Justin pulls his eyes from the TV as Kate rushes through the room. Two weeks into their ‘deal’ and he had yet to understand why she had made such a big deal about him staying over. Things had slipped pretty smoothly into a schedule. Kate took care of Jonah before two and Justin had him until 9. His sleep patterns weren’t what they used to be, but he was managing. The fact that he had little or nothing on his schedule for the next month definitely helps that situation. But tonight he is looking forward to his first night out since he started sleeping over.
He jumps a little as Kate sets Jonah’s seat with him in it on the couch next to Justin. She provides no explanation, but goes back to her franticness. Justin reaches around the seat to pulls his son from its confines.
“Hey bubba,” he sighs settling Jonah against his chest. Something about his constantly warm body and even breathing always calms Justin down. He flips the channels a couple of times trying to find something interesting that wouldn’t have sudden loud noises. Not finding anything that appeals to him, Justin turns the volume low on s news show and buries his nose in the small amount of hair his son had.
Those words still scared Justin a little. It was real enough when Kate told him she was pregnant and then as he watched her belly slowly grow and he couldn’t deny it when she gave birth, but still. It seems to him that this moment appeared out of thin air and although he was enamored with is son, there were times when he couldn’t convince himself that this was his life. That at 26 he was a father. Had a son with a woman he didn’t love.
Unlike little girls little boys never dream of their future weddings or families, but Justin still had ideas about what it would be like when he did finally have children. But being unmarried and Kate Nickels were never part of those ideas. He had always thought he would grow tired of bachelorhood in his thirties and then find a girl untainted by fame and disappear into family life.
So much for that, he thinks. Jonah emits a tiny yawn and Justin can’t keep the smile off his face. Unideal as it may be, he’s here now and Justin is determined not to fuck this up.
“So the girls are taking me to 7even. I would think we should be home before3, but if not you can cover me right?” Kate announces as she finally slows down enough to speak. Justin struggles to turn his head and keep his firm hold on Jonah. Why he hadn’t noticed how dressed up she was earlier he didn’t know. But her dark jeans and tiny tp definitely aren’t for staying in with Jonah.
“You’re going out?” he verifies. Kate rolls her eyes and gestures to her appearance.
“I’m going out with Trace and Mic tonight,” he states. Kate’s face falls and Justin almost feels guilty. He deserves a night out. He’s been the devoted father/ companion for two weeks. What more can she ask of him?
“You have got to be kidding me Justin! I told you about this two days ago!” she replies. Justin mind tried to locate the conversation, but his lack of sleep and the mundane nature of his life of late make that virtually impossible.
“Sorry if I don’t fucking log everything you say,” he grunts.
“Can’t you just call Trace and cancel?” Kate pleads. Justin closes his eyes and lets out an exaggerated sigh. He slips Jonah back into his seat and stands to face her. He’s harder to battle face on and he knows that.
”Can’t you just call the girls and cancel?” he counters. Jonah lets out a wail in response. Kate flexes her jaw and Justin lifts an eye brow in defiance. Why should her plans be any more important than his?
“Jesus Justin. I haven’t been out since before Jonah was born. Can’t you just go out tomorrow?” she asks softly. He can feel his defenses weakening, but he’s canceled on his friends too many times already. Kate assured him the beginning that having a baby wouldn’t really change their lives, it would be like have the ultimate accessory. Now he cruses himself for actually believing her.
“I’ve already done my required four nights this week Kate. Why didn’t you go out then?” he presses. Her shoulders begin to slump and he knows her wearing her down. Sadly, something he knows how to do so well.
“It’s just one night,” she tries one last time. Justin crosses his arms over his chest. They both stare at each other defiantly waiting for the other to back down. Justin looks over her and for the first time sees more than the pristine clothes. The bags under her eyes and the droop to her mouth stand out and he sighs.
“I’ll just stay,’ she relents. Her small clothe is dropped to the floor unceremoniously and she begins to tug at her jacket. A part of Justin wants to let her stay home, he needs a beer or two and some real conversation. Something other than the contents of Jonah’s last diaper and how many pounds Kate had to lose til she is at her goal weight once again.
