sleep...and with that thought I yawn again.

Placing the dishes down, mom turns around to face me, wiping her wet hands on her floral dress while eyeing me wearily. "Sweetie you look drained. You need rest." She points out, touching the sides of my face softly.

"I guess." I slump my shoulders, suddenly feeling like my body weighs a million tons. I'm starting to think that the activities that took place on my jet earlier between berry and me took a lot more out of me than I anticipated. Still who am I to complain?

"Well we're almost done here and I know you and Zara must have had a long flight so, I'll work on getting everyone out so you can rest ok? Then you two can bring your things over to the family house tomorrow. We need to head into town to gather a few things for thanksgiving as well." Mom explains and I just give her a tired smile and a nod.

"Yeah, Nana needs those peach cobbler ingredients bought." I smirk hearing my Nana let out a light laugh.

"Only for you baby." Nana rubs in and I can't help but grin like a kid because I can already taste the sweet goodness. Licking my lips slightly, my blues connect to my mom's orbs that are still studying me intently.

"Jahzara's a sweet girl." Mom suddenly blurts out and I hear a series of hums. Oh no, I'm starting to think that they were talking about us before I came in here.

"Uh..." I take a step back, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. The last thing I want to do it talk about how fucked up Zara and I have been and how we had to cross over mountains and valleys to be at the stage we are today. It's not going to be easy to maintain I know that much. We're still in the early stages where everything is fresh. It's not exactly a pretty tale for me to tell. "Yeah..."

"But you two seem a little..." I hold my breath as my mom searches for the appropriate word. "Distant. Is everything ok?" She inquires and I quickly shake my head ‘yes', knowing I'll have to talk to her later about everything that's been going with me in the last couple of months. She's my best friend next to Trace and I miss talking to her. We definitely need a heart to heart to help me get some stress out of my system. "Justin don't lie to me. I know you better than you know yourself." Mom scolds and I hate to say it but sometimes she really does. Trace throws the same line on me too when he's digging for information, the little troll. I actually miss his stumpy ass. He couldn't come up because he has shit going on...

"We're just tired Ma and you know, this is her first time being around the Timberlake and Harless clan. It can be a little overwhelming." I reason.

"Considering you're a handful on your own, I don't blame the poor girl for being terrified. I'll have to spend some time with her to get her to loosen up and relax some."

"I'd like that." I smile - the thought of Zara and my mother bonding giving me that warm feeling inside. "But really, I love you all, I do...but my bed is calling so if I disappear while you're still here, don't feel offended." I warn, giving my mom a kiss on the cheek as she breaks out into a smile.

"Well I think we're done here so, we should gather everyone to leave." Mom explains, finishing off her dishes in the sink.

"Ok, when are dad and Stephen getting here?" I inquire in Lisa's direction.

"Tomorrow night." She mutters, handing Jonathan a few dishes.

"Sweet."

"Well go get that girl of yours. I can only imagine Paul must be talking her to death." Mom laughs out and Nana does as well. God old dad.

Telling them all goodnight and mentioning I'll see them tomorrow, I swiftly exit the kitchen in search of Zara and sure enough, she's still talking to dad and now Papa. My poor baby, I better go save her...

**

Some time later...

It's been a long ass day, but I'm glad it's finally coming to an end. Everyone has successfully left so it's just Zara and me now.

I know I've been saying this day went well and her meeting my parents and family went well but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm starting to think that she's only doing this for me and she doesn't really want to be here herself.

There is something really wrong with Zara. I'm only saying this because after everyone left, she hardly said ten words to me. And her answers have been very curt. I don't understand it. We weren't like that back in Florida. It's like, she's morphed right back into her old self on me. Damn, the thought alone is threatening to give me an anxiety attack. I can't deal with that shit now. There's no gym boy to worry about or Mallory or Jessica or even her brother so what's her deal?

When the door to the bathroom swings open, I seat up slightly in bed, rubbing at my bare chest before I make myself comfortable again. I've been lying here in my boxers waiting for Zara to get out of the shower. I wasn't joking when I said all I wanted to do was sleep, but now I'm painfully seeing that I'll have to put it on hold to find out what's wrong with her.

