November...

Next Day...Sunday

Memphis, Tennessee

The Past Is Only A Phone Call Away...

"Sometimes our past doesn't remain that way. Sometimes our past can become our present and even our future. It's up to us how we deal with it, in order to make sure that the past never repeats itself..."

He's trying so hard. He really wants this relationship that we have to work. It's written all over his face and seeps out of his beautiful blues whenever he looks at me. And I want this too. I've wanted this for...well I would say I've wanted this for months since our twisted affair started but I've wanted this so much longer. I've wanted him even before he knew I existed or could remember my name.

And now that I have him I'm scared. I'm scared of messing this up because of all my insecurities. I'm scared that when the public finds out they'll rip us apart or that his fans would hate me so much his only option would be to oblige to their wishes. But that's ridiculous right? Because he loves me, it's evident but still I'm worried. I'm worried that my past will repeat itself or even more so, my brother would actually follow through with his word and try to kill us or more Justin when he finds out the truth about us.

This is killing me. It's killing me because I know we're not perfect but still, this is the closest to perfection I've ever gotten in my screwed up life and I'm scared that it's going to be taken away from me. Justin is...amazing and he treats me wonderfully. But that's how Christian started off, innocent and the perfect match. Look at how we turned out. I'm emotionally and psychologically scarred because of him. I can't go through that again with Justin, I would never survive it.

Still I love my Ju. Boy do I love him. It's terrifying how my heart has opened up and pulled him in, mind, body and soul. If he ever did anything to break me, heaven forbid, I don't know what I'd do.

I need to get out of this rut I'm in. It wasn't planned or intentional and I know this shouldn't be but I couldn't help the swarm of emotions that took over when I met his mom and the rest of his family. This is supposed to be a good thing for the both of us, but all it has managed to do is trap me in the past. My mind has been swimming with memories of everyone I've ever loved and lost.

Thoughts of my dead parents keep consuming me, threatening to break me apart. It's a little unnerving because thinking about them has never brought me to this stage of depression before. I've always successfully blocked it out but now I can't seem to do it. Not when I see the way Justin's mom looks at him with so much love and admiration. She knows she did a good job with raising him and now she can rip the benefits in how amazing her son turned out.

I want that. I want my mother and father to look at me like that, but I'll never get that feeling. Then there's my aunt Patrice who I rarely focus on or talk about but I still wonder why she hates us too much. What did we ever do to her really? I may seem like I don't care, but I do. I care because she is the only other person, only motherly figure I have left and she wants nothing to do with my brother or me. It hurts...it really does. But, what hurts even more and what's been bugging me since I got on Justin's private jet to come here to his hometown is the fact that I'm not over my first love. Yeah, it's true.

It's something I could never think about long enough to admit, but now that I'm having this unwanted trip down memory lane, I can't shake it or let it go. It's a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's a feeling that's telling me I'm not over him...Christian that is. I've been having weird daydreams and memories of him and the past we've shared. It wasn't all rose petals. There were some very unpleasant times that I wish to never relive but for some strange reason he's plaguing my thoughts. It's freaking me out because I can't tell Justin that.

Those memories were unlocked the same night Christian called my phone out of the blue and I freaked out and hung up on him. I knew I had to face him eventually to put our past to rest, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready when he called. I needed more time, more time to build up that wall because honestly he was the only guy besides Justin that was able to work his way into my heart and break me down. I tried so hard, to push Justin away because I hate that feeling of not having control over my emotions but it didn't work. I don't regret giving Justin a chance; I just wish I knew him before I knew Christian which again was impossible.

But, I don't want to admit that hearing Christian's voice even for those few seconds brought up all these emotions in me that I honestly thought were dead. How can I even, voice that to anyone? I know I couldn't possibly still be in love with him, it's just impossible because I have Justin now, and I love him but still, why do I feel so conflicted when Christian isn't even in the picture? Who knows, maybe he got the hint and I'll never hear from him again.

