Next day...

Saturday evening...

The Start of Something New

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

I can't think straight, I couldn't sleep, I haven't eaten and I've been up whole night thinking about what happened between Justin and me. I don't even know where to begin. I thought this was what I wanted you know? For him to notice me, be attracted to me...the works. But when I finally got my wish what did I do? I panicked. I freaked out and began crying like someone I loved had died or was deathly ill. And the look on his face...god that look of pain will haunt my dreams and plague my thoughts forever. There was an alarming intensity of distress and confusion in his eyes. I actually felt bad for the way I reacted but I couldn't help it. I was shocked...no I was mortified. I had no idea how to respond to his sudden forward gesture.

Plus, I was under the influence. I can almost bet, if I wasn't partly intoxicated I wouldn't have jumped in the pool, I wouldn't have pulled Justin in, and we wouldn't have kissed. This is so messed up right now. I wonder what he's thinking and how he's going to react when he sees me today.

I haven't told Malcolm what happened. I like Justin's face and I really don't want Malcolm to rearrange it. Because trust me when I say he will. He's really protective and if he found out that Justin kissed me he'd blow up, especially since Justin is supposed to be my employer. So what am I going to do? How am I going to deal with or fix this? I have no clue.

What I do know, Is that I've been silent the entire time as Malcolm drives me to the airport.

I can't get Justin out of my mind. I can't get that kiss out of my thoughts either. It was extremely passionate and filled with so much longing, lust and desire. I don't think anyone has ever kissed me like that in my entire life. And you know what? I liked it....no I loved it. And I want it to happen again. But it can't, because it's without a doubt wrong. All of this is wrong. I mean, guys like Justin aren't interested in my brand of physical feminine attributes. I'm the girl who remains the friend, while the guy friend dates the prettier and thinner girls. I'm the safe one...the one they can come to for relationship advice. I'm always the friend, never the girlfriend.

So, as I'm sitting here in the car quietly listening to the radio all I can think of is why me? What possessed Justin to kiss me the way he did? Is he attracted to me? Does he like me? There are so many questions; none to which I have the answers for. I just hope he doesn't treat me differently. I know things are going to be odd between us, but I hope...I wish they wouldn't be.

"Which terminal?" Malcolm's strong voice filters through my thoughts as I turn to glare at him.

"Terminal B." I reply, as I turn my attention out the window watching the passing cars, night lights and the various billboards. Well, this is it...

Ten minutes later, Malcolm pulls up behind a long line of vehicles as he stops at the drop off point. I glance around at all the bustling and swarms of people hauling their heavy luggage into the check in section. Darting my eyes around, I notice the cab drivers picking up and dropping off passengers. I also take in the embrace between loved ones who are leaving and arriving. It's seems simple, yet there's a lot of complexity to those simple actions. It's just like the kiss Justin and I shared. It was simple...almost innocent. But there was such complexity to it you know? Anyway who am I kidding here? It was only a kiss. Yeah, it meant nothing...

Opening the door of Malcolm's SUV, I hop out, straightening my knee length yellow floral dress. Fixing my sunglasses on my face, I walk to the back when he pops the trunk, pulling out my two suitcases. Brushing my curly hair out of my face since I've decided to wear it down today, I fix my side bag snuggly on my shoulder as my nerves begin to kick in.

Coming over to me, Malcolm pulls me into a tight hug practically cutting off my air supply.

"I'm going to miss you Zary. Two months without you is going to be crazy lonely."

"I'll miss you too Malky, but I need to breathe." I choke out giggling.

Chuckling, he lets me go and pulls my luggage along as I follow him inside Orlando's Airport.

The moment we step foot into the check in section, my eyes land on Justin, his two bodyguards Mike and Lonnie, Trace, Jeremy and I'm assuming that tall, thin blonde is Yolanda.

I suddenly feel sick to my stomach as they all divert their attention me. All except Justin of course. He's wearing dark sunglasses and a camouflage hat to match his green hard rock café t-shirt. So, I can't see his eyes or face properly, but his body language says it all. He briefly turns his head in my direction, and then turns his back to me, continuing on whatever conversation he's having on his cell phone.

Sighing heavily, I slump my shoulders forward a bit, as I follow behind Malcolm to the small group. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Hey guys! I'm so glad you made it Jahzara! Hi I'm Yolanda and I'm so excited to finally meet my very own PA!" She beams, pulling me into an unexpected hug.

"Oh, uh it's my pleasure. I'm excited to meet you too!" I force a smile on my face, because on the inside I'm really depressed right now. Justin is ignoring me. But why? I wasn't the one who told him to kiss me. Ah, MEN.