Before she can get her arms fully out of her jacket, Justin slumps back into the couch and pulls Jonah back to him. He can’t look at her when he gives in.
“Go on then,” he commands. He hears her movement stop and wait for her to argue. Instead the sound of her hurriedly gathering her things and scurrying out the door is the only response he gets.
When the door slam behind her Jonah jumps against him and begins to build up to his signature wail. Justin jumps from the couch and begins the sequence of movements his mother recently taught him. Starting with a slow rock to the gentle bounce and finally a swinging motion. The noise only gets louder and Justin rushes to the kitchen looking for the only thing he can think of, a bottle.
Justin balances the bottle in one hand and Jonah in the other and thinks of the irony that as an adult he still finds comfort in a bottle from time to time. Jonah cries become broken with is inability catch his breath and Justin can feel his own face start to heat up. He begins the motion cycle again and tried to keep his breathing even. He never thought that another person would have such an effect on him.
When the bottle is finally suitably heated Justin moves back to the living room and attempt to work feeding into the motion cycle. He feels takes a deep breath as Jonah finally accepts the bottle and he can finally hear his own thoughts once more.
He turns on a movie and immediately mutes the volume and cues up the subtitles. If anything he’s read a lot more since Jonah’s been around. He wonders how much longer he and Kate are going to be able to exist at this breaking point. There will never be a moment when he’ll deny that he wasn’t relieved that Kate didn’t want him to do the respectable thing. They would have never survived a marriage and to try would have been a mistake.
Even though they had made that one good decision, something had to change. This wasn’t working. He didn’t like feeling like a stranger in the home where his son lived, but he sure as hell didn’t want to move in with Kate or have her move in with him.
Jonah relaxes and his eyes begin to droop. Justin forgets about the movie for a moment and just stares at his baby. He came at the worst time and maybe not through the best of female choices for Justin, but it didn’t change the fact that they were tied together for life. This thought gave Justin a feeling of importance he could have never comprehended before.
Before Justin can completely revel in the fantastic emotion swelling over him, Jonah wakes again and demonstrates his ability to use his healthy lungs.
“Just when I’m thinking this was easy,” Justin breathes. He props Jonah up against his shoulder and begins to run circles over his tiny back. The noise setlles long enough for him to realize that whatever Jonah had just eaten is now down his back. He closes his eyes slowly and groans deep in his throat. He has to remember to stop wearing clothes he likes around his son. He pulls the now content baby away from his body and places him back into his seat.
“When did puking stop being part of life and start being a fucking nightmare?” he asks the baby. Jonah shakes at a fist at his father. Justin smiles before peeling off his shirt and tossing it in the general direction of the laundry room. He returns to the couch, not taking the time to find a new shirt. It’s not like Jonah cares.
Feeling energized by his son’s retching, he heads towards the kitchen to gather the supplies for the night. Grabbing a couple of bottles, a beer and some towels, he lets his head roll to one side and revels in a moment of quiet. It doesn’t last long before he straightens his shoulders and heads back into the living room.
The night progress in a general blur of formula, muted episodes of 24 and diapers. When Justin finally lays back on the couch at 2:15 he swears it’s just to close his eyes for a moment. Just a small break while Jonah’s asleep. When he opens his eyes again, he feels too energized. He sits up and reaches for the seat. Seeing it empty, panic grips his heart. He did not lose his son.
“Look who’s finally awake,” Kate’s voice muses from the doorway. Justin whips around to face her. She’s dressed for the day and has her hands on her hips.
“What time is it?” Justin demands. Kate rolls her eyes and motions towards the oversized clock on the wall opposite Justin. He glances over and represses a groan when he notices both hands at 12.
“Where the hell is Jonah?” he asks. Kate walks towards the kitchen and Justin reluctantly follows. One of her trademarks is wordlessly leading him from room to room. Leaves him with the feeling that he is constantly following her. Not a feeling he likes.
