Damn it, this chapter cuts off, too!  You can read the last part here: http://www.sin.tasting-eden.com/sin14.html

I quickly stood, trying to control my body, which was trembling thanks to recent turn of events, and focused my eyes on the front door.

Surprisingly, Lynn was giving her son a very different hello than his cousin Cloe had given him the other day. The two embraced one another like two life long friends who hadn't seen each other in ages. I remembered Justin telling me that he was close to his mother, but I'd never realized how close until that very moment.

His mom was clutching him very tightly (Justin's back was to me) and she was crying. He'd hurt her so badly, that much showed in her face. She was hurt and confused and angry.

That anger only seemed to intensify, of course, when she opened her eyes and laid them on me.

Before I could say anything, before I could think to say anything, she had grabbed his hand, tossed me the nastiest glare I'd gotten in a long time, and dragged him into the nearest room.

The den.

It was a wonder that I didn't throw up.

--

They were in the den for almost an hour. I sat on the couch, right next to the very spot on the floor that Justin and I had almost kissed. On the outside, I probably seemed very calm and collected. I was anything but.

I wondered what Justin was going to think after his mother told him what I'd done. I wondered if he'd be angry. I wondered if I'd ever see him again.

That wonder left me shaken and, thankfully, I had little time to wonder anymore when I heard heavy footsteps behind me.

I hesitantly looked over my shoulder, saw it was Justin, and jumped to my feet.

He held his hand up. "Don't. You and I are taking a ride. Right now."

I didn't ask any questions.

I wasn't that stupid.

--

"Where are we going?" I finally asked, twenty minutes into the drive. Justin and I had yet to say a word to each other and I was overwhelmed with curiosity about where we were going. "Are you mad?" I whispered, frightened by how much I hoped the answer was no.

Justin looked at me, his eyes full of question. "Why would I be mad?" He asked.

I stared at him. Was he serious? "Well… I mean, everything with your mom and…"

"Trev." He smiled, softly. "What's going on between my mother and I has nothing to do with you. All I can do is thank god that you're here right now or I would be going crazy."

I stared at him, "But…."

"What?" He asked, letting a nervous laughter leave his lips. When I didn't answer, he frowned. "What, Trev?"

"But all the things I said to her…"

His eyes jumped back and forth from me to the road, genuinely confused. "Wait? What do you mean? When did you and my mother speak?"

I knew, at this point, I was gawking. At that point, it was more clear than ever that Lynn hadn't told Justin about our little encounter. I was so confused that I could hardly manage to be shocked. "Never mind." I said, too quickly to be convincing.

"What aren't you telling me?" He asked, quickly, making me wish I hadn't said anything in the first place.

"Nothing." I said, again, too quickly. "You were just being so quiet; I thought… you were mad at me."

"I have no reason to be mad at you, Trev…" He paused. "Do I?"

"Well… I think that depends on who you ask."

He kept his eyes on the road, making right and left hand turns every once in a while. "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."

"I know."

"Don't worry about me."

"I'm trying." I said, frustration lacing my voice. I was sure that he and I both knew that I was well past the point of not worrying about him. Worrying about Justin lately was becoming like a second nature. "Where are we going?" I asked, allowing my frantic heart to calm down for the first time in two hours.

"It's a surprise." Justin grinned, widely.

"The surprise better not be Trace." I spat.

His smile got bigger. "Would I do that to you?"

"I don't know…"

"Trace called me while I was in the den. He's meeting us in Tennesee. It wouldn't make a whole lot of sense for him to fly out here since we're leaving tonight. It'd be a waste of a ticket."

"Where are we going?" I asked, again.

"We're here!" Justin answered, and it was in that moment that I realized, for the first time, we were in a residential neighborhood. The homes in this neighborhood were much more modest than Justin's.

Shit, every home in every neighborhood was more modest than Justin.

We both climbed out of the car and I followed Justin towards the house directly across the street. It was a one story home that stretched across enough to signify that it was probably huge on the inside. The lawn was neatly cut and it reminded me of the kind of house I'd see in storybooks.

The next thing I saw was a bright red Tonka truck in the yard. It was the kind that was made for little children to drive around in. I recognized it because I'd almost run over a child in one just like it a few years before.

Justin made it all the way up to the walkway before he realized that I was, not only, no longer next to him, but still in the middle of the street.

"Are there children here?" I asked in response to the look of question on his face.

His eyes narrowed and his neck craned. He said, "Yeah…" Very slowly, as if he hoped he had time to change his answer.

Immediately, of course, I shook my head. "No… I don't do children."

--

His name was Steven and, yes… he was a child.

A five year old child.

I leaned against the fancy little rental care behind me with my arms crossed, watching in pure fright as Justin carried a little bundle in his arms from the house, down the driveway and towards me.

The first thing I noticed about the child was that he was a child, of course. In addition to that frightening fact (as if that wasn't ENOUGH) his hair was out of control. It was the kind of hair that couldn't decide whether it wanted to be curly or straight, and settled for something in between. The hair of the child's head also seemed torn about what color it wanted to be since it was half strawberry blonde, half dirt and grime.

If I wasn’t mistaken, as Justin approached me with that monstrosity of a kid, smiling brightly, the only thing that was clean on that little boy were the clothes on his back. He carried a GI Joe that had seen better days between his crusty mitts and had the thumb on his other hand perched lazily in his mouth. It was as if he wanted to suck it, but didn't have the energy to push it all the way between his lips.

Dirty and lazy? This kid wasn't what dreams were made of, that was for sure.

His eyes were just as blue as Justin's, so I instantly knew they were siblings. In fact, if I wasn't mistaken, the wide, sky-blue orbs that stared back at me were even bluer than Justin's. This, of course, meant nothing but trouble.

"Trev." Justin smiled after he'd crossed the street and had the cortecy to stop a few feet in front of me with the monstrous being in his arms.

I was four feet away… from a child.

The things I did for this man.

