"Your eyes are fucking girly."
My blunt comment clearly offended him as his hand stopped it's exploration of my hair, "You're so sweet, Trev."
I don't know how we'd ended up lying next to each other on his bed, just watching each other quietly. It was almost like we were trying to memorize each other.
"Your haircut looks like Joey's back in 1999."
"Who's Joey?"
"Oh, I forgot you're not a fan."
"Nope, so your insult holds no merit. I win."
"You really haven't heard any of our songs or anything? Be honest."
"No, not all girls in the world lived and died for Nsync."
"Only the insane ones."
"You said it, not me..."
"So, how did you know who I was when we met on the roof that night?"
"I love how you refer to it as a meeting rather than the heart stopping catastrophe that it was."
"Helps me sleep easier."
"Sure... So, this Joey. What's he like?"
"An idiot. You'd hate him."
"What a wonderful friend you are."
He laughed and released the strand of my hair that he was twisting around his finger, "Truth?" He asked out of nowhere, smiling softly.
I blinked, "Sure."
He hesitated for a moment, but held out gaze, "I want to know you."
Oh, here we go. If anyone was a master at the sap, it was Justin, "Okay... What do you want to know?"
The grey flowery things in his eyes turned blue when he smiled. I wondered if he knew that, "Everything."
"Well, I'm an Aries, I hated every minute of high school, I really am as shallow as I come off, I bite my nails, the only pet I ever had died within two days and my best friend is an obsessive compulsive shrink with a frightening need to control my entire life."
"Wow."
"Yeah..."
"You could have your own movie, Trev."
I gasped, "REALLY?"
He frowned, "Excitement doesn't work for you."
"Especially when it's fake."
"Yeah... And as exhilarating as all of that was, I mean... For real, Trevion."
I rolled my eyes.
"Where are your parents?"
"Justin, do we have to do this? I think one of us being traumatized for the night is more than enough."
"Where's your mom? You have a picture of her up in your dorm room, she must mean something to you."
"God, you remember everything, don't you?"
"Where is she?"
Okay, there was no dodging him tonight, I guess. My eyes narrowed towards the headboard of his bed and I sighed, "New York City last I heard."
"Why's she up there?"
"To get away from her psychopathic daughter who can move things with her mind. Apparently I have a bad attitude to match."
"Well, you do have a bad attitude."
"I know."
"And you're not a psycho."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better."
He reached his right hand out and rested it on my waist, "Is this okay?" He asked, smiling.
"Well, shit, you're already doing it."
"You like it."
"Get over yourself."
"I think if your mom knew that you do what you do with your gift she wouldn't be so scared."
God, I hated talking about this. I knew that he'd told me so much about his life but now that the spotlight was on me I was more than ready to back down, "That doesn't matter to her. She found out when I was four years old and asked no questions. She was gone by the end of the year. Never knew her. Don't want to. She wants a normal daughter and I'm not normal. I'm a freak. It's okay." I shrugged my shoulders and then turned away from him. Fuck if he was going to see me cry tonight.
I could feel the bed tilt as Justin scooted up behind me. His hand rubbed my shoulder and I could barely recognize how that made me feel past the misery that talking about my mother brought on. "You're not a freak."
"Shut up, Justin. If I hadn't saved your fucking life you'd think I was a freak, too."
"I don't think you are, alright? Fuck..." He paused for a long while and when I thought he'd finally dropped it I felt his knuckles running along the back of my neck, "I think you're the best person I've ever known." He whispered.
Oh god. Fuck if he didn't ALWAYS have the right thing to say.
"Are you crying?"
"No."
"Trev..."
"I'm not fucking crying, alright?" Jesus, stop touching me. I pushed his hand off of my shoulder and sat up, letting my legs hang over the side of the bed, "I don't want to talk about this."
"I mean it, Trev. I think you're amazing. I mean, everything good that I have in me now I have from you."
Was he serious? "I aim to please, I guess."
"You're not taking me seriously."
"Nope."
"Why?" He beamed.
"Why do we have to talk about this, Justin? Honestly."
"Because I care about you. And I can't help but wonder how somebody like you can be so hellbent on hiding behind an attitude. It's a mask, Trevion. That's all it is. If you realized what an incredible fucking person you are you wouldn't invest so much energy in pushing people away."
Okay, that was enough. I hoped up from the bed and turned to him. I didn't miss his surprise when he saw the moisture on my face, "Are you really talking to me about pushing people away? A fucking guy that left and entire STATE to get away from everybody?"
"You don't know anything about that." He said, angrily.
"No, Justin, because you don't tell me, alright? You don't tell me."
"I told you about JC. I told you that Britney miscarried. You just saw all the shit that went down when Trace showed up at the door. I couldn't let you into my life anymore if I tried but you keep pushing me out of yours!"
