Let's Get Lifted Again

After Nakia told me she wanted to stop the treatments, we spent the day, once again, explaining to Josie and everybody else. They all understood, but Josie was angry with her for a while. Confused and shocked like I was, she turned away from Kia and claimed she didn't love her if she was choosing to die. It took a month, but Josie slowly but surely accepted her mother's decision, and we were grateful. I don't think Kia could've handled the stress Josie was causing her.

The rest of our time was spent with ups and downs. Nakia had her good days, when she wasn't as weak and could get out of bed without help. We enjoyed those good days, staying in and watching movies. We'd have some quality family time wrestling each other and talking about how our days went. In those moments, the reality of Nakia's illness disappeared. She was just Nakia again, happy and smiling like she always did.

But when the bad days came along, everybody felt it. There was a sadness that came over us. Nakia would stay in bed for a majority of the day. I'd cater to her every need. Food. Comfort. I even helped her go to the bathroom because she was too sick to get up on her own. I never realized how fragile she was until days like that came along. I always saw the strong, independent Nakia. This pale, dependent woman was a stranger to me.

I never said that though. It would break Kia's heart, I'm sure. She hated it. Those times where she'd shamefully call for me when she needed to bathe or get dressed. Her guilt was visible as well as her embarrassment. I understood. I couldn't imagine putting Nakia in my position. Having to serve her and put my career on hold. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it. I'm not complaining. Nakia means the world to me, so an album can wait. But she didn't see it that way, she felt like I was giving up my life for her.

Yet, she fails to realize that she is my life. When we got married, I met it when I said for better or for worse and through sickness and in health. Besides, I owed it to her. She's forgiven me for the ultimate betrayal. When I got the flu, Nakia risked her own health to stay at home and baby me for three weeks. She does the same for Josie and everybody else in our lives. All she does is give and give, so I've decided to give back.

"Justin?" I looked up from the stove and smiled as Nakia pulled up a stool at the counter and sat.

"Mornin', babe," I greeted cheerfully, "Havin' a good one?" She nodded and grinned. Nakia's tiny arms stretched above her head and she yawned.

"Those pills are helping," she explained, "More red blood cells mean more energy." I chuckled lightly as she repeated the phrase from the commercial.

"Good, good," I said, "Since Josie's at Chris's house, we can have the day all to ourselves." I poured the eggs whites I had been scrambling into a plate and placed some wheat bread toast on the side of it. I picked it up and made my way over to Kia. After placing it in front of her, I strolled toward the fridge for some orange juice.

"What do you have planned for us?" Kia questioned, curiously. I smirked and grabbed a glass, filling to the brim. I sipped it down so it wouldn't spill over and placed the orange juice carton back into the fridge. I shrugged and placed the cup in front of Nakia. She thanked me and began to eat.

"I was thinking that we could just chill, ya know? Watch a lifetime movie." Nakia giggled.

"You hate those things." I grabbed the box of POPS cereal off the counter and began to munch on its contents.

"Yeah, but you don't," I said through a mouthful, "I love you enough to sit through it." Nakia smiled and licked her lips.

"Okay, sounds like fun," she agreed, "But I wanna play video games first." I laughed and kissed her cheek.

"That's my girl." Kia laughed and continued to eat. We talked here and there about miscellaneous things before we started our day. We took a walk for exercise. The dogs were happy about that and the weather was great. That lasted for an hour before we headed back home. After playing an intense game of Halo 2, we moved onto virtual golf. Nakia lost and I won, as usual. We settled for Chinese food as dinner that night. Nakia wanted to cook, but I would've felt guilty about letting her work over a hot stove.

Anyways, our relatively calm night ended with a lifetime movie. I rolled my eyes a million times at the rerun episode of "She's Too Young", but did get my heartstrings pulled a few times. Nakia headed upstairs afterwards to shower and I went up after her. As she showered, I waited in our bedroom, keeping an ear out for any tumbling noises. I knew that Nakia was having a good day, but the last thing I wanted was for her to hurt herself.

If you haven't noticed, I've become quite paranoid lately. Always checking that she's breathing in the middle of the night. Making sure she took all of her pills and did her exercises. I knew I could be a pain sometimes, but my heart's in the right place.