"This is my main man, Steven!" Justin proudly pronounced, bouncing the filthy little freak on his hip.

"Has Steven had a shower lately?" Was the only thing I could manage to ask.

"I took a bubble bath, sometimes!" The child answered. "My mommy makes me took a bath when my booty itches."

I stared at Justin, who seemed highly amused. "Well, Moms are good for that sort of thing, I hear."

"Yeah." The young person, agreed.

"Why does he speak in the past tense?" I asked.

Justin smiled. "Trev… he's five."

The boy shoved his GI Joe in my face, making me jump back, afraid that it may have been a weapon of some sort. He took his thumb out of his mouth long enough to cry out. "This is Davis!"

"That's great." I tried to act interested, but couldn't. I threw Justin a helpless look.

"Steve, this is my friend Trevion."

"Hi, Trevie!"

"Who is Trevie?!"

"You are!" He giggled.

"No."

"Trev…" Justin shot me a warning glance. "Be nice."

"Justin… I already told you. I'm not good with children. I don't like them. They don't like me."

"Steven seems to like you." He said, and I couldn't argue, since it was true.

"Are there any more children?"

"Yes."

"No!"

He sighed. "There is one more, yes, but he's not coming."

Thank god, I thought.

"His name's Jon and he's a few years older than Steve. I guess my step-mother's already poisoned his mind with rumors about me just like the rest of my family. I'm going to have a long talk with him later…" He paused, and I could tell he was so hurt by the way things were going. I felt so bad that I almost forgot about the scary being he had in his arms. When he bounced the kid on his hip, again, I was instantly snapped back. "Fortunately, the Stevester here isn't as easy to brainwash."

"The Stevester." I said. I couldn't hardly believe those words had even left his mouth.

"I'm happy to meet you, Trevie. My mom told me to said that to people when I first met them 'cause it's polite. But I really is happy to meet you, though. Is you happy to meet me? Is you Justin's girlfriend? I thought Britney was Justin's girlfriend. Did Britney not like you no more? Huh Justin?" The child, who'd sneakily hid the fact that he was such an insufferable motor-mouth, turned his attention back to me when Justin didn't answer. "Did Britney not like him no more? Huh, Trevie?"

"Who is Trevie?!"

Steven seemed confused. "You!" He finally answered.

"Common." Justin nodded his head across the street. "We're taking my truck. Steven's car seat's in there."

"We're droveing in the truck?" Steven asked.

"The child is coming with us?" I interjected.

"Yes." Justin answered both of us then smiled, sweetly.

That smile was not to be trusted.

--

Five miles onto the highway, Justin finally confirmed my suspicions.

He had something up his sleeve.

It wasn't until we were both in the back room of a 7-11 (Steven had to pee) that he finally came out with it.

"So, I don't know how I forgot to tell you, but you, Steven and I are going to get a few things done today."

I stared at Justin, half asleep from sitting so long in one place, but not asleep enough to miss the fact that he wasn't saying everything that needed to be said. "And what activity, pray tell, could possibly require you, Steven and I to be there… all at once?" I paused. "Together?"

The smarter side of me was afraid to hear the answer. The dumber side? Curious.

Justin smiled. This did nothing to ease my anxiety. "Disneyland." He answered, with an expression on his face that made me wonder if he already knew that the very place he'd just mentioned was one of my worst nightmares.

I actually laughed out loud, right in his face, but the smile was gone the second I realized he was serious. "Disneyland?" He nodded, without taking his eyes off the door of the little boy's room I was sure I looked horrified. "Disneyland is like… my worst nightmare."

"I have no trouble believing that."

"It's bad enough that you're actually expecting me to spend more than fifteen minutes with that demon child, but… the fact that you seem to truly believe that I would subject myself to the torture chamber that is Disneyland in addition to your motor mouth brother..." I scoffed, then laughed. Once again, the smile dropped when Justin's didn't falter. "Do you know me, at all?!" I beamed.

"Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?" I paused, waited for him to answer and, when nothing came, continued. "Thirty minutes after I tell you that I hate children you up and invite me to fucking Disneyland? Tell me you're not that dense, Justin, tell me you don't see the irony in that."

"I'll never miss the irony in any situation, again. Not as long as I have you around."

I sputtered, then looked out into the front of the store, hoping this was the end of the discussion. He was really stupid if he thought I'd ever step foot into Disneyland.

"I just want Steven to have a fun memory before all this shit in Tennessee goes down. He loved Paul, so much."

"Oh Christ." I cried. "If you try to guilt me into going to that hell hole then you are one heartless son of a bitch, Justin."

"A heartless person is a person who hates Disneyland."

"A sane person, Justin. A sane person is a person who hates Disneyland."

"Then what's your excuse?"

I pointed at him, willing myself not to punch him. "You're cute." I spat. "And I'm ignoring you now, for your sake."

"What are you going to do? Huh? Finger me to death? Have you forgotten, so soon, Trev, how I kicked you ass earlier?"

I chuckled. That was all I could do to keep myself from jumping on his back. And, with the way things had been going between us, who the hell knew what that would turn into.

"You did not kick my ass." I said, matter of factly, unable to keep quiet. "You're three times my weight, I only come up to your shoulder and you had my hands pinned over my head. In a fair fight, I would have kicked you’re ass."

"All right, Trev." He said, patronizingly. "Whatever you say."

"Fuck you." I frowned at him.

"So… you're ready for Disneyland, then?"

I laughed, really laughed, this time, but didn't respond.

"We'll get to cut all the lines because.. Well…" He attempted to appear bashful. "I'm Justin Timberlake, and all…"

I put my hand on my hip, leaned against the wall and looked into Justin's smiling face. "Is that your persuasion?"

"Trev…" He whispered, stepping close to me, so closely that I could feel his breath against my ear. For an instant, I was taken back to the position we'd been found in right before Lynn had arrived. I fought to catch my breath, and fought even harder to appear unaffected. When he reached out and put each of his hands on my hips, I struggled to recall the miracle of speech (so I could spit a sarcastic comment, making me appear much cooler on the outside than I was on the inside) but nothing came. "Trev… it's the happiest place on Earth."