You know, I really shouldn't been thinking about any of these things now. This is supposed to be a fun time, spending thanksgiving with Justin's family...

Yet, my mind is so far gone that I don't realize I just bumped into someone until I hear their painful moans and see them gripping their shoulder.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" I snap back to reality only to connect to a pair of bright blue eyes. Gasping, I take a step back due to the intensity of the person's gaze.

"It's...It's cool." The guy chuckles with a slight shake of his head, dismissing my apology. "I should be asking you if you're ok." He suggests and I frown by his statement. Then, he continues to speak when I don't respond immediately. "You seemed a little lost? Or maybe I was just invisible and you didn't see me coming." His lips curve into a sly smile and I can feel my cheeks reddening. Oh my god what's happening? Taking in his chestnut brown hair, smooth olive complexion and sharp chiseled face I blush despite myself. He's really good looking with a tall, broad build. I'm guessing he's an athlete, maybe a footballer?

"I...I'm...." And then it hits me. Is he, flirting with me? Wait, is anyone or more importantly Justin witnessing this? I mean, we're standing in the middle of an aisle in the town's main supermarket having this little encounter.

After waking up and having breakfast which I have to admit was a little tense this morning, Justin and I drove to his family house a few minutes away and placed our luggage up in his childhood bedroom for the rest of our stay here. After greeting his mom and nana, he and I headed down here to buy some needed groceries for his mom to prepare thanksgiving dinner this coming Thursday. Justin actually made them write up a shopping list and offered to do the shopping while they stayed at home and relaxed. He figured it was the least he could do since they were going to be in the kitchen all week. Plus, he wanted to show me around personally.

He disappeared a few minutes ago to the deli section to pick out a turkey and I've been wondering down the aisle by myself ever since. That's when my thoughts took over and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going which led to me smacking into this gorgeous stranger...who's still glaring at me. Oh god, did I space out again?

"Name's Christopher and you are?"

And I scowl. Should I hate that he has half of my ex's name? The same ex I can't get out of my head to save my life? "Jahzara..." I mumble before I hear the faint hums of Justin's voice nearby.

"Berry I think I got everything so we can bounce..." Finally lifting his head from the shopping cart, Justin drifts when his blues zoom in on my hazels as he takes in the scene in front of him. Christopher is standing just mere inches away from me, still gripping his shoulder and my face must look shades darker due to my embarrassment from all that's transpired. But then he morphs into a smile as recognition floats across his features. "Chris?" Justin inquires in astonishment and wow, they know each other. "What are you doing back here man?"

"Oh shit, do my eyes deceive me? Is that pretty boy Timberlake?" Christopher bellows and I just groan. Men.

"Wow man, what's going on?" Justin instantly pushes the cart towards me then steps away from it to greet Chris with a manly handshake and a bear hug. And just like that I'm forgotten, but, I'm thankful right now.

I give Justin a tight lipped smiled when he hands me his wallet and asks me to go pay for the groceries before he becomes engrossed with this Christopher person, asking him what he's doing back home. Well, I guess he's an old friend who moved away years ago like Justin did. Either way, I'm not interested so I simply shrug them off and make my way to the front where the cashiers are situated.

God, the cart is overflowing with groceries. There's going to be a lot of food for thanksgiving that's for sure.

Why do I wish I had my handy pills for the festivities all of a sudden? It doesn't help that Justin flushed them down my toilet bowl if my memory serves correctly.

Ugh...shaking away my thoughts, I begin placing the groceries on the sliding belt, not missing the curious look the young girl who's cashing is giving me.

Ignoring her for the most part, I work on getting everything out of the shopping cart, hearing Justin let out a loud laugh somewhere behind me. Whipping my head around, I notice he's walking to the front with the same Christopher guy who has a small basket with groceries in hand.

Then the same girl opts to speak, diverting my attention back to her. "So, you and Justin huh?" She inquires in a catty manner.

