“I need some tea, may I have some tea please?” I asked no one in particular. I’m about ready to have a major panic attack. I go onstage in less than two hours and I already feel a frog in my throat. What if I can’t sing? That’d be almost as bad as if I were to literally blow up when they hear me.
Nobody did anything. Everybody just kept doing what they were doing, they didn’t even look up. I don’t really expect people to do what I say but I really want some tea and I don’t know where to get any. I need some tea. I paced around the room trying to think of a happy thought but I couldn’t come up with anything. Breathe Gianna that might help. I tried to take breaths as if I were going into labor and slid down the wall, sitting down hugging my legs and burring my head in them.
“Are you alright Pooky?”
I shook my head and then looked over to see Justin Timberlake sitting down next to me, “I’m having a panic attack”
“I see that” he said as he rubbed the back of my neck, “It’s alright, calm down”
“It’s hot, I’m like sweating” I said as I pulled my shirt off, luckily I was wearing a tank top underneath because I’m pretty sure I would have pulled it off even if I had nothing on underneath.
“What do you need? Some water or something?” he asked as he fanned me with the paper in his hand, “Can we get some damn water?”
“I can’t breathe” I felt as if I were being smothered
“You’re shaking” he held onto my arms to stop the trembling. I didn’t even know I was shaking. I can’t feel my hands.
“I’m going crazy. Now I’m cold,” I said as I pulled my shirt back over my head, “I can’t breathe”
“Can we get some fucking water?” he shouted this time, “I don’t know what to do Gi, what can I do?”
“I’m going crazy”
“You’re not going crazy sweetie, you’re just nervous,” he said as he handed me a bottle of water, “Drink this”
“I can’t breathe”
“You can breathe just fine. If you couldn’t breathe you couldn’t talk” he’s right, I wouldn’t be able to talk. I took a sip of the water and managed to calm myself down a little. I continued taking deep breathes with my lips pressed together as if I were blowing out a candle.
“I’m ok, I’m alright”
“You’re good” Justin Timberlake said as he rubbed my back, “You’re alright?”
I nodded my head and then realized that I really just had a panic attack in front of Justin Timberlake. Now I feel like I’m going to have another panic attack based on that fact, “Thank you Justin Timberlake,”
“Snuckums” he corrected me with a smile
“I’m just really nervous and…” he broke in before I could continue to try and make up an excuse on why I just had a damn panic attack
“It’s ok, I get it. Don’t worry about it. What do you need?”
“Some tea” I answered softly
He tilted his head closer to mine, “What kind?” he whispered
“Green”
“Can I get some fucking green tea?” he shouted out to anyone, “God, it’s like talking to a fucking wall here” I couldn’t help but laugh, “Shh” he whispered with a smile, “It won’t work if you can’t keep a straight face”
“Sorry” I said and quickly wiped the smile off my face
“You have to be stern. Don’t ask, you tell them” he paused before yelling again, “Where’s my fucking tea?”
“Stop” I laughed, “They’re going to think you’re a diva”
“I am a divo,” he laughed as someone came up and handed him a cup of tea, “Thank you Rachael” he smiled
“You’re welcome jackass”
I laughed as I saw her walk away, “She’s my cousin,” he explained handing me the cup of tea
“Thank you Snuckums”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it” he said as he stood up and then held out his hand to help me up, “I have to get ready for some stuff but you’re good?” I nodded my head, “Alright, I’ll see you later then”
“Thank you”
“Don’t mention it Pooky” he flashed me his pearly whites and walked away.
When I walked to my dressing room I decided it was time for my preshow yoga and Enya. I can’t get over the fact that I had a panic attack in front of Justin Timberlake. It’s not like I haven’t had them before but I’ve never had them in front of Justin Timberlake. Usually I can just call Maggie and she’ll calm me down, but Justin Timberlake was able to calm me down himself, that’s impressive.
It’s hard to focus on Enya when I am literally going to be in front of 20,000 people trying to remember the words to my own songs. I know it’s normal to be nervous but I really think I’m going a little overboard.
“Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows, only time?” I heard someone singing along with the music and looked under my legs while in the downward facing dog position to see Justin Timberlake doing yoga along with me
I laughed as I stood up straight and turned the music off, “What are you doing?”
