Everything changes from this point. And it’s not just a fact of time, he can feel it in the air. Everywhere he turns in this overly decorated house he can feel it. He wants to focus on the occasion, pretend that he can function with this new weight pushing him to the ground, but he can’t. Instead he clutches onto Mae’s hand like it’s a lifeline and forces himself to smile at people he’s sure could care less that its his son’s first birthday.
Jonah is one. The day has finally come and instead of hovering around with a video camera watching Jonah cover his face in his cake Justin is waiting. Waiting for Kate to drop the bomb he knows she must have hidden under her guise of perfect motherhood.
The last two months have been docile. Kate has adhered to every one of Justin’s requests and the lack of drama has made him uneasy. But he was willing to linger in the momentary peace.
And then there’s Mae. If there was anything that could take his mind off Kate and the upcoming deadline, it’s Mae. Everything he previously thought about relationships was thrown out the window as soon he started anything with her. Most of his free time is spent in tiny underground bars seeing bands he’s sure will never get a record deal, but probably have more talent than anything playing on MTV, except him of course.
When he’s not enjoying obscurity in dirty hole in the walls, he’s clinging to a fragile home-life that consists of him, Mae and Jonah. Having those slow easy nights that make him feel like this whole fatherhood thing is actually doable for him. Nights spent on the floor of his living room or in the backyard just enjoying the moments he knows he’ll never get back with his son.
“There is a woman in the corner who looks like she wants to shove me down the disposal,” Mae whispers. Justin smiles despite himself. He glances over to the corner and sees one of Kate’s new agents giving Mae a serious once over. He doesn’t blame Mae for being scared. The woman looks like a dinosaur and probably eats like one as well.
“She’s just trying to decide if there is any way she could possibly make money off of you,” he replies. Mae shudders dramatically.
“Well good god shield me then, protect me like the man you claim to be,” she says as she pushes him on front of her. Justin chuckles and easily covers her body with his own, throwing a cheesy smile at the dinosaur in the process. This is why he brought Mae along to this thing. He knew that she would make it bearable.
His presence here is more for show than anything, an obligatory appearance as the father of the birthday boy. He and Mae had a much smaller party for Jonah the night before. His mom came and they spread a blanket out in the back and let Jonah attack the cake until he wore most of it. The only thing that was missing was Trace.
“Does she know that Jonah is scared of clowns?” Mae’s voice breaks in once more and Justin rolls his eyes as Kate tries to pull the petrified baby away from her chest and towards the clown.
“Oh hell,” he mutters as he breaks away from Mae and beings to push his way towards Kate. Before he can get there he sees someone else pull Jonah from Kate and away from the idiot with the red afro.
“What the hell is your momma thinking Jones?” Trace mutters to he baby. Jonah smacks his hands against Trace’s cheeks and Justin freezes afraid that any movement he may make will make Trace disappear. He’s called him more times than he can count, but no answer. Seeing him here makes Justin hope for something was sure wasn’t possible. Reconciliation.
“At least it seems that he’s inherited his father’s good taste,” Justin tries. Trace’s head shoots up at the sound of Justin’s voice. He shift Jonah to the side and forces a tight smile before brushing past. Justin doesn’t follow right away, but holds his position in shock.
“Come on man, you know I didn’t mean for things to turn out like they did,” he pleads when he catches up with Trace. He can see Trace’s shoulders go rigid from behind. This whole situation isn’t right. There’s never been anything they could push past. And a lot of shit has gone on between the two on them, but nothing that a few days of silence and separation couldn’t fix.
Trace stops suddenly and it’s all Justin can do not to slam into his back. He turns slowly and there’s nothing but controlled anger on his face.
“Listen. I’m here for Jonah. I figured whatever was going wrong between us wasn’t enough for me to take it out on the kid,” Trace states. Justin finds himself nodding along hoping to keep him talking, keep him here long enough to work everything out.
“I really appreciate that man, I really do. We would have had you over last night if I had known you were cool with it,” Justin adds. He’s hoping the late invitation will be worth something.
“Fuck Justin. I wouldn’t have been cool with it. I came today because I knew Katie would invite a shit load of people and what I saw of you and Mae would be little to nothing,” Trace says. The words knock Justin back a little.
“What the hell do you want me to do Trace? I’ve apologized, but I can’t fucking change the way I feel, neither of us can,” Justin argues. Trace sets his jaw and Justin can see his grip on Jonah tighten. The baby squirms under the new pressure.
“I want her gone Justin. I don’t want to have to worry about walking in on the two of you screwing every time I come by. I want you to be my fucking best friend and choose me over this girl. I mean fuck come on,” Trace demands.
“Fuuuuc,” Jonah rambles. Justin can feel the groan building in his chest at the sound. He snatches the baby from Trace’s grip and shakes his head. He knows he should be able to give Mae up if that’s what Trace wants. They have years, fucking years, of friendship between them. There isn’t a single memory that Justin treasures that doesn’t in some way include Trace. But, he just can’t do it.