I'm not sure if I should answer that question. I don't know how public Justin wants this to get now. I mean, we haven't discussed it though I'm sure he knows that if he goes out with me, people are going to know something is up.

"What do you mean?" I ask her, not knowing what else to say as I pull on my maroon shirt and flatten my palms over my dark long jeans.

"You know, are you guys an item? Because I've never read about you or seen you anywhere before yet he brought you home with him on his thanksgiving break." She points out and I'm wondering what would happen if I smacked her for being so rude and nosey.

"I'm his assistant." I shrug, passing my hands through my curls and watching as she brings up the last item on the belt, punching in my total.

"Oh..." She replies, but trails off when Justin walks up to us with a large grin on his face as her eyes widen in awe. His hands move to caress my lower hips but he easily snakes them away when he sees the cashier's stare drop to where he touched me intimately.

Taking a step back, he clears his throat and I know he doesn't want anyone outside of his family knowing about us just yet.

Sighing, I turn to face him and grip his palms, dropping his wallet back in his hands so he can take over before I turn and amble out of the supermarket to wait for him by his jeep.

I've had enough of...everything. I just want us to leave already.

It's not long before I see Justin exiting with all the grocery bags and that same Chris person at his side.

When they reach to where the jeep is parked, Justin bids farewell to Christopher and he tells me that is was nice ‘bumping' into me before he leaves Justin and me alone. I just smirk at him and wave goodbye because I'm sure I'll end up seeing him again.

Silently, I help Justin stuff all the bags into the backseat before we hop into the ride at the front and pull out of the parking spot and unto the street.

Sighing, I push back in my seat, staring out the window as he drives through the small town to head back home I'd assume...

"What are you thinking about?" Justin whispers softly before switching lanes and pressing on the accelerator. His attention is on the road but he steals glances at me every once in a while.

Turning to face him, I take in the white t-shirt, light jeans and sandals he's wearing. He has a white cap on to match over his golden brown curls which I'm sure he's going to chop off soon. He's beautiful, but his face looks tired, weary and I know I'm the cause.

"I was just...thinking about uh...home." I state, though it's not a complete lie. I know Malcolm can take care of his self but he's still on sick-leave and I worry about him. I need to give him a call to let him know I'm safe even if we're not on the best of terms.

"We'll be back in Florida soon; we're only here for a week and a half." Justin assures. "Malcolm will be fine." I hate that he knows me so well but sometimes I feel like he doesn't know me at all. "That's it?" His tone is almost emotionless and I know he's trying to seem unaffected that I've been so withdrawn with him but it's not my entire fault. I can't help what's happening to me now.

"I'm sorry Ju. I don't mean to make you worry about me." I admit, cutting to the root of the matter.

"Then don't Zara. Don't shut me out. You need to believe that you can tell and talk to me about anything." He sighs exasperatingly as we continue to drive towards his family home.

"I know that. There's nothing to talk about Ju. Don't do this. I don't want a replay of last night." Admitting how I feel has never been easy, neither has voicing my deepest thoughts. He should know this.

"I don't want that either berry, just forget it. We're almost home." He relents and I feel terrible that we're like this. We're not supposed to be like this.

"Ju I love you...you know that right? I guess I'm just going through a phase, don't worry about me please. I...we'll be ok." But he doesn't answer, he doesn't even budge as his eyes remain glued to the road as we finally pull up to the driveway of his parents' home. And my heart skips a beat, because he doesn't even acknowledge me. "Ju? Justin...I love you Ju." I whimper slightly as he shuts off the engine and pulls off his seatbelt. Gripping the steering wheel tightly, he flattens his back against the seat before he unlocks and swings the door open to his jeep.

Before he hops out, he twists his body to look at me with a pained expression on his face and doubt in his eyes. I can feel my heartbeat speed up significantly because whatever he's about to say isn't going to be good...