I keep my gaze on her as she moves around the room in her grey cotton shorts and white wife beater. I get a strong whiff of her strawberry scent which I found out is a body spray she puts on right after she showers. I swear the sent sticks to her skin, sipping into her pores and tempting me to want to just fucking eat her up whenever we're close and I inhale deeply. It's addicting. Hell, she's addicting with the way she's bent down over her suitcase stuffing some items inside.

Tilting my head to the side, I take in the round shape of her ass feeling a heat rush through my body traveling down to my southern region. Shit, now is not the time to be getting turned on.

We need to have a little chat and I doubt Zara is even in the mood. Still, she looks so fucking hot as flashes of earlier in my jet pops into my mind causing me to let out a light growl.

Standing straight, Zara turns around to face me. Arching a brow at me, she smirks before moving around the room to shut of the lights and turn on the lamps on the nightstands.

Crawling under the covers next to me, she sighs audibly before lying down on her back and staring at the ceiling.

Figuring I need to get this done sooner than later, I shift and push myself up until I'm resting snuggly against the headboard. Glaring down at her, I realize she's avoiding any type of contact with me...

"Berry..." I whisper, watching as she shifts to get more comfortable, but never acknowledging me. Ok, this is getting frustrating. "Zara..." But her faint voice cuts me off.

"Not now Justin. Can we just...go to bed?" She pleads but I'm not letting her off that easily.

"Ok Zara, you've been more withdrawn than usual. What's going on now?" I'm cutting to the chase because I can feel my eyes slowly drooping.

"Nothing." She mumbles, turning her back towards me.

Glaring at her back for a moment, I take note of the small beauty spot on the top of her right shoulder. "Nothing eh?" I echo and her body goes rigid.

"I don't feel like doing this now Justin."

"What? Talking to your concerned boyfriend and letting him know what's wrong? Heaven forbid..." I drawl in a sarcastic manner.

"Don't play the guilt card."

"Then stop being stubborn." I snap. God, this is childish bickering I have no energy to partake in.

Turning her body around to face me, Zara props herself up on her elbow with her hand behind her head to keep her body off the pillow. She's glowering at me like I care about that right now. "What's your problem?" She spits coldly.

"That's what I'm trying to find out with you!" I groan, raising my hands in defeat.

"Nothing is wrong with me, god what is this?"

"I don't even fucking know. We're arguing about nothing." I mumble wanting to laugh at it, but deciding against it because I'm almost certain there is something seriously troubling her right now.

"Then shut up and go to sleep." She moans, rolling her eyes at me.

"No, Zara something is wrong with you. You've been too withdrawn. You were really spaced today and so anxious and on edge. I knew you were nervous to meet my family but this is ridiculous. Please, berry, just tell me." I plead. "Don't you think I deserve to know?" I inquire a bit hurt.

"God Justin! Why don't you believe me? You know, this relationship can't go anywhere if there is no trust." She blurts out and I scowl. What the fuck?

"What?!" I inquire, completely baffled.

"You need to trust me. Trust that I'm telling you the truth. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong. I just...it's just a little much dealing with your family but I'll get through it." She assures me, her gaze softening slightly.

I'm not going to win this fight am I? I can easily end this and just give in. I can, but then what's it going to solve? I can't have her like this with my family for our entire stay here. I don't want them thinking anything negative of her. My mom is warm and accepting of my life choices but if she thinks there is more negative harm for me than positive she will not hesitate to voice her concern. I don't want her thinking that Zara is a concern. If I tell her about Zara's destructive ways, she's going to think just that. I don't plan on telling her that part because I mean, berry is getting help for it. But Zara needs to help me here. I can't do this alone. If she goes around acting like some fucking zombie or panicked freak around my family what are they going to think?

So I protest... "How the fuck...can I trust you when you're flat out lying to my face when really you have no reason to Zara?" My tone is low and menacing as I watch her gasp before she rips the covers from her body and jumps off the bed. Oh great here we go...

"How dare you Justin! What is this? Drill Zara day? I've had enough of it from your family thank you." She snaps and I grit my teeth, trying to suppress my anger.

"Hey don't talk shit about my family Zara."

"Are you serious? I'm not Justin! You know that's not what I was doing. I respect your family more than you know! I'm just trying to sleep but...but you won't let me! What the fuck is your problem?" She points her finger at me accusingly and I lose it. I don't know why but something about the way she's seething, her chest rising and falling harshly and the look in her eyes and tone in her voice just makes me snap. And I fucking lose it.