Nakia suddenly came into view as she emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. She removed the scarf that had been covering up her buzzed head. My eyes traveled down her glistening shoulders and followed the curves that formed her hips. They weren't as full as they were before. During the treatments, Nakia lost a lot of weight. I noticed that her once cushioned joints, stuck out more. She gained some back these pass few weeks, but she's not the same.

But her beauty hasn't changed. Even though she loss all of her long, black hair, she wore her short cut beautifully. She was extremely self-conscious about it though, only revealing her head behind close doors to me and Josie. No matter how many times we've assured her of the beauty she had, she still hated her appearance. I liked her hair though. The way it bristled when I ran my hand over it tickled my finger tips.

"What?" I heard Nakia say with a smile as she rubbed her lotion over her arms. I breathed in the intoxicating scent of freesia and smiled.

"A guy can't check out his beautiful wife?" She blushed and turned her back to me.

"I guess," she mumbled and I could sense her sadness. She didn't believe me.

"You're gorgeous, Kia," I assured, "Don't doubt that." I was met by a sigh before she faced me with a roll of her eyes.

"You're my husband, you're suppose to say that." I tilted my head to the side and gave her a sympathetic look.

"If I wasn't your husband, I'd still be like 'Damn, who's that fine piece of mama over there?'" She laughed and walked over to the bed. I watched as she untied her towel, allowing it to fall to the floor. Her hands gently picked up the silk night gown I had laid out for her. She paused her movements as my hand reached out and took the piece of clothing from her hands. As I stood, my eyes traveled up her body, smelling that soap and lotion that had been on her skin.

I wanted her. I've been wanting her for months, but with everything going on, sex wasn't even an option. So, why am I standing here, slipping this night gown over her head and down her body, purposely touching her skin at any chance I can get? Because it's a good day.

"Justin?" Nakia breathed as my hands rested on her hips, pulling her closer to me. I didn't respond, instead, I kissed her gently. She returned it softly as I carefully removed one hand from her side and placed it on her cheek. Her arms wrapped around my waist and I deepened the kiss.


Ooh ooh-ooh...oh
Come and go with me
There's so much new to see


Even if this doesn't go anywhere, kissing her is more than enough. It was perfect. Beautiful. Full of love. Everything Nakia.


Get high with me
Come fly with me


I felt Nakia's small hands rest on my stomach. She gripped the material of my t-shirt and pulled it upward. I broke our kiss momentarily to help her remove it. I had to fight off the primitive urge to tackle her to the bed, like I had done so many times before.

"Are you sure?" I asked worriedly.

"Justin, we haven't touched each other in months," Nakia pointed, "If I was going to be sure of anything, it would be this." I let out an exaggerated sigh and kissed her neck.

"Thank God," I said between kisses, "'Cause I'm starting to become immune to cold showers." She giggled and crawled into the bed. I watched as her hips swaggered during her cat-like prowl across the mattress.

"C'mon, Jay," Nakia called playfully, "I can't do this by myself." I laughed and joined her on the bed. I hovered over her tiny frame and grinned.

"You actually could, ya know." I teased, "I wouldn't mind watching." Kia rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I do something once for your birthday and I never hear the end of it." Kia complained, jokingly. I chuckled and kissed her tenderly.


Ooh I want you so
I'm about to lose control


When I felt her hand make its way inside of my boxers, I nearly fell over. Nakia's free hand pressed against my chest and I flipped onto my back as she crawled on top of me. Her hands ran over my abs slowly as she stared at my body curiously as if she hadn't seen it before. I could feel the elastic ban of my boxers being peeled away from my waist by her small fingers and dragged down my legs.


Get high with me
Come fly with me...ooh...


Before I had a chance to protest, Kia's mouth was on me. I took in a breath as the warm wetness of her tongue swirled around me, arousing me more and more. My hands subconsciously rested on her head, moving up and down with her movements. She suddenly stopped and sat up. I watched as she removed her night gown and revealed her naked flesh again.


So much...
So much I wanna show you


I raised myself upward and gripped her waist, pulling her up to me. Her knees rested on either side of me and she moaned when my mouth cupped her breast. My hand began to knead her and she panted softly. I wasn't the type to rush, but I needed her.