"Sometimes berry..." His voice is faint and shaky as he pauses, trying to make up his mind on if he should continue or not, but he does anyway. "Sometimes I'm not so sure anymore..." And with that said, he jumps out, slamming the door shut before he makes his way to the front of the house, calling out to Jonathan to help him with the groceries as I remain glued in place...alone.

‘I'm not so sure anymore?' What...what the fuck is that supposed to mean? He's not so sure about us? He's not so sure that I love him? He's not so sure that we should be in this relationship anymore? Oh my god...why did he even say that? We've barely been together for two months and...he's not so sure anymore?

When I see his mom and brother coming out towards the jeep, I straighten my composure and hop out of the ride. The moment I greet Lynn and Jonathan, I move to the backseat to help them with the groceries, dashing into the kitchen to put the first set of bags down before my cell goes off, vibrating in my jeans pocket. Jumping slightly, I ignore it until it goes to voicemail, noting the curious but still mostly uncaring nature in Justin's stare.

Moving past me, he doesn't even flinch as he makes his way around the kitchen to begin putting the many items away.

Bowing my head, I feel my phone go off again and I jump slightly before I excuse myself away from everyone to take the call.

Ripping the phone out of my pocket, I flip it open and press the talk button as I walk out unto the porch, gazing at the many trees, taking in the fresh country air and looking up at the darkening sky. It's been a long day...

"Hello?" I voice into the line waiting for any type of response.

And I'm met with one seconds later... "You're a hard person to get a hold of Jahzara." Comes an all too familiar voice with a thick English accent.

Gulping, I feel my heart palpitate as shock takes over. Oh god, could he have worse timing? I mean, it's bad enough that I can't get him out of my thoughts and my current boyfriend is questioning my love for him...now this?

"Hello? Jahzara?" He calls out to me and I shut my eyes tightly as I lean over the porch's balcony. I can't do this. I can't fucking do this!

Moving to end the call, his desperate pleas cause me to freeze solid. "Please don't hang up Jahzara, I know you're there. I can hear you breathing deeply." And I exhale loudly, confirming his suspicions.

"Christian..." I force out in a strangled squeak.

"Nice to hear your voice again ‘Angel Eyes'" He says in a sing song voice and I feel my chest tighten instantly by my old nickname. Dear god, where is Justin? Why isn't he out here? I didn't mean to make him feel neglected I just... "It's been...a long time." Christian voices and I press the phone against my ear, hurting my earlobe with the intense pressure.

"Ye...yeah." I croak.

"How have you been?" He inquires and I can feel it deep in my stomach threatening to come up to the surface. All those years, of trying to forget, of trying to move on from his callous words and everything we've been through is coming back to me like a jolt of lightening, stirring all these mixed emotions in me.

"I...I've been..." But I drift, because I can't do this...any of this. Talking to him is too hard. Why, why did Patrice give him my number and tell him I was looking for him? Why? Why everything!?

"Look Jahzara..." He sighs, and I know this is awkward for him too. "I know you probably don't want anything to do with me after what we've been through, what I've put you through but...I...I guess I've missed you. Now I don't expect you believe me on this, but when your aunt contacted me and told me you wanted to know about me I kind of...jumped at the opportunity I guess." He chuckles pathetically and all I can do is hold my breath, fighting back tears because I know if Justin sees me like this, he's going to demand answers I'm not ready to give.

"I...I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't do this..." I rattle out when panic begins settling in. Panic of what it could mean if I let Christian back into my life.

"Please look Angel, I know what happened all those years ago is my fault and I'd like to think we've both matured since then. Plus, your brother beat the shit out of me for what I did to you and even though it hurt like hell I deserved it." He pauses, waiting for me to say something but I remain mute, too baffled to speak a word right now. So, he continues to voice his thoughts and maybe feelings? "I guess, this is long overdue for the both of us and you don't have to accept this. But, I just want you to know that...I'm sorry. For everything negative we've ever been through, I'm deeply sorry for ever hurting you and you deserved better. I let everyone around me get to my head and blur my vision of the amazing person I had right in front of me." His tone is so soft, so endearing.

