There are very few sureties in Kate’s life at the moment. One has something to do with the fact that women’s underwear are far more fun to look at than wear and another, one more recently acquired, is that there are far too many toys in the world.
She stares up at the seemingly monstrous shelf and wonders how if there were a proverbial Santa, he would ever be able to create this many varieties of toy. And she is currently standing in the aisle that serves 6-12 months alone. Nevermind the other 17 plus years that are left to be accounted for in this monstrosity of a store.
Her attention is brought back to the two dump trunks in either hand. One claims to be perfect for crawling babies to nudge as they scoot and the other boasts a handle that allows the early walker to push as they learn their footing. The age suggestions aren’t the problem. She is overly aware of the amount of time her son has been on the earth. 10 months and 12 days to be exact. The problem lies in the fact that she doesn’t know which he is, a scooter or a walker.
A heavy unsteady breath rips itself from her lips as she tries to bit back the tears. She will not cry. She refuses to cry in the middle of this godforsaken toy store because she did something for herself in advancing her career and leaving her baby with his father rather staying home to play photojournalists to his first year. Even after the movies release date has been set and the hype is growing bigger then anyone could imagine, she still isn’t sure she made the right decision.
Not that she would go back and not do the movie. She needed the movie, even if just the experience of filming it. It returned to her a sense of her own identity and worth that the beginning of her career had robbed her of. Then dating THE Justin Timberlake had sealed her fate as that one actress who did that one movie no one can remember the name of.
And now having recovered from her mid life identity crisis, she misses her baby. She misses the smell of him and she misses every moment she doesn’t know she missed. Since she’s been home they have been more offers than she can count to do a movie right away. They all want her hot off her sure to be hit, before anyone else can define her they want her. It’s a great feeling and a lot of the offers are tempting, more than tempting, mouth watering, but she’s waiting. She’s going to give Justin and Jonah the last two months she agreed to. She owes at least one of them that much.
“Excuse me?”
Kate almost drops the toys in her hand. She looks over at the awkward teen with a vest sporting the stores logo and she’s relieved. Someone else to make this decision for her. She smiles at the boy and holds out the toys for his view.
“Do you have idea which one is better for a 10 month old?” she asks. The kid glances at the toys seeing them for the first time. His face scrunches with thought and he shrugs nondescriptly.
“Aren’t you Kate Larson?” he asks.
Kate feels her head rear back in shock.
“Um, yes I am,” she answers slowly. Suddenly he has produced a pen and paper and is shoving them towards her.
“I thought it was you when you walked in, but I couldn’t tell, but then you took off your sunglasses and I knew. My buddies and I are SO going to see you new movie. You look totally hot in the trailers,” he rambles.
Kate just stares at the pen and paper in his hands. She’s torn between feeling flattered and violated that this kid has been following her for the better part of an hour. A feeble unconvincing laugh falls from her mouth as she takes the paper and scribbles something resembling her name to it.
He receives it back eagerly and stares at it for a moment and Kate wonders what else he could possible ask her for. She turns back to the daunting wall and hopes he will wander away.
“No offense…”
That preface never brought anyone any good and Kate winces as it breaks away from his lips.
“But you have a whole cart of toys and kids that little don’t really care that much as long as they can stick in their mouth or hit something with it,” he finishes. Kate glances back at her cart, brimming with everything she thought Jonah might like. She isn’t entirely sure if you can buy the love of a baby, but she will try anything at this point.
She tosses the walking version of the truck at the top of the pile and begins the arduous task of trying to turn it towards the registers. She’s had enough of this place and its never-ending options. To her relief the kid makes himself useful and takes control. At least the autograph bought her that much.
The girl behind the counter looks bored at best, but perks up considerably as she recognizes Kate. She fails to hide the most recent issue of People magazine before Kate can see it. This is a side of fame that is new to Kate. At least new in the sense of her being the cause of it. She has seen plenty people of fawn over Justin and other people she has encountered in her relationship with Hollywood. It’s all very new and she still hasn’t decided how she feels about it.
Luckily for her the girl keeps quiet as she rings her items. The total nears and then passes numbers she would have fainted at just months ago.
“So are these for your baby?” the girl asks. Kate resists the urge to roll her eyes and wills the girl to ring faster.
“They are.” The silence takes over for a moment and just as Kate is taking comfort in it the girl clears her throat again. The last item is in her hand hovering over the scanner as she looks at Kate expectantly.
“Justin Timberlake’s baby too right? Does he look like him? There haven’t been like any pictures and I’m, really curious,” she pushes. It is all Kate can do not to reach over the counter and scan the damned dump trunk herself. So much for it being about her newfound fame.
“Listen, I really appreciate your interest in my son, but I would like to get out of her quickly if you don’t mind,” Kate requests. The girl sneers at the request and slides the last item over the scanner and then points at the total rather that saying it aloud. Kate slides her card through the machine and snatches the receipt from the girl before she can ask anything else.
She shoves the bags in the back of her car and hoists herself inside the SUV. The car seat catches her eye in the rear view and she glances at the clock.
“Shit,” she mutters. The whole point of this little trip was to get ready for Jonah. And at this point she might not even be home when he gets there. She veers onto the highway and prays for light traffic and even less cops. Her hands grip the wheel till her knuckles turn white. This is not what she needs.
She almost takes out her own mail box as she swerves into her driveway, but to her relief it’s empty. A huge breath leaves her as she rests her forehead against the wheel. She can only spare a moment before she grabs the bags and heads inside.
The bags are dumped unceremoniously in the kitchen as she rushes through the house trying to hide all evidence that she has made no effort to unpack since being home. Four days isn’t that long and most of that time was spent sleeping.
Just as she shoves the last of her bags into the hall closet the doorbell rings. She smoothes her bangs away from her face for a moment and flattens her hands against her jeans before opening the door.
She’s ready for the hand off. For Lynn or Trace or Mae to be there ready to give her Jonah and leave, but what she gets causes her to freeze in the doorway like a regular teeny. It’s not like she forgot who he was or what he looked like, but somehow he’s different. And it’s not the obvious things like his hair being longer or his face clean shaven. There’s something in the sag of his shoulders and softness of his features that wasn’t there before.
“Hey.”
Even his voice sounds different. Less of an edge, less potential for a fight. His voice was always on the verge of yelling when they spoke. She steps aside and lets him past. It takes only a moment for her to snap out of her nostalgia and reach for Jonah. The baby latches on even tigheter to his father, burying his face in his sweater.
Justin smiles at Kate apologetically and moves slowly towards the living room.
“He’s a little shy. Maybe if I let him chill on the floor for a bit he’ll let you pick him up,” he suggests. Kate nods even though the words ‘let you pick him up’ singed her. She watches from the hallway as Justin moves around the couch and spreads out a blanket on the floor before setting Jonah down on it. Jonah watches her wearily as Justin pulls his hands away.
“So how was your trip?” Justin asks slowly. Kate takes that as he cue to enter the room. She is careful to sit in a chair across from Justin and not too close to Justin. But even her distance is too close; Jonah reaches for the couch pulling himself to a standing position beside Justin. All thoughts of Justin’s question are lost and he beams down at his son. His son. At that moment he seems so much more his than hers and she hates that.
“It was good, I’m glad to be home though. And I’m going to be around for awhile,” she eases into the subject. Justin’s head snaps up and he pulls Jonah to him protectively. The gesture isn’t lost on Kate. She moves quickly beside them on the couch.
“I know I was gone and I can’t get that time back, but I plan on being around now,” she says slowly.
“So what? What does that mean to me Kate? Having a kid isn’t like a timeshare. You can’t just fucking use it when you’re available,” Justin says. His voice is soft, but the words are harsh. She grits her teeth. Now he looks more like the Justin she knows.
“Don’t even start that with me Justin. You can’t keep him from me. It’s not like you were always parent of the year either,” she hisses. She watches as Justin eases Jonah away from his body and back onto the floor. He pulls some kind of train from the bag he brought in and Jonah seems appeased for a moment.
“I never acted like I was perfect. But you haven’t been here most of his life, he doesn’t even know you any more. What the fuck do you want me to do? Leave him with someone he considers a stranger?” Justin rambles as his emotion grows. Kate watches his eyes as they dart between her, Jonah and the bag. Kate’s eyes narrow as she lunges for the bag and pulls out his phone. The phone buzzes in silent mode and Mae’s face and name flash across the screen.
“Typical,” she states as she waves the object in front of his face. Justin’s features steel ready for her attack.
“So how did it take you? I’m guessing that you acted on your fascination with the nanny? I can read it all over your face,” Kate spits.
“Don’t raise your voice in front of Jonah, it scares him,” Justin warns. Kate laughs bitterly.
“Don’t use my son as an excuse. So what is she now? Your latest girlfriend?” she demands. Justin shakes his head and lets it fall into his hands.
“I wanted this to go differently. I came over here to make a schedule to work things out with you,” he struggles. Kate rolls her eyes.
“You mean to appease me? To make sure things wouldn’t be awkward for your new flame, my replacement?”
“I am so sick of that same old shit from you Kate. Find a new fucking song to sing cause this one is worn out. I wanted this to be civil, but if you can’t grow up then maybe we’ll work it out with lawyers,” Justin offers. Kate shakes her head violently.
“You don’t get to be the one to act like the mature adult. You don’t get to take the high road,” Kate warns. Justin sighs and stands. Jonah reaches up for his father, pulling himself up on Justin’s jeans.
“What do you want me to say Kate? You act like I’m cheating on you with Mae, but you were the one who gave up on us. I wanted to try, but you did everything in your power to push me away, so why the hell do you give a fuck now?” he counters. Kate sucks in a quick breath and lets the words soak in. A little anger seeps out with the breath.
“This isn’t how this was supposed to be,” she breathes. She leans against the wall for support.
“Things don’t ever happen like they’re supposed to Kate. But you suck it up and do the best you can.”
His voice has softened a little, but when she looks for the same softness in his eyes, it’s directed at their son. All of a sudden all the reasons she had to get away from him aren’t as clear.
“I was thinking we could divide the week. I’ll take Sunday through Wednesday and you can have Thursday through Saturday. But I want to be able to come over as much as I want and I guess you can do the same if you want. And I know that you might have a problem with Mae being around but she will still be around on my end so you’re going to have to deal with that.”
It all sounds so scripted falling from his lips. Suddenly she feels very removed from it all. She can feel herself nodding as the plan formulates in her mind. Things may not go as you want, but you can always change them for your own good.
“I can be a professional Justin. I’ll still need help and I don’t want to go through the hassle of finding a new nanny. So as long as she can play nice so can I,” she states. Justin’s face twists in confusion, but he doesn’t argue.
“I’ll tell her that then and you can call her and let her know when you’ll need her,” he stammers.
“I don’t want to take her out of your services,” she says sweetly. Justin reads the sting in her voice and hardens once more for good.
“She hasn’t worked for me for a awhile. But it’s good to know you still think of me,” he fires back.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll take my baby,” Kate states with her arms out stretched. Justin’s face pains as he pulls Jonah away form his body. The baby struggles and then cries as he is pulled away from his father. Kate takes the writhing baby to her chest.
“Just go. You’ll make it worse if you stay,” she commands. Justin opens his mouth to argue, but then backs away slowly, keeping his eyes on Jonah as long as possible. When he shuts the door behind him Jonah’s cries become wails. She makes her way to the kitchen and pulls the dump trunk from the bag.
The sobs slow and he reaches for it slowly. There is a small victory in his slow hiccups. A first step in regaining her position in his life. In both their lives.
Author's Chapter Notes:
so, i think this is an improvement :) again I can't thank you all enough for the reviews. they are fantastic!
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