"What the fuck is my problem? Fuck Zara, you're the one with a problem. You're the one walking around here on pins and needles when my family absolutely adores you. You have nothing to worry about. I've told you this but you won't listen to me. You've never listened to me. It's always been like this. You're so fucking stubborn and self-absorbed that you can't pay attention to the people around you..." And I drift off. I drift because her resolve begins cracking right in front of me. Fuck, I should not have said all that. Her eyes are wide now and she's heaving, her intake of air sharp as she shakes her head sadly.

"You're being a jerk again." She says in a cracking voice.

"God berry...I'm sorry." I sigh dejectedly, rubbing my face roughly then my chest. I'm not even sure if I should touch her right now. I have no idea what's going through her mind. "What do you want? Am I not supposed to care? Am I supposed to just look the blind eye? Because I can't do that Jahzara. I can't. I care about you too much. You're fucking...falling back into your old destructive ways and so suddenly. I refuse to believe that it's because we're here right now. This is supposed to be good for us, spending time with my family for thanksgiving and just relaxing away from our hectic lives. So I don't understand any of this and why you're acting this way. Just...help me understand..." I can't do this with her. I can't. It's draining and I've done it one too many times in the past. I love her, I do, but if we can't get past these fucking tantrums then what?

I can't get into these fights with her every time I call her out on something. We can't always be at each other's throats when one of us is worried and the other one doesn't want to share. Communication is supposed to be key and yet, I feel like sometimes...or a whole lot of times, we lack that. We need to build on that else we're fucking lost.

She's just glaring now, breathing deeply and sniffling. God, she better not cry she just...she better not. What the fuck is wrong with her?

"But you're so wrong Justin..." She begins and what is she even talking about? "It's exactly that." She relents, moving over to take a seat at the edge of the bed.

Hesitantly, I walk up to her and take a seat next her, the side of my body glued to hers. "What's exactly that?" I'm trying to understand I am. I'm still learning about her, discovering her layers and what makes her tick. It's not easy. She's one complicated individual but I love learning new things about her, I love the challenge of trying to figure out why she does and says certain things...I just simply love her. And I don't want to lose what we have before it even builds because of all her demons and insecurities. I just don't.

Usually, people like Zara who are so unconfident and unsure I try to stay away from them. If you hang around negative people eventually it rubs off on you and I don't want that. I'm not saying that Zara is a negative person, but she has a whole lot of it emitting especially when she's scared. I guess, she's an exception. I guess, I see something in her I just can't deny or walk away from. Plus, I feel like, like I need to protect her. After all she's been through, even with me, I feel like she needs protection because she's fragile. And thinking about it now, I can almost fully understand why Malcolm is the way he is with her. He's had first hand experience with her past...I think I get it now...almost.

"It's too much." She whimpers, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"What's too much?" I grab her palms in mine, urging her to continue as my thumbs stroke the back of her hands.

"Everything Ju..." She cringes before looking directly into my eyes, her hazels filled with mixed emotions. "It's overwhelming. I can't...I can't handle it. I know this is going to sound selfish but I'm so jealous of you right now..."

"What?" I chuckle uneasily.

"Because you have this Justin..." She makes a gesture with her hand. "All of this. I've...I've never had that. You know a big family with all the trimmings. That was ripped away from me. All I ever had was my brother. He's all I have Justin and I just...being shoved into your little family bubble like that it just...I couldn't handle it. I see your mom, so loving and caring and gushing over you. Your dad and brother and grandparents all love you. It was like one big happy reunion and I was glad to be a part of it, I was but it...it made me think. It made me think of my mom and my dad and how I can barely remember them and it just...I don't know it hurts you know?" She sniffles and I frown, still eyeing her silently, feeling my heart ache with what she's saying. "Then my only other family, my aunt Patrice estranged herself from her only other living relatives. I mean what shit is that? What did we ever do to her? I don't...I don't even know what my little cousin, her son looks like. It's just..."

Sighing, she bends her head and begins fiddling with her nails but I stop her. "I want that Justin. I want that family, homey feeling. I want to be loved and accepted for who I am and not always judged. I want to be able to go home and feel totally comfortable and myself and eat what I want and just let loose." Then she laughs bitterly. "I'd...I'd say I have that with Malcolm but really, our relationship needs work. We're good at being big brother and little sister where the big tough brother has to stand up and protect his little sis, but really, our friendship is suffering. Our bond it's...it's fading. I feel so far away from my brother now. Like I've lost something with him and he's all I have Justin...I can't lose him. I love him too much I..." And her voice cracks as a few tears slide down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away before exhaling loudly and I know, I know she's done talking.