"Again, your persuasion?"

"Common…"

"Do I look like the kind of girl who belongs in the happiest place on earth?" I dared to turn my head and look into his eyes. He was so close that I could see the tiny hairs springing from his chin, his eyes were almost gray from where I stood.

"You are… you just don't know it. Yet." He tightened his fingers, which were still on my waist, tickling me slightly. When I jumped, his eyes gleamed, and my own caught fire.

"Don't." I warned, almost reading his mind.

A smile so bright crossed his face that I had no other choice but to be afraid and I screamed when his hands, which were still on my waist but had transformed into something that resembled claws, squeezed the sides of my waist, again. I screamed and tried to pull away, but his hold on me was firm, and he pulled me back.

"Are you ticklish?!" He beamed. I shoved him away as hard as I could, crying out, when he not only held onto me, but continued his assault on my waist.

"Stop!" I beamed, not knowing whether to laugh or cry as I pointed a warning finger at him. "I fucking hate to be tickled. I will only say this once."

When his smile didn't falter, I wondered if he heard a word I'd just said. "Oh… this is…" He rubbed his hands together. "Fucking priceless."

Needless to say, fifteen minutes, five physical attempts to knock Justin out and seven relentless (and even more vicious) tickling sessions later, I'd agreed to accompany him and the devil child to the happiest place on earth.

Only because I knew, if he had tickled me one more time, I would have killed him.

I really would have.

The truth? I was afraid that if I let him touch me for another second, I would surely finish what we'd started earlier that morning.

--

"Trevie?"

I kept my eyes straight ahead, gazing out of the windshield of Justin's rental car as he zoomed across the 101. I could only assume that the freeway we were flying across was the road to Disneyworld. I could only pray that it wasn't.

"Hey, Trevie?"

Despite the child that never shut up, otherwise referred to as Steven, I preoccupied myself with counting every line that passed us on the road. So far, I'd gotten to thirty-seven.

"Trevie? Hey, Trevie? Could you heard me up there? Justin, could she heard me?"

"Of course she can, buddy." I heard Justin say from next to me. I didn't even have to look at him, I already knew what expression he had on his face. When we hit a red light, his nightmare of a brother still calling my name, he turned to me. "Trevion… will you answer him? He will not stop calling you until you answer."

"Fuck." I whispered. "What kind of family do you live in where people pay actual attention to the children?"

"I don't know, Trev, maybe my family is different from all of the other family's. We like to answer children when they call. We try not to cuss in front of them, sometimes we even give them something to eat or drink and, if they're really good… we let them out of their chambers to catch the last ten minutes of Roseanne."

"No." I gasped.

"Yes. But that's only on really special occasions. Most of the time, we'll give them a hand mirror. If they adjust it at just the right angle and squint their left eye, they can see the TV from behind the bars."

"Shut up." I spat. I knew I was the reason he was such a smartass. Didn't mean I had to like it.

"Trev, just answer the damn child." He got into the turning lane and flipped his signal on. "Answer him." He said, again. "He likes you."

"All the more reason to ignore him." I reasoned.

"Trevie, could you heard me?"

"My name is Trevion. Trevion!" I finally responded, telling myself to be patient.

"Huh, Trevie?" The shrimp chirped, much to my annoyance. "What did she said Justin? Huh? What did Trevie said?!"

"My name… Is not… Trevie!" I turned to him. He was sitting in a car seat in the back. His feet were swinging absently back and forth as he toyed with the half destroyed GI Joe in his hand. When I looked into his eyes, he smiled, showing that nasty snaggletooth smile.

"Can't you guys get this kid some braces, or something?" I asked, cringing openly at him.

"He's five." Justin laughed.

"Why does he call his GI Joe 'Davis'? Why doesn't he just call him Joe? Why does he say 'said' when he means 'say'? Why does he say 'did' when he means 'do'?" I gazed amongst the child as if he were an alien life form.

"He's five?" Justin said, again. Being the smartass I'd taught him to be, of course, it came out as an unnecessary question as opposed to an actual response.

"Say it with me, kid…. Treeevvvvioooon."

"T-t-t…" Steven sputtered, as if he were sounding something out. "T-t-t… TREV… Trevi… Trevie!" When he saw the look of horror on my face, the proud smile on his own fell. "Trevie?" He asked, unsure, this time.

Justin burst into laughter. I made a face at him which Steven found enormously funny.

"You're funny, Trevie!" He said, pointing at me while he laughed. He clutched the GI Joe to his chest and glanced at Justin. "She's funny, Jussin."

Justin watched the young boy in the rearview mirror. "Yeah, she is, buddy. I knew you'd like her."

"I do like her." Steve said, gazing out of the window, not speaking to anyone in particular. "Davis like's her, too."

"I think his name's Joe, Steve. That's what it says on his jacket, see." I turned in my seat, yet again, and roughly fingered the tiny jacket on the action figure, underlining the 'Joe' with my nail. "See?"

Steven did not 'see'. In fact, he looked truly confused.

Seconds later, the dumb look on his face was replaced with an even dumber smile. "Do you like me, too, Trevie?"

"No. I hate all children."

"Hate is a strong word." He said. Clearly, these weren't his words, but the words an adult had hammered into his poor, unsuspecting little head. "I don't hate you, though, Trevie. I like you, and so do Davis."

"You hear that?" Justin asked. He had sunglasses covering his eyes, but I could almost see them shining. "He likes you."

"I really should just go ahead and develop some kind of pill for all you Timberlake’s. For some reason you all see the good in me that isn't there. You see kindness where there is none. You enjoy my cruelty. The worse I treat that kid, the more he likes me. I should try being nice to him, then I'll get him out of my hair."

