I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around and say,

That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

“Dani, Baby pick up the phone please. I know you’re sitting there on the couch screening phone calls because Mama told me she just spoke to you… Look I know you don’t want to talk to me right now but I just want you to know I’m sorry for last night. You know how I get when it comes to all that bullshit Baby. Just call me later if you want to Bay, if not I’ll be at Trace’s tonight. Give Chase a kiss for me please? Tell him Daddy loves him… I love you baby, I need you. Don’t do this to me, I made a mistake.”

I couldn’t pick up the phone when I saw it was him on the line, I didn’t have the strength to face him after what happened, I couldn’t find any words to say. I couldn’t do anything to choke back the tears as the memories from the night before flooded back into my mind. I had been sitting there all day staring at the broken glass on the floor and the broken table in the middle of the room, not having the guts to get up and relive everything when I cleaned it up. He was always sorry; he always felt bad the day after.

“Baby please don’t do this tonight, I’m sorry Jay! Please, you’re going to wake up the baby.” Staring into the enraged blue eyes of my fiancé from across the room, I was scared for my life. As I was crouched in the corner I could tell the begging angered him even more than him coming home and finding that I wasn’t there.

“Sorry Dani? You’re fucking sorry? I know you were with him, don’t lie to me.” He stalked across the room slowly in a drunken rage and stopped when he got to the coffee table. I knew what was coming next because it happened almost weekly; Justin grabbed the heavy mahogany table by the edge and flipped it, and every valuable on top of it. I watched as they met the hardwood floor with a crash that would scare anyone.

“I went to pick up Chase and ran into him Justin. For fuck’s sake, nothing happened.” I knew I shouldn’t have said that and I immediately regretted it once the vase from the mantle came crashing into the wall, barely missing my face.

“You brought my fucking son around that asshole? It’s not enough that you fucked him behind my back for a year Danielle, you had to bring the one thing that matters most to me around him?” That’s when his hand met with my face, and like the tough bitch I pretended to be, I took the hits that came after that, just like I took them all the time.

“I’m sorry.” I managed to squeak out when he was done with his weekly beating session.

“Sorry? You’re nothing but a little slut Dani. I should have listened when everyone told me not to be with your ass; you cheated on Rick to be with me, I don’t know what made me think you’d change. It’s the money right baby? You want me for my fucking money you whore. God I should leave your pathetic ass.”

“Please don’t Baby, you’re all I have…” And I watched as he ignored me and surveyed the damage he had done to our living room before walking upstairs into our bedroom. I need that man more than anything, which is why I didn’t get up and follow him; I knew to give him his space. And I knew that soon we’re going to be doing it all over again.

I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)

I take the beatings because I know he loves me, and I know he loves our son. I take the beatings because I know that the next day he’ll be the man I fell in love with back when I was just 18 and he was 21. I take the beatings because I know he doesn’t mean any word that he says to me when he’s drunk and angry. The second he wakes up in the morning after his outbursts the first thing he does is tell me he loves me and he’s sorry, and I know he’s being sincere.

He was never always that way though. We were the ‘it’ couple. When Justin and Britney broke up I was the girl he confided in and I ended up being the girl who mended his heart back to normal. I wasn’t accepted by his friends, or his fans, at first; at first people didn’t accept the fact that I’m black and a lot of his friends told him I was bad news because when Justin and I started to date I was seeing someone else (for two years). In their eyes, young girls play games, but Jay had faith in me. Everyone doubted us until I got the balls to break it off with Rick and be with Justin exclusively. Everyone wanted to know about us, everyone wanted a love like ours, everyone wanted to be us; Justin Timberlake and Danielle Lewis were madly in love and everyone was envious of what they had.

But all that’s changed, it’s been downhill since I gave birth to Chase, and that was three years ago. Everyone sees Justin as some hot ticket for a companion, and at times he is, but I know the other side of Justin that not even his Mama knows about. I used to be so in love with this man; I used to go through hell and back just to be with him, that love is fading though. How do you love someone, the way you did when you first met, that breaks you down mentally and physically because of his insecurities? That what all of this abuse is, Justin’s insecurities. He comes off as this totally secure person, but I know that he sometimes cries at night when he’s nervous about a new project. I know that he gets so nervous about new albums and new tours that he throws up for days. I know that he’s so worried about fucking up as a father and a husband that he drinks himself into oblivion with his boys at least once a week. Justin isn’t as ‘in touch’ with himself as he appears to be in interviews and in front of everyone else.