Pulling out of Yolanda's embrace, I tell the bodyguards ‘hello' as well as Trace who seems to always be glaring at me. Wow, he really is Justin's best friend slash right hand man. They both share the same unnerving glare that can make anyone's skin crawl.

"So, Jahzara. Are you feeling better?" Trace asks me as he comes over, taking my luggage from Malcolm and putting it together with the rest of their stuff.

Trace's line of questioning draws everyone's attention to me, including my brother and Justin. Just great. I hate to be put on the spot like this.

"Uh, yeah...I'm fine." I stutter nervously.

"Did something happen Zary?" Malcolm asks and before I can respond Justin intercedes finally showing some form of interest as he snaps his phone shut.

"Nothing happened. She's fine. We checked in already so Zara should go ahead and do that since we were waiting for her." His tone...it's so...cold and hard.

Nodding my head, I move away from everyone's curious stares as Malcolm brushes his suspicion off.

Walking right up to the front, since well, there really is no line right now, I check in with my passport and ticket then wait as they weigh my luggage putting it into the back...wherever luggage goes.

Stuffing my items in my side bag, I feel someone wrap their arms around my waist from behind.

Turing around, I'm greeted with a grinning Jeremy.

"Hey Jeremy." I smile, and it's actually a genuine smile. For some reason, I know Jeremy won't judge me on what happened. I'm sure he wants to know what went down, because I'm almost certain Justin hasn't told anyone just yet. But, he's a breath of fresh air for me.

"Hey yourself beautiful. You look radiant." He smiles, letting go of his hold on me. I have to say, I'm not complaining that he hugged me like that. In fact, I'm welcoming it.

"Thanks Jer, so are we ready to go?" I ask, and he nods.

"Yeah, we were waiting on you. Come on." He grabs my hands, entwining our fingers together as we walk back to the group.

When we approach them, I notice Justin talking to my brother, before he diverts his attention to me. I see him do a double-take before he removes his sunglasses, finally allowing me a glance into those gorgeous blues. They darken immensely as he holds his intense stare. What the...

There's a frown on his face when he casts his gaze downwards. Is he looking at my hand-lock with Jeremy? I'm not sure.

Smirking, he shrugs and puts back on his sunglasses, walking away with Mike and Lonnie in tow. Uh...ok.

"That's our cue to follow Jay everyone. There should be a private jet waiting at gate 15, so let's get a move on!" Trace voices, as everyone picks up their belongings, following in the direction Justin went.

Letting go of Jeremy, I walk over to Malcolm giving him one last hug.

"I love you Malky. Take care when on duty ok?" I whimper in his big strong arms.

"Love you too girl. Be careful, and be cautious with Jeremy. Don't get too attached." He whispers against my hair.

"I'm not..."

"He likes you Z, just be careful. That's all." He replies before letting me go.

Not wanting to argue with my brother who I'm not going to see for two whole months, I just nod and wave bye to him, before Jeremy reclaims my hand, leading me to our gate.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, we finally board the private 20-seater jet, that's going to fly us to Los Angeles, California. It has plush comfortable leather seats and a beautiful décor. One day I'll live like Justin...in complete luxury. Nothing beats this. It's the good life. But, that's beside the point because I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous out of my mind.

Of course, Justin hasn't said anything to me, but I'm ok with that. Taking a seat next to Jeremy, I fasten my seat belt as the pilot comes over the intercom letting us know we'll be leaving shortly. This is it...this is going to be the start of something new for me. Hopefully, it will lead to a new, better life, higher self-esteem and maybe even a loving relationship if I'm lucky.

Justin arranged PA training for me as part of the schedule that's going to be conducted at WEG by Johnny Wright. He personally took time off, to give me some training in the field before Yolanda's schedule becomes hectic with interviews and studio time. I always knew Mr. Wright was an angel. He's so caring and helpful. Plus, I'm going to need all the help I can get if I'm going to be on point at all times.

Ten minutes later, we're airborne and on our way to sunny CA and I've successfully cleared my mind of Justin and that kiss. I really don't want to deal with him right now. I'm just going to enjoy Jeremy's company who's telling me this funny ass story about his college days and how one of his roommates woke up butt-ass naked in the middle of the campus lounging area.

Laughing hysterically, I place all my attention on Jeremy occasionally glancing out the window at the blue sky and white clouds. I'm trying to pretend that I don't see Justin staring or practically gawking from where he's sitting across from us. He's such a guy.

