It’s just the under the surface. Bubbling underneath her skin, but she’s fighting it. A losing battle, but she’s fighting none the less. Her hand twitches on the steering wheel as a familiar tune seeps through the stereo. Slowly her finger begins to drum on the steering wheel, her left leg bobs ever so slightly to the beat. Kate bites down on her lips to resist that ultimate succumbing moment.
There isn’t a lot of sense behind her inner battle. After months of feeling over worked and just plain shitty she can’t deny that things are going pretty damn well at the moment. So well that she is currently having to do everything in her power not to belt out the song on the radio. She can’t give in to that outer celebration just yet.
Sure they are a lot of reason’s for Kate to make like Aretha and not care that people are staring. She finally picked a new movie. Far from the slasher films she started in she is now staring on a romantic comedy and not one of those cheesy over done kind either. Something new fresh and funny and almost too good to be true.
Which lead directly into reason number two to bust out her pipes. Her costar. He may not be Brad Pitt or Matt Damon, but Carson Helms might just be the next best thing plus a slight northwestern accent to boot. Completely adorable and just slightly unaware that he is jaw dropingly attractive.
With everything else going so well Kate’s even been inclined to completely ignore Mae’s less endearing qualities and focus on the fact that she has a completely ridiculously over qualified woman watching her child. And when you spin things like that it gives just enough reason to…
“Does it hurt to know I'll never be there? Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere. It was you, who chose to end it like you did. I was the last to know.”
The smile that takes over her face can’t be stopped. It doesn’t even bother her that this whole moment seems Mae-esque. The song fades out and Kate feels free, happy even. The feeling moves her hand towards the button to lower the window.
For a minute she forgets that she’s driving down rodeo and there are probably more than a few paps more than willing to follow her home and towards the ‘most sought after baby in the country’, but that thought can wait for just one minute because for this minute she’s just a lucky girl whose professional dreams are coming true.
A flash reflects off her mirrored glasses and she quickly cues the window back into place. Her teeth find her bottom lip as she glances in her rear view mirror to see if she’s going to have to take the long way home. Somehow another fate has smiled upon her and the scum have remained behind her.
The previous high reclaims her and she begins to take the familiar last turns towards home. Towards home and her son. Something that she is finally settling back into. Kate can’t pretend like she didn’t keep him at a distance to keep Mae at a distance, but the ice is slowly melting, already enough has slipped away that she can take a hold of her son without getting too close to Mae.
Another amazing upside of the new movie. It films in LA. Three months of shooting during the day, but coming home to her own bed and more importantly not leaving Jonah behind. There were even concessions that gave her a trailers big enough o give Jonah is own small room so he can be on set, well, as much as he can.
Kate feels the urge to fell her muscles like Rosie. Who said women can’t have it all?
As she slows to pull into her driveway he heart races when she sees Justin’s car. Maybe she forgot that it was his day to pick Jonah up, or even worse maybe he came by to make nice and she wasn’t there. Her son’s father is still a tense topic with her.
They’ve fallen into a cordial relationship, one that revolves around their son and them seeing their son. Mae slips into the mix occasional, luckily for Kate she sees very little of Mae’s relationship with Justin other then the professional side. At least she’s considerate in that way.
Her leg shakes involuntarily as she waits fort her garage door to rise. She would rather just get the whole encounter over with so she can resume her inner celebration with blemish or chance of reproach.
The house is eerily silent as she makes her way through the door. She tosses her keys on the counter and shifts through the mail hoping that one of them will appear rather than her having to search them out.
She takes her time actual reading over ever bill, giving a glance to each piece of junk mail, waiting. There is even thought given to responding to a piece of gimmick mail before she throws most of it in the trash and begins to weave her way through the house.
It takes her way less time then she would have hoped. The sight stops her in her tracks and forces her back into the hallway. A hand is placed against the wall to balance herself as she blinks several times trying to push the image from her mind.
This is so much different then seeing them whispering in a corner or holding hands across the room. This is a moment that other people don’t get to see. A complete undeniable testament of them. The two of them together.
Kate’s confusion quickly turns to anger. In HER house. It’s not like she walked into his home uninvited. They are on HER couch in HER living room. The anger gives her just enough courage to round the corner one more time.
Before this moment she wasn’t aware that three people, well two people and a baby could all share the same space of her couch. Justin is taking up most of the room, laying flat on his back on the couch, one arm curled under his head the other one keeping Mae from falling off the edge. Jonah is asleep on Justin’s chest, Mae’s arms keeping him secure.
The whole package, the whole cheesy picture almost makes Kate want to vomit. She swallows a few times before kicking the base of the couch. It was impulse, she just couldn’t help herself.