Justin laughed out loud. I didn't know if he was laughing at my plan or at the very thought of me being nice. Either way, it was insulting.

"Maybe he sees past all the bullshit." He said, a couple of minutes later. "Maybe, Trev…he actually sees you and likes what he sees looking back."

As he said the words, he looked me in the eyes, and I thanked god we were at a stoplight because his attention was on anything but the road. As we watched each other, I wondered if he was talking about his brother… of himself.

I would die before I asked him this, of course.

"Maybe he's just confused." I offered.

"Nope. It's a proven fact that children can see right through people. They can see right through the bullshit, all the way down to the real person. You know transvestites? Guys that dress up as girls and vise versa? They say that the main people in the world that can read them, you know… for who they really are? The main people who read them are other transvestites… and children. Children's senses are very keen, they know what they like and they never lie. They're what human beings should be… but aren't. They're what we'll never be."

I stared at him, really stared, for a long moment, and then laughed. "I'm sorry. You lost me at the transvestites."

Steven died laughing in the back of the car, even though I'm sure he didn't even know what we were talking about.

Justin laughed, as well, I didn't know why he was laughing, either.

Before I knew it, I was laughing.

Why? I don't know. I did know one thing, however.

I was no longer drinking the water in the Timberlake house or any water that Justin supplied to me. He had to be putting something in it that was turning me into this woman that went to Disneyland, tolerated frightening little children and laughed for no good reason.

He had to be.

--

"Fuck, is it hot outside or is it just me?!" I beamed.

Directly after the word fuck left my mouth, Steven covered his own. "Uuuuuuuuuum!" He beamed. I stared down at the dwarf, truly confused, until he pointed at me. "You said the 'f' word!" He accused, with so much accusation in his voice that you'd think I'd just stabbed Mickey Mouse to death in the middle of his home turf.

"So?" I asked.

"We don't cuss in front of children, Trev." Justin said, from where he was walking on the other side of Steven. "It's is hot as a son of a gun out here, though." He said, tugging on his shirt to let some air in.

"Is that the kind of thing you say when you're censoring yourself?" I asked, frowning beneath the sun as we cut in front of the ticketing line (the only positive thing I'd gained out of the whole experience so far was that Justin was allowed to cut all the lines). "Huh? You say 'sun of a gun' instead of 'son of a bitch'--"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuummm."

I curled my lip at the pinched little person below me, wondering if he was just fucking with me with this 'uuuuuum' shit.

"I said 'witch' Steve. Not 'bitch'."

"Uuuuuuuuuuummmm."

"Oh my god." I gave Justin a look that clearly conveyed that I was mere seconds from murdering his youngest sibling. Not only did Justin fail to be as concerned for his brother's life as he certainly should have been, he appeared almost… amused. "I think you're underestimating how close I am to murdering this child. God, how hot is it? For the love of god!"

"It's one hundred and one degrees!" The overly-old, overly cheery ticket teller hollered from behind his booth. He wore a pair of Mickey ears identical to the one's Steven had on his head. The only person in our group who appreciated his enthusiasm and ears, of course, was Steven.

Even Justin shared my look of disgust, as we gazed in on the man. "Don't you guys have any kind of device that can like… shade the park from the glare of the sun?" I asked.

"Oh no!" The man laughed, joviously, much to my annoyance. "Disneyland is over 400 acres. There's no way we could shade all of that. Besides, who needs shade when you're in the happiest place on earth?"

I stared at him, his smile everlasting, and chuckled, half frightened, half amused. "You're fucking with us, right?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuummmm."

I ignored Steven. In fact, I'd half expected the surprised looking man in front of me to release that disapproving 'uuuum' more than the child below me.

The moment, he gave us our tickets, we took them and hurried away.

"We're not even through the gates and I'm already scared for my life." I said to Justin. The sun was beating down on us and, once we passed the ticket taker, we were met with two giant gates that were wide open, welcoming us to a place I'd long ago deemed the scariest place in the world. "My fear is not exactly subdued by the massive, steels gates that await us." I added.

"It's okay, Trev." Justin wrapped an arm around my shoulder while both of us kept an eye on Steven, who had made a mad dash for the gates. I was truly baffled by anyone so eager to subject themselves to the hell that lay beyond those bars. "Before you know it, you'll be having fun."

I stared at Justin who, at this point, was nearly pulling me towards the gates. "How much money would you put on that?"

"Every penny." He whispered. "By the end of this day, my brother's head will be in your shoulder."

"Only if he's sucking my blood." I responded. "Which I wouldn't put past him."

Justin grabbed me in a headlock and gave me a noogie until I screamed, when he pulled away, I shoved him as hard as I could.

"Fucking asshole!" I screamed.

"Uuuuuuuuummm!" Justin brought his finger to his lips, partially shadowing his smile.

I curled my lip. "Don't give me a reason to kill you."

--

"Trevie… is you gone rode the rides with me?" When I didn't answer, Steven tugged on my hand. After practically arm wrestling with the little monster not even five minutes into the park, he'd somehow gotten his grubby mitts around mine. I willed myself not to imagine the various germs and infections that must have lived on and between his five year old fingers. "Huh, Trevie? Is you gone rode with me?"

"God… no." I said, dryly, unable to look down into the heathen’s wide, innocent eyes. They were lethal, I tell you.

"Of course she'll ride with you, buddy. We both will."

"Don't volunteer me for a ride that I don't want to ride!" I immediately screamed at Justin.

"Don't be mean to him!" He screamed back, before smiling. "You know you like him, baby. Don't fight it"

"DON'T call me baby."

"You know you like that, too. Don’t fight it."

"DON'T flatter yourself."

He laughed.

"You make me so sick, Timberlake."

"Did you got mad at him, Trevie?"

"Your brother is just so good at pissing me off, Steve, you just don't know." When the mutant stayed silent, I looked at Justin. "I guess the shrimp doesn't consider pissed a cuss word."

"I guess he's burnt out from censoring your dirty mouth."