But I'm not falling for this. I can't even believe this is happening right now...that he's apologizing. I've waited so long to hear him say this and now that he has...I don't know what to do or say.

I still can't find my voice as a few tears slide down my cheeks, the upper half of my body leaning over the balcony, staring at the driveway and pavement, my feet itching to take me away from here suddenly.

"I did love you Jahzara that I'm sure of. I was just influenced in the wrong way." Christian continues to speak and I can feel my entire resolve cracking with each passing word that leaves his mouth. I wonder what he looks like now, how he's been, if he's married, has children or if he's single, still looking for miss right. This is crazy.

"I...that's...I have to go." I mutter, not able to make any sense of my jumbled thoughts. He sighs sadly over the line but doesn't ask me to stay this time.

"I understand but I need to know something." He states and my eyes widen. "Why...if what your aunt says is true, are you looking for me after all these years?" He inquires and my throat instantly closes off, constricting tightly as my mouth goes dry.

Do I still want to do any of this? I mean, I already moved on with Justin. I thought I needed to put my past to rest to do that but we're together now, so do I still need Christian in the picture? I don't know, but I'm thinking that I do...I still need to put everything to rest and as much as I wish it could be done over the phone, it can't. It needs to be done in person.

"Jahzara? Are you still there?" There's a hint of panic in his tone and know he needs to know the answer to his question. His mind must have been riling ever since my aunt called him.

"I...I'm sorry Christian I need to go now. I can't...I can't talk to you right now." I sigh, shutting my eyes and wiping at my cheeks with my free hand. Why is this so hard?

"I, I guess I understand but hey, if you're ever ready to tell me, save the number I called you on ok? It's a New York line. I'll be there for a few months promoting my new wine..." But I cut him off because I can't breathe anymore. He's where? What!? Aren't we supposed to be traveling to New York after Christmas for Justin and Yolanda's album recordings and promotions? Oh dear god why me!?

"I...ok...Ok Christian; ok I'll do that...good....goodbye." I stutter and quickly rip the phone from my ear, ending the call, not waiting for his reply or goodbye.

Inhaling deeply, I tilt my head back, taking in long breaths, letting the air fill my lungs and calm my nerves. But, it doesn't last long because the silence is easily broken by another's presence.

"So is he the reason why you're like this? Because it would make perfect sense..."

Oh no...

Flipping around, I cringe when I match the deep voice with a pair of piercing blues that seem to be cutting into me with their harsh stare.

Sticking my phone into my jeans pocket with slightly trembling hands, I wrap my arms around my body, noting how his expressions go from confusion, to hurt, to anger in only a few seconds.

"Justin..."

"What the fuck is your problem Jahzara? And since when did you start talking to...to him..." But he stops his self, unable to verbalize Christian's name for whatever reason. "Jesus Christ, are you fucking serious right now?" He groans, his hands rising in defeat. "I...I don't know berry, help me out here. I have no idea how to be around you anymore. You've completely lost me." Justin explains and my brows knit in confusion. "I mean, we go from being fine on my jet to here, now, me overhearing you on the phone with...with....in one fucking day Jahzara!" His voice increases in intensity and volume at the end of his statement, the frustration evident in his tone.

"Justin I'm sorry...I...he called me. I didn't do anything..." I defend, hugging myself tightly because his eyes are spitting lava now.

"Let me understand this. A guy from your past, from what you've told me completely destroyed you, calls you after all this time why? When you two obviously parted on bad terms. And you didn't do anything to influence this Zara? I bet you're going to tell me you didn't shut me out, or went back to your old ways of keeping your thoughts and feelings buried inside and away from me huh? It feels like after all what has happened and everything we've been through, we're quickly spiraling back to square one. Are you really going to tell me that none of this is your fucking fault?!" He belts and I wince at the fierceness in his voice.

"Why are you yelling at me Justin? It's nothing! God, so Christian called, that doesn't change anything! It's no big deal." I lie.