****

Look at her...sitting there, flirting with Jeremy like I'm not even here and like we didn't share what I thought to be a mind-blowing, passionate kiss last night. What is up with these women? Why are women so conniving and two-faced? She's practically throwing him in my face just to prove some kind of point. I guess she's trying to show me how much of a mistake I made and that the kiss didn't mean anything. But damn it, why does she have to be a bitch about it?

Ok, so, I'm not being fair here because I haven't said more than ten words to her. I'm practically ignoring her. But she hasn't made an effort to talk to me either! I mean, what am I supposed to say to her after she flew out of my pool in tears, storming out of my house like a passing tornado? Am I supposed to just walk up to her and say ‘Hey Zara what's up?' and expect things to be cool between us? No way Sherlock. Plus, she's still my employee, although things are going to be a lot different now that she's Yolanda's PA. But, if I can get her alone and away from Jeremy for a few minutes, who's practically stuck to her like a painful blood sucking leech, then maybe I can at least apologize...again.

I seem to be apologizing a lot to her...do I screw up that much? Damn, I think I might be losing my touch.

It's no matter because what happened was a mistake and I'm going to move on from that. I don't know, maybe Mallory is right. Maybe I am changing...maybe I'm getting soft. Maybe I should just hook up with her and make her my girlfriend or something along those lines. Yeah, I could do that when I get back from LA. After my last relationship with Jessica Beil, I've decided to be single, but right now I'm questioning that decision. I know one thing is certain...I don't want another ‘Hollywood girlfriend'. They have way too much drama in their tight weaves and plastic surgery bodies. I want someone who's all nat-u-ral, down to earth and isn't tainted or corrupted by the deceitful, glamorous, Hollywood lifestyle.

I mean, I practically want to gag at the sight of those two talking and laughing like old lovers across from me. It's disgusting, the way her legs are crossed towards him, and he has his hand on her thigh as he's talking about something to do with a frat party.

But I like Jeremy, he's my dawg. I just wish he would be more discrete with his sexual gestures towards Zara...shit.

"I need a drink." I voice to Trace who's sitting next to me reading some sports magazine.

"What do you want?" he asks, getting up since he has the isle seat. Window seats are my thing. It will be a cold day in hell if anyone tries to fight me for a window seat.

Trace learnt the hard way some years ago when I broke his favorite cell phone in the process. It wasn't my fault. I was mad, so I grabbed it and stomped on it. My method worked, because he got up, ran to it, and fell to his knees crying and saying ‘my baby!'...Ha!

"I'm feeling for some Everclear...on the rocks." I reply, causing Trace to frown.

"What? Why do you want to get shit-faced?" He inquires me, hovering over the seat and blocking my view of Jahzara and Jeremy. I'm thankful for that.

"One drink isn't going to make me shit-faced." I retort and he just shrugs, going over to the mini bar at the back of the jet.

In case you were wondering, I haven't told him what happened yet. I'm waiting for the right time, because I know he's going to curse me out about it. Good ole Trace. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He's my partner in crime.

Returning with my drink in hand, he gives it to me and I down it in one gulp. Laughing, Trace reclaims his seat, not even bothering to ask what my problem is. He knows when to pry and when to leave shit alone.

Turning to the back, I smile for Yolanda, who's reclined in her seat, having some conversation with Lonnie and Mike. That reminds me that we need to look into getting bodyguards for her when she blows up...and trust me when I say she will. The girl has a voice like one of those soulful black singers...looks can really be deceiving you know. She can definitely carry a tune to an unknown octave. I'm proud of her.

Turning back around, I briefly lock eyes with Zara, before she shakes her head turning away from me.

Shrugging, I rest back in my seat, shutting my eyes so I can tune Jeremy's annoying laugh out and just focus on clearing my mind while I take a well deserved nap for the rest of the flight.

A few hours later, we finally land in LA and I'm glad to be home. We'll it's one of my homes at least. My real home that still has my heart is back in Millington with my Mom. I definitely will be giving her a call while I'm out here for the next two months. Damn, it seems long, but that time is just going to pass by so quickly.

Upon exiting the jet, I notice the white stretch limo waiting for us as they take off our luggage from the cargo hold section. It's late at night and all I want to do is sleep.

After we've gathered all our belongings, we head into the limo as I tell the driver to take us to my Hollywood hills mansion. I've decided there are more than enough rooms for everyone. What's the point in spending money to stay in a hotel, when we can live at my home for free? Everyone gets their own room too.

The only person who won't be staying with us is Jeremy. He has his own house out here, so we dropped him off first before we finally made it to my home.

Unlocking the front door and kicking it open, I move aside allowing Mike and Lonnie to carry in our suitcases, and bring them up to the various guest bedrooms. Moving further into the house, I switch on various lights before I drop the bags I'm carrying.

