“I’m just saying that it’s a little much,” I said as I looked in the mirror at the makeup Stacy had just finished putting on me
“And I’m just saying that it’s how you have to do it” she said with a laugh, “Gianna, I’ve been doing this for thirteen years”
“I highly doubt that”
She gave me a death stare and then laughed, I really thought she was going to kill me, “Why do you highly doubt that?”
“You’re like twenty six,” I said as I tried to wipe off some of the gunk on my face
“I’m thirty three, but thank you” she smiled.
I turned around and looked at her, she looks much younger. I shrugged, “I still think it’s too much”
“I’m telling you it’s called stage makeup and it has to be big or no one will see it. I’ll go stand in the audience when you’re doing sound check and I’ll tell you if it looks crazy”
I took a deep breath and walked to the stage and she followed me closely. She’s not going to tell me if I look crazy. I sat down at the piano and checked the microphones and my ear thingies… I don’t even know what they’re called, “What are these ear thingies called?”
“It’s a monitor” one of the guys said to me as if I were an idiot. A monitor. That sounds so plain and boring. I’d rather call them ear thingies. I sang a song, stopping a few times to get the sound right, and of course to tell Stacy to keep walking.
I finished the sound check and met Stacy halfway “It looks great”
I rolled my eyes and turned around, “You have to say that. I feel stupid”
“You look great. Get over it Gianna, that’s how you do it”
“Why doesn’t Justin Timberlake have to do that?”
“He does. He wears a lot of makeup on stage”
I pouted and she laughed. There’s no way I’m going to win this argument but I’m also not giving in that easily. I’ll just need more time to do more research and plan my argument accordingly, “Thank you” I said as I left her and went into the bathroom to clean the goop off my face.
As I walked out I saw Justin Timberlake talking to one of the dancers, I think it was Kenny. It definitely wasn’t Brett. He smiled when he saw me and said goodbye to Kenny, “I’ve been looking for you all day. We haven’t talked since you went on; I want to hear how you think it went. Did you eat yet?”
“No”
“Do you want to? I have a half an hour before a meet and greet”
“Sure”
“Alright, cool” he said as we walked to the catering area, “So how was it? How did it feel?”
“Amazing. I had so much fun”
“Yeah, they loved you. Did you read the review?” he asked as he pulled a newspaper clipping from his pocket
“No, you said not to read the reviews” I’m beginning to think I’m supposed to do the complete opposite of everything he says
He chuckled, “You just don’t read them when they’re bad” he held it out for me. Does that mean he thought that my review was going to be bad? And how are you supposed to know if it’s going to be good or bad? My psychic powers are not that strong just yet. He’d probably say you’re supposed to have someone else look at it first. I’m no rocket scientist but I’d quickly know what it means when I don’t get a review one morning. “Don’t you want to read it?”
I shook my head, “Not really”
“Alright, it’s cool” he said as he put it back in his pocket
“Thanks though”
“No problem” he said as he grabbed a forkful of macaroni, “So are you more calm or still nervous?”
“Oh, I’m still nervous. But as soon as I got out there I felt fine. Plus that tequila was a help”
“Yeah, tequila is always helpful” he laughed
“Dude,” one of the dancers came running over as if he just saw Elvis at the gas station, “Etta James is coming to the show tonight”
“What?” I heard myself shout and then it started happening again. I couldn’t breathe, I got hot, I felt myself shaking. Here comes panic attack number 2 in front of Justin Timberlake.
“Why would you tell her that?” Justin Timberlake shouted as he handed me the bottle of water, “It’s ok Gigi,”
“I can’t breathe, I’m going to throw up”
“Relax. I looked up what to do last night. You have to relax and tell yourself you’re relaxed and you can breathe. If you couldn’t breathe you couldn’t talk and you can talk”
“I’m going to throw up”
“You’re ok. You can handle this. Close your eyes and breathe, take deep breathes, and picture something else. Picture yourself on the beach somewhere all alone with the waves crashing”
I opened my eyes to look at him, is he crazy? “Etta FUCKING James, Justin Timberlake”
“I know, I know. Raise your hands over your head and then put them down, do it over and over again”
“What?” I shouted, “Where are you getting this shit from? I can’t breathe”
“Yes you can,” he said as he started to massage my neck, “Just relax. Count to ten with me, come on. One, two three”
I feel like he’s crazy but I’ll give it a shot, “four, five, six, seven”
“Slow down, not so fast. Eight, nine, ten” he paused and made me take a sip of water, “Now breathe with me, take deep breathes”
“I sing her song,” I said as I continued taking deep breathes, I’m calming down a little at least, “I sing At Last. I can’t do it tonight. I have to change my set list”
“No, no you don’t. That’s why she’s here”
“I can’t”
“You have to Pooky, she wants to hear it”
I nodded my head and took one last deep breath; I think I’m ok now. But then I remembered that I just had panic attack number 2 in front of Justin Timberlake, as well as about twenty other people that were eating their dinner. “Oh gosh, I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry,” I said as I stood up and went back to my dressing room. Maybe I should stay in here all the time and then I’ll have my panic attacks in private. Justin Timberlake must think I’m a complete nutcase… I kind of am.
I lit the candles that are supposed to calm me down when I heard a knock on the door. It opened a few seconds later and Justin Timberlake was standing in front of me, “Can I come in?” I nodded my head and he walked in closing the door behind himself, “You don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s not that big of a deal”
“I’ve been on this tour for two days and I’ve had two panic attacks, and both of them were in front of you, Justin Timberlake”
“So what? I’m glad I was there and I could calm you down a little”
I nodded my head, part of me was glad he was there too. But I still feel like a crazy person, “I’m just not used to this”
“I get it, you don’t have to explain,” he said as he sat down on the couch. I sat down next t him and we both sat in silence for a few seconds, “Do you have any medication or anything?” I shook my head, “Did you ever go to the doctor?”
I nodded my head, “She said to do yoga and light candles”
He let out one of those chuckles like he couldn’t believe that was the doctor’s solution. I’m not really big on medicine anyway, but it is kind of a lame excuse, “Maybe you should try another doctor” I nodded my head, “I found a website though. It said to relax your body and focus on each body part to figure out where the tension is. In case you have another one when you’re all alone. Just close your eyes, think of something else, and breathe. Relax your body and tell yourself over and over again that it’s not a big deal and you’re going to be alright”
“You found a website?” like Justin Timberlake did research to help me with my panic attacks? I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand it’s sweet that he went to the trouble, but on the other hand he went to all that trouble. He’s busy, and he had to go google panic attack solutions to help his crazy opening act.
“Well yeah. I like to be in control” he smiled, “I don’t like not being able to do anything. It got me worried” he finished quietly
My panic attacks even worry Justin Timberlake, “You don’t have to worry, I’ll be alright. It’s just one of the perks of taking me on tour with you”
“It’s worth it” he smiled as he slapped my leg before standing up, “I have to go Pooky, but I’ll check in later alright?”
“You don’t have to. I’ll be alright”
“Nah, I want to” he smiled again as he walked to the door, “Later Pooks”
Author's Chapter Notes:
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