"I guess he's finally learned that there's no censoring Trevion Spencer."

"I guess you're his new girlfriend now, since you're letting him hold your hand."

"I guess he practically ripped my hand off with his own when I refused to hold it, giving me little to no choice."

"You never let me hold your hand."

"Oh Lord."

"Don't say the Lord's name in vain!" Steven cried. The fact that he said 'say' instead of 'said' proved to me that this was, yet another, phrase that some adult had drilled into his head.

"How about Steve holds that hand, and I'll hold the other one." Justin offered.

"But then what hand would I use to slap you across the head when you do, and or say, something stupid?" I asked. "This is inevitable."

"That's an excellent point."

"Did you want to hold Trevie's hand, Jussin?" Steven asked.

"Trev doesn't want to hold my hand, buddy." Justin answered, rubbing the top of his head.

"That's cause she liked me better." When Justin didn't respond, Steven looked up at him. "She liked me better than you, Jussin."

"Don't be silly, Steven." I interjected, "I hate you both, equally."

"Hate's a strong word, Trevie."

"My name is not Trevie."

"What did you said, Trevie?"

"Forget it." I rolled my eyes. "Steven, my hand's getting a little sweaty, what do you say we take a little break?"

"No!" Steven screamed, with so much enthusiasm Justin and I both jumped.

"Would you just let him hold you hand, Trevion? This way, buddy."

I stared at Justin, feeling truly betrayed. "Is it not enough that I agreed to come to this fiery pit? Is it not enough that I'm actually clutching this germ infested child's hand in my own?"

"I don’t gets no germs!" Steven beamed, clutching my hand tighter, as if this proved his point.

"Do you have any idea the bacteria that children pass around to each other on the playground?" The very thought made me shudder. "Do you have hand sanitizer?" When Justin didn't answer, I looked down at Steven, "Hey, buddy."

"Hey, buddy." He repeated as he smiled his black hole of a smile up at me.

"Wouldn't you rather hold your big brother's hand? Huh?"

"No!" He cried, and emphasized this answer by reaching up with his other grubby hand and gripping it around the one he was already holding. I now had two, count 'em two, virally infected fingers wrapped around my previous child-free hand.

"Oh, fuck it!" I beamed.

"Ummmmmmmm!" Steven said, coving his mouth and shaking his head at me. His eyes were wide and parental, making me roll my own. The only good thing I could gather from the little censor machine was that his 'Ummmmm' required him to release the death grip he had on my hand - even if it was just for a few seconds - to cover his mouth. His had was right back where it started, wrapped around mine, within seconds.

I quietly reminded myself to swear as much as humanly possible for the rest of that day.

"Fine." I said, giving in and letting him clutch both of my hands in his. When I looked at Justin, he was looking back at me, smiling like a proud parent would smile at his children.

I shook my head. "I'm going to have to burn that hand now, anyway, so…" I scoffed. "Go nuts."

And go nuts, Steve did. He clutched my hand in both of his (it was only a matter of seconds before he was swinging from my arm like a jungle gym) all the way to the first ride, the Tea Cups.

"Tea cups, Trevie! They go round and round and round and round and round and round and round." The nightmare continued this chant, while rolling his head around and around. If I didn't know any better, I'd have guessed he was possessed.

I cringed at him. "Who needs heaven when you've got the Tea Cup ride?"

"I know!" Steven enthusiastically agreed.

"If you don't throw up on this ride, you wont throw up on any of them." Justin actually said these words to me as if I should be comforted.

"Great!" I cried.

Steven was completely oblivious to my sarcasm. Totally blinded by my cynicism. It was what I hated the most about kids. How do you push away a child that would not be pushed away?

"How do I get rid of him?" I thought out loud.

"You can't." Justin answered. "And, quite frankly, I don’t think you want to, Trevie."

I glared up at him. Traitor.

"It's Trevion." I spat. "And I've got a very strong inkling that your brother will be murdered at my hands by the end of the day."

"Well, I've got a very strong inkling that you'll be putty in his hands by the end of the day."

I cringed at him. "You've got to be fucking stupid."

"Uuuuuuuuummm!"

I stared at Justin. "I call that 'end of the day' and raise you an 'end of the hour'."

--

Seven, yes I said seven, hours into the scariest place on Earth, I somehow still had my hands barricaded between both of Steven's as he drug me up and down, back and around the park that was everything I always imagined it would be.

Hot, hellish and frightening.

Children were everywhere, at every turn. Even if I did see an adult every once in a while, they were (more often than not) as deliriously happy as the children themselves. The moment I saw a grown man run past Steven and I in a pair of bunny ears, giggling profusely, I was sure that my fate had been sealed.

I would die a slow, miserable and insane death before I made it out of this place.

It didn't help that, two hours in, the four foot nightmare and I had completely lost track of Justin. Steven, of course, immediately assumed that he'd gotten lost, but I knew better. Justin's disappearance was too convenient, and I was convinced that he'd purposely ducked out and was hiding away so he didn't have to participate in all the Disneyland fun.

I think, when it came to Disneyland, Justin was just like me, but didn't want to admit it.

At least five times that day, I'd been convinced that Steven and I had ridden every ride… twice. Unfortunately, the runt always managed to prove me wrong. He always managed to find a ride he'd yet to drag me on. We'd proceed to ride said ride at least three more times before moving onto the next one.

Had we taken a break? No. When you're in Disneyland with a five year old boy there is no such thing as a break.

"NO BREAKS! NO BREAKS! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Was the response I received when I dared suggest the monster and I grab some water and take a quick breather.

Of course, since I was now more scared for my life than ever, I didn't dare mention a break, again.

For every adult I saw that looked as miserable as I felt, I gave a small smile. It was good to know I wasn't alone in my suffering.

Somehow, Steven and I made a full circle around the park (this was easier for us than most since we were able to cut in line. Even though we didn't have Justin with us, we had the special pink wristbands that meant we could cut in front of everyone).

