Used To Love U

Before I met Nakia, love wasn't my first priority. Women had become something to despise and I wanted to be alone for the rest of my life.

Why?

It's quite simple actually. Cheating. Using. The whole nine yards. You guys know the story of me being heart broken a billion times. You were there when I told Britney to cry me a river and you sent hate letters to Cameron when you found out she ditched me for Jared Leto. I was beaten into submission for a few months before I met someone. Not Nakia. Her name was Heather Donahue. She was a cute blond I met in LA while shopping with my mom on Rodeo Drive. She was a cashier at Tiffany's. I went up to her, ready to purchase my mom's tennis bracelet. She smiled and gave me the usual warm welcome. But there was something about her smile and the way her brown eyes sparkled that caught my eye.

I don't usually go for the "normal" girl. I was too scared to step out of my celebrity box. Logically, she would've been a safe bet. Every celebrity woman I've dated has crushed me in some way, shape or form, so I needed to try something new. See if I could step out of my pattern of heart breaks.

I asked Heather out and she told me she'd be honored. So, from that moment on, we dated. It lasted a year before she turned into the spawn of Satan.


Maybe, it's me, maybe I bore u
No no, it's my fault, cos I can't afford u


At first, I was blind to the game she was running. She started asking me for little things. Groceries. CDs. Pedicures. Then it turned into Gucci bags and Coach sunglasses. The next thing I knew, she became completely dependent. Every finance she had was covered by me. Gas. Electric. Water. I brought her a car. A house. Clothes. Shoes. She maxed out my credit cards in a blink of an eye and she was never once satisfied.


Maybe baby, puffy, jay z
Would all be better for u
Cos all I can do is luv u


But I loved her. I really did. Sure, she was a spoiled, selfish, ungrateful bitch, but she was mine. And she didn't cheat. So, I stupidly kept giving and giving. Not only my money, but my heart.


Baby when I used to luv u
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
I went thru the fire for you, do anything you asked me to


Don't get me wrong, I started to catch on. I started to see the way she'd purposely grab my hand in front of the paparazzi. I noticed how she automatically ran away from the clearance rack and went for the new arrivals. I saw that Wendy's turned into Nobu and that traveling on my private jet and in my fancy cars were more satisfying than being at home with me.


But I tired of livin' this lie
It's getting harder to justify
Realized that I just don't luv u
Not like I used to


Yeah, it hurt. Nobody wants to realize that their check is the only thing keeping someone they love attached. But then I said, fuck it. Fuck Heather. Fuck women in general. And I dropped her like a bad habit.


Maybe, I should rob somebody
So we could, live like Whitney and Bobby
It's probably my fault, my bad, my loss
But u are, above cost
Cos all I could do was luv u


She acted all surprised when I told her I couldn't do it anymore. Like she wasn't using me.

"But Justin," she whined, her fake pout already emerging, "I love you." Ha. Yeah right, bitch.

"You love me?" She nodded earnestly.

"You know I do, baby." If I wasn't raised so well, I would've smacked the white off of her.

"Fine, we can be together," She smiled, "But I can't keep paying for everything. You have to go back to work." That did it. Her cute pout turned into a scowl and she rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips in the process.

"I thought you loved me," I raised a brow.

"What's love got to do with it?" She huffed and swung her hair over her shoulder. The inner snob in her was revealing itself.

"If you love me, then you have to take care of me." She had to be the most ridiculous woman I've ever met.


Do you remember when I used to luv u
Baby, no, not anymore, luv u
Ooohhhh, I luv u
And you're gonna miss me now


"Get out." I demanded. Her eyes widened in shock and I mocked her expression.

"You're kidding, right?" She was completely dumbfounded.

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" Heather stood there for a moment, staring at me in disbelief.

"Fine, I don't need you."

"The feeling's mutual." I said, allowing my smartass smirk to spread across my face.

"You're gonna regret letting me go." Was she serious?

"Uh huh," I said drily, "I'll worry about that when it happens." With that being said, she walked out. Pout in full swing, wearing that Gucci dress I brought her.

I remember sitting down in my room that night, staring up at the ceiling. A feeling of loneliness came over me and for a moment, I wondered if breaking up with Heather was such a good idea.

But that all changed when I was walking into the local Coffee Bean, needing my usual caffeine intake. I was in line, waiting like the other customers. A girl in front of me was frantically searching inside of her purse for something unknown. Her glasses were on the bridge of her nose and the sweater she was wearing was completely unnecessary in the LA weather.

"Next!" the teller called, but this chick didn't move, which pissed me off because I'm not a morning person.

"Sorry," she apologized meekly as she turned to face me, "You can go ahead." I looked at her momentarily, her greens striking me with their intensity before she looked away with a shy smile and rosy cheeks. I smiled softly and moved up to the counter, giving my order. I waited patiently for my drink before hearing the clattering sound of coins. I looked to my left in time to see the girl on her hands and knees trying to gather up her fallen change.

Being the gentleman that I am, I bent over and helped, giving her my pickings. I can never forget the warmth of her hand as it grazed mine softly as she took the coins from my hands.

"Thanks." she said softly, quickly standing along with me, causing our foreheads to collide. I laughed and so did she.

"Sir, your drink." I turned back to the register and payed for my order.

"What do you want?" I asked, suddenly. She looked up at me, shocked.

"Oh, no. I'm fine, really." I wasn't buying her 'I'm okay' deal, so I ordered her a vanilla flavored drink. I handed it to her and payed for that also. She gratefully accepted the drink and we walked out of the store together.

"Justin, by the way." I said, extending my hand to her. She looked at it for a second before smiling warmly and shaking it.

"Nakia."

"How you holdin' up, man?" I was once again dragged out of my state of mind by a pat on my back. I turned and saw JC standing next to me as I stared through the glass at my wife.

"I feel like . . . " I sighed at my loss of words, but JC simply nodded.

"It's okay, man. I know." Actually, he doesn't. He's not married. His wife isn't dying. JC has no idea. But I let him think his words were a comfort to me, out of politeness.

"Thanks, I appreciate everything, Josh." He nodded once more and turned to face.

"Josie misses you." he said, referring to my four-year-old daughter. I had been spending all my time in this hospital, so I asked JC to watch her for me.

"I know, but I can't leave. She needs me." My eyes once again traveled toward the glass, and watched as Nakia's chest moved up and down, praying that the movements wouldn't stop.

"I told her that," JC explained, "But she's four, man. She's afraid that she's losing you too." I looked down at my Nike-covered feet and rubbed my tired eyes.

"I'm . . . " Another sigh fell from my lips, "I'll sleep at home tonight." I relented. JC looked at me sympathetically. He knew that leaving Nakia for tonight was a huge deal to me.

"Why don't I bring her here?" he offered. I looked up at him and smiled weakly.

"I guess she can miss day care," I reasoned, "Besides, I'm sure Nakia misses her." I once again allowed myself to lean against the glass. My heart pounded for a moment when Nakia began to cough again. It only lasted a moment before she went right back to sleep.

"I wish there was something we could do." JC said softly as he turned to the glass also. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry like a bitch in front of JC.

"We just have to make sure she's comfortable," I said, "And just let it happen."