"Like when he called the first time and you never wanted to talk about it?! This is just a never ending battle with you isn't it? First it was Jeremy and now him? Him Zara? It's just always going to be something new with you isn't it? You're letting your past eat at you aren't you? Aren't you!?"

When I don't respond because of how much truth is in his words, he smirks lightly, a soft jeer escaping his pink lips.

"That's what I thought." Justin snaps and moves to walk past me and down the front steps but I rush after him, gripping his arm to stop him.

"Ju! Why are you doing this? Don't go please." I beg, not really understanding what's going on, but my confusion doesn't last long when he cuts his eyes at me, a deep growl escaping him from deep within.

"I'm not doing anything Zara." His voice softens immensely, his blues darkening as they gloss over. "But, you're really hurting me with how you've been lately and I just...I just need to clear my mind."

"But Justin..."

"Zara, it's becoming clear to me that you have no idea what you really want anymore. Maybe you never did. Just let me get used to that fact." His tone hardens as he rips his arm out of my grasp and storms toward his jeep, unlocking and swinging the door to the driver's side open.

And I'm left standing there, bewildered and pained because I'm not sure what any of this means. I...I know he's not breaking up with me but...why would he say that? I don't understand why he's behaving like this, like his world or reality is falling apart. Like, I'm taking something away from him. I mean, we just got here. He's right, it's only been one day, so why is he jumping to all these conclusions like our relationship is doomed or something?

I call out to him again, but he simply ignores me and hops into his ride, bringing it to life and backing out of the driveway. Before he pulls out into the road, he sticks his head out of the window to tell me something... "Mom wants you to help her in the kitchen and I left something in there for you to munch on." He adds in and before I can even respond, he hits the accelerator and peels out, speeding down the quiet streets of his neighborhood and out of sight.

Blinking rapidly, I hunch forward, sniffling a bit before I suck it up and straighten my composure, determined to pretend like everything is ok for his family's sake. The truth is Justin's right. I'm not sure that I know what I want anymore. I know I want him, need him even, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do this...any of this. I know we haven't focused on it or discussed the status of our relationship, because he's not back in the public's eye yet, but after his album drops it's going to be chaos.

Somehow it slipped my mind since I always just looked at him as this irresistible man that I couldn't get enough of. But the truth and fact still remains that he's indeed Justin Timberlake, superstar extraordinaire and being me, Jahzara Gilmore his girlfriend, is enough to weigh me down just by the pressure of realizing that I'm going to have a lot to live up to...

Making it into the kitchen in record time, I smile wearily for Lynn before she comes over to me, studying me intently as she fixes the collar of her blue shirt and pulls her thick curls into one on her head.

"Jahzara honey, are you ok?" Lynn asks and I nod weakly but I know she doesn't buy any of my bullshit. Still, I think she respects giving me my space because she simply gives me an apologetic smile and grips my hands to pull me over to the counter.

"Justin left this for you. I'm going to gather the laundry and I'll be back so we can start dinner ok?" She explains and I shake my head again before she leaves me alone, standing in the kitchen, looking down at what Justin laid out for me.

And against my will, the tears start flowing freely. I know this is simple and innocent but I'm reading so much into that plain gesture. I mean, god, he went out of his way to lay out strawberries topped with chocolate syrup and whip cream for me. Plus, he placed a Twix on the side and even though I know it was his way of getting a smile on my face since things have been so tense between us, it does the complete opposite and I sob lightly, not knowing why, but feeling like I need to let out some steam.

I mean, my ex-boyfriend called sending my world for a spin and now my current boyfriend is questioning if I even love him enough or if I ever did to begin with. I guess this really is my fault. I never meant to put doubt in Justin's mind. I can't have us like this though. I just hope that I can fix this little mess. It's miscommunication. That's what it is. Hopefully I can fix it when he gets back before things get worse.