"I think it's about time for us to go home so we can get ready to fly, Steven."

At the mention of us leaving the nerd didn't freak out like I'd imagined he would. I quickly came to learn that he was more excited about flying to Tennessee than he was about Disneyland.

"Is the plane gone be high in the air, Trevie?" He asked me.

"Yes."

"Really REALLY high?"

"Yes, Steven."

"Like… REAL HIGH?!"

"Yes! Yes, Steve! The plane is going to go high, okay! Higher than Mars! Higher than Shaq! Higher than your imagination could take you!" I beamed.

"My 'maginatium?"

I wanted to correct him, but didn't have the energy. "Yes." I exasperatedly whispered.

He contemplated this, then smiled. "Okay."

And thatt was the shortest conversation we'd had all day.

Somehow, god must have been on my side, I convinced Steven that we would ride the tea cups one more time before we'd page Justin and go home. The child agreed to this with such ease that I was highly skeptical.

I held onto his hand, tightly (the last thing I needed was to lose him, too. Never in my life would I purposely pawn the motor mouth off on some poor, unsuspecting soul) as we were lead through the Tea Cup line).

Each person that we passed looked on at us like we had two heads, of course. They hadn't seemed quite as bitchy about it when we'd had Justin between us. The looks of disgust, however, were something Steven and I had grown used to that day since Justin had been missing for several hours.

"Why do they get to cut in line?!" One extremely large woman had screamed earlier that day.

"Please, excuse us, Miss! Little Timmy only has a few hours to live so we want to get him on all the rides before he croaks!" This was one of the better excuses I'd give.

"Because we fucking can that's why!" Was one of the worst.

Ironically (or not) Steven had nothing to say about my dirty mouth when it involved getting us to the front of the line. Oh no, he didn't have any 'uuuuuuums' then. He didn't have shit to say then.

As we cut in the front of the teacups, like always, somebody had something to say.

"Hey, no way! Uh uh! I've been waiting in this line for forty five minutes! There’s no fucking way you two are getting in front of me!" The man yelling had a voice as powerful as a giant. The midget and I were both startled. The second I turned to the man, saw that he was middle aged, heavy, ugly and mean I was no longer afraid, just angry.

"Even if we're pushing in front you're still going to get on the next go around, all right? So calm down." I said, holding my hands up in peace. I hadn't realized Steven was clutching his arms tightly around my legs until I let my arms fall and felt him next to me. He was afraid, and for that I felt (astonishingly) protective.

It didn't take long for the man to lose his temper, completely.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?! Me and all of these people behind me got in line and waited our turn and that's what you're going to fucking do, too even if I have to move you to the back of this line my damn self!"

"Oh hell no." I covered both of Steven's ears with my own and looked at the man before me with fire in my eyes. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but nobody talks to me like that. If you'll take a look at the wristbands that myself and this child are wearing you'll see that they're pink. We paid an extra two hundred fucking dollars for these wristbands so we could cut in the fucking lines and we're going to cut in the fucking lines. If it bothers you so much why don't you reach into your god damn pockets, that is if you can fit your fat ass fingers in there, and pony up the dough so you can cut in line, too, you asshole!" Of course that was all a lie, but the man before me was clearly, stunned, as was everyone behind him, who were now covering their children's ears, too. Just when they thought I was finished, I thought I was too, I covered Steven's ears, again, and they followed suit with their kids. "And don't you ever fucking cuss in front of my god damn fucking kid, again, you piece of shit!"

For the last time, I took my hands off of Steven's ears, just as the gates behind me opened.

"Um… I can take the next twenty people." The teenage ride attendant was clearly nervous of both me and the big man behind me as he motioned to the cups. "Ma'am?" He said, pointing to the closest Tea Cup.

"I don't want to rode it no more, Trevie." Steven whispered, still clutching me. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of the giant man, and looked like he was near tears. "I don't want to rode it no more."

"Okay, Steve." I grabbed his arms and picked him up, cradling him on my hip. He immediately put his head in my neck, hiding his face from the man. "You see what you did. You fucking scared him. I should kick your ass." I said, but instead, began pushing my way through the line. For the most part, everyone immediately stepped out of my way.

They were smart.

Steven didn't move his head from my neck until we were well away from the Tea Cups. When I looked at him, I saw that he was just fine.

"Did you got mad at him?" Steve whispered, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around my neck. "Huh, Trevie? Did you got mad at him?"

"Yeah, Steve."

"Did you said a bad word?"

"Well, yeah, but he deserved it!" It was at that moment that I realized I was justifying myself to a five year old. "Where is your brother?" I asked, feeling truly infected - infected with the contagious disease that all children carried around on their clothes, in their hair and on their skin.

You try to ignore the warm feeling you get in your belly, the natural protectiveness you feel for someone who curls up against you, trusting you, completely - but you can’t. You realize that, even if only for a second, you kind of… like it.

Even if the subject is a motor mouthed, curse-word-police, freak of a child with a GI Joe named Davis.

No matter how hard you try to resist the little bastard, the day somehow ended with his head in your shoulder.

--

"How could you abandon us like that?! Do you realize what we fucking went through?!"

"Do you realize what we went through, Jussin?" Steven mimicked.

Justin was pulling the car out of the Disneyland parking lot. We'd managed to find him only after paging him.

"I didn't abandon you!"

"You abandoned us!"

"Well, I'm sorry. We lost track of each other. People lose track of each other at Disneyland, it's a big place."

"That's bullshit." I spat.

Justin looked back at Steven, as if he were expecting the inevitable 'uuuuuuuum', then looked at me, accusingly, when nothing came. "What did you do to him?" He asked.

I stared at him, wondering if he were serious.

"I really am sorry." He said, smiling. "But you guys didn't have to page me. The second my name came over the loud speaker people were on the lookout. It took me forty five minutes just to walk the hundred feet it took to get to you guys. Then another twenty to sign autographs for the people that were waiting at the paging station." He was whining worse than the child in the backseat had whined all day.