“I got in around 3 to find you passes out on the couch, your empty beers at you feet and our son awake and hungry,” she says. His eyes narrow when he catches on to the scolding tone in her voice.
“Your not my mother Kate. Stop treating me like a damn child. So I had a couple beers. I would have woken up when he cried,” he defends. She sighs and pushes a sup of coffee towards him. He pushes it back.
“I’m not hung over,” he repeats. She turns and pours the coffee down the drain.
“So you think. But who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t gotten home,” she muses. The smile on her face isn’t the right match for the words coming out of her mouth.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have gone out in the first place,” Justin fires back. She remains calm and Justin wants to know why.
“I called my father this morning,” she beings. Justin throws his hands in the air. And here it goes.
“Why the hell would you call that self righteous ass?” he asks. Kate looks offended, but Justin knows she thinks the same of the man. The man who told her when she wanted to be an actress that she was no better than a whore. A real nice guy.
“I thought he might be able to help us,” she answers. Justin’s eyes grow wide in amazement. Not only did she call the bastard, she asked him for help?
“What could he possibly do for us? Other than tell me again what a failure I am for not making an honest woman of you while you sit to the side and hold back the information that you are the one that refused to get married?” Justin rambles. Kate walk from the kitchen towards the rustlings in Jonah’s room. Justin once again is left with not option, but to follow. She pauses at the door and Justin eases by her to pick up their son first. He gently lifts him from his bassinet and lays him on the changing table. He needs something to pour a little of the energy this anger has given him into.
“My father has a contact in the child development department at UCLA,” Kate informs him. Justin leans down to blow a raspberry on Jonah’s bare stomach as she pauses.
“There’s a graduate student there doing her thesis on early cognitive development and how its linked to the parents profession,” Kate explains. Justin lifts Jonah from the changing table and cradle him in the crook of his arm, like a tiny football of a person.
“I’m really not seeing how this has anything to do with us,” he replies. Kate holds up a finger signaling that she’s getting there.
“She’s willing to nanny for us part time if we let her use the experience for her thesis,” she finishes. Justin’s mouth purses together almost painfully as the truth slowly leeks out. He shakes his head slowly and pushes past Kate and begins his journey back to the living room.
“I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you Kate. I do not want to hire a fucking nanny. If you don’t think you can handle Jonah full time than my mom is more than happy to help out,” he states. He places Jonah is his seat and buckles him in, tugging at the straps to make sure they’re secure.
“Your mom lives in Tennessee half the time Justin. What the hell are we supposed to do when she’s not here?” she demands. Justin stands up with the seat linked on his bent arm.
“She said she would be more than happy to live here full time until we have a better handle on Jonah,’ he informs her. Kate grits her teeth.
“I don’t want to rely on your mother like that Justin. I’ll feel guilty every time I drop him off, like I’m passing my kid off,” she argues. Justin’s eyes widen. He wishes she would just see that his mom Is trying to help, more than he can say about her parents. Who haven’t even seen the kid yet.
“How is handing him to a stranger any better?” he demands. Kate takes a deep breath.
“I actually know the girl. We went to prep school together when we were younger. And besides, its not like I would just hand him off, she would just be here so I, you could get things done during the day and then a couple nights a week so we wouldn’t have to relive last night again,” she says. Justin feels his teeth grit. He doesn’t even need to hear what she’s going to say next.
“You already hired the girl,” he states. Kate raise her eye brows defiantly. He feels his free hand form a fist involuntarily.
“Then you sure as hell don’t need me here four nights a week,” He states. He begins to head for the door and turns around one last time before leaving.
“I’m going to be taking Jonah a couple days a week now and I don’t want anything to do with your fucking nanny,” he seethes. He opens the front door and takes a couple of deep breaths of the outside air. Jonah begins to grunt in his seat and Justin heads towards his car. He hates that Kate feels he can do that kind of shit without talking to him. One of the downsides to not making an honest woman of her.
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
