A Hollywood Divorce
4: Certain Hell
"Laila James and Cash, I want to speak to you please." I call into the house as Tobey loads my bags into the back of the Denali.
The kids come bounding out of the house and I kneel down to their level, "Okay, remember what we talked about? You won't be seeing mommy or daddy for the next two weeks, okay?"
They nod, "Listen, I want you to be good for Tobey okay? No mess or you'll have me to deal with when I get back, you hear me? Cash?"
He nods again and falls into me. I hug him tightly and then engulf my baby girl in a hug and shower them both with kisses, "I love you guys and if you need me, I'm just a phone call away okay?"
"Mommy?" Cash says, holding my hand.
"Yes baby?"
"Call us okay?"
I smile, "I will baby, every night, I promise. You take care of Laila James while I'm gone, baby boy."
I hug and kiss them both once more and then walk them back in the house and into the care of my sister. Tobey asks me if I'm ready and we take off to the airport. I glance at my watch while we wait in the terminal and lean into Tobey. I really don't want to go and do this. I should have just given Justin the house, that way, I would have to spend two weeks of my time with a man that I can't stand. These next two weeks are going to be filled with awkward silences, arguments and tension. I hate tension.
As my flight begins to board, we stand up and say our goodbyes. He lays sweet, gentle kisses against my temple and pats my behind softly when I make my way toward the gate. I wave one last time and board the plane to my certain hell. I plug my ipod into my eyes and try to block out my uncertain future during the flight but it ends all too quickly. Before I know it, I'm walking off of the plane and gathering my bags at the baggage claim.
I hail a cab and we start the thirty minute drive to the house. The driver is nice enough to help me with my bags when we reach the place and I give him a pretty handsome tip. Justin is already here because both cars are parked out in the driveway, the wind drying them after their recent bath, it seems. I use my key and enter the house slowly, taking in my surroundings.
Now I remember why I love this place. The tall ceilings, the long bay windows in the living room, the warmth of the rooms. I remember when we first bought it. We didn't do anything but have sex the first couple of days, and in turn, welcomed Cash into our lives. It's quiet as I step further into the foyer. I continue to walk deeper into the house, walking through the living room and into the kitchen. A few minutes to myself, wonderful.
I grab my small bags first and make my up the stairs to the bedrooms. I push the door to the master bedroom open, half expecting to see that Justin has already claimed it but I'm proven wrong. The windows have been opened and the sheets have been changed but other than that, I don't see any of his personal items anywhere. I set my bags on the bed and remove my jacket when I sound from behind me makes me scream and jump.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He said, dragging my big bag into the room, "I'm uh, staying down the hall in the kids’ room, I thought you would like to have the master."
"Thank you. You didn't have to do that, I could have gotten my bag." I say.
He shrugs, "It's cool. Um, what uh, what do you wanna do for dinner?"
"Um," I say, unzipping the little bag, "I don't really care, whatever is fine for you is good for me I guess."
"I was thinking it might be easier if we just grocery shopping. That way we wouldn't really have to spend that much time together."
My breathe catches in my throat when he says that but I quickly try and cover it up. He notices it anyway, "I didn't mean it like that. It's just... I don't want to fight while we are here. Let's just get the house cleaned out and we can get on our separate ways."
"No, I understand. I got you. When, um, do you want me to go grocery shopping?"
"I've already went for myself so, you can go whenever to get the kind of stuff that you want."
I nod my head, and start to unpack my things. I hear him leave the room and close the door behind. This is going to be miserable. I walk into the bathroom and turn on the radio and return to unpacking my bags. A couple of hours later, I emerge from the bedroom and walk downstairs. Justin is sitting at the kitchen table, boxes all around his feet as he goes through and separates his stuff from mine.
"I'm going to the store." I say, grabbing a pair of keys off of the counter.
He doesn't look up but nods as he throws something into the box marked Luci. It takes me about and hour and a half to get my food and I walk back into the house, arms full of grocery bags. As soon as I open the door, Justin's laugh penetrates my ears. He's talking to her because the pet name 'baby' is thrown around about every second and a half. I unload my food, trying to keep from throwing up and thank god when he finally hangs up his phone.
"Do you need any help?" He asks from his seat on the couch.
"I'm done know." Again, I didn't mean to sound quite that harsh, but I've never been one that can control my emotions.
"I've already went through some stuff so, if you wanna go through the box of stuff that I thought you'd might like, I put it in your room."
"Did you call the children?" I ask, ignoring his previous statement.
"Uh, yeah, about an hour ago."
I don't day anything, but close the kitchen cabinet and start to head upstairs, "Did you call them?" He asks.
"Of course I called them. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't call my own children?" I say, not stopping.
I hear him sigh beneath me, "I don't want to fight with you Luci, I just asked you a question."
"And I answered your question. I'm going through the picture albums tomorrow so I suggest that you get whatever you want now."
I close the door and lock it and fall into the big bed. I find the strength to climb into my pajamas and eye the box that Justin so lovingly placed in my room. I spot the other flat boxes that still needed to be assembled against the wall by the TV. I grab the box labeled 'Luci' and throw it on the bed before I climb under the sheets. I open the box dig through the things that Justin had thrown in there.
It looks like he went through the closet in the foyer. There are a few pictures, some little toys of the kids and a couple articles of clothing and shoes. I get down to the bottom where a little teddy bear is located. I smile when I see it. He bought it for me the day we closed on the house. Some stupid little bear that we saw in a card shop while we were driving out here. He scribbled a note on the back of the receipt for the bear and tucked it underneath the bears crossed arms. I think it said something like, 'Always and forever' or 'I'll love you forever' or something like that; I can't remember. The note isn't there anymore.
I pack the box back up, neatly this time and place the bear on top of everything else and then close it. I get up to turn off the lights, flip on the TV and then climb back under the sheets. As I try to drift off into sleep, I'm not aware that Justin is downstairs; studying the note that he had written the day he bought me the bear. I'm not aware that he sticks it into his wallet, and I'm not aware that when he passes my door, he places his fingertips against his lips and presses them firmly against the door that seperates us. And he's not aware, that tears are slipping down my cheeks and staining my pillowcase.
My marriage is really over.
