She’s being watched. And not in the easily excusable ‘I’m a celebrity nanny’ way either. Over her time with Justin and Jonah Mae has grown used to the people who lurk in bushes and hide behind mail boxes looking for that one shot that will pay their bills and while she may not agree with the profession she has become accustomed to the feeling. But this feeling is different.
These eyes are openly watching her from inside the enormous suite and its making the square footage drop by the second.
Mae clears her throat and tries to glance over subtly to where her voyeur is sitting. Kate doesn’t even try to look away simply forces the corners of her mouth upwards in what could be called a smile. This is driving her insane.
It was bad enough leaving Justin. He came all the way to the airport despite the cameras following and when he held her onto her hand as she headed down the jet way with Jonah in her arms she knew he wouldn’t let go. The tears that stained his face were left undisturbed as he watched from the airport window. It broke her heart and scared the hell out of her at the same time.
If he affected her that much than it was moving past casual and quickly entering into something much more serious and much more dangerous.
The only upside to traveling with Kate was that Mae didn’t have much time to think about anything but Kate. Every moment was filled with activity and press meetings. All of which Kate insisted Jonah come along. Mae followed dutifully behind toting Jonah and all of his things waiting for the moment when Kate would need him for a picture only to shove him back into Mae’s arms as soon as the flashes stopped.
It was sick. At least with Justin he took time to relax with Jonah, or let Mae and Jonah stay behind, but Kate was insistent. The only time they ever slowed down was when they were on the airplane. To make it worse Mae was having a hard time finding a private moment to call Justin. Every time she would shut herself off on the balcony and lose herself in the soft drawl of his voice Kate would appear behind her without a sound and demand that she come inside to help with Jonah.
She was always doing that, using the Jonah card. Even going as far as trying to pass off buying Kate designer bottled water as running an errand for Jonah.
Mae has lost count of the number of times she has had to apply the elementary tactic of closing her eyes and counting to ten. Hell, sometimes she counts to 50 for good measure.
She leans back against the leather couch and wonders for a moment if she even knows which town she is in. At some point along the way she’s stopped naming cities and simply began counting days. 12 days to go. 12 days til she’s back with Justin and can hide from all the pressure and discomfort of Kate.
Jonah reaches for the couch and pulls himself to a standing position. He lets go and teeters a moment before gaining his balance. He’s so close now. There are times when he’ll take a small step only to go crashing to the ground, but Mae knows that any day now he’s going to walk and that thought kills her. Knowing that Justin is going to miss this and that there’s nothing she can do to stop it.
True to form Jonah reaches out one hesitant foot only to loose confidence and hit the ground solidly. Mae fights the smile on her face as he gazes up at her looking for her permission to cry.
“Don,” he states. Mae’s smile can’t be restrained. She’s convinced herself that Jonah has taken on a small southern drawl, but it could just be wishful thinking.
“Yep. You fell down Jones,” she confirms. His brow furrows.
“Boom,” he adds. Mae laughs. His new favorite word. Every solid contact with another object is a boom. Whether it’s a swift kick to a toy ball or a slap of a hand against a wall. Out of nowhere the bubble is burst as Kate bursts into their moment.
“Oh baby, are you ok?” she gushes. Mae wants to roll her eyes and inform Kate that her sporadic overbearing mothering techniques are only holding Jonah back, but instead she simply bites her tongue and begins her mental countdown.
Kate picks up Jonah who now decides that the fall was not ok and let’s tears roll down his cheeks. Mae eases herself up from the couch and tries to leave before she completely belittles Kate’s mothering. Just as she can see the door and taste her escape Kate calls her back.
“Mae be a doll and grab Jonah’s monkey from my bag would you?”
Now out of her sight Mae doesn’t hesitate to roll her eyes and mimic Kate’s voice under her breath. It may be juvenile but it gives her a small piece of joy she won’t be denied. She reaches for Kate’s oversized designer bag and wonders how Jonah’s monkey even got in there in the first place.
Kate refuses to carry Jonah’s things in her bag for the most part. She says that he is a little person and therefore needs his own bags. Besides, the monkey is Jonah’s favorite toy from Justin and Kate well, has an aversion to Justin.
She pulls open the bag and tries to find the toy without reaching inside, but no luck. She lets out a heavy sigh before digging her hand in blindly. She sifts through it feeling makeup and phones, but no monkey.
“I don’t think Mr. Jingles is in here Kate,” Mae calls back. No answer. She forgoes all neatness and dumps the bag out. Small containers roll off the table, but Mae can’t be bothered to pick them up. Still no monkey. The last thing to fall slides slowly and when it lands in Mae’s view she can’t tear her eyes from it.
Somehow, in the middle of Europe or wherever the hell they are Kate has somehow found an US magazine. And not any US magazine. One with a huge cover picture of Justin and some brunette Mae doesn’t recognize and a headline mentioning something about new love.
Instantly Mae’s eyes scan the familiar features looking for a reason to disbelieve the words. The proof comes easily. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets and while the girl is smiling adoringly at him, he is staring at the ground, unaffected by her. Rather than worrying about the fact that she can read him so well, she is frustrated.