"You're right Justin. You've told me that JC had sex with your girlfriend, but you haven't told me when or why. You haven't told me how it made you feel, why it was enough to make you move all the way to Las Vegas. I saw everything that went down with Trace, yes, but that barely explained anything. And the only reason I know that Britney miscarried is because I read it on the cover of a fucking magazine. Something that I don't even want to fucking THINK about right now since I just so happen to share that very cover with you AND her. Any person who reads Star magazine is going to think I'm the reason the damn girl miscarried in the first place! Good luck to Trevion for the rest of her life!"
Justin held his hands up after my tantrum, "Okay... Okay, I'm sorry, alright? Just relax?"
Too late, I was already tripping all over myself to find my stuff and get out of there, "Don't tell me to fucking relax! If I don't want to relax, I don't have to fucking relax!"
"Okay, hey? It's alright."
"Oh my god, are you patronizing me right now? I had no idea that Burns was in the room with us tonight!"
HE sighed. Good, I hoped he was defeated, that would make for a better exit.
"Where the fuck is my fucking shoe?" I mumbled.
"Seriously, Trevion. Do you see yourself right now? A normal person would not be running away from me the way you are."
I looked up at him and my words showed on my face before I even said them, "A normal person?" I whispered, my eyes shrinking, "Fuck you."
Justin screamed. He actually screamed. "You know that's not what I meant! Oh my god. Is that what this is going to be like? Every time I ask you what you're problem is or point out something weird about you I'm calling you some kind of a freak? I already told you that I respect you, Trev. Every part of you."
"I believe you." I mumbled, pulling on my other shoe and heading towards the door.
"The cameras are going to be out there." He said, following me out of his room.
"I don't care."
I really did care, but he would never know that.
"I'll give you a ride."
"I don't want a fucking ride, Justin, I'm pissed at you!"
"Why?!" He screamed, keys in hand.
I stared at him. Why? Why?
"I don't know!" I cried, turning away from him again and heading towards the door.
"Trev, let me give you a god damn ride, you're being ridiculous."
"No."
"I just--"
"No."
"Trev--"
"No!"
"I don't know what you want from me!" He cried. This was the second time since I'd met him that I'd heard him scream like this. When I looked back at him his entire face was red, "JC fucked Britney because... I don't know! Maybe because I fucked his ex-girlfriend back when I was sixteen and he never got over it. Maybe because I let out a fucking solo album when the rest of the guys were pushing for another group one. Maybe it was because we'd just gotten into some sort of stupid fight. Maybe there was no reason, Trev, except that they were attracted to each other and they decided they wanted to fuck! Maybe they've wanted this for years! Maybe he wanted to hurt me! Maybe she wanted to hurt me! I don't fucking know! All I know is I walked in on my best friend and the love of my fucking life getting it on in my bed! I didn't care because all the tiny shit didn't really matter outside of the pain... Okay?"
I blinked and, after looking back towards the door, nodded, "Okay."
"It was my fault."
He took a place in the doorway of his bedroom and crossed his arms over his chest.
I stood straight and watched him closely, "What are you talking about?"
His eyes were the only thing that stood out to me across the dark room. They sparkled against the living room television, which was now snowing, and it felt like they were crawling right into me and reading my thoughts.
He took a deep breath, "I'd just gotten back from taking my mom out to dinner, it was her birthday and I took her to The Cheese Factory. God, that is the stupidest fucking place on the plant, but she loves it there."
I laughed, "You're pretty close with her, huh?"
He nodded, "Too close."
"You're that kid whose Mom walked you school in the 9th grade."
"Okay, not that bad." He laughed, but his smile faded quickly after that, "It was pretty late once I'd dropped her off. Britney usually wasn't home until around midnight to two AM, but she told me she was going to be there. She told me, ya know? It's like she fucking set the whole thing up or something... I don't know why. To hurt me?"
My heart lurched at the tears I saw in his eyes, the confusion.
He reached up and rubbing his right eyes with the palm of his hand, "JC was there, they were fucking on my bed. I don't remember what Britney's reaction was or what anyone said. All I know was that there was screaming and... Just fucking pain, you know?"
When I took a step toward him he held his hand up to me.
"Don't. I don't want you close to me just because you feel bad."
Okay, then.
"I wanted to kill him. I really think I would have if Britney wasn't there. She was standing in front of him with her arms..." He reached his arms behind his body, "With her arms like this. Like she was trying to protect him. I kept trying to get at him but she was there, and she was pregnant. I didn't want to hurt... Her, or the baby, I don't know. But it was like she was protecting him, and that hurt so fucking bad. That she cared more about sparing him than me. That girl knew how much I fucking loved her, she had to have known how much that shit hurt me and she had her arms around HIM! Protecting HIM! She'd been with me for three god damn years. I'm the one she should have been fucking worried about."