Well...this is...new.

God, I feel horrible after what she said. I honestly never stopped to think about how this might affect her psychologically but it has and I feel...god I feel awful but I shouldn't. Still, I can only imagine how she's spent most of her life wanting to fill that void of not having her parents around to nurture her and love her. She's so strong. Maybe she's not at weak as I thought.

"God Zara...baby why didn't you tell me?" I instantly stand, pulling her up with me and into my arms, holding her tight as she buries her head in my chest, sniffling lightly.

"I didn't know how to without sounding like some selfish bitch." She giggles weakly and I smile.

"You know I'd never think that. But babe, you need to not beat up yourself about this. Because you're not as alone as you think you are. You have me. You'll always have me. And my family practically adopted you which you will realize by the time this trip is through so don't worry babe. I've got you..."

"But it's not the same." She whines.

"Yeah, but it's all you have right now. Are you saying I'm not enough for you?" I try to lighten the mood and bring in some humor. I can't take this tension and seriousness. I feel like my head will explode at any minute with all these thoughts that keep drowning me. Just thinking about all of what berry said is putting a strain on me already. When we get back to Florida, Dr. Lake and I need to have a serious talk. I hate to say it but I feel like...like we might need an intervention.

I think Zara's issues run deeper than any of us realize and just hearing her speak now gives me a new take on things and her entire situation. She really needs all the help she can get. God I hope I can help her...I really do.

She giggles lightly and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can feel the sleep kicking in again. This really was a long draining day. "You're more than enough for me baby. You're all the man I need." She coos, pulling away to look at me.

Wiping at her tearstained cheeks with my fingertips I grin. "I better be." I muse. "But really, can we...continue this in the morning? I'm no use to you if half my brain is turned off." I admit hoping that she'll understand.

"Of course. I'm tired myself and I'm just glad that you could listen and not judge me...thank you..." She breathes and I nod.

"You don't have to thank me berry. I'd sit and listen to you vent and rant all day till I wanted to rip my ears out. It's what I'm here for babe, to love you and show you how much I care. Don't take that away from me..." I voice seriously, knowing she gets the hidden meaning behind my request.

Shaking her head softly, I smile before leading her back to the bed and helping her get in. "Good because you know if there is anything at all bothering you now or even in your past, feel free to talk to me about it. Don't keep it inside."

"Ok." She agrees and I'd maybe accept that simple answer if I didn't look into her eyes at that very moment. There's something there, something hidden behind those hazels that tell me she's lying again. There's an urgency, an alertness in her eyes due to the turn our conversation has taken. It's almost like she's trying to tell me something with her eyes but she just won't verbalize it.

"You do know you can tell me anything right berry? Anything that's troubling you." I say again, paying close attention to her this time.

"I...I know." She hesitates and I see the same twinkle of uncertainty again. Am I reading too much into this? Should I be worried that maybe there is a whole lot more that needs to be said, that she wants to say but can't in fear that I'll maybe judge her or my perception of her might change? God I hope not...

"You sure?"

"I'm sure Ju! Let's get some sleep please?" She begs, hitting my chest playfully as I crawl under the covers next to her, instantly encircling her in my arms.

"Fine..." I cave, feeling the drowsiness in my system taking over my consciousness.

Snuggling against me, Zara sighs before she leans up and kisses me softly on the lips, lingering there longer than necessary before she pulls away. "I love you Ju." She sighs out contently and I just smile, casting my vision to the ceiling.

"And I love you berry...get some rest ok? Don't worry too much about anything right now. I have faith, we'll make it." I voice, yawning loudly. "Sweet dreams baby..." I coo.

"Yeah...you too..." She sighs as her eyes shut tightly and I know, I know she's drifting into dreamland just like I am.

But I meant what I said you know.

I really have faith that we'll make it.

It's going to take a hell of a lot to break us apart and even then, I'd fight the world to be with her because I need her that badly in my life. And that, that's freaking scary but still, still I'm strangely ok with that...

*****

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