Mr. Jingles is most definitely NOT in Kate’s bag.
When she reenters the main room Jonah is about to pull a potted plant over and Kate is on the phone oblivious. Mae rushes to pull the baby away from the fichus and scowls at Kate.
“Did you find it?” Kate asks all smiles. Mae breathes deeply and simply shakes her head. Maybe if she can avoid talking she won’t explode.
“That’s funny. Are you sure you looked through the whole bag?” she pushes.
Mae breaks her gaze from Jonah to look at Kate straight on. In a lot of ways she is the exact same person Mae remembers from prep school. The same condescending air and feigned cool. If Mae cocks her head just right she can swear she has slipped back in time. Back to when Kate and her friends thought it was funny to hide the artsy girl’s bag when she went to the bathroom.
“I did. I’m pretty sure its still in his diaper bag,” Mae answers steadily. She’s not that girl anymore. She won’t be pushed down by Kate. That time in her life has past. Now she can see the fear that lingers right below Kate’s cockiness and it makes Mae pity her more than anything.
“Huh. I could have sworn it was in there. Could you grab my magazine then?” Kate asks. Mae shakes her head slowly. So much for trying to think Kate wasn’t manipulating her. The magazine was the whole point.
“The US?” Mae asks. Kate nods vigorously.
“Oh my. Did you already see it? I was trying to hide it from you girl. I didn’t want you to be upset,” Kate says. Mae wants to argue her logic and tell her that her actions and words are contradicting, but she knows it would be a waste of breath.
“You know how those things are. You can’t believe what you read,” Mae smiles. She picks Jonah up ready to make any excuse to leave. Kate steps in her way and places an overly firm hand on her shoulder.
“Men are scum,” She whispers. Mae laughs a little and moves away from Kate.
“It’s just a picture Kate.”
“But you don’t know how often those things are true,” she argues. Mae can see her bedroom door and can’t be deterred.
“I know that they’re wrong more often than they’re right, but thanks for looking out for me,” she replies. The false appreciate bubbles over like vomit and she feels the need to rinse her mouth out afterwards.
She shuts the door and leans back against it holding Jonah close to her.
“Boom.” Mae opens her eyes and laughs. Jonah giggles in response clapping his small hands. There is only one thing she wants. She places Jonah in his crib and reaches for her phone.
There is no guarantee that he will answer. She’s not even sure what the time difference is. But as it rings she fights the urge to cross her fingers in the hopes that he will answer.
“Hey.” She can hear the sleep in his voice.
“I can call back. I didn’t know it was so late,” she rushes.
“No. Don’t you even think about it. It’s been too fucking long since I’ve talked to you,” he argues, his voice getting clearer with each word. She can hear his sheets rustling as he moves around in bed. If she closes her eyes she can almost transport her and Jonah there with him.
“I’m not on speaker am I? Bubba didn’t hear the fuck did he?” he asks. Mae laughs. There are some moments when he sounds so much like a father. She presses the button and projects his voice through the room.
“You are now so don’t be using all those no no words,” she teases. He scoffs through the phone and Jonah looks towards the noise with interest.
“So where are you guys?” he asks. Immediately Jonah begins reaching for the phone.
“Da!” he calls. The line grows silent.
“Bubba?” His voice cracks and Mae holds the phone closer to the baby. This is so damn hard for him. Hard for them. Justin may not have started out as the best father, but who does. But he’s the best thing Jonah has and Mae just hopes he knows that.
“Da boom,” Jonah announces. Mae bites his lip. Justin hasn’t heard Jonah’s new word yet.
“Boom huh Bubba?” Justin replies. Mae almost feels bad for eavesdropping on the conversation between father and son.
“Mae take me off speaker,” Justin asks. Mae complies and brings the phone back to her face.
“I didn’t know he had a new word,” he breathes. She can hear the hurt in his voice.
“Yeah I think he got it from the cartoons Kate is always trying to get him to watch,” Mae admits. Justin breathes heavily. She misses him. She won’t even try to deny that. Misses the feel of his breath on her, the heaviness of his hand on her hip.
“This is too fucking hard. I mean I want him with me. And I want you here to make it better Mae. I mean, fuck, no one else can make this better,” he sighs.
“I know. I wish I could split down the center and be with you both,” she replies. He chuckles a little and she smiles in relief.
“I should have never agreed to this. I went out with my image consultant and she tried to tell me that I need to get out of the fatherhood label. Like I can just stop being Jonah’s dad. Fucking idiots,” he growls.
“Don’t worry about them. Flush em down the toilet if you have to,” Mae suggests.
“God you are a nut you know that?” he asks.
“12 more days,” Mae whispers.
“I don’t think I can wait that long.”
“You can. I know you can.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you Mae,” he sighs. Mae bites her lip and glances over at Jonah who is settling into his sleep position, butt in the air.
“Me either.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
amazing reviews. i'm trying to be faster :)
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