"Well, boo fucking hoo, Justin."

"Yeah, boo fucking hoo, Jussin."

"Don't say that!" Justin screamed at Steven in the backseat. It wasn't until I saw both of them watching me like I had two heads that I realized I'd just screamed the exact same thing.

"Oh my god." I whispered. "I'm a parent." I turned in my seat, watching the Disneyland sign slowly disappear behind me. "Drive faster Justin!" I beamed.

He laughed.

"I'm serious. Get me out of here."

"I don't know, Trev. I kind of want to keep you here."

"This is exactly why I didn't want to come to this fucking place."

"Uuuuuuuummmmm!"

"Your baby brother just signed his death warrant."

--

Justin, doing me the first favor he'd done all day, dropped me off at the house while Steven and him ran by McDonalds to pick up something to eat for later on. I wasn't hungry, nor was I up for another second breathing the same air as that child.

He was infectious, and I could let myself get attached to the likes of him. It was bad enough that I was getting attached to Justin. The last thing I needed to add to that list was a little ass kid. Especially one as dirty as Steven.

The first person I saw when I walked through the front door, unfortunately, was Lynn.

She was sitting at the vast dining room table, which was right next to the front door. Until I'd come in, she was staring off into space, thinking about god knows what. On the outside, she looked amazing (especially for her age), much better than she had when I'd run into her in Vegas. Our eyes met, I quietly contemplated how much she must have hated me, and immediately looked away.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry… about everything." I said, staring at the staircase in front of me instead of the woman I was apologizing to. "I don't apologize much, but when I do… I really mean it. I hope that's good enough for you." I looked at her and when she said nothing, began making my way towards the stairs.

Apart of me wanted to run up there, pack my bags and catch the next plane. I wanted to run away from all of the new feelings I was having but didn't want to deal with. Running away was one thing I would never do. I knew how it felt and, even if he was being a dick and a half, I never wanted Justin to know that feeling.

I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst fucking enemy. Not even Kim.

At the thought of abandonment, something I felt a strong desire to exercise at the moment, I immediately thought of my mother. Anger consumed me, so I forced myself to think my next thought, which was JC. I'd almost forgotten about the conversation we'd had right before Justin had brought me down here with him. JC knew where my mother was, so did Justin. They'd spoken to her! They knew her. They knew her better than I ever had, and I was her daughter.

I stepped into Justin's room. If I had thought I couldn't have possibly been any more angry, the thought of my mother proved me very wrong.

"God." I spat into the air, wishing there was someone around that I could really rip into. Ripping into people, however, had become less and less fun as time went by.

"Darlin'?"

"God!" This time, the 'god!' was a horrified one, not an angry one, as I turned on my heel and found Lynn standing in the doorway, arms and legs crossed over each other. She looked just as surprised as me, I'm sure, because I'd just screamed in her face. "For the love of fucking Christ!"

She grinned. "You must have been waiting all day to get that 'fuck' out, huh?" When I looked at her crazy, she shook her head. "Steven. He's serious about those dirty words."

"Yes he is." I said. "Cute kid." I added, but it was nowhere near convincing.

"Mmhm." She agreed. The lady knew she was country, even when she was saying words that weren't even words (like mmhm) she still radiated everything Tennessee. When you heard her voice you immediately thought Elvis, home cooking and chivalry (which was very much dead, I don't care what anyone says). That's how country she was.

It was right then, at that very second, that I realized this woman was supposed to hate me. I wondered why she was up here talking to me, and if she had a knife or weapon hidden behind her back.

Except that her arms were crossed in front of her chest.

She smiled, again. Today, she was in a form fitting, but gorgeous, purple turtleneck and a pair of khaki pants.

"I like your shoes." I said, before I could stop myself.

She looked down at the shoes on her feet and laughed. "I suppose black boots are more appropriate than stilettos for a woman my age, right?"

"Look, Lynn, I meant what I said downstairs when I apologized…."

"I know you did. That's why I came up here. To tell you that you don't have to be sorry. In fact…" She stepped into Justin's room. It was a space that she was comfortable in, I could tell. "I came up here to apologize to you."

"To me?" This was one fucked up day if I ever had one.

"Oh, believe me." She laughed. "When I first came into this house and saw you here… I was very angry. That anger wasn't exactly swayed when I realized that you and Justin had been, very much, in the middle of something."

"We weren't in the middle of anything!" I beamed, a little to quickly. I shook my head at myself, immediately after. Sometimes I felt like I was really falling apart.

"It's okay." She laughed, while taking a seat on the side of his bed. I stood in front of her, my arms crossed. "There's not a woman on this planet that can resist my son for more than a few days. You lasted a whole month, of course… but you didn't last."

"Justin and I are just friends."

"I'm not here to interrogate you."

"There's no reason to interrogate me."

"Okay." She said the word the way a person said it when they thought you were a filthy liar but were too nice to say it.

"Justin and I have never kissed. We almost did… right before you walked in, but…" I jammed my eyes shut. "Why are you talking to me?" I asked, a little too bluntly.

"You remember when Justin pulled me to the side this morning? Into the den?"

"Yes." I said. I remembered it vividly, in fact, because I'd been mere seconds from throwing up all over the floor. "Then he came out without you, we went to pick up Steven and went to Disneyland. The scariest place on earth, if you want my opinion."

"You're funny." She said, smiling.

"It's a popular opinion. I prefer honest."

"That too." She nodded. "Anyway… he pulled me into the den and he told me everything."

"Everything?" I asked. I was hesitant to question whether or not he'd included the part about him killing himself, but didn't want to be the first to tell her if he hadn't. Selfishly, I hoped that he had, so I could have someone to talk to besides JC about Justin. Someone who really knew him.

"Everything." She confirmed. "JC, Brintey, the roof… you." She smiled after she said "you" and I immediately wondered why. "Justin and I share everything. When he lost his virginity, he told me first, I gave him his first cocktail, his first joint… everything. I want him to have his freedom, I GIVE him his freedom, and in turn… he gives me what every mother longs for in their child. Honesty."

"Wait! I'm sorry, but everything after the word 'joint' went in one ear and out the other. Is Justin a weed head?"

"Heaven's no!" She beamed, laughing. Within an instant, she was serious, again. Since the moment she'd sat down, she'd been sitting up straight. For such a laid back woman her demeanor was very… conservative. "Justin was under a lot of stress… he STILL is, and had a hard time dealing with it, very often. He's better at it now, but… back when he was eighteen or nineteen he would come home after some terribly bad days and nothing helped. Not aspirin, not alcohol, not me, not Britney - who was just as stressed as him an equal amount of the time - so we took up pot." She said, so casually, that I sputtered. "It worked, for a while. He took it sparingly and only when he really needed it. I haven't seen him with one in a couple years, actually. Paul was happy when he quit… he hated it. Everything about it, the unlawfulness, the smell…" At the mention of her husband, Lynn lost herself in the middle of her sentence and stared off into space. From the distress in her eyes and the sadness in her voice I was immediately aware that Paul was a husband that she had loved deeply. Probably her best friend outside of Justin.

I stood, quietly, not knowing what to say. I wished that I had known Paul a little better, so I could offer some kind of reassurance.

"He hated it." She whispered, again, her eyes still glassy. Moments later, as if she were under a hypnotic trance, she snapped out of it. "That's beside the point, though…" She sighed deeply, as if she'd just finished running a seven minute mile. She must have been exhausted. "The point is… Justin told me what you did for him. He told me all about you."

Before I could get truly mad, or even entertain the fact that I was misunderstanding her when she said everything, Lynn said. "He was standing on the ledge and you walked up and stopped him. He said that he turned around, saw this beautiful girl… and forgot why he wanted to jump."

It was the corniest thing I'd ever heard, but it sent my heart racing. I assumed this happened because I'd never heard such a corny thing spoken in relation to me. When I imagined Justin saying them, for the first time, I realized what weak knees felt like. I realized that he'd better apologize to me really fast, or I was going to forgive him before he did.

"At first I was very upset. I tried to be understanding, though, just in case he was still… fragile. After we talked for a while I couldn't see anything in him that changed. He was at his worst when he first arrived in Vegas and you… you fixed him." She said, for lack of a better word, it seemed. A smile pushed her lips. "I remember I said, 'Baby, you were going to jump off the side of a building and a girl was what stopped you? Are you living in a Lifetime movie, or what?'"

I loved her, immediately.

"But he said it wasn't just that. He said that you talked him down from the ledge. He said that when he was finally back on his feet, looking into your eyes, he could hardly fathom what he he'd been about to do. He said you were mean to him. You wanted him out of your hair. You didn't give a damn that he was Justin Timberlake. What you probably didn't know what that these were three primary things that attracts him to a woman." She laughed.

I'll be damned if I didn't know that now. that I was secretly happy I hadn't known those things, or I would have never known him. That was a thought I didn't want to entertain for a second.

"Yeah, he said that, from the moment you two met you could have had him, that he was putty in your hands. You didn't care about any of that. All you cared about… was that he never tried to do that to himself again. That was all you cared about. That's it." She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "Now that Paul's gone… Justin is all I have. He is my everything. Yes, you cursed at me that day, we got off on a very wrong foot. You're probably half the reason that Justin and Paul will never have a goodbye, but… I can get over that. Because if you weren't so unpleasant, my boy probably wouldn't be here, right now. So you go on being a bitch, Trevion Spencer. You bitch, and you bitch and you bitch to your pretty hearts content because, in the end, that's who you are. That's who saved my boy. That's who my boy loves."

I don't think she even realized she'd used the word love and I was far too frightened of the word, all on it's own, to dare question it. I wouldn't even allow myself to entertain the thought of Justin using that word and my name in the same sentence. I was already in to my knees and was very aware of the risk I ran of completely submerging myself in Justin and how good he could make me feel. Baby steps, that how I wanted to take this. The words "love" and "baby steps" were three words that could never co-exist.

"So… I guess I just wanted to tell you that." She sighed and slapped her knees, as if I was her thirteen year old daughter and we'd just gotten done having a long, uncomfortable sex talk. "Where's Justin?" She asked, as if she should have asked it long ago. She looked around the room like she expected him to be hiding. "Huh?" She asked, when I didn't answer.

I stopped staring off into nowhere and looked into her eyes. "Um… him and Steven are out getting McDonalds, I guess."

"You guess? From what I've heard you and Justin haven't seen the world away from each other for so much as five minutes in the last four weeks."

"I guess."

"There you go, again with the guessing. I wish he'd have told me he was going there." Lynn said, without hesitation. "It's not like him to just up and go places without telling me. I suppose he's been doing a lot of things, lately, that aren't like him, though…" She began staring off into space, again, and shook her head as tears wet her eyes. I could tell, without her having to say anything that she was thinking about the roof and everything else. "I can't believe he'd try to do something like that. Why didn't he just come to talk to me about it? He talks to me about everything else."

Immediately uncomfortable, I crossed my arms. "I don't know." I whimpered with nothing better to say.

Lynn quickly waved a hand at me. "Look at me, blubbering over here, making you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable." I said, even though I was.

She began to stand from the bed. "I need to start packing for Tennessee, anyway. We're leaving for the airport at eight. That's just a few hours. You're coming, right?" She asked, looking at me in mid-stand.

"Yeah." I said. "I have to leave right after, though."

"You have a black dress, right, sugar?"

"Yeah. It'll never walk down the red carpet but… it'll do."

"Okay good." She sighed, stood tall and smiled at me. "Thanks for being there." She whispered. I didn't know if she meant for her or for Justin.

I shrugged. "I've got great timing, I guess.&qu