I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid,

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

Justin is everything to me, right up there with Chase; they’re the only family I have left after my aunt who raised me died from Breast Cancer. Chase loves his Daddy; Justin can do no wrong in his eyes. There have been times where Chase wakes up in the middle of a dispute and starts to scream from a nightmare and Justin and does a complete 180 and goes running to his boy’s side. I should leave Justin, I should take Chase and leave his ass high and dry, but I can’t. I was taken from my mother when I was Chase’s age and have held a grudge ever since I was old enough to understand, I couldn’t do that to Chase. I’ve thought about just leaving by myself and letting Justin raise him, he has the money to do it alone, but every time I pack my bags and drop Chase off with Lynn I get cold feet and turn right back around.

So don’t ask me why I walked up the staircase and headed towards our bedroom to pack my clothes. I knew I was going to get cold feet again, so I didn’t understand why I was throwing everything I can get my hands on into one of Justin’s Louis Vuitton suitcases and headed out to the white Range Rover he bought me as an ‘I’m sorry’ gift a few months ago. I sat the driver’s seat and immediately I remember the exact fight that made him go out the next day and buy me the SUV.

“Why the fuck is he calling you still Danielle? What does he want with you?” I looked up from giving Chase his bed time bath and saw that the ID on my cell phone was displaying Mark’s number.

“I don’t know Jay; I haven’t spoken to him in a while.” That wasn’t a good enough answer for him though because he yanked me up by my arm and brought me into our bedroom.

“Bullshit Dani. Trace told me he saw you with him the other day at lunch, so don’t fucking lie to me.”

“I fucking work with him Justin, I can’t just avoid him like you want me to because you’re afraid he’s going to steal me away again. Get over yourself. Tell your loser ass friends to stop spying on me and to get a real job.” When I went to go check on Chase, who Justin made me leave alone in the bath tub, he grabbed my arm roughly and grasped my face tightly in his right hand.

“You fucking slut. I can’t believe you.”

“Let me go.”

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do Danielle.”

“Do you want your son to drown Justin? Get the fuck off of me before…”

“Before you what? Call the cops? Go ahead, be my guest.” He knew me better than that. Justin knew that he could do whatever he wanted to me and I would never tell anyone because I was too ashamed to admit that I was weak. He left the room to check on Chase and I slammed the door shut behind him. Sinking down against the wall I cried myself to sleep without knowing, until I felt tiny hands graze over my face.

“Mommy, no cry. Daddy sorry, he said so.” It only made me cry harder knowing that Chase knew what was going on. Justin heard Chase say that to me from the other side of the door, he told me that the next day when he came home with the car. “I promise you baby things will be different from now on.”

I sat in front of Lynn’s house watching Chase sleep soundly in his car seat, and I held back tears. She must have seen me sitting outside of her house because I heard light knocking on the window. I immediately smiled when I saw the grin that was plastered on her face, and then I got out of the car to embrace her into one last hug.

“What’s going on baby girl? You didn’t tell me you were coming over before.”

“I know Ma, it was spur of the moment. Can you take Chase for the day? Justin will pick him up later tonight. One of my friend’s parent’s died, so I’m driving to San Francisco to stay with her for a few days.” She looked at me skeptically and nodded.

“Hand my baby over.” I hesitated to give Chase to her, knowing that it would probably be the last time I saw him for a while, but I didn’t cry because I didn’t want her to find out.

When I pulled back into the driveway of our house to grab my bags I saw Justin’s Rubicon sitting in the spot my Range Rover had been minutes before. I knew that he would have seen the bags by the door by then, and didn’t really want to go inside to face the music. Again, I sat outside in the driveway until I saw him stare idly out the living room window at me; it was now or never.

“You leaving me Dani?” He wasn’t drunk, thank God.

“Justin, I can’t take it anymore.” I could see the tears brimming in his eyes.

“I told you I’m sorry Baby. Please don’t do this to me, I can’t lose you two.”

“You’re losing me Justin, not Chase. He’s at Mama’s.”

“You were just going to leave without telling anyone?”

“That’s what I had planned. I can’t deal with the abuse anymore Jay. I’m sorry.”

“So am I Danielle. Please, I’ll stop drinking. I’ll let you see Mark if that’s what you need. I’ll do anything to keep you. I need you Baby, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to our family…” He was on his knees at my feet by then, and it was pathetic.

“It’s too late Justin, sorry doesn’t cut it anymore.” I couldn’t fight back the tears any longer. Who was I kidding? I didn’t have the strength to up and leave my boys, especially when one of them was on his hands and knees begging me to stay.

“Dani…” From the moment I walked into the front door I hadn’t made eye contact with him, until then. I broke down completely when I saw his blue eyes ridden with tears and heartache.

“One more shot Justin…” He stood up and embraced me into a huge hug and we both stood there and cried.

“I’m sorry baby, I won’t hurt you again. I love you."

“I know you do.”

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...