Justin’s eyes shoot open and his sudden movement knocks Mae off the edge of the couch, Jonah is the only one left undisturbed. Kate can’t fight the smile that takes over at the chain of events.
“What the hell Kate?” Justin’s tone is harsh, but his voice is low conscious of Jonah. Mae pulls herself into a sitting position rubbing her eyes slightly before moving away from Justin.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you all here.”
It’s a lie. A blatant lie, but sometimes anger makes you do strange things. She watches as Justin’s eyes slide closed slowly in a familiar pattern of frustration. Kate tears her eyes from Justin to Watch Mae slink into a chair across the room and attempt to wake up.
“Did you all have a nice nap?” she asks sweetly. Mae shrinks into the chair and suddenly Kate can sense karma getting ready to kick her in the ass. The day’s events rush back to her and a tiny bit of remorse and even guilt well up inside of her.
The leather on the couch squeaks as Justin slowly shifts to a sitting position, moving Jonah to lay on the couch alone. Kate forces herself to look at her baby and try to think about him. Him and his father and the only other woman in the world how might come close to loving him as much as she does.
Her fists clench slowly and she takes several shaky breaths.
“Be nice be nice be nice,” she chants under her breath. Not exactly the most advanced solution, but it worked when she was younger.
“Is there a reason you are talking to yourself like a nut case?” Justin asks. Kate lifts her eyes to meet his, but he isn’t looking at her. Hell, he isn’t even facing her. He’s crossing the room to pull Mae up from the chair and into him.
“How long have you been here?” Kate is proud of the neutral question. A small white flag if you will.
“Well I was supposed to pick Mae up at 5 when you told her you would be home, but surprise. You weren’t here. Didn’t call and didn’t answer you phone,” Justin answers. Kate pictures her phone, still on silent from her meeting, in the bottom of her purse.
It was so easy to think of Mae as the help and she tried so hard to keep any association of Justin and her together out of her mind that she forgot that she had a life.
“The meeting ran over,” she offers. Mae pulls away from Justin a little.
“It’s fine Kate really, I guess we just lost track of time and it’s kind of late,” Mae replies. Justin rolls his eyes a little, but Mae pushes him back a little and he falls into the chair silent.
Kate glances down at her watch. 9:45. A lot later than the 5 o’clock she told Mae. She sits down next to Jonah and tries to draw a little strength from his solid form. Once again she comes out looking like the bad guy. She should have tried for a role as a villain. The slasher instead of the slashed.
“Things got a little more detailed than I thought,” she explains. Mae nods and then leans back to whisper something to Justin. For the first time Kate notices that he is in a suit. Now she really feels something resembling bad.
Without another word to her Justin inches past her and leaves the room. Mae offers a nervous smile.
“He’s going to wait in the car,” Mae explains. She moves slowly towards Kate picking up discarded toys as she goes. Kate nods her reply.
“So is the movie going to happen?” Mae asks. That’s the annoying thing about Mae. She pays attention. When Kate rants and raves out of nerves or anger, Mae pays attention.
“Yeah it’ll take a couple of weeks to get through the paper work and initial read throughs, but yeah,” she answers. Mae nods.
“Well, if you’re set for the night….”
Kate knows what Mae wants. She wants her to tell her she can leave so she can go out on a date with the Father of her son. The whole things makes her want to be a bitter bitch and think of some reason to keep her. But she can’t.
“Just go Mae. I’ll see you Monday I think?” Kate sighs.
“For sure. Have a good weekend,” Mae says. Kate nods tiredly. Suddenly the 14 hours she spent at the studio have caught up with her and she almost wants to send Jonah with them rather than waiting for Justin to pick him up in the morning.
Instead she pulls his heavy body to her and starts up the stairs. The walk is slow, painful even. Jonah weighs more asleep, she would bet on it. When she finally makes it to her room she settles him into her bed and heads for the bathroom.
She stares at herself in the mirror and is painfully aware of the empty space surrounding her. The extra space in the house seems to be growing by the second making her overly aware of how along she is. And yet it was her choice. She created every inch of space in the house by slowly pushing everyone away until the only person left was the only person she couldn’t push.
Her arms feel tired and she’s ready to stop pushing. She needs more voices, more rubbed shoulders, more shared air. She pulls her jacket off her shoulders and the crackle of paper stops her movement.
The letters and numbers on the paper serve as a clean slate.
‘Carson Helms 555-3245’
A new beginning. With much less of an arm workout.
Author's Chapter Notes:
so so so overdue, but i am determined to get this finished and in this year. unbelievable i know, but i a goal none the less, but really, you all are fantastic and i can't tell you enough how much I love your reviews. thanks and enjoy.
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