Hey...so much...ooh
So much I wanna show you


Nakia lifted herself up momentarily, allowing me to adjust myself inside of her. When our bodies finally connected, the heat from her caught me by surprise. Going months without physical intimacy strengthened the sensation that vibrated through my body in that instant. It felt like it was the first time all over again.


Ooh...
Get high with me
Come fly me


That night was wonderful. Beautiful. Fantastic. Indescribable. It took two months before we made love again, and that was the last time. Kia's body had broken down two weeks later. That's why I'm in this hospital now. The cancer came back stronger than ever and literally knocked the wind out of her.

At first, the transition from home to being permanently hospitalized was quite difficult for us. For obvious reasons. Nakia wouldn't sleep because she was so uncomfortable. But eventually, she became accustom to her surroundings and embraced the doctors and nurses that walked by everyday and greeted her.

I didn't.

Don't get me wrong, Nancy's been great. But sometimes I feel like they're mocking me, ya know? When they come up the hall, all smiles, and have the audacity to ask you how you're feeling. What the hell do they think I'm feeling? I'm crushed. I'm dying inside. My wife is slipping away from me.

But I don't say that, of course. I smile and say I'm hanging in there. They're satisfied with my answer and move on to their next victim. I mean, patient. I know, I'm bitter. Some part of me still believes that those doctors could've tried a bit harder to help her.

Didn't they see how desperate I was? I even tried to bribe the doctors to move her up on the liver transplant list, but they refused. They claimed that they couldn't get a donor that quick, even with the money. Nakia wouldn't have lived long enough to see her liver, so that plan was out for us.

It's been a year though. The doctors gave her three months when we first entered the hospital. They were all convinced that she wasn't strong enough to fight this cancer. But they don't know my Kia. That's why she's still here.

"Justin. . ." I became fully alert as I turned my attention to Nakia. I got up from the windowsill I had been sitting on and strolled over to her bedside.

"What's up?" I asked softly, "You thirsty?" She shook her head and rested her hand on top of mine. I took that as a sign of her wanting me closer so I sat in the chair I had pulled up earlier.

"I was just thinking," Kia began, ". . .about that time when we went to Six Flags. Remember how I lost my cell phone when we were riding on Nitro?" I chuckled and nodded as the memory flooded my brain.

"How could I forget?" I questioned, "You were freaking out." She chuckled and smiled softly.

"You had on this orange t-shirt and these green cargo pants that I hate." I smiled.

"I still don't know why," I complained, "They were cute." Nakia wrinkled her nose.

"To a blind man," she mumbled, "But you looked so wonderful in them."

"Is that what you were thinking about all that time?" I laughed. She smirked and shrugged.

"I don't know. I was staring at you and that popped into my head for some reason."

"Staring at me?" I asked, jokingly, "Damn, do I look that good?" Kia rolled her eyes playfully and sighed.

"I guess I'm just taking you all in." she admitted. We sat there in an awkward silence. Our playful conversation took a turn into something depressive as I realized that this might be the last time I see her too.

"I know what you mean," I told her, "I've been taking you all in for months now." Her tired eyes scanned over my face momentarily before she gripped my hand.

"I'm scared." Kia whimpered as her eyes clouded over with tears, "At first, I was kinda okay with things, but I'm so close now. . ." I didn't know what to tell her. How can you comfort someone who's afraid of dying when you're just as scared as they are?

"Heaven's nice, right?" I stated innocently, "Angels and stuff live there, not to mention the big man himself." She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"I guess," she breathed, "But I like the heaven down here. Our family and friends. Josie. You and me. This is the heaven that I want." I could hear the desperate yearning in her tone and my own heart began to swell with the same desire.

"Kia, you have to take things the way they are. Things happen for a reason." I said, finding myself regurgitating her words.

"You try dying." Nakia hissed as she pulled her blanket over her shoulders, slowly turning so that her back was to me.

"Kia. . ." I began.

"Can you give some time to be alone?" I felt as though she had punched me in my chest. Ever since we came into this hospital, she wanted nothing but me by her side.

"Nakia. . ." I began, only to be interrupted a second time.

"Justin," Kia said, "Please. Just a few minutes alone." I furrowed my brows, ready to fight her on this, but decided against it. The last thing I wanted was for her to upset herself.

So, I did what she asked of me. I got up and left.