“Sorry” he laughed, “I didn’t mean to interrupt”
“It’s ok,” I said softly
“I just wanted to check in quick, make sure you’re doing ok” that’s really sweet. I know for a fact he has a million things he has to do today before the show and I can’t believe he actually took the time to come to my dressing room and make sure I was ok. Not even to mention he had the time to sit and coach me through my panic attack
“Yeah” I nodded my head, “Thanks for everything, I’m so embarrassed”
“Nah, no way. It’s fine, it happens to the best of us. Just remember the feeling when you go out there and then you won’t get nervous anymore” he paused and smiled, “Alright Pooky? You got this under control”
I nodded my head, “Thank you”
“Alright. Break a leg” I never understood why people say break a leg. What if I were to literally break a leg? Then he’d feel bad because he told me to, “Not literally” he chuckled, “Have a good show”
Before I knew it I was standing backstage listening to screaming kids. The longer we waited the louder they got and the more nervous I was. I looked in a mirror by the stage and saw for the first time how ridicules my makeup really looks. I know Stacy, the stylist, told me that it’s supposed to be really bright and that’s why it’s called stage makeup, but the truth is there’s no way in hell this is normal from even the last row. I don’t usually wear much makeup, and when I do I go for the natural look. We’ll have to fix that up for the next show.
I think I might have another panic attack, but this time it will be in front of 20,000 people. Johnny came over to me and gave me a quick hug and wished me luck. I couldn’t really hear him. But then someone came over to me and handed me a shot of something, “Justin wanted to give you this” I noticed it was his cousin Rachael.
“Thank you, tell him I said thank you”
She nodded her head and smiled, “Have a good show”
“Thanks” I said as I quickly swallowed the tequila as the lights went out and it was my cue to go on stage. I took a deep breath and sat down at the piano closed my eyes and started playing. Everyone went quiet… well I think everyone went quiet. It is possible that I’m just zoned out completely I can’t hear the booing. I finished the song, smushed my eyes, nose and mouth together and took a deep breath before opening my eyes. I heard them clapping so then I opened them wide and saw people were actually getting into it. OK, honestly everyone isn’t, a lot of people are looking at me like I’m crazy but that’s what I expected.
“What’s up Memphis?” I looked around and did my best not to hide my head in the piano like Justin Timberlake said. But he was right, I’m not nervous anymore, “My name is Gianna Gibralda and I know you’re all here for Justin Timberlake, right?” everyone screamed louder than I thought possible, “Yeah, that’s right” I laughed, “He’ll be on soon don’t worry, I just need to warm ya’ll up for him is that alright?” they cheered, now I know as long as I mention Justin Timberlake I’ll be all set. “This next song I actually wrote with Justin Timberlake” they went crazy and I laughed, “I didn’t really. It’s called For You”
I managed to successfully finish the show. Justin Timberlake was right; there is no feeling like it. Some of the kids really got into it. Some of the kids looked like they were bored out of their minds. I didn’t really expect everyone to go crazy so I think it was very successful. Although I didn’t blow up as soon as they heard me, not literally (thank goodness) or figuratively.
As soon as I got backstage Johnny met me with a big hug, “Amazing Gianna, you did amazing”
“Thank you,” I said as I grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat on my face, “It was awesome”
“I bet, I’m proud of you sweetie. You did a great job. The buses are going to leave right after Justin’s set. So if you want to just hang around, take a shower, just make sure you’re on the bus when he does the encore” I nodded my head, is he insinuating that I need to shower? Do I really smell that bad?
I kept walking and everyone congratulated me, then I saw Justin walking towards the stage. He gave me a quick smile, “I hear you brought the house down”
“Not literally, it’s still there”
He laughed, “Congratulations, it feels good huh?”
I nodded my head, “Thanks for the tequila”
, He nodded his head and smiled; “I’ll see you tomorrow” he winked at me before walking to the stage.
I took a deep breath, I thought now that I’ve successfully performed in front of 20,000 people I’d be able to deal with a little wink. But of course the hives were ready and stronger than ever. He looks very handsome in his stage clothes. And he definitely isn’t wearing crazy makeup like I am.
I walked back to my dressing room silently praising myself for being able to get through the whole show without another panic attack. One a day is plenty enough.
Author's Chapter Notes:
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