Walking into my kitchen, I tell everyone to make themselves at home before I open the fridge grabbing a bottle of water.

Ambling into the living room, I twist the cap off taking huge gulps before I toss my cap and sunglasses aside.

"Ok Trace, you know where your usual room is, so I don't have to do anything for you. This is like your home too." I voice the obvious as Trace nods in response, grabbing a remote and plopping down on my couch to watch a football game. Well, he'll be here all night so he's taken care of.

Diverting my attention to Yolanda and Zara, I scratch my chin in thought. "Yolanda, you've been here before so I guess you can take the same guest bedroom you took last time."

"Thanks Justin! I'm just going to turn in early then. Busy day tomorrow." She smiles, walking over and giving me a tight hug before she tells everyone goodnight, retreating to her room upstairs.

I guess that leaves Zara. "And Zara..." I pause as she takes a step back away from me. What the hell was that about?

"She can stay in the guest bedroom next to yours. It's the only other one that's made up. All the other rooms aren't made up." Trace explains and I realize he's right. Ironic? Yeah, I knew you might think so.

"Ok, well...just...follow me and I'll show you to your room for the next two months." I motion for her to follow me up the stairs as I lead her down the partly dim hallway until we reach my room.

Easing the door open, I turn on the lights, kicking off my shoes in the process.

"This...is my room." I explain as she stands in the doorway just looking at me.

Coming out of my room, I walk down the hall to the next room, kicking the door open and turning on the light. "And this...is your room. It has a bathroom and everything." I voice, as I notice her luggage is already in there. I guess Lonnie and Mike knew what they were doing.

Moving out of the way I allow her to enter as she remains silent just looking around, absorbing her new surroundings.

"Welcome to LA and to your new temporary home." I joke, holding my breath when I see her lips twitch into a small smile.

"It's beautiful, I like it." She finally speaks. "Thank you Justin." She's smiling brightly now, causing a chain reaction in me. She really does have a beautiful smile.

"It's no thing. Listen I'm going to head to bed, so make yourself as comfortable as possible. If you're hungry, the kitchen is stocked. I asked my cousin Rachel to do some shopping for me before we came so help yourself. And, you'll also get to meet her soon. Well, goodnight Zara." I walk to the door, but stop when I feel her grip my arm.

"Justin." She whispers and I turn around to face her.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, not quite sure why we're even whispering in the first place.

"I'm sorry." She bows her head in shame.

"What for?" I ask, raising one eye brow curiously. "You didn't do anything."

"Yeah I did. I'm sorry for the way I reacted when you...kissed me." She chokes out the last part softly.

Well, I'm a little surprised that she's even talking to me right now. I certainly didn't expect her to apologize for that.

"It's cool Zara, don't worry about it. I'm the one who should be sorry...and I am. I hope you accept my apology. I wasn't thinking." I swiftly open the door ready to make my exit. "Don't worry about it ok? We'll just put it behind us. I don't want things to be awkward between us. I mean it was just a mistake right? It didn't mean anything." I enforce as her hazel eyes connect with my blues.

"Yeah, a...mistake." She echoes, moving away from me. The resonance in her voice is a little disturbing. "Well goodnight Justin. Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning." Her back is to me now, as she walks further into the room.

Sighing heavily I take a step out the door, but not before I say one last thing. "Oh and Zara?" I call out to her and she stops her movements, but doesn't turn around to face me. "You looked really nice today." I wait for some type of reaction from her or at least a simple ‘thanks', but I get none. She's just standing there like a statue. Letting out a deep breath, I clutch unto the door knob tightly. "Well, Goodnight ." I finally voice, before I exit the guest room and close the door behind me, leaving her alone for the night.

As I walk into my room, I slam the door shut, pulling off my various articles of clothing, remaining in just my light blue boxers. I quickly use the bathroom, before I come back out, finally laying down on my back on my bed.

Placing my hands behind my head, I lay awake, just staring at my ceiling in thought.

I miss my dogs. I can't wait till Rachel brings them over to see me. At least they're not complicated like my hectic life. Sometimes I think that it must be so much easier to be a dog. All they do is eat, shit, piss, and sleep. Yeah, that's the easy life. I envy Buckley and Brennan right now, because as I'm lying here...wide awake, I can't help but think about Zara. I also can't help but think that just maybe...and that's a huge maybe...I didn't make a mistake. And, as much as I hate to admit it, the kiss did have meaning; because believe it or not....I think I...well...I...think I actually...felt something there between us.

****

Quote by: Unknown.