Wiping away my tears, I pick up a chocolate covered strawberry, biting into it and even through my cloudy vision I still manage to crack a half-smile, because I can remember the first time Justin referred to me as his chocolate covered strawberry. He really does love me doesn't he?

Damn I've messed this little family reunion up big time huh? But, it's not too late or over yet to make things right again...

****

Why do I let her have this effect on me? Why have I given her this much power to completely screw with my head and fuck me up? I mean fuck! Don't I get a say? That's an easy answer though. I let it happen because I love her, because I'm undoubtedly in love with her. I knew we could never get away from how fucked up we are, but I never wanted to bring it into our relationship and have it rule us. Shit, I can't handle this. It fucking hurts and I don't even know why really.

Clearly, Zara needs to come to terms with her past. What was she even doing talking to that asshole on the phone? Yeah, I want to know what they talked about but I'm not so sure I could handle it.

Still, I maybe shouldn't have left like I did, but it's too late now.

Flipping my cell phone open, I punch in some familiar numbers, cursing myself for even doing this and being so weak.

My heart is literally pounding out of my chest because I know I'm going to regret this and I'm being stupid right now because I'm blinded by my anger but I just...I can't stop myself.

The person finally picks up and I curse under my breath because I should just put down now but instead I hold my breath when their familiar voice filters through the line. It's a sick weakness I have and I'm only doing this because I know, my authority will be secured this way...

"Hello is anyone there?"

Is it wrong to miss hearing her voice? I mean, I couldn't stand the woman but still, she never made me feel like this, so conflicted, so...lost. Zara is the only person who's managed to do that to me, and I hate that fucking feeling with a passion. No one wants to be out of control.

Breathing deeply, I hear her sigh and I'm sure she has caller Id. "Justin, I know it's you." She breathes out and I blink rapidly, my breath hitching in my throat. "Aren't you going to say anything?" Her tone is snotty and I'm sure I look pathetic to her right now considering I was the one who kicked her out of my life and here I am, at a weak moment, calling her.

"Lorry, I...I'm..." And I drift...

Shit, what the fuck am I doing?!

Not able to finish my statement, I groan out in annoyance. I can't even take hearing her voice anymore. So, I pull the phone away and end the call abruptly, shutting my phone off in the process before I toss it unto the passenger seat. Goddamn, I'm so screwed in the head right now.

"Shit!" I hit my steering wheel in rage because I'm lost. Plus, I have no idea where I'm driving to. I'm just...shit I'm just burning gas.

Staring at my cell again, I stretch for it and turn it back on, dialing another number and placing the phone back to my ear as my heartbeat speeds up, a wave of fear washing over me this time.

After three rings there's a ‘hello' on the other end of the line and I quickly push back my fears, determined to go through with this new call unhitched.

"Yeah, hello Malcolm?"

And he groans because he recognizes my voice instantly.

"Look Timberlake why are you calling me? Is my sister ok? Because I swear to..."

"She's fine." I cut him off.

"Then what the fuck do you want?" He inquires angrily but I ignore his harshness, determined to find the answers I'm seeking since berry won't cooperate.

"I need your help." I admit and he laughs loudly over the line.

"Why would I help you Justin?" Malcolm chides but I'm not giving in that easily.

"Because I'm sure that even though you won't accept it, you know that I care about Zara just like you do." I'm taking a leap here, hoping I don't fall flat on my face for doing so.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He snaps but again, I'm ignoring...

"I need you to tell me everything you know about Jahzara and her past especially what she went through with uh..." I hesitate; I could easily get burnt for doing this. "Christian Hemingway..."

There's a long pause as silence takes over and I'm wondering if Malcolm hung up. But then he sighs tiredly into the phone and I know something is up. "She's not having those nightmares again is she?" He finally inquires with worry laced in his voice and I freeze, swerving slightly in the street when shock takes over. Say what now?

"Wha...what? What nightmares?" I ask in perplexity.

Then Malcolm groans in irritation and I think it's safe to say that we both know he should not have divulged that small piece of information...

****

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