I nodded frantically, not knowing what the say, "Yeah."
"When I felt like I could kill her just to get to him... That's when I knew I had to leave. I grabbed the keys to JC's truck, the first keys that I saw and I took the fucking car and drove off. Britney followed me. I think it was her Ferrari, but it could have been the Lexus." He looked up at me and smiled bitterly, "I guess it doesn't matter."
I shrugged, "If it matters to you than it does."
He sniffled, "We were weaving in and out of traffic. On the surface streets and on the freeways. I was going pretty damn fast. Ninety, a hundred miles an hours at least but Britney was right behind me the entire time. It wasn't until we hit the hills, the curves..." A genuine sob left his mouth but he controlled it. That didn't stop my racing heart, though, not at all. "She crashed the fucking car and I remember the first thing I thought was that it would roll over the hill and she'd die. But it just hit the rocks. I remember thinking 'thank god'..."
I was biting my nails. I knew this was hard for him but part of me wished he would just spit it out because the anxiety was way too much.
"Then I heard her screaming, I drove her to the hospital and the doctor-- the baby-- fuck" He clenched his nose between his fingers and let his body fall against the frame of his door, "I thought Britney was dead, but she wasn't."
When he looked up at me I couldn't help it any longer. I approached him without thought or caution. I stopped right in front of him, though, and when I reached out and touched his stomach I felt it shake with his sobs.
"She was just fucking fine, Trev. But my baby... My fucking baby girl... And now the press has a hold of it. I feel so helpless... Guilty..." His eyes shrunk with tears as he shook his clenched fists at his waist, "Oh my god, Trev..."
I immediately reached up and touched the side of his face and when he didn't touch me back I had to hold back my tears, "Justin... Look at me..."
His head was hung low, his stomach trembling, his shoulders shaking with tears.
"Justin..."
He sniffled violently and looked up at me. His blue eyes screamed at me through bloodshot vein and they'd never so perfectly conveyed what the man in front of me needed. I didn't think they ever would, again.
I swallowed, "It's not your fault."
"No." His head fell again and he clenched his teeth, shook his head back and forth, "Trev... That was my baby--"
"It's not you fault!" I cried, struggling to keep it together.
When he fell to his knees I followed, keeping my hand on his face. He reached up and cupped mine with his own, turning his head into my palm.
"It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault, babe... Okay? It's not your fault."
He used his free hand to reach out to me and when his hand touched my cheek I was surprised at the tear that immediately rolled down the base of his thumb. His forehead butted against mine and when I saw his eyes flutter closed I breathed deep.
"I'm sorry, Justin."
"Trev... You're really going to have to stop pissing me off."
I sighed, "I'll try."
We laughed and as our smiled faded I looked up at him. For the first time I saw a true trust in his eyes.
"I've never told that to anyone."
"I know." I whispered, touching the back of his neck, "Thank you."
After a moment he turned his head and kissed the back of my hand before standing. He brought me with him, and with my hand still clenched in his, he smiled, "No, Trev... Thank you."
I looked into his eyes and for a second I felt something different. Really different. When the sconces on either side of his door burst and left the room in complete darkness Justin jumped. I screamed. HE clapped twice and the rest of the lights in the place came on.
"Clappers, Justin? God, welcome to 1995."
He looked at the shattered glasses hanging from his wall and back at me, "Trev?"
I blinked, "I didn't do anything."
I didn't.
"Maybe we should..." Justin reached out a hand to touch the side of my arm and when his eyes met mine the candy dish in his living room flew off of the table and crashed against the wall next to us. He jumped again.
"Trev!"
My eyes widened, "I didn't... I--"
He watched me.
"I'm not doing it on purpose!"
"You're going to kill us. And that was my favorite vase! Damn!"
"I'm sorry!"
He watched me closely and rolled his eyes, "You want to get out of here?"
"Yes!"
"Alright, common!" He put an arm around my shoulder and it brought a smile to my face. That smile immediately fell, though, when his glass bookcase went falling to the ground, shattering feet away from us.
"Okay," I reached out and pushed him away, "Stop."
He did.
My eyes narrowed, "Okay... Touch me."
"What?"
"Touch me. Put your arm around me or something."
"Why?"
"Just do it! Fuck."
He'd only made a move to put an arm around my shoulder and the television blew out across the room. When he actually touched me the microwave door flew open.
He snatched his arm away from me in shock, "Shit."
I laughed, "It's you!"
"No, it's you!"
"Don't ever touch me, again."
He scoffed, "Yeah, if I want to keep all my shit in one piece."
I smiled.
"You're obviously doing it on purpose." He commented, "And, honestly, I'm not appreciating your humor like I usually do."
I looked up at him in shock, "Justin!"
"Trevion!"
"I'm not doing it on purpose. I've got better shit to do than destroy your shit, okay?"
"Maybe I'm touching you and you're getting... Ya know... Excited--"
"Oh gross."
"Seriously."
"Justin... I couldn't BE more serious right now, okay?"
"Maybe you're losing control of it or something. You should talk to Burns about it."
"That's funny. Have you MET Burns? He'll freak."
--
"What the hell do you mean you can't control it?"
"I knew this wasn't a good idea. You know, it's probably useless of me to even ask but can we just forget about--"
"No."
"Okay."
Burns was tapping his index finger against the edge of his coffee cup and rubbing his chin with the other. I knew when he got multi-functional with his hands that he was on the verge of really blowing up. It was only a matter of seconds now.
"When?" He asked, reaching under his glasses to rub his eyes.
"Last night at Justin's place. Every time he touched me something would happen--"
"Wait, touched you? Did you two--"
"Calm down Frued, I'm still plenty disturbed from the last sex talk we had."
"Stop."
"Stopping... Anyway, It was completely out of my control. He thought it would be a good idea to tell you and it turns out I was right in thinking I shouldn't."
He seemed truly hurt, "Always tell me, Trevion. Always."
"I know. I just didn't want you to worry."
"I always worry about you."
Aw.
"Aw."
"Oh please."
"No, really. I never knew you cared so much. You'd think your flavor of the week could keep your mind off of me for two seconds. What was she this week? Redhead?"
"Blonde, and they're only that good when they cost money."
"Okay, I know I started it, but now I'm grossed out."
He didn't smile.
"You know, Burns, I'm thinking maybe we should switch chairs. I'm supposed to be the crazy person while you sit quietly and calmly, scribbling things in your little notebook to make me go even crazier. That's what our relationship is. That's the deal."
"You're not crazy."
"Really? Did you know I've been entertaining a pop star for over a week?"
"He likes you."
I sighed, "He's confused."
"I don't think he is. I think he's one of the few people that can see straight past all of the bullshit you shell out. He can see straight past to the person that exists inside of you that's almost... Human."
"Don't try to flatter me."
"Do you have feelings for him?"
"Ew, no."
He scoffed and picked up his pen.
"And I swear to god if you start writing on your little fucking pad I'm going to reach over there and beat you to death with it."
"You said that things were crashing against the wall and falling whenever you were in contact with Justin, right?"
"Right?"
"What do you think that means?"
"Oh god, I don't know. You tell me, that's your job!"
"I think you have feelings for him. It's okay, he does, too."
"Okay, stop it now."
"You're so clueless. Just from talking to him the day you brought him in here I knew... All you have to do is say the word and he's yours, you know that right?"
"What did he say about me?"
"Do you care?"
"No."
"Oh, because it seemed like you cared."
"Oh, what the hell do you know? It's been an hour, are we done?"
"We're never done."
"Unfortunately..."
He smiled, "Listen, Trev. I've been in contact with a woman from New Mexico. She knows a lot about this stuff... I trust her."
My heart raced, "I don't."
"There's only so much I can do for you. I was afraid that this was going to start happening. We were fine, honey, when you were just using your powers to vacuum the floor--"
"How did you know about that?"
He rolled his eyes, "But when you make entire cities shake, Trev... There's nothing I can... I can't help you with things like that. It scares the shit out of me."
"So I... Scare you?"
His eyes shrunk, "No... It scares me how powerful you might become. What it might do to you. We know what you can do with your gift but we don't know what it can do to you. We don't know what it's capable of, if anything. What happens if this... This thing is eating you alive inside and we never knew anything about it because I failed to follow through? I'm not trying to scare you but it can't hurt to think about things like this, I should have started a long time ago."
"No, Burns, you've been following through since I was five. Since the day my mom walked out and my dad died you've been there. That's all I've ever needed. God, don't make me get all sentimental on you, Burns, it wont be pretty."
He smiled, "I like you all sentimental."
"Well, I don't. And I'm definitely not down for sitting cross legged in a sphere of spirits with a god is good, love the world, probably more coked up than Steven-fucking-Tyler woman with healing salts and shit."
He laughed.
"Don't laugh at me."
"But you're so funny."
"Fuck you."
"Don't talk to me like that."
I sighed.
"Listen... Her name's Mercury--"
"Oh... My... God."
"She'll be here next week and I expect you here, too."
"When a Rhino falls out of my ass."
I stomped, actually stomped like a five year old, to the door of the office and ignored the last words of my crazed shrink.
"That could be bad, I hear they travel in packs this time of year!"
I slammed the door.
Asshole.