“I need her Trace,” he whispers. Trace’s face crumbles. Justin wants to take the words back, but anything else would be a lie. Everything is so fragile and Mae is holding him together, holding him and his tiny family together.
Immediately Trace begins to shake his head. Justin reaches out his hand, but Trace throws his hands up defensively erecting a barrier between them.
“I cannot fucking believe you. I don’t ever ask you for anything, not a fucking thing and you can’t do this one thing for me,” Trace rambles as he retreats. Justin opens his mouth and waits for the words he knows Trace wants to hear to fall out, but they don’t come. Because the truth is that Trace was his number one, he would have done anything for him, but now there’s Jonah.
Now this little person in his arms gets a bigger consideration then anyone else could ever vie for. It’s all about him now and Justin can’t even pretend it’s not. And Mae’s not only good for him, she’s good for Jonah.
He watches his push his way through the house and out the front door and for the first time in his life he’s not sure he’ll ever see him again.
“This party is officially freaking me out. First that lady in the corner and then I tried to use the bathroom and walked in on that girl from that one soap going down on the clown. Seriously screwed up stuff,” Mae sighs. She slips an arm around Justin’s waist making a face at Jonah in the process. Justin can feel his breathing return to normal at the sound of his laughter.
“You think we could take Jonah and get the hell out of here?” Justin asks. Mae laughs and buries her face in his t-shirt, the action throws Jonah into another fit of giggles. This is why he couldn’t just be done with her. These kind of moments.
He wraps his free arm around her and holds them there for longer than really comfortable.
“I think Kate might have a little problem with that,” he laughs. Mae mimics his words by placing her fingers that close together. He kisses the top of her head and sighs a little.
“We should probably get the man of the hour back out to the party before Kate sends one of the helicopters in to find him,” Mae teases. It would be funnier if the backyard wasn’t plagued by the sound of hovering copters. Even though Justin wants to think that someone leaks, he can’t help but think of the magazine and wonder if it wasn’t just a part of Kate’s master plan.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Kate’s voice breaks in and Mae pulls away from Justin instantly. While a lot of things go well in their fledgling relationship, Kate makes everything go sour. Justin keeps a firm grip on Mae’s hand. She’s not going to run away from her.
“We were just about to bring Bubba back out Kate, there’s no reason for you to send out a search party,” Justin sighs. Kate giggles in a way that immediately puts Justin on guard. It’s her media giggle, the forged high pitched laugh that makes his skin crawl.
“Oh I wasn’t talking to you. I meant Mae. I have some exciting news,” she corrects. Mae eases into Justin’s side looking for support and he stands a little straighter trying to provide it.
“What news is that?” Mae tries. Justin can hear the anxiety in her voice and he doesn’t blame her. She doesn’t even know what Kate is capable of. A few people straggle by and Kate makes a big fuss over each of them, snatching Jonah from Justin to show him off.
“Sorry about that. So I just got off the phone with my publicist and since the year is officially up he, we decided that it would be a good time for a media tour. You know for the movie,” she reveals.
Justin feels himself relax. She’s leaving. That really is good news.
“Well, I think that’s great Kate, but I’m not really sure why you would want to tell me,” Mae answers. Justin nods his agreement, but then Kate smiles and he can feel himself losing control.
“It’s a big deal a world media tour, I wanted to make sure you were up for it. Up for coming with us,” Kate states. Justin watches as Mae’s face furrows in confusion. It’s not a look he’s used to seeing and he doesn’t like it.
“Us?” Mae pushes. Kate bounces Jonah on her hip a little, but it doesn’t keep him for reaching towards Justin and Mae.
“I figure Jonah’s old enough now so, yes. Us.”
Justin can feel the words slide over him like an unwelcome cold shower. This is not happening. She cannot be serious.
“What the hell Kate? Where you even going to pass this by me?” Justin seethes. Kate switches her attention easily between them, her face remaining plastic.
“I didn’t think I needed to. We agreed to stay in place for the year and now I need to get back to work and well Jonah’s old enough to come along. And Mae’s coming so I would think you would be ok with it.”
It sounds so innocent, like she honestly didn’t think it would be a problem. But he knows better. He sinks to a crouching position and rests his head in his hands. She can’t do this. She can’t take his baby, his bubba. She can’t take him and she can’t take Mae. They’re not hers to take.
“No Kate. He’s not going,” he finally states sternly.
“I checked with the doctor and he said it was ok. Eventually he’s going to travel Justin, between your career and mine he can’t stay in LA forever. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t want him to go with you on tour,” Kate argues.
Justin swallows hard. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He was thinking recording and that’s in LA. But, if he did leave if would want him to go. His head hangs in defeat. She’s right. She’s going to take them both away and he can’t say anything rational to stop her.
Author's Chapter Notes:
can't say enough about all of